Volume sixteen

"Spencer somebody knocking on the door." Kee mumbled as I stirred awake.

"This your apartment you get the damn door." I mumbled back as I heard him groan.

"Lazy ass bitch." He mumbled getting up as I laughed.

Bet ya ass still going to get that door.

"Aye Spence, it's for you!" I heard Kee yell making me furrow my eyebrows.

I checked on Kreed to make sure he was still sleep, I moved my arm from under him gently then stood up. I stretched then walked towards the door seeing my little brother making me furrow my eyebrows.

"Carter, what are you doing? Why you here? What time is it?" I asked looking at the cable box which read 4:55 a.m. "How you get here?"

"I took the train and a bus."

"What the fuck? At 5 in the morning? For what?"

"Spencer, I can't stay with that lady no more. I've tried to ignore her fucked up ways but I can't no more son."

"You hungry?"

"I haven't ate in like three days." He shook his head as I walked in the kitchen.

"Sit down, turn on the t.v or something, I'll make something."

"You not going to ask what happened?" Kee asked.

"Yeah, I'm making sure he good first."

"If he sleepy, he could pull out that bed in the couch."

"I know Kee." I told him. "If you still sleepy, you could go back to sleep we good."

"Bet, tell me what happened later."

"Okay." I nodded then looked at Carter who was staring at the t.v but he wasn't watching it. "Your favorite food still breakfast?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

I was just going to make some french toast, sausages, and eggs but Carter is greedy so I added some grits, bacon and cinnamon rolls. I made his plate along with mine then put up Kee and Kreed food for later. I took both our plates to the living room then going back to pour us both some juice.

"Thanks Spinny."

"Mhm." I spoke blessing my food then going on Netflix to Stranger Things.

We watched a episode while eating when that episode was over he grabbed his dishes and washed them out as I waited to wash mine out but he did it for me making me sit down.

"So tell me wassup." I told him once he sat back down.

"Me and Paisley was arguing cause she was fucking with Sha, the nigga next door from us, so we arguing about it and she come in and start spazzing. Like she don't even know why we arguing but she come in there with the broom and just started swinging it hitting both of us, she ain't even care where she was hitting us."

"Lady mental." I shook my head.

"So once Paisley started crying she stopped hitting us and started yelling in her language."

"You mean patois, that girl is not Jamaican, she learned that because one of her boyfriends was Jamaican." I rolled my eyes lowkey laughing.

"Then she was saying how she tired of taking care of kids, she was tired of dealing with us, she never wanted kids, she wished we could've stayed away forever like you. So Paisley got smart with her and she tried to hit her with some metal bat type shit and I took that shit from her but she fell in the process so she tried to say I put my hands on her and called the police."

"So where is Paisley?"

"She went to Kee mother house and I came here, we only had enough for one person to come and I would've rather me travel this late than her."

"Hold on." I shook my head walking into Kee room. "Keohn."

"What?"

"What's your mother number?"

"Grab my phone." He pointed to his phone that was on the charger.

Doing as he said I entered the password then went to his contacts to call her, she didn't answer so I called again making her answer on the third ring as if she was sleep.

"Keohn, everything okay?"

"This Spencer, I'm sorry to wake you but is my sister over there?"

"Yeah, she tucked in the bed and sleep."

"I'll be over there tomorrow to get her, can you make sure that lady don't come near her?"

"I'll do my best Spencer but you know how your mother is, she will report them kidnapped if you don't do the right steps to get them."

"I know." I shook my head. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"What she do?" Kee asked.

"She beat them with a broom then told them some hurtful ass shit then the bitch tried to hit Pai with some metal shit and when Carter took it out her hand the bitch played victim and called the cops."

"That lady, man it ain't even words to say what's wrong with her."

"She need professional help."

"But what you gon do Spence? Like no offense you don't have no apartment right now, you going to school, they got school and mad other shit. How you gon handle that?"

"I don't know but I can't let them stay with her, imagine if I didn't get out that shit. I'm just glad neither one of them have kids, then they really would've known."

"But Spence, you really think you bout to get custody of them without no where to live? That's-"

"Esme is getting rid of her apartment, it's a three bedroom apartment. Kreed would just have to sleep with me but that's perfect."

"Your name on this lease so that's-"

"Not going to happen." I shook my head.

