Volume sixteen

"So who you hiring?" I asked Paris not beat for anything today.

"These were the six I really liked."

"We have four chairs open, so why you have six?"

"I thought I had to fill three? What you mean four?"

"Paris, I've told you I'm taking like three months off."

"Oh right right, I didn't think that meant you wanted your chair filled."

"Where's the six?" I rolled my eyes taking the papers. "This say she can't corn roll, why would you wanna hire her?"

"I didn't see that, okay so-"

"Paris did you look at any of these?"

"No, I was going to but then something happened-"

"Do you know what I do? I have to pay bills, do hair, clean up after y'all messy nasty asses, fire people, hire people, make sure my customers satisfied, supporting my friends all while handling shit in my personal life so I don't give a damn what the hell happened."

"Okay, I get it Esme. I have to do better."

"And fast." I told him. "I picked you for this cause I felt like you were the only one in here who could do it, all you do is rely on me."

"I'll change."

"Start now. Pick four and if your four not right out of all these, not only are you not my manager but you're going to need to find a new job."

"Okay."

"I want these by time I go home, I leave at 9."

"Okay."

I was being mean but it was going to shape him which he needed to do, I could've made Spencer or Jaelyn my manager but I actually believed he could be the one if he realized he was worth it.

"You hungry?" Q asked bringing in food.

"Yes, thank you." I took the Five Guys from him.

"What's wrong?"

"My fucking shoes wouldn't fit cause my fat ass feet keep growing so now I gotta wear fucking slides and these aren't fucking comfortable."

"So I'll go get you some crocs, relax momma bear." He chuckled sitting on the couch. "What else is the matter?"

"I need more speakers for my mental health class, can you speak?"

"And say what?"

"I asked everyone one question, when you think about pain who is the first person to come up?"

"You know my father."

"So you would speak on him."

"Es, I'm not telling everybody about that."

"I understand it's personal but it's a mental health check and you can't even talk about it so-"

"A place filled with strangers not going to be the place where I fucking spill my personal business."

"Okay." I threw my hands up.

"I'll help you with anything else that day but that."

"Alright." I looked off.

I understood and couldn't be mad at him wanting to keep his business to his self but he just didn't understand how much it would help him.

"I'll think about it, okay?"

"Okay." I smiled.

"Spoiled ass brat." He mushed my head then laid down. "How your doctor appointment go?"

"I didn't have- I had a appointment!" I sighed knowing my doctor was going to chew my ass out.

"She gon fuck you up." Q chuckled.

"Tell me about it." I rolled my eyes texting her. "Can you clear your day for me tomorrow?"

"What we gotta do?"

"I have houses to look at."

"To rent or own?"

"Own, I want my own house. I wanna pay a mortgage, not rent. I was going to buy some land and build my own house but I can't do that with me being nine months pregnant."

"Why you ain't tell me you was looking for anything?"

"Because I had to go through a long ass process and I passed everything so now I just have to go look for some."

"When you looking to move in?"

"Immediately. I need to paint my baby room, my room, get new furniture, I have a lot."

"You could afford all of that?"

"No but whatever I lose I make back so I'm not tripping."

"How about I buy everything for baby girl room?"

"Okay, you don't even have to buy much because she got a lot of shit from the gender reveal. All she really need for the room is the paint and a swing set."

"I could hire a painter just tell me what you want."

"I want different characters on the wall, like cheetah girls, high school musical, spongebob, everything I grew up on she will so."

"Aight, I'll look for one right now."

"Perfect, then after we pick a house. I have to pick a moving company- wait Mickey started his company yet?"

"Yep."

"Well I'll hit him up to get a price then I have to go furniture shopping."

"You wanna get all these done in one day?"

"I start seeing houses at 6."

"You annoying as hell yo." He spoke making me laugh. "You really the only person who could ever get away with this shit."

"Cause you love your baby sister."

"I do." He kissed my forehead. "I'm bout to go handle some shit since Imma have to cancel everything."

"And don't forget about talking." I smiled as he stopped to look at me then walked away.

As soon as I was about to lock my door Paris walked in. "These are the four."

"I'll call you later and let you know if you have a job or not."

"Okay, I'm going to do inventory."

"Okay, only knock if it's life or death."

"Okay." He said walking out.

~

"Can I ask why you're selling?"

