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where i didn't mean to think this much

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There are people you expect to stay in your mind for a long time. The loud ones. The unforgettable ones. The people who enter your life dramatically enough to leave marks behind. But Cal wasn't like that. He wasn't loud. He barely even spoke most of the time. And maybe that was exactly why my mind kept returning to him like it was trying to solve something that didn't need solving in the first place.

The annoying part was that I knew it already. I knew I was thinking too much. The problem was... awareness doesn't automatically make it stop.

"Girl."

I blinked and looked up from my notebook only to find Luisa staring at me from across the table with narrowed eyes.

"What?" I asked.

"You've been staring at the same page for five minutes."

I immediately looked down at my notebook. She was right. I hadn't even written anything yet.

"I was thinking."

"That's exactly the problem."

I rolled my eyes a little, finally writing random words down just so she would stop looking at me like that. "You make overthinking sound illegal."

"It should be," she answered. "You'd be serving life sentence by now."

That made me laugh quietly despite myself. We were at the library because Luisa insisted we should "try being academic for once," which honestly just meant she wanted an excuse to eat snacks somewhere quieter. She was pretending to review while secretly scrolling through her phone under the table.

"You're literally cheating at studying," I muttered.

"And you're literally staring at blank paper dramatically," she shot back. "Pareho lang tayo."

I shook my head, smiling faintly.

For a while, things felt normal again. Light. Easy. The kind of calm I always get whenever Luisa is around because she never forces silence to become heavy.

Then she suddenly looked past me. And smirked.

"Oh no," she whispered.

I frowned immediately. "What?"

"Don't look now."

"That automatically makes me want to look."

"Sera-"

Too late. I turned slightly.

And there he was.

Cassian Kael Montenegro.

Walking through the library with one hand inside his pocket, looking unfairly calm for someone who unknowingly causes mental damage just by existing near me.

I looked away immediately. Too immediately.

Luisa caught it, obviously, "Oh my God."

"Shut up."

"You panicked."

"I did not panic."

"You looked away like you saw your report card."

I glared at her quietly while she tried not to laugh.

"I hate you."

"No, you don't. You'd cry without me."

"...true."

"Exactly."

I tried focusing back on my notebook, but my thoughts already shifted the moment I saw him. Nakakainis. I hated how automatic it was becoming now. Parang trained na utak ko.

Don't look.

I looked anyway. And this time, Cal was already looking at me.

Not in a weird way. Not intense. Not even hard to breathe kind of eye contact. Just... calm. Like he caught me looking and didn't feel the need to make it awkward. Ako lang yata yung awkward.

I looked down immediately.

"Grabe," Luisa whispered beside me. "Buhay ka pa ba?"

"Please shut up."

She was trying so hard not to laugh now.

"Okay," she breathed out dramatically. "This is cinema."

"It's literally not."

"Sera, your eye contact lasted longer than your attention span earlier."

I buried my face in my hand for a second. "Ayoko na."

"That's what people say before falling in love."

I looked at her so fast she almost choked laughing.

"Luisa."

"What? I'm just observing."

"You're making things worse."

"No," she corrected, "your brain is making things worse. I'm just entertaining myself."

I sighed deeply and leaned back against my chair, trying to calm my thoughts before they started running again. Because that was the problem now. Every interaction, every glance, every small thing suddenly stayed longer in my head than it should.

And I didn't know if that scared me or comforted me.

After a while, Luisa stood up.

"CR break," she announced.

"You're announcing it like an airport departure."

"Thank you for flying with me."

I laughed softly as she walked away dramatically, leaving me alone at the table. And somehow, the moment she disappeared, the library suddenly felt quieter than before. I tried focusing on my notebook again. Then a shadow stopped beside my table. My grip tightened slightly around my pen before I looked up.

Cal. Of course.

Why did my chest suddenly feel weird again?

"Taken?" he asked, motioning toward the empty seat across me.

For one embarrassing second, my brain stopped functioning.

"...what?"

His eyes flickered slightly with amusement. "The seat."

"Oh." I cleared my throat softly. "No."

Smooth, Sera. Very smooth.

He sat down quietly, placing a book on the table. For a moment, neither of us spoke, and surprisingly, the silence didn't feel uncomfortable.

It just felt unfamiliar.

I tried pretending to write again even though my thoughts were already spiraling.

Why is he sitting here?

Did Luisa plan this? No, impossible.

Does he sit here often? Why do I care?

"Your friend talks a lot," he said suddenly.

I blinked and looked up. "Luisa?"

He nodded once.

"...sorry."

A small smile appeared on his face.
"She's funny."

That caught me off guard.

Because somehow, hearing him say something so simple made him feel more real. Less untouchable. Less like some quiet mystery my brain created.

"Yeah," I said softly. "She kind of saves people accidentally."

He looked at me for a second after that. Not intense. Just attentive.

And for some reason, I suddenly became too aware of my own heartbeat again.

"You overthink a lot," he said calmly.

My breath almost stopped. Not because of the statement itself but because of how casually correct he sounded.

I stared at him. "What?"

"You think too much before reacting," he explained. "You pause a lot."

I didn't know what to say. Because no one really says things like that out loud to me. Most people don't notice.

Or maybe they do and just never mention it. But somehow, hearing it from him felt exposing in a way I wasn't prepared for.

I looked down at my notebook again. "Is that bad?"

He stayed quiet for a second. Then softly said, "Not always."

That answer stayed with me longer than it should have. Not always. No judgment. No teasing. No irritation.

Just understanding. And somehow, that felt more dangerous than anything else.

Because for the first time in a long time...
someone noticed the noise in my head and didn't make me feel wrong for it.

When Luisa came back, she stopped walking the moment she saw Cal sitting across from me.

Then she looked at me.

Then at him.

Then back at me.

"...oh?"

I immediately sat up straighter. "Stop making that face."

"What face?"

"The face you're making right now."

She sat beside me slowly, trying too hard to look innocent.

"I literally just came back."

"Mhm."

Cal quietly stood up after a while, picking up his book.

"I'll go," he said simply.

Before I could even respond, Luisa suddenly smiled brightly.

"Bye, Cal."

He nodded once toward her then his eyes moved to me for a brief second.

"See you around, Sera."

And then he left. Just like that.

Simple and quiet. But somehow my thoughts stayed louder after he was gone.

Luisa slowly turned toward me with the biggest grin I've ever seen on her face.

"...don't."

"Oh, I absolutely will."

I already knew I wasn't surviving this conversation.

But weirdly enough, for the first time, overthinking didn't feel as heavy as before.

Just confusing. Softly confusing.

And maybe that was worse.