Volume Sixteen

"You ready?" Saymon asked.

"Not really, I'm going to miss everybody."

"I'm tryna not to think about missing you."

"Right, I'm going to miss my mother like crazy but it's a different type of missing you." I spoke pouting making him kiss my lips.

"Good thing my cousin work at the aiport, flight benefits everywhere." He smiled making me chuckle.

"Periodt, if I wasn't living in the dorm I would've had you move with me every school year."

"Shit, what you wanna do?"

"I wish."

"We got like six days before you go?"

"Seven and a half."

"I can't believe summer went by that fast."

"Tell me bout it." I shook my head. "Are you going to Esme mental health check class?"

"Of course."

"I forgot to tell you Spence, Jala and I are going on a triple date."

"Fuck you mean?"

"It ain't a date." I chuckled. "But Jojo, Baby and Dai taking us to some big ass amusement park in like two days."

"Oh aight, you need some fun in ya life. Just don't be on no dick riding shit."

"Never." I chuckled. "What kinda dates you taking me on?"

"I gotta take you on some dates?" He looked at me.

"Duh."

"Girl." He looked at me making me laugh.

"Yeah, yeah."

"You got what you saying at Esme shit?"

"Not really, I'm still thinking about it but I'll have it ready."

"I thought Spencer and Baby wasn't talking?"

"Their not but we been planned this so even if they wanted to cancel they can't, we all put money in."

"This a one day thing?"

"Three days."

"So you spending a night?"

"Basically." I shrugged.

"I trust you to not do no dick riding shit so you could go."

"I wasn't asking for your permission plus we aren't even together." I reminded.

"We not for seven more days because that's when I stop with this street shit."

"So until then you ain't nothing but a friend with dick." I said making him stop playing the game to look at me.

"Say that shit again and watch I go on top your head, fuck you mean? Got me fucked up. You love saying dumb ass shit." He brushed me off him standing up.

"You're mad as hell!" I laughed. "Did that hurt ya feelings?"

"Whatever." He put on his shoes.

"So you bout to leave?" I asked not getting a answer in return. "How you gon leave me in your house?"

He didn't say anything as he grabbed his gun putting it on his waist walking out, he closed the door as I stood up watching him go down the stairs in amusement.

You gotta be a different type of mad to leave your house.

"I'll be taking a nap boo!" I yelled out as I went back in his bed hearing the front door slam.

~

"Stop looking at me before I beat you up." I told some girl as my mother popped me while she walked out the salon.

"Stop starting with people kids."

"Tell her to stop starting with me. She watched me walk in, watched me get my nails done and she still staring at me."

"Seriously?" She asked, she probably just recognize you from somewhere.

"So speak, I hate that staring sh-stuff." I corrected myself before she could.

"Excuse me? You're Sanaa, right? Terror girlfriend?" Another girl asked walking in with the one who kept staring at me.

"Oh Lordt." My mother said putting down her phone as I raised my eyebrow.

"Yeah, why wassup?"

"I wanted to let you know you're going to be a step mother and a aunt."

"What?" I scrunched my face up.

"A aunt? Excuse me?" My mother mocked my face. "Who the hell she supposed to be a aunt to?"

"Her brother Face got my friend pregnant a few weeks before he got shot and her boyfriend got my sister pregnant."

"So we're just going to believe this?" My mother asked. "Any proof?"

"Both of them are willing to get DNA test but Terror refused to and Face well you know."

"I'm his mother." My mother said making both girls look in shock. "So we can get DNA test to nip this in the bud and if she's pregnant by my son then I have a grandchild."

"Okay, what about Terror?" She looked at me.

"I will tell Terror to call you." My mother answered since I couldn't.

I couldn't say anything, I was too much in shock.

"How many months are you?" I asked.

"Three."

"So y'all did this sometime in June?"

"Yes."

"Okay." I nodded.

"I'm not trying to be funny or anything but coming up to you-"

"It's fine, no hard feelings towards you." I somewhat lied. "Did you know he was in a relationship with me?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "But I've been liking him so you was out of sight, out of mind."