"I have family in the Bahamas and it's time I go back to my roots."

"I feel like this is the house." I shrugged looking at Q as he kept looking at stuff.

"It's definitely needs some work but nothing major, just some chipped paint in some rooms and the floors need to be waxed if you're into that type of stuff." The man said.

"I want it. The price is more than reasonable and I can move in immediately."

"Yes, I can go get the paperwork out the car right now. Be right back."

"What you think?" I asked Q.

"I just feel like you don't need a five bedroom house, it's too big but I fucks with the house."

"I want extra space in case somebody in my life need a place to stay and Dylan get out in less than two years, she automatically got a room in my house."

"I understand that Es, I'm gon need to put in a security system, some cameras, the shit you put in the crib, a baby monitor, a-"

"Quade, relax." I spoke making him breathe.

"Nah cause you been getting threats like crazy and I dea a nigga or bitch to try some shit."

"Might as well be security." I chuckled. "You know what I was thinking?"

"What?"

"So ever since I did that photo shoot, I've been thinking of doing a photo shoot. I want to do one for my work, a pregnancy shoot with all y'all then one when she here."

"We could do that." Q spoke.

"So I just need you to fill out this paperwork and once your check come through it's yours." He said as I handed him the check.

"I'm a home owner!" I smiled making Q laugh. "Come take a picture of me in the front of the house."

We walked out as I took a picture of the sign that said sold, well multiple pictures because Q was the worst photographer.

~

"So I am a homeowner and I have my mental class in a few days." I smiled. "Q and all of us just did a photo shoot too. I feel like I'm rushing every thing and that may be true but I'm just tryna have the best life for me and babygirl, and you when you eventually wake up."

I smiled at him then looked at the TV, his favorite movie Love Jones was playing. I stopped watching it feeling some cramping, I put his hand on my stomach rubbing it with my other hand.

"You remember when we was together and you cheated on me? Remember how I tried to kill myself after? That's how I knew I was in love with you cause I literally couldn't picture my life without you. I was such a dumb bitch."

I chuckled at the memory, I realized I wasn't in love with Black. I loved him but I wasn't in love. I was always in love with Face even after everything we been through, if he would've asked me to get rid of Black there wouldn't of been a Black.

"You okay?" Jaelyn asked walking in. "Look at my brother with his handsome self."

"Ain't he?" I asked rubbing his beard. "I gotta groom him, I bought the stuff to do it."

I plugged in the clippers getting ready to shape him up along with trimming his beard while making sure he don't got no hair on him.

"See I done been lied to, backstabbed and heartbroken I wanted to cry but I was too afraid to open. Praying one day I'll find a peace of mind." Jae and I rapped in unison.

"I really fucks with his fat ass."

"He be spitting his shit sis." I spoke nodding to the words.

"Okay so right before you leave look me in my eyes and tell me what you see, you see a bottom boy survivor. Even though he's at war he keeps it solid, even though he takes L their all in silence." I rapped.

"Bitch did I tell you Shep kissed me?"

"This why I told you don't get too close with him, he was gon get too comfortable."

"I had to shut that down quick as fuck." She shook her head. "But we talked about it, we cool."

"As y'all should be, Shep too good of a person to not be in your life."

"Word, I'm always down to be friends with anybody and that's what people don't understand. I always been a people person, I was just too naive and let people take advantage of me. Now I just don't give a fuck."

"I can't deal with people not liking me, I'm a people person so I try to please everybody even if it means hurting me. My heart too big to just shit on everyone, even after all the hurt I've endured in life."

"And that's why your going to be everything and more in life." She poked my nose making me chuckle.

"I need some sex."

"Esme, this is all you talk about."

"Because it's all I think about." I looked at her. "I'm almost ten months pregnant and I'm so horny, bitch I'm tired of the shower head, bullets and dildos, I need the real shit."

"My God Esme." Jaelyn laughed as I saw she was recording.

"Bitch, I'm not playing with you." I laughed.

"I keep telling you to fuck Ice, he'll do it."

"Bitch I'm not fucking Ice, I'll fuck JoJo before Ice."

"Do that then, he fine and I heard he got good dick."

"But Baby told me JoJo catch feelings, I don't want feelings. I want to be a mother for approximately 2 months after my baby come then a hoe."