"So how about Carter take Kreed room, Pai take Face room, Kreed sleep in here?"

"And me?"

"Spencer, we could sleep in the same bed." He chuckled. "And if that bother you then we can alternate on the couch."

"Whew chile, this house bout to be crowded." I shook my head. "What about when Face wake up?"

"You think Yana gon let that boy move back? She making him move back home." He said making me laugh. "Plus Esme been asking for his stuff so I guess I'll finally give it to her."

"Wow, we're grown." I chuckled. "We really adults now, whew chile."

"Aight now get out, I'm tired." He spoke making me roll my eyes.

I went back out to see Carter staring at the t.v. "Where's your phone?"

"She been took our phones like two weeks ago when we went to dinner with y'all."

"Alright so look, I'm going to try to get custody of y'all but that mean telling people what y'all been going through. Y'all will have to move and change schools."

"I'm cool with that, I want to get away from her."

"And y'all only 13 so it's not like y'all could get jobs but y'all will be cleaning and earning money. I'm not y'all parent, I'm y'all sister but y'all still need to learn how hard it is to live on y'all own."

"Word!" Keohn yelled from the room making me roll my eyes.

"My friend has this cousin who works in social work, I can see what she could do. Just go to sleep and we'll see about everything tomorrow."

"Aight Spen." He said laying down as I shook my head.

I went back to the bed cuddling Kreed, I just couldn't understand how any mother wouldn't want to be a mother.

~

"I can grant you temporary custody for right now." Nobi said making me nod. "To get full custody there has to be an whole investigation but because I know you, I can vouch for you."

"Good good." I spoke. "Temporary start now?"

"Yes, once you put your signature here they're yours for now."

"Okay." I nodded standing up.

"Spencer you will have 30 days as temporary guardian. The 30 days are to determine if you want to do this, if you can handle it you will be granted full guardianship."

"Okay." I nodded.

"Are you coming to my mental class?" Esme asked. "I need more speakers, can you speak?"

"On what?"

"If you had to think of the first person who hurt you, who would it be?"

"My sperm donor."

"Speak on that."

"Interesting." She squinted her eyes. "I'll be there and I'll bring Sin."

"Okay." Esme smiled hugging her as she handed me the papers. "You ready to take care of three kids?"

"Don't have a choice but to be." I shook my head. "I refuse to leave them with that mental ass lady."

"If it ever get too hard, drop them off to me. Esme love the kids." She smiled making me laugh.

We started on the highway so we can get Paisley, thirty minutes later as we was pulling up I heard Paisley, Keohn mother and that lady screaming as people was in their lawns looking. I stepped out the car confused.

"Bitch, why are you here?!" She yelled as soon as I walked up.

"Bitch, watch who you talking to." I looked at her like she bumped her damn head.

"This is family business, take your ho ass somewhere else."

"Ooh real creative, I'm a ho." I laughed. "Paisley you got your stuff?"

"She's not going no fucking where with you!"

"Ya drunk ass need to go to AA, weirdo."

"Bitch, don't tell me what to do and you aren't taking my kids! Where's Carter? He in the car? Carter!"

"You look dumb, I hope somebody called the police on your unfit ass."

"Bitch, you'll never compare to me as a mother."

"If you the competition I don't want to compare sis."

"Paisley, do you have your stuff?" Esme asked trying to calm the situation down.

"Who the hell is you?!" She pushed Esme.

"Watch your fucking self, she pregnant!" I pushed her back since she kept trying to go at Esme.

The cops pulled into the driveway getting out looking confused as I thanked God they was here because this bitch wasn't letting me take Paisley without a fight.

"What's the problem?" One of them asked.

"She kidnapped my son and now she's trying to take my daughter."

"Sir, my brother traveled a hour and some change just to come to me after this lady beat him and her with a broom."

"Ma'am is this true?"

"No it isn't. These are my kids, she can't just take them!"

"I just went to file temporary guardianship and it was granted." I handed them the papers. "I'm now the current guardian of my brother and sister."

"That's fake! This bitch don't even have custody of her own child!"

"My mother is a drunk as you can tell and my brother and sister isn't safe in this environment."

"Ma'am, based on the papers everything she's saying is true. In 30 days you have to appear in family court where you can attempt to fight back for your kids but-"

"She isn't taking my kids! She doesn't take care of her own, all she does is drop him off somewhere."

