Volume eleven

"The worst decision I ever made was losing my faith." I spoke. "Not feeling like God had my back anymore or he was throwing so many obstacles my way because I didn't call to him unless I needed something was the worst feeling ever. Now, I know he never left, he just needed me to find my own guidance."

"You seem so happy." Emae smiled making me smile. 

"I was in need of healing and that's what I got." I told her. "I'm in a different mindset right now."

"I could tell, I'm so proud of you."

"I'm proud of me."

We were in the car since she had just picked me up from church and now we were now heading to my shop, today was supposed to be the day my shop was done with construction. I was overall in a good mood, I was glowing, I never felt more like myself.

"You should come to church with me on Wednesday."

"You forgot that's the anniversary of our parents?" 

"Of course not, that's why I'm going."

"I'm going to their grave site, like we do every year."

"I'll meet you there then." I shrugged.

"What you doing about prom? Are you going or what?" 

"I don't know, Face was supposed to go with me but he has a girlfriend so he's been acting a little funny lately and Black don't like him."

"Go by yourself."

"If I decide to go."

"I'm going to buy you a car."

"Why?" 

"Because I'm proud of you and I love you." She looked over me. "You're everything I always imagined, you're my baby sister but in reality you my first child. I remember the first day I laid eyes on you, I knew I had to protect you from everything and that's what I been doing. You never went without in my presence and you never will."

"I love you more." I smiled looking at her, not knowing what else to say.

We got out the car as I saw Black and Keyz cars, I looked around the neighborhood then opened the shop door and immediately stopped with my mouth ajar.

"What's wrong?" Hendrix asked.

"It's not what you imagined?" Keyz asked.

"They did something wrong?" Black asked looking around.

"No." I said looking around as a tear fell from my eye. "It's perfect, it's everything I ever wanted."

"You so damn dramatic." Black looked at me making us laugh.

"And what the hell you crying for?" Keyz asked making me look back at Emae.

"Cause she so happy." She spoke making me hug her. "Nobody knows what she really had to go through to get here and she just so happy."

"I hate bitches." Keyz rolled his eyes making us laugh as Hendrix hit him.

"I wanna thank y'all." I wiped my face. "Without y'all four none of this would be possible, this really everything I ever wanted."

"Black you crying?!" Keyz annoying ass yelled making us look at him chuckling.

"Damn bitch boy." Hendrix chuckled.

"Fuck y'all." He laughed clearing his throat.

"But you ain't gotta thank us, you our little sister, a real ass one." Hendrix said.

"And we got a surprise for you." Keyz said as he grabbed my hand, he pulled a cover down as I gasped.

Before you went to the nail salon it now said "Dylan handz." as it was plenty of pictures of her and her work making me shed some more tears. I was crying because my sister can't share our success, this was honestly hurtful.

"I have everything ready for the opening tomorrow." Black reminded me.

"I thought it was next week." Emae thought.

"Black has to go do a few shows and he seeing his mom so I made it this week. Plus, you know what next week is."

"You right." She nodded. "But I could tell you now they proud of you." 

"And they proud of you too."

"This only the beginning for us." She smirked.

~

"Yeeeeeeaahhh! I'm gon take my horse to the old town road, I'm gon ridddeeee til I can't no more!" Jala yelled.

"Turn this shit off." Kee laughed. 

"Nah, this my shit. Keep this shit on." Benji chuckled as she put her arm around him as they started bobbing back and forth.

"Billy bout to snap." Jaelyn laughed as Kee started recording.

"Hat down, cross town, living like a rock star. Spent a lot of money on my brand new geetar! Baby's got a habit, diamond rings and Fendi sport bras! Ridin down rodeo in my Maserati sports car!" We all yelled making everybody look at us as more people started recording.

"What else Jala?" Benji yelled as she was the hypest one.

"Got no stress, I've been through all that! I'm like a Paul Masson girl so I kick on back, wish I could roll on back to that old town road! I wanna rideeeee til I can't no more!" 

"Oh yeah?" Benji asked.

"Y'all done got this bitch started." Jaelyn shook her head making me laugh, she really been hype as fuck since she walked in the door.

"As long as she don't fuck up anything, she could be as hype as she want." I spoke.

I walked away to go drink something, I grabbed a ginger ale and watched as everybody enjoyed their self. I saw Face eating some chips so I walked over there to speak since he didn't speak to me.

"You don't know anybody no more?" I spoke making him look back.

"I could never forget who you are." He smiled but I wasn't.

"I can't tell." I told him making him stop smiling."Ever since you got a girl-"

"Don't do that Es, you know I ain't never cut you off for no girl."

"So why you doing it now?"

"How? Es, you been MIA on everybody so how could-"

"You didn't even come congratulate me." I raised a eyebrow. "You walked straight passed me then when I was coming to give you a hug you pulled out your phone and walked away."

"Es." He spoke.

"Hey baby." Some girl smiled coming to kiss him as she pushed me a little.

"Wassup baby?" He kissed her back as they started talking.

"Wow." I stood there with my feelings a little hurt, he really acting different.

I shook my head walking away trying not to cry, he have never acted like that towards me, even our worse arguments. I wiped my face before the tear could come down, I noticed Black was watching me making me clear my throat trying to play it off.

"You caught." He chuckled holding me.

"That just hurt me so bad." I said not even trying to hold it in.

"I saw your face, I know it did." He shook his head holding me tighter.

"I'm bout to tell him about his self!" I spoke snatching away from him before he could protest. 

I walked over to him and his girlfriend as they both was still looking at each other. "You could leave if you gon act funny, it's no point of you being here." I spoke getting their attention.

"You kicking me out?" He furrowed his eyebrows.