"Esme!" She laughed. "I'll ask Dai if he have any friends."

"Make sure they got money, I wanna cuddle with them after sex and go online shopping with their card."

"Bitch bye!" She laughed standing up. "I'm bout to go steal some puddings, brb."

She walked as I decided to lay in the bed with Face because my feet would start to hurt too much if I'm on them longer than a hour. I couldn't wait to not be pregnant no more, I need my body back.

"You're going crazy today, huh?" I rubbed my stomach as I started cramping.

Now that I was closer to labor I would get some bad ass cramps, a few days ago I had to go to the hospital because it was too much. Turns out it was just Braxton Hicks, I'm more upset I couldn't even take anything for the pain. I just had to take it.

"Oh My God." I stood up out of breath bending over the bed as another cramp hit me. They were coming every two minutes.

"What's wrong?" A nurse asked walking in the room.

"I think I'm in labor." I spoke between breaths.

It looked like she panicked a little as she began walking to me, she grabbed a rag and dipped it in water before coming to wipe my forehead. I was now breathing in my nose and out my mouth.

"Had far are contractions?"

"Like every two minutes."

"You're calm, calmer than me. Whew." She spoke as I looked at her. "Um, I'm going to get a doctor and pray you don't have this baby right now."

"Okay." I nodded standing up to grab my phone. "Q?"

"What's wrong?" He asked like he was sleep.

"I need you to go to the house and grab the baby bag. I made a checklist which is on the fridge, please check everything off before leaving."

"Okay." The grumbled hanging up then calling back two seconds later. "You having the baby?!"

"Stop yelling, yes."

"I'm coming right now." He hung up then called back a second later making me roll my eyes. "Where the hell are you?"

"Face room. Please don't forget to check the list off."

"Alright I'll be there in like 20 minutes." He hung up.

"Okay so I got chocolate, vanilla, tapioca and vanilla with chocolate swirl. Which one you- why you bent over?"

"I'm in labor."

"Yes mamas, bust through." Jaelyn smiled.

I dialed my doctor number hoping she would answer because Wednesday's were her days off. She didn't answer but after calling seven times, she finally did.

"I'm in labor."

"Hello to you too, Esme." She spoke. "How long have you been in labor?"

"I'm just now starting to feel pressure so I don't know."

"Your water didn't break?"

"Not that I know of."

"Can you get to the hospital?"

"I'm in a hospital but not yours, I have contractions every two minutes."

"Is there anyone in the room with you?"

"My sister."

"Can she hear me?"

"Yes."

"Jaelyn, I need you to wash your hands or put on gloves. You have to see how dilated she is."

"Huh my god!" Jaelyn yelling groaning. "I just wanted some pudding."

She went to wash her hands while looking through cabinets to find some gloves, she slid some on as I stood there. She looked at me then down, thankfully I had a skirt on.

"Spread your fingers apart to determine how wide she spread, in centimeters 10 being the highest estimate how far you think it is."

"Uh okay." She said then stopped. "I can't do this, I feel weird."

"Jaelyn." I looked at her.

"That's your vagina, I can't. It's cringy." She squealed as I rolled my eyes.

"Call a nurse in and see if they can do it, I'm going to be there but maybe not in time to deliver your baby."

"I got everything!" Q yelled just as I yelled because a contraction hit hard. "You in pain?"

"Yes." I breathed.

"What do you need?"

"A nurse, she needs someone to see how dilated she is. She's a high risk pregnancy, I need to know."

"What do I have to do?" Q asked.

"Wash your hands or grab some gloves."

Q doing as she said as I continued being bent over, I hated this. But if I laid down it would be more painful so I had no choice.

"Now what?" He asked coming towards me.

"I just need to know how far apart your fingers are in her cervix, the most is 10 centimeters."

"I'm about to stick my fingers in you." He warned me as I nodded.

The gloves were cold making me flinch as I felt him slide in real slowly. I almost moaned because of how good it felt to be touched by anybody else but me.

"It feels like 8, approximately 9."

"Oh God." She spoke. "Go up a little further and see if you can feel the baby."

"This hurt?" Q asked looking at me as he went further.

"No."

"I feel a mushy surface but it's hard if I poke it."

"Esme, your baby girl will be here in less than 30 minutes. I need Jaelyn to take the phone to a nurse or doctor while Q help you with your breathing."