"Sis, I literally have no where to drop my son off to."

"Unless, you have a valid reason she isn't fit to take-"

"She lets him get molested! She beats on him! Her son has bruises and her a anal rash-"

"Spencer no no no!" Esme blocked me off. "Don't react to that."

"Don't fucking lie on my child like that! I don't give a fuck what you used to go through don't put your memories on my fucking son!"

"I can vouch that her son is well taken care of." Esme spoke.

"As can I, I'm the father mother her son is happy, fed and clothed." Kee mother said.

"I just need to collect my brother clothes and my sister can get her stuff then we'll be on our way from around here."

"Ma'am, we need this to be as peaceful. They are your kids but their not in your care anymore, you have to let them collect their stuff."

She didn't say anything so we all walked across the street, as soon as I got in the yard she grabbed my hair and attempted to punch me in my face but Esme held her arm.

"This is assault!" Esme yelled as they grabbed her.

"Ma'am, we have to take you in now." The cop grabbed her.

I watched them arrest her as the other cop talked to me, when they pulled away I walked into the house almost crying. I haven't been in this house since I told that lady I was pregnant.

Esme went to get Carter stuff while I went into her room grabbing everything that had to do with me, I stopped seeing a bunch of opened letters from my dad making me stop and stare. I opened the first letter and started tearing up at his words.

This whole time I've been thinking my father doesn't care about me but it's been letters in here going to when I was 5 years old.

I shook my head grabbing every letter, all the baby pictures, certificates and anything that said my name on it. I went into my old room seeing it looked the exact same, I went under my dresser seeing my old money was still there making me chuckle as I grabbed it.

"I got everything." Paisley said.

"You won't be back so make sure." I told her as she nodded walking out.

I grabbed a few stuff from my room that I missed when I was done Esme and Paisley was both ready, we put everything in the car then we made our way home.

"Can you come help us?" I called Kee.

"We coming down right now."

Benji, Q, and Ice came down as they just grabbed everything making it better for me. They also helped Esme put Face stuff in the car, when they all left I sat in the kitchen doing my daily budget.

"Spinny, I like my room." Paisley spoke coming in the kitchen grabbing a water.

"You can change it to how you want, just got to wait until I get some money."

"It's fine." She sat down.

"So you didn't cut him off?"

"I attempted to but then we talked and he said he would do better."

"Did he?"

"No." She put her head down as I stopped typing.

"Then it's a lesson learned Pai, you're not dumb for believing a lie. He dumb for not seeing your worth but you also have to see it and realize when to walk away. Especially now that you're going to be in high school, this is when boys try you the most."

"Did you register us already?" Carter asked.

"Probably tomorrow or Monday."

"Thank you." Carter said.

"Y'all the only blood family I have, I'll always have y'all."

"Y'all just lucky we pay our rent in months." Kee said making me roll my eyes.

"I'm just lucky I can spend time with my nephew now." Paisley said picking up Kreed as he continued watching YouTube, he was obsessed.

"You gon get tired of him."

"Keohn, please stop playing with my child."

"He always ya child until he do some shit."

"Cause then he Keohn Jr." I said laughing.

"Y'all always been so cute." Paisley said. "I used to feel the love radiating off y'all and I still can."

"Oh, we not together." I spoke. "We just parents."

Keohn stopped looking at me then turned around heading in the room, I furrowed my eyebrows then went back to doing what I was doing. I didn't understand why he looked at me like that as if it was a shocker.

"Kee, I'm bout to go get this money from Jaelyn! I'll be back, alright?"

"Bet!"

I grabbed my car keys then walked out the house, I should've put on some pants, I should've just changed period.

"You just know you fine." Some boy said as I walked towards JoJo house making me laugh.

"Thank you."

"You got a man?"

"Wassup Eazy?" Baby said putting his arm around my shoulder. "She good."

"Oh aight."

When Eazy was out of sight, he moved his arm as I looked at him. I didn't wanna speak so I walked passed him as he let me, I walked into JoJo house waving to the few people who was there until I spotted Jaelyn.

"My fine ass chocolate bitch!" Jaelyn yelled. "That bitch wearing cheetah print cause she a exotic bitch!"

