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where everything starts feeling too heavy

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I used to think overthinking was just something I did at night.

Something that only happened when the world got quiet enough for my thoughts to finally become louder than everything else. Pero habang tumatagal, parang hindi na siya namimili ng oras. Kahit nasa gitna ako ng klase, kahit may kausap ako, kahit tumatawa ako kasama si Luisa, there was always something in the back of my mind pulling me somewhere else.

And lately, that "somewhere else" kept leading back to Cal. Which was honestly becoming a problem.

"Okay, I'm timing you."

I looked up from my drink and frowned at Luisa. "Timing what?"

"The amount of seconds bago ka mapatingin kay Cal ulit."

I nearly choked. "Ano?!"

She looked way too proud of herself. "Three minutes pa lang tayong nandito sa café and you already looked at him twice."

"I was not looking at him."

"You literally turned your whole head."

"I was observing the environment."

"Girl, this is a milk tea shop, hindi crime scene."

I pressed my lips together to stop myself from laughing while she pointed her straw at me accusingly.

We were sitting near the glass wall of the café after school because Luisa claimed she "deserved a reward for surviving group works." The place was crowded enough to be noisy but not enough to feel suffocating. Usually, I liked places like this. The kind where conversations blur together until nobody notices your silence.

But today, everything felt strangely overwhelming.

The sounds, the lights, the people. Even my own thoughts.

"You okay?" Luisa suddenly asked, her voice softer this time.

I blinked at her. "Yeah."

"That sounded fake."

"I'm just tired."

"Mental tired or normal tired?"

I looked away slightly. Because somehow, those two things weren't the same anymore.

Before I could answer, the café door opened again.

And of course Cal walked in.

Luisa saw my entire posture change and immediately slapped the table lightly.

"OH MY GOD. Kita mo 'yon? Kita mo reaction mo?"

"Please lower your voice."

"You sat straighter!"

"I did not."

"You literally transformed."

I groaned quietly and hid my face behind my drink while she laughed at me shamelessly.

Nakakainis kasi she wasn't even wrong.

I didn't know when my body started reacting to his presence before my brain could even process it. It was automatic now. Like my mind already memorized him without permission.

Cal looked around the café briefly before his eyes landed on our table.

Then he smiled slightly. Not big. Not dramatic. Just enough to make my brain completely useless for one second.

"Breathe, Sera," Luisa whispered dramatically beside me.

"I hate you."

"No, you're just in denial."

Cal eventually walked toward us, and suddenly I became hyper-aware of everything. The way I was sitting. The way my hair probably looked. The fact that Luisa looked seconds away from embarrassing me for entertainment purposes.

"Hey," he greeted calmly.

"Hi," Luisa answered immediately like she was part of this love story personally.

I kicked her lightly under the table.

"Ow," she complained loudly.

Cal looked amused. Great. "Can I sit?" he asked.

And for some reason, my chest felt warm hearing him ask instead of assuming.

"Sure," I answered quietly.

He sat beside me this time instead of across from me, and I immediately became aware of how little space there suddenly felt between us.

Luisa noticed too. Of course she did. The traitor looked one second away from ascending spiritually.

"So," she started innocently, "what brings you here?"

"Wanted coffee," Cal answered simply.

"Mhm," she nodded dramatically. "Coffee."

I closed my eyes briefly. "Luisa."

"What? Baka coffee lang talaga."

Cal let out a quiet laugh. A laugh. Not just a small smile but an actual laugh.

And somehow that surprised me more than it should have. Because every time he did something unexpectedly soft, my brain struggled to match it with the version of him I originally created in my head.

That was the problem with overthinking. You create versions of people before even knowing them properly. And then suddenly they do something human and your expectations collapse.

"Are you okay?" Cal asked suddenly.

I looked at him. "Huh?"

"You've been quiet."

Before I could answer, Luisa immediately inserted herself into the conversation.

"She's having a crisis."

"LUISA."

"What? Transparency is important."

Cal looked at me, waiting quietly.

And somehow that made me answer honestly. "My brain's just loud today."

The moment the words left my mouth, I wanted to take them back. Too honest and revealing. But Cal didn't react weirdly.

He just nodded slightly like he understood exactly what I meant. "That happens," he said softly.

That happens. Such simple words. But for some reason, hearing someone say it so normally made something loosen slightly inside my chest.

Not what's wrong with you?

Not you think too much.

Not you're being dramatic.

Just that happens.

Luisa noticed the way I suddenly got quieter after that. She always notices.

The thing about Luisa is that people think she's only funny because she jokes around all the time. But they don't realize she pays attention more than anyone else in the room.

"So," she suddenly announced while standing up, "I'm ordering fries."

"You already have fries," I pointed out.

"These are emotional support fries."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Neither do your choices lately."

Before I could throw a tissue at her, she walked away laughing to the counter, leaving me alone with Cal again.

I stared at the table for a second. Then sighed quietly. "Sorry about her."

"She's entertaining."

"She's exhausting."

A small smile appeared on his face again. "You smile more around her."

That caught me off guard. I looked at him properly this time.

"You notice a lot."

"So do you."

That answer hit harder than expected. Because he was right. I do notice too much.

Everything. The problem is that my brain doesn't know when to stop noticing.

For a moment, neither of us spoke again. But unlike before, the silence didn't feel awkward.

It felt calm and maybe that was what scared me most. Because my mind was usually loud around people.

Always analyzing, always preparing, always questioning. But sitting beside him felt strangely easy. Like my thoughts weren't pulling at me as hard. And I didn't know what to do with that kind of peace yet.

"Can I ask you something?" he said after a while.

I nodded slowly.

"Why do you always look like you're about to apologize for existing?"

My breath caught slightly. I looked away immediately. Because nobody had ever asked me something that direct before.

I laughed awkwardly. "That's... dramatic."

"But true."

I didn't answer.

Because I didn't know how to explain that sometimes my thoughts make me feel like I take up too much space even when I'm quiet.

That sometimes I become so aware of myself that existing around other people starts feeling embarrassing.

And somehow... he noticed.

"You don't have to answer," Cal said softly after noticing my silence.

I swallowed quietly and looked down at my hands. Then before I could stop myself, I whispered, "Maybe because I'm used to feeling like I'm too much." The moment I said it, I regretted it instantly.

Too vulnerable and real. But when I finally looked at him again, his expression didn't change. No pity and no discomfort. Just understanding again.

And somehow that made my chest ache in a softer way. "You don't seem like too much to me," he said quietly.

And just like that, everything inside my head suddenly became silent for one terrifying second. Because nobody had ever said that to me before.

Not like they meant it.