"Okay." Jaelyn said grabbing the phone.

"It would be you to have a damn baby while I'm sleep." He yawned as he threw the gloves away. "You okay?"

"Can you call Black?"

"No."

"Please Q."

"Aight." He sighed as I seen him pull out his phone putting it on speaker.

"Wassup Q?" I heard Keyz said.

"Are you around Black?" I asked.

"Yeah, we in the studio. Why wassup?"

"Can you go give him the phone-"

"Es, I don't think-"

"Please."

"Alright." I spoke before I heard what sounded like doors being closed. "Aye nigga, here."

"Who the fuck is this?" He asked making my heart drop, I haven't heard his voice in so long. "Hello?"

"I'm in labor."

"Esme, I gave away my rights."

"Pharaoh, I'm in labor." I spoke slowly.

"What do you need me to do Esme?"

"I need you to be the person that I loved, I need you to at least come see your child."

"I'm coming Esme, just be strong." I heard him sigh as the phone hung up.

"Esme, how are you doing?" I heard my doctor ask.

"Better." I spoke honestly.

"Good, what are doing? Having the baby standing up or laying down?"

"Standing up." I spoke.

"Change into the gown Jaelyn is giving you, move from the bed and let the nurses place some mats down. You have to do this all by yourself, no epidural. Just you."

"Okay." I breathed trying not to scream cause that one hurt like hell.

"Q? I need you to put some gloves on, I need you to catch the baby when she come."

"Okay."  He spoke grabbing some gloves.

"A ambulance is on the way to bring you to the hospital but by time they get there you'll be pushing so just relax."

"I feel like I have to push!" I grunted.

"Q, see how much she's dilated."

"The baby head is literally right here." He said barely digging in my vagina.

"Esme hurry up and get naked, put the gown on. You're having the baby right now, when I say push push!"

"Oh my God." Jaelyn said with tears coming down her face as she recorded.

"Nurse, grab a blanket. She's not cutting the umbilical cord so I'm going to need you to make the baby as comfortable as she can be when she get rolled out."

"The EMT are two minutes out." Another nurse yelled.

"Esme, I'm here getting ready for you to come to me. Everything's okay. Q get into position, Esme I need you to do a big push. A real big one."

"Oh my God! Ohhhh!" I yelled pushing as I felt like that helped nothing at all.

"She out a little, the top of her head is out."

"Breathe and count to 20 then a big push again."

"It burns." I cried blowing out.

"The faster you do it, the faster it's over." Jaelyn said.

I started screaming as I pushed with everything in me crying as my hair stuck to my face due to the sweat. I wanted to give up, my legs was so weak, I felt so weak.

"Q, if she's out enough you can gently pull her."

"Her whole face out, her shoulders in showing. The cord is wrapped around her neck a little."

"Esme, push one last time. Q when she starts to push, grab her, remove the cord then hold her. Make sure Esme push out the placenta."

"Come on baby momma, you got this." Jaelyn spoke.

I pushed harder than I did the first two times, I wanted everything out at once.

"It's a girl!" Jaelyn smiled.

"I do not hear any cries, did you remove the cord? Is her eyes open?"

"She's staring directly at me." Q smiled as Jaelyn recorded everything. "She's just not crying."

"Cause my daughter niece a G, Periodt."

"Time of birth 12:56 p.m." The nurse smiled measuring. "She's 3 pounds, 5 ounces."

"So tiny." Jaelyn smiled.

"Place her on Esme, she needs to bond with her."

The nurse placed her on my bare chest as I felt nasty making me chuckle as I started crying.

I'm really a mother.

~

"Oh hell no!" Jaelyn spoke making me furrow my eyebrows wondering why she was saying that. "This nigga done died and grew some balls."

I looked up to see Black pulling into my front yard, I furrowed my eyebrows as my heart kinda dropped. He was supposed to come a few days ago but he didn't so I gave up.

"You want me to let him in?" Q asked.

"Yes, guide him to the nursery. That's where we both will be." I stood up putting on some sweats. "Jaelyn stay here."

"But I need to stab him." She frowned.

"Jaelyn."

"Fine, I'll stay here." She rolled her eyes laying on the couch as I went in the nursery sitting in her rocking chair.