"So you knew he had a girlfriend and you still messed with him?"

Look at me sounding like a hypocrite.

That's when I realized I can't get mad at her. This was my karma.

You lose a nigga how you get em.

"What's your name and the other one name?"

"My name is Maya and my best friend name is Angel."

"Thanks for telling me. I'll make sure he hit you up."

"Thank you." They walked away as I sat there in deep thought.

"Can you take me to Q house?"

"No." She told me. "You need time to process what was just told to you, you're hurt and if you confront him like this it's going to go from bad to worst."

"Mommy, no matter how much I overthink this it will never be no right way to deal with it."

"You're a big girl now but realize no one is worth your freedom."

"I know."

I waited for our feet to be done then she paid as I put my sandals on thanking Lee. I was just ready to get out of here so I took the car keys going to sit in the car as she sat down to get her eyebrows done.

"Esme, do you know of some girl named Angel?" I asked as soon as she answered my FaceTime call.

"Hello to you to." She spoke putting her phone down as I seen she was doing hair. "Nah, I don't know a Angel."

"She claiming she pregnant by Face."

"What? He would have told me that."

"She said she found out after he got shot."

"Okay but I would have known if he fucked her too. He never said anything about a Angel, I'll ask Q."

"I'm on my way there now so I'll ask him."

"What's wrong? Why you look like you was crying?"

"Apparently Saymon got some girl pregnant too." I said as she stopped the girl hair. "They both walked up to me in the nail salon telling me shit. Well the girl sister."

"So what you finna do?"

"Imma go off emotion." I shrugged.

"Oh God, let me text Spencer and tell her to meet you over there."

"I'm not going to touch that boy, if he say yes then this relationship over. Periodt. Imagine being only 18 and a stepmother, aha bitch triedt it."

"Imagine being 18 and a mother, the ghetto." She rolled her eyes making me laugh.

"Periodt."

"Call me and tell me how everything go."

"Okay." I spoke just as my mother got in the car.

I didn't say anything as she pulled out, Q house from the nail salon was at least 10 minutes away but as we got closer my heart was beating faster and faster.

I was praying to God he didn't do me like this.

But I couldn't think too much because I was trying not to cry.

"Call me if you need me? Okay? I'll come." She kissed my forehead as I nodded.

I walked towards the porch and just stood there, did I really wanna know?

Or should I just let him tell me?

But what if he never do?

I gotta do this. It's better to know than to continue getting lied to.

I called Ice telling him to open the door as he walked to the door then stood there.

"Kiss me if you wanna get in." He smiled stroking his beard.

"Ice I'm not in the mood."

"Who pissed in your pop tart?" He opened the door walking away. "Wait, something happened to Face?"

"No."

"Oh aight." He nodded as we walked into Q living room.

It was Q, Benji, Kee, Ice, Saymon, and Reem sitting there. Kee and Saymon was playing the game, Reem was on FaceTime with Jaelyn(I think), Benji was sleep and Q was just chilling on his phone.

"Wassup Lil Face?" Reem spoke making them look at me as Saymon turned around.

"Wassup baby?" He said then turning back to the game. "Something happened."

I sped walk to Saymon and kicked him in back of his head making him fly into the t.v as it seem like everything stopped and got quiet.

Nobody saw it coming, not even me.

But I didn't just stop there, I wasn't satisfied. I wanted him to feel how my heart feel.

I punched, kicked, even scratched until whoever finally got me off him.

"Damn, I'm too late." Spencer said walking towards me. "Sanaa breathe honey, relax."

"Terror, you good?" Reem asked as he was still on the floor.

"Nana, you wrong for that." Kee said. "You know he got a aneurysm."

"Terror wassup?" Q questioned as Spencer and Ice still held me. "Talk to me."

"I'm good." He spoke from the ground as he turned around to lay flat on the floor.

"Nah, I don't like the way you looking. Come on, we finna go to the hospital."

"You coming to the hospital with us?" Q asked.

"Better have Maya sit with his cheating ass." I looked at him as his face switched up real quick. "Ain't shit ass nigga."