"Bitch, shut up!" I pulled her arm laughing.

"I'm high as hell." She laughed. "Who that bitch talking to Dai? Why she touching his face?"

"Bitch, don't look beat."

"You right but I'll stab that bitch."

"Why some boy just tried to talk to me and Baby shut that shit down?"

"You still his girl." She chuckled as I rolled my eyes. "You know that girl who keep staring at you?"

"That's Baby babymother and some unknown ass bitch." I shrugged.

"Well, she looking like she got a problem and I'll punch her in it."

"In what?"

"Her problem. The hell." She said making me laugh.

"You giving me drunk vibes, what else you on?"

"I may or may have not drunk some Patron. Heavy on the may."

"Bitch I know." I laughed.

"Oh they coming over here, I'll be back let me go get a water so I could sober up." She walked away.

"Spencer, right?" His baby mother asked chuckling with her friend.

"You know my name baby." I smirked, if she wanted to be funny we finna be a comedy show.

"Nah, I know my baby daddy name."

"Okay, I do too. He spelled that shit on my clit multiple times."

"I like that bitch." Jaelyn said drinking what looked like milk. "What's ya real reason for standing in my friend presence?"

"Bitch, you too loud, mind your business." Her friend spoke.

"Girl, I'll knock you out but I'm not entertaining you right now." Jaelyn waved her off.

"It's crazy how you did my baby daddy, using him like that."

"First of all, nobody used that boy but what does it matter to you? You're not his bitch."

"You not either."

"I'm the one who made it clear sis, I walked away from him."

"He was fucking me behind ya back sis."

"Baby mother be the biggest sidelines. Then be proud. Disgusting." Jaelyn said.

"Ain't you Dai side bitch?" Her friend said again.

"Girl, I ain't never been no side bitch but you giving me them vibes."

"You came over here to be funny about fucking a nigga I decided to cut off?" I raised a eyebrow. "Yeah, you hear how stupid that sound. You could walk away now."

"Baby dick was that good?" Jaelyn asked.

"His dick is good but not this good, his head could be the cause of this though." I shrugged.

"Oh he one of those fuck good but give head better types?"

"Most def." I nodded. "Don't let me downplay it though cause his dick is splendid."

"Dai dick good." Her friend said.

"Bitch isn't it?" Jaelyn whined. "Imma take him home in a few just to fuck him for hours."

"Sis, you must not know who I am."

"Put me on sis."

"I'm the first bitch Dai ever fucked, I'm the reason he even know how to fuck bitches. I'll end ya whole shit with him."

"I'm ready to get the fuck ASAP after this shit!" Jaelyn yelled making me laugh.

"They look like bothered and heavily bothered."

"Dumb and dumber."

"Peek and boo." I yelled making Jae started doing her yell laugh.

"Caresha please!"

"Aight, I'm bout to leave." I chuckled. "I need to get back to my damn child."

"You don't take care-"

"You want a reaction out of me and I'm not giving it to you sis, give up already. My days of fighting is over, I'm not doing this with you."

"But you still gon watch ya fucking mouth talking bout Kreed." Jaelyn bumped her real hard.

"Periodt." I chuckled as Dai walked towards us.

"Wassup Spence? You getting drunk?"

"I was but I'm sober as a bitch now." Jaelyn shook her head. "Say hey, I hear this a friend of yours."

"Oh shit, Kris!" Dai smiled hugging her. "And wassup Autumn? I ain't know y'all was coming out."

"We didn't either, I missed you though." She smiled grabbing his arm as Jaelyn and I both looked to see what was his next move.

Dai wrapped a arm around Jaelyn waist bringing him to her as she chuckled while ol girl face dropped.

"I'm ready to go." Jaelyn spoke looking up at him as he looked down.

"Not having fun?"

"Just ready to with you."

"We could go." He said as she smiled. "Kris and Autumn, I'll catch up with y'all later."

"Aye Dai come here nigga!" Some boy yelled.

"Meet me in the car." He handed Jae his keys as he bent down to kiss her.

"I ain't even have to prove my point to make you look dumb." Jaelyn laughed. "Any nigga Jaelyn fuck with gon always be bout Jaelyn, now see you later love."

I laughed walking away with Jaelyn. "Oh bitch the money, I forgot all about why I'm here."