I grabbed my phone texting everybody back, I looked over her crib just as he walked in. He was still fine as ever, he just looked more drained.

"Let me know if you need me." Q said closing the door.

"You doing good for yourself." He spoke looking around. "What's this? Three bedroom?"

"Five." I spoke as he nodded.

"Did your lawyer inform you about the changes to the papers we signed?"

"No?" I questioned.

"Instead of 2000 every two weeks, you gon get a black card with a unlimited amount of money on it. You could use it for whatever, the shop, bills, food, anything."

"Thank you." I nodded looking over him. "You fight recently?"

"What you mean?"

"The scar on your face."

"Your crazy ass sister popped up on me like two months ago and sliced my shit up." He shook his head. "I forgot how Emae is."

"Wow, she never told me either." I said shocked.

"You good though? How you been? Face?"

"I'm fine, just getting better in life and growth. Face isn't awoke but he's fine too, everything is just fine." I closed mouth smiled. "How's everything with you?"

"I put out my album in like three more days, I supposed to guest star in like three shows this fall, a movie too."

"Sounds good." I nodded. I knew all of that because I check his Instagram everyday.

He walked towards the crib then smiled, he took off his hat and shades and just looked at her. I was nervous looking at him looking at her, he reached out to grab her hand and her eyes shot open.

"What's her name?"

"Emogen Harper Parker." I said making his head snap towards me.

"You named her after me, she beautiful." He spoke still staring at her. "She got my nose."

"I said that too." I smiled. "She also got ya face shape, lips, everything on your face is hers."

"And she still look exactly like you." He chuckled. "I could hold her?"

"She's yours." I shrugged sitting on the carpet as he grabbed her.

"She so small." He chuckled as she started smiling. "Hi princess."

I watched them, she immediately liked him making me think she already knew who he was. He was so good with her. Under the circumstances I would've been happy seeing this but I couldn't.

"What happened to you?" I asked as he sighed.

"I just came to see her Es, I ain't come to talk."

"I think I deserve an explanation, I was the one hurt by this."

"How you figure you was the only one?"

"The one doing the hurting wasn't no damn hurt." I rolled my eyes. "Just tell me why did you pay Nas to be so miserable to me?"

"In the beginning it was because I wanted you to find reasons to not be with me because I knew we wouldn't end up together. As time got closer to my anniversary, I was just too deep in it with you. I wanted all this with you, I wanted to be with you."

"Why?" I asked.

"Niyah has shit on me that can not only get me life but also everyone around me, including you. The money that started your shop wasn't all legal, I make legal money now but before all that I did shit I can't take back. It was either get the feds involved or just leave you alone."

"Stuff like what?"

"Esme, you know I used to do hit man shit. I'm wanted for murders dating back to when I was 13 years old. Niyah has proof, she knows everything, she was there through most of it. If it was just me in jeopardy, I'll take the jail time but it's deeper than me."

"Why not just kill her?"

"She let some people know if something happened to her, what to do and I don't know what that mean so I just gave up realizing I'm stuck with her until I find a way out of it."

"I understand her not wanting you around me but how does she do that to a baby knowing she's a mother?" I shook my head.

"I think about you everyday." He told me. "I wish I could be in both of y'all lives, I've been trying to do everything to get my life back but she's in control."

"This could've been avoided if you would have told me this from the beginning."

"And that's my fault."

"Very much so."

"Any time I'm in town, I could come see her?" He asked.

"Not any time, I don't want you in and out her life."

"I know, I just- I feel different now she actually here. I need to see her."

"Next time your here we can talk then."

~

I wiped my eyes as the last person spoke, I've been emotional since Sanaa talked but everyone else just jumped in and we've been talking for two hours now. Even Black showed up to say something, the fact that my shop was overly crowded made me amazed.

"That was the last person, I'm not trying to keep y'all so I'll-"

"Let me go." Q spoke after being in deep thought making me nod sitting down.

"Go head."

"I'm Q, a lot of y'all know me but y'all don't know me. when I was younger I used to get molested." He spoke as a few faces changed. "My father, the same nigga that started this drug shit in this state is the same nigga who had a fetish with touching little boys. I'm over it, I've been talking about it but I've never said it out loud except to two people but I'm Q, the realist nigga y'all could and the toughest. I'll knock ya biggest nigga out."