"Sanaa! Sanaa!" He called me as I walked away from his ass.

"Come on." Spencer spoke.

"Imma walk."

"Girl the house 30 minutes away."

"I'll call a uber if I get tired."

~

"How'd it go?" My mom asked walking in my room as I finished packing.

"He's in the hospital."

"Sanaa you put him in the hospital?"

"Ma, she kicked him in the back of his head." Spencer snitched on me making me look at her as my mother hit me.

"Now why the hell would you do that? You know that aneurysm could burst at any given time, you could've killed him Sanaa."

"He killed my heart."

"What happened?" Spencer asked.

"He got some girl pregnant."

"Didn't see that coming, not one bit." She went wide eyed. "Not saying you're right but-"

"I know." I chuckled as my phone started ringing. "It's his mother."

"Sanaa, why would you do that?" She asked as I put it on speaker. "I could have just seen my son for the last time today, it doesn't matter what the fuck y'all go through. Do not put your hands on my son. If he would have done the same to you, it would have been a different story."

"Okay, it was a in the moment thing."

"In the moment or not, control who you put your hands on. Little girls get hurt by being big-"

"And who gon hurt me?" I cut her off stopping what I'm doing. "I'll go to war with the whole world, I don't give no fuck about being hurt."

"Sanaa, watch your mouth." My mother spoke sitting on the bed. "Sonyae, I understand your frustration because my son is actually sitting in a bed not functioning so I understand. But don't half ass threaten my daughter because that's when her mother gets involved and she can't control me."

"Periodt." I cosigned.

"We're not doing this over the phone."

"No, we aren't doing this at all."

"After today, Saymon and Sanaa are over. He will not be entertaining her, seeing her or anything."

"That's fine with me, once he fell on the ground we was done with anyway." I chuckled making my mother hit me again. "Enjoy being a grandmother love."

"I'll defend you, wrong or right but you're wrong for hitting that boy because roles reversed he wouldn't have a breath to breathe. I do not condone hitting, that's domestic violence no matter who is the aggressor."

"I understand mommy." I lowkey rolled my eyes. "Can you make me some Rasta pasta?"

"Ooh, yeah."

"So what bitch pregnant by him?" Spencer asked as she walked out.

"Some girl name Maya but check this, her best friend claim she pregnant by Face."

"What the hell? The fuck they do? Have a orgy?"

"I was thinking that but Face would not let Saymon cheat on me in his presence-"

"So y'all must have been on a break."

"But he still would have told me if he knew."

"So Face don't know meaning-"

"Saymon fucked the girl while he wasn't around them so-"

"He took the girl home!" Spencer yelled wide eyed. "Saymon a low down dirty ass dog!"

"And that's why he's in a hospital bed."

"Which is wrong but this why I can't focus on nobody but my career, son and myself."

"I'm leaving for a whole school year." I shrugged. "He fucked up losing me and he gon realize that."

"As he should." She shook her head as Kreed ran to me making me pick him up. "Are you sad?"

"I'm more mad than anything. He reminds me everyday how many days we got left to be together, he fought so hard to be in my life for what? Like I hate niggas, they trash."

"Periodt." Spencer shook her head. "Niggas just be fucking bitches just to see if they could."

"But it's like he was pulling up on me, calling me all types of shit when I entertained JoJo but he was out here going raw in bitches. Spencer I fuck this nigga without condoms, he nuts in me-"

"You can cry babes, it hurts."

"It does hurts, we were broken up but for you to even be doing what you doing then coming to call me all types of hoes and shit. Shit ridiculous."

"Niggas make you feel bad as fuck because they be guilty as fuck. Niggas really don't give a fuck about shit but their selves and they dirty ass friends."

"Shit is crazy."

"Love songs and drunk cry type of night?"

"Periodt." I chuckled sadly.

~

"You gon cryyy, you gon pay me in tears! You gon cryyyy, you owe for all these years. You gon cryyy, cause it's not about love, it's all about revenge!" We yelled along.