"Oh, it's in Dai truck."

We walked towards the truck as she gave me the money, as we was talking Baby came out like he was looking for somebody, that somebody was me making me roll my eyes.

"Spence, we ca talk?"

"Go talk to ya beat ass baby mother." Jaelyn said.

"What you talking bout?"

"We can talk in my car." I told him.

"Bitch, I wanted to be noisy. Just be pissing me off, bye Spencer." Jaelyn rolled her eyes getting in the car.

"You look good." He spoke as we walked.

"Thanks, you do too. You miss me?"

"Yeah but you clearly done with a nigga." He chuckled.

"I mean we could be friends but I feel like I jumped into something too quick with you, I'm still in love with my baby father." I shrugged being honest.

"You was doing something with em while we was together?"

"Nah." I told him honestly.

"When you realize you was getting back with him?"

"We are not together." I shook my head. "I need to be single, I need to depend on myself again and know how it is to be alone."

"I get it, thank you for ending shit before I got too invested in you."

"Of course, I wasn't going to do that to you, you too sweet for that."

"We could still have play dates for Kreed and Peyton." He smirked.

"I doubt your baby mother want that anymore."

"Why y'all keep saying sumn bout her? What she do?"

"She told me how y'all was fucking-"

"This why I ain't wanna do that shit." He shook his head. "We fucked like a week ago on some drunk shit, I ain't wanna do it but she damn near cried when I said no so I just did it. I knew she was going to catch feelings again."

"Your problem." I shook my head. "We're cool, right?"

"We good." He mushed my head. "You was gon leave this party mad at me and shit, I couldn't have that."

"Yes cause she had me fucked up Baby." I laughed. "Like sis I got everything you got from him except the child."

"Could've but-"

"Shut the fuck up." I laughed. "Baby, give me a hundred."

"Just a hundred?" He asked lifting up to dig in his pocket.

"I was playing, I was just seeing if you was going to give it to me." I smiled.

"Take me to get something to eat and let's catch up."

"Okay, where we going?"

"Red lobster?"

"You so extra." I rolled my eyes pulling off as he chuckled.

~

"My crew lets go!" I yelled chuckling as Kreed, Carter, Paisley, and Kee walked out.

"You annoying." Carter said.

"Kee gimme a hundred dollars."

"For what? Go get it out the dresser."

"I was just seeing if you'll do it, I don't need it."

"You need help." He looked at me. "I told you about the bitch I'm talking to?"

"What bitch?" I frowned.

"Her name Selma."

"Old ugly ass name but continue."

"She look good as hell, I met her when I was taking Kreed to school. She a bus driver, she 28, we been talking for like three weeks now."

"She know you got three kids now?" I looked at him as he furrowed his eyebrows brushing me off.

"Yeah, I told her about the whole living situation. She said she cool about it cause she not no jealous bitch, like Spence I'm really fucking with her. This could be my girlfriend."

"Imma drive my car." I spoke feeling salty as hell.

"I thought you wanted-"

"Nah, imma take my car cause imma stay with Esme after the class."

"Bet."

Kee, Kreed, Paisley and Carter walked to his car as I walked to mine. I was upset and I felt some type of way.

I was hurt more than him over our breakup but he the one who get to move on happily?

I wiped my eyes sitting in the car for a minute then pulled out. He not my nigga to be crying over no more.

~

I snacked on my snacks I bought from the store before I got here as everybody spoke, when it was my turn I handed my bag to Paisley then stood up.

"My name Spencer and imma just tell you a little bit about my struggle before I answer the question. When I was 4 years old my father went to prison for killing a man, I don't remember much of him anymore but I do remember me crying for weeks for him when he left. The only reason I stopped crying was because I met someone, someone who would cry when I cried because he hated to see me cry." I smiled. "I met my baby father at the age of 5 and we had a child 10 years later. I was 15 and pregnant then I was 15 with a new born baby sleeping at bus stops with my baby father."

"Wait, a bus stop as in on the street?" A girl asked making me nod.