"Periodt brudda!" Jaelyn yelled as a few of us laughed.

"But I did this because I needed to be truthful to myself. Even though I'm over it, the shit still hurt. I'm different from that nigga and I'll never let a kid get hurt in my eyes, let alone my own."

"Real ass nigga!" Ice yelled as I smiled.

"Does anybody else have something to say?" I asked.

"Nah, we ready to eat." Jaelyn said making me roll my eyes.

"Big facts." Benji nodded making people laugh.

"Let her say what she finna say so we could." Q said making me nod.

"I can't name one person who hurt me because I've been hurt by too many people to just think of one. At the age of 4, I would feel uncomfortable just by being around my uncle by 7 I was getting raped. Starting a relationship with my best friend led me to get cheated on and heartbroken. Going to a person I thought was my friend house just to check on him ended up with me being raped. Putting my trust into one person, expecting her to never go any where hurt even more when she was forced to be in a jail cell. Giving my heart and opening up again after promising myself no one was worth it landed me a single mother and a double broken heart." I spoke as people gasped at the news looking around. "Men hurt me, women hurt me, people hurt me. I'm a hurt person but I'm thankful for the hurt I had to endure because I'm even stronger."

"And that's on what?" Jaelyn asked.

"Period!" Sanaa and Spencer yelled making a few people laugh as I rolled my eyes smiling.

"I have the trait where I feel like I have to protect people but I'm tired of holding in my hurt to make people more comfortable. Darryl Hodges. The boy I was friends with for 7 years before he forced me to have sex with him. The boy I had to walk past for two years every Monday through Friday. The boy I was still around until I decided to tell somebody. The boy I'm done protecting. Eugene Parker, my fathers brother, my uncle who raped me. My uncle who shares blood with me. My uncle who groomed me into his perfect girlfriend when my parents wasn't around. My uncle who-"

"You could stop." Q stood up covering me so it was just me hearing him. "Stop trying to force yourself into talking, if you not ready stop."

"I thought I could do it." I mumbled as he wiped my face.

"Go in your office and take a break for a second, come back and if you ready say it, if not move on."

"Okay." I nodded knowing I need a break.

"She's going to take a moment to herself for a second, we just gon eat til she come back."

I walked away as everybody eyes followed me, I grabbed my key going into my office where my daughter was sleep. I picked her up and sat her down as she stirred a little.

I looked down and stared at her while wiping my tears, she gave me the strength I knew I needed.

I put her back down kissing her on her cheek, making sure her monitor was on then locking the door walking back out to see people lining up.

"You back?" Ice asked making me nod. "Y'all sit the fuck down!"

"You are so annoying." I rolled my eyes as we people started back sitting down. "I promise I'm taking like five more minutes of y'all time then we could eat."

"Take yo time pastor!" Benji yelled as everybody laughed.

"I know it came as a shock to a lot of y'all that I was pregnant because anybody who know me know I always wanted to be married before pregnancy but shit does happen and condoms do break. This pregnancy was very personal to me because I couldn't enjoy it, I was miserable my entire pregnancy but I had to have this baby for me. This was my second chance at being a mother and I couldn't take it for granted. My uncle got me pregnant when I was only 13 years old and my 18 year old sister had to take me to sit in a abortion clinic, just imagine the looks we got. How much they judged us."

I stopped so I wouldn't cry, I was done crying over this man.

"Being depressed is like being color blind and listening to everyone else tell you how colorful the world is. I haven't been happy in so long but I haven't stopped feeling blessed since I laid eyes on my daughter. Not telling y'all to have kids to be happy but I'm just saying I found my reason to live and I want everyone else to do the same. Let go of a toxic relationship or even friendship, quit your job and find a better one, I know it's not as easy especially if you don't have help but you will never know unless you try. Don't say you can't do anything if you never tried. Y'all think I was born knowing how to do hair? Two years ago I perfected my craft, everything takes time but as long as you taking the time it's worth it."

"And that's that." Some girl said making us smile.

"I never changed my character even through the hurt but I transitioned people, decisions and abilities to be a better person."
__________________________

I'm sorry if you wanted to be in the group chat and didn't get added. I would say I'll put y'all in but the people I picked, we've grown a bond and I have genuine love for them 8 girls.

However, I can start a separate group chat if y'all want.