"Ice said who hurt y'all." Spencer said making me laugh.

"Life." I said laughing as I sipped my homemade sangria that Spencer made.

"He said I'm bout to come over so you could take ya revenge."

"I'm looking in the mirror at this woman, down and out she's internally dying and knew this was not what loves about."

"Rain on me! Lord, why don't you take this pain from me?!" We both yelled then busted out laughing.

"Benji said open the door."

"No, he need to be with his homeboy in the hospital."

"Silly of me devoted so much time, to find you unfaithful boy I nearly lost my mind! Wonder what she had over me to make you break my heart!" I yelled swaying back and forth.

"What she say NaNa?"

"Listen boy I'm a rowdy chick, sometimes I have to fight cause my mouth too slick. Baby why you doing me like I'm not worth shit? Make me wanna ride past ya house and sit, kick down yours doors and smack that bitch?! Just to show you Sanaa not having it!"

"Periodt!" Spencer laughed as I took the phone from her looking at the comments.

"Y'all keep asking me did I get cheated on and broke up with, bitch I been single since before I graduated high school." I laughed. "Can't no nigga cheat on me baby, that's for dummies. No offense Jaelyn."

JaeBx3 bitch stop putting my business out here

"I love you more." I chuckled. "Aw this girl said any senior advice?"

"Go to all your classes, don't procrastinate, pay your dues early, start work as soon as you get it." Spencer started listing shit. "If you skip a class, get the work or notes, take your SATS as soon as you can and study for them. Do college applications early and get grants and scholarships!"

"Don't get involve with no nigga! This your senior year bond with ya bitches because ya bitches gon be there before and after any nigga!"

"Periodt, it's gon suck having a nigga you don't even talk to in yo prom pictures."

"Shit take a friend or brother, fuck these niggas and if you gay fuck these bitches too."

ImagininEs y'all not gon open the door for my good brother Benji?

"Fuck your brothers, all of em." I chuckled.

"Except my baby daddy." Spencer laughed.

"Especially ya baby daddy cause he look like that nigga." I said as we laughed.

JaeBx3 it's twinnem🤣🤣

Icey_sbp open the door

Reem_sbp open the door

Q_sbp open the door

Benji_sbp open the door

Kee_sbp open the door

"I'll block every single one of y'all. Tell ya friend to get from in front of my house cause I know he the one outside."

"They so fucking annoying." Spencer laughed.

JaeBx3 This how you know niggas not shit💀💀😂😂 request me Sanaa so we can talk our shit

"Y'all niggas gon stand behind y'all ugly ass homeboy cause birds of a feather flock together and all y'all some fucking hawks!" Jaelyn laughed.

"Periodt sis." Spencer said. "Niggas gon my brother never felt this way about a girl to death."

"They don't even love they fat ass mothers." I added as Jaelyn started cracking the fuck up.

"Sis open the door and tell that nigga to kick rocks." Jaelyn laughed.

"I'm bout to go spray his ass with some raid, I said get gone bitch."

"Go pour some milk on that nigga and tell em to get a backbone." Spencer said making us laugh.

"Open the door and tell em you thought ya other nigga was here." Esme laughed.

Q_sbp don't entertain these birds fave

"Bitch I'm every type of bird!" Jaelyn laughed. "I be in this bitch like I got Tourette's. CawCaw, Quack, Who-"

"Bitch!" I fell out.

"I fucking hate Jaelyn!"

Benji_sbp You don't care what come out ya mouth

"And don't bitch!" Jaelyn said making me laugh.

"I'll see y'all bitches tomorrow because I'm tired of y'all." Esme walked away laughing.

"Word, I'm bout to take my ass to sleep." I yawned. "I entertained y'all enough live."

"Bye bye!" Spencer chuckled.

~

I put my last bag in the car walking away, my godmother was paying to get my luggage to the campus so when I get there all I had to was pack.

"Are you coming to Esme class with me?" I asked my mom.

"Yeah, I'll be there when I get off work."

"Okay." I nodded going in the house as she pulled off.