"Keohn and I didn't even have sex all the way when I got pregnant, he got me pregnant off of precum. Sex had hurt so bad that we both were uncomfortable and we didn't wanna do it so when I actually found out we didn't know what to do, we were only 15. My mother and I was super close, that was my best friend so I thought I didn't have to hide it from her because she'll help me. Boy was I wrong. The second I told my mother it's like a switch flipped and she just snapped. She grabbed me by my hair, she pushed me down the stairs, she hit me with a trophy, she bruised my body up, she kicked me in my stomach, she put a knife to my throat and told me it was either her or my baby. When I chose my baby she dragged me out the house by my hair and locked the door. I had no friends and no family houses to go to, I only had Keohn. Keohn among with more people heard the commotion, we took a taxi to the hospital which I had to stay overnight but in the morning they couldn't care for me because my mother had already taken me off the insurance so I couldn't pay for prenatal care let alone mine."

"So why you had to be homeless if ya baby father had a place?" Some girl asked.

"If y'all shut the hell up." Benji said making a few of us laugh.

"I slept in Keohn room for a week until his mother found out, she fed me then told me I had to go home but when I told her I couldn't she asked me why and I had to tell her the truth. She told me and Keohn we had to get out ASAP, that night Keohn and I snuck into his garage and we slept. The next day we were on to his grandmother house but his grandmother didn't live there anymore, his aunts wouldn't take me in so he left with me, his father was out of the country and we didn't have phones to call that far. I was now 7 months sleeping in Keohn cousin basement, we stayed there until Kreed was born then we had to go because we weren't on her lease  and she had too many people living with us. I wasn't going to school and we couldn't eat, my baby was dying of starvation from not getting nutrients. I had to start breast feeding because I couldn't afford milk but he was getting healthy and that's all I wanted. One day Keohn was out while I was walking around with Kreed because it was too cold to stand in one spot, a cop pulled us over and I got my baby taken. Kreed was in child protective services for four months."

"Don't forget to tell em what we did through the four months." Keohn said.

"Are you talking or me?" I asked.

"Well you leaving out important-"

"Then you come tell them."

"No."

"Alright then shut the hell up."

"Spencer and Keohn." Esme looked at us. "Now what y'all did the four months."

"After Kreed got taken, Kee met Q who put him on to sell drugs-"

"Who sell drugs?" Q asked.

"We ain't no fucking drug dealers." Ice added.

"Kee get ya baby mother cause she being too disrespectful now." Benji said.

"I'm sorry, Q put him on with his business." I rolled my eyes. "So Keohn started staying with Q or his brother Face while I stayed with my best friend at the time Brenda. Brenda mom didn't like me because she thought I was too fast so she would always ask when I'm leaving, I didn't feel comfortable or wanted so I left starting to spend nights on the street again without telling Keohn. Mind y'all, I didn't have any clothes or money so I barely was eating or taking showers. I walked into the welfare office and asked for help with food and a place, they gave me both. I was granted food stamps after a month, while staying in a shelter. Keohn on the other hand was making money and he finally got in contact with his dad. His dad came back to the states and immediately put us in our own apartment agreeing that he would support us and help us out bill free. Now all I had to do was get my son back and it was a process but I was now fit to keep him with weekly check ins. I got my first job at McDonald's at 16 working morning shift until the social worker said I had to be in school unless I was taking my GED. I had to quit McDonald's so Keohn told me he'll take care of us while I go to school and Kreed and he kept his word-"

"Like a real ass nigga!" Ice yelled as Keohn smiled.

"Period Pooh!" Reem yelled making us laugh.

"Y'all annoying." Jaelyn said.

"Nobody ain't say shit when y'all hype each other up, bald headed musty ass hoes." Benji said as we started laughing.

"Y'all keep getting off task." Esme rolled her eyes smiling.

"Keohn and I both eventually enrolled after we got Kreed enrolled at a school welfare paid for. We were both able to graduate on time, together even though we're not together-"

"Cause niggas ain't shit." Sanaa said.

"Periodt! Snapple the fuck facts!" Jaelyn yelled out as some other girls agreed.

"Y'all wasn't this hyped a few minutes ago though." Ice looked at all the girls then mumbled. "Fake ass hos."

"So when asked who hurt me the most, Frances Greenleaf takes the cake but I give her credit because she taught me on how not to act towards my kid. I am the best mother in the world because I made it happen for my child, I made it happen with my child's father, and I haven't failed my child yet.

"My trails and tribulations transformed and transitioned me into who I am right now."
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