I didn't have anything else to do and I got sad just being in my room so I went to go see Face. As I was walking in I seen his ex girlfriend arguing with a nurse making me walk towards them.

"What's the problem?"

"She's not on the list and she's trying to go in."

"I'm his girlfriend, this is his sister. She knows me!"

"You're not his girlfriend remember? You got ya whole life ahead of you to be holding onto hope for some nigga? Yeah get the fuck out this building before I beat you the fuck up, on my brother."

"Sanaa, I was saying that out of hurt-"

"I do not care, you not allowed. Go finish being with that nigga from down Grant St cause you ain't wanted here."

"Should I call security?" The nurse asked.

"Yeah and make sure this bitch never allowed in the building again."

I should've hit her.

I walked into Face room seeing his beard was shaved, Esme most likely did it. I sat down next to the chair and held his hand, I sadly smiled.

"Saymon's having a baby and according to some girl you are too." I spoke. "We just gave them some blood so they can do the DNA test, the results come in 5 to 10 business days. I'm hoping it's yours so I can have a piece of you but then I'm hoping it's not because i want you to have kids with Esme."

I wanted a response so bad.

I searched for something to watch stopping at SVU, I leaned back in the chair getting comfortable as I still held his hand.

~

"Whew it's crowded in here." I spoke walking into Esme shop. "Damn a bitch can't even breathe in this bitch."

"It's too many people." Jala laughed.

"You know black make you more hotter." Jaelyn said making me laugh as Spencer looked at her.

"Y'all so ignorant." Spencer laughed.

"Hi, can y'all just clear this area? I need all my sisters and brothers in these chairs." Esme spoke. "Also did everybody turn their phone in?"

"We gotta turn in our phone?" Some girl asked.

"Yes, this is a safe zone and I know some of these people in here known and I don't need nobody personal business recorded. If you don't want to turn in your phone, leave. I'm not arguing with anybody."

A few people left but double people replaced them so it wasn't a lost. I seen my mother walk in as she waved at me then sat down.

"When asked the question who hurt you who do you think of first?" Esme asked. "Whether it was breakup, a traumatizing situation with a family, even a pet. Who is it?"

People started looking off as they thought about what she asked, I've been thinking about my answer since she asked so I already knew who hurt me.

"I have a few speakers I picked but if you do want to share your story, you can stand when no one else is talking."

I stood up first since I was her first speaker.

"My name Sanaa and if I start crying, I apologize in advance." I said making them laugh.

"Start when you want." Esme spoke.

"My brother Face is the first person who hurt me." I spoke clearing my throat. "I hate saying it but he failed me, he failed his family shit he failed his self. He hurt me because I wasn't a factor in his life when he went to stand on the corners, he didn't think about how my mother, sister and I would mourn over him if something happened to him, he didn't prepare us to live without him. Everyday I have to get up knowing I can't just call my brother because I miss him, I can't vent to him without hearing silence, I can't go visit him without hearing machines beeping, I can't do anything I used to do and it kills me every single day. He hurt me because his selfishness turned me into a person I don't recognize, his selfishness caused my mother to cry multiple nights, his selfishness left me in this world by myself."

"Take your time." Esme spoke as wiped my face as more tears just fell down.

"He know if you live by the gun, you die by the gun. He knew it's either jail or hell and he didn't care and that's how my brother hurt me. My brother hurt me by not giving a fuck about me. He didn't give a fuck about anyone in his life because he felt this same exact pain when we watched our father lose his life the exact same way. You are a product of your environment and Face grew up with our father teaching him about things like this so can I blame him? Hell yes because he could've been the change we needed. I love my brother and I'm hurting but this was also a lesson."

"I'm on my own after today, I won't have anyone with me and my brother was the one who prepared me for it. So yes, my brother hurt me more than anyone ever did but he also taught me to never put myself after anybody."

"I transitioned into a angrier person from this pain and he's the reason why."
___________________

I hope y'all know this the last chapter😂 this not edited btw.

I don't know how y'all could read my other books from when I first started, they so cringe worthy🤢 yuck!