"I could act just as funny as you." I told him. "I was literally telling you how I felt about you acting like this towards me and you just pushed my feelings aside, if you not here for me then you don't need to be here."

"You say I'm acting funny because of her but I'm not, I'm just chilling. I ain't never been nobody else but me and you know that cause you know me better than anybody besides my sister."

"Nah, I don't." I told him making his face dropped. "The Face I know- nah the Saheed I know would have never just dismissed me like that."

"Es, I'm sorry. Okay? You right, that was just some coward ass shit but I didn't even notice. I'm sorry, aight? Don't do that." He hugged me making me hug him back.

"Okay." I spoke backing up from him.

"This Elle, Elle this Esme." Face finally introduced.

"How you doing?" She spoke but it wasn't friendly like.

"I'm fine." I walked away not continuing on with the conversation because I could tell she didn't really wanna talk.

"Y'all good, now?" Black asked.

"Maybe." I shrugged.

"There was a time I thought that you did everything right, no lies, no wrong. Boy I must've been out of my mind!" I heard Jala yell making me look back.

"Why y'all always getting her drunk?" Black laughed.

"She be sneaking bottles." I laughed as she continued yelling.

"You showed your ass and I saw- I saw the real you, thank God that you blew it! I thank God I dodged a bullet, I'm so over you, so baby good looking out-"

"Who you talking bout?" Q asked.

"Boy, get the fuck out my face for I show you what I'm talking bout."

"Please leave her drunk ass alone." Benji chuckled. "My siss talking her shit."

"SO SAD, YOU'RE HURT! BOO HOO, OHHH DID YOU EXPECT ME TO CARE?! You don't deserve my tears, I guess that's why they ain't there!" 

"She really hurt, she not over Jay." Black joked making me die.

"Man females, y'all know this song hit different when you could feel this shit! Y'all know this shit hit muhfuckin different when you finally over that nigga! Y'all could feel this shit in y'all souls, y'all know it!" 

"Preach sis!" Jaelyn chuckled.

"What she say?" Sanaa egged her on.

"Nah y'all sing this one with me." Jala spoke. "Cause y'all feel this shit, sing it with me."

"We got you sis!" Spencer laughed as Jala stood on top of the chair.

"I know you want me back, it's time to face the fact that I'm the one who's got away. Lord knows it would take another place, another time, another world, another life. Thank God I found the good in goodbye-"

"I USED TO WANT YOU SO BAD!" Ice and Benji yelled making all of us start dying.

"Yeah brothers!" Jala yelled leaning on them. "Y'all feel this shit too!" 

"I'm BeyIcé." He said making me start laughing.

"Yo, y'all feeling this liquor a lil too much." Kee laughed. 

"I'm talking bout all this shit and preaching to y'all and I'm still getting cheated on." Jala laughed. "Don't listen to me ladies, I still swallow this nigga dick."

"Yoooo!" Benji yelled as we started dying.

"You really showing the fuck off." Q looked at her.

"Aight Jala, time to end your career." Jaelyn laughed pulling her down from the table.

"What time is it?" I asked Black since my phone was dead.

"2 in the morning."

"For real? Damn." I shook my head, I didn't even know. "I'm ready to go."

"So end ya party." He spoke.

I walked over the the DJ telling him to stop the music as he gave me the mic making everybody look at me, I looked around smiling as a few started laughing with me.

"It's about time we wrap this up." I smiled. "I know y'all having fun but tomorrow is my first official day as a hair stylist for real and I need to be prepared. I want to thank all y'all for coming out, I love y'all seriously."

"We love you too." A bunch of people said making me smile.

"Take a bunch of cards to give your friends!" Jala yelled. "My good sis needs all her coins."

"Periodt!" Spencer chuckled.

People started walking out as I said bye to each of them, my sisters and brothers stayed behind to help me clean everything. When we were done, I hugged all of them making sure I locked everything up. I got in Black car feeling so happy. I was over the moon.

~

"I miss my man." Jala spoke making me roll my eyes.

"I'm really getting tired of you, one day you want him the next you don't. You not bout to keep stringing along my fave."

"STRINGING ALONGG?!" She yelled making me laugh. "I'm doing the stringing along when the nigga was texting a bitch in my face as if we wasn't in a relationship? Stringing along??? Q??!"

"Alright Jala." I laughed, she was so extra. "I'm finish."

"Thank you Esme, I'm so proud of you." This lady said handing me the money for her hair along with a tip.

"Thank you." I smiled as I sat in my chair.

"Nah, I makes jokes and do all this but I'm really hurt." She spoke. "I been cheated on before and that shit caused me pain I didn't know it could but then Q swished in like my knight in shining armor, some shit you only see in movies. I thought I would be okay because I allowed myself to trust him but that's my problem."

"What?" I asked.

"I relied on a boy to be my happiness." She spoke as I nodded agreeing. "Again."

"I understand that. I used to have sex just to fill a void but now I know I never needed a man to fill that void, I needed that love and guidance from myself." 

"But Black?"

"What about him?" I asked.

"He don't make you happy?"

"The happiness I've ever been. Black has helped me with the journey of finding my happiness, I mean he's literally the reason I'm standing in my own shop." I smiled looking around. "I used to think I never needed love and it didn't exist but it always did, I was just looking for it in the wrong places. He's everything right."

"That's how I feel about Q." She shook her head.

"Then tell him all of this. There's things you don't know about Q and he doesn't know about you but because I know I can tell y'all are perfect for each other. I'm not telling you to take him back but y'all need communication and y'all need to understand each other."

"You right, I'm going to call him. I'll be in ya office."

"Okay." I chuckled watching as Black walked in. "Hi baby."

"Wassup beautiful?" He smiled kissing my forehead hugging me. "I don't wanna leave you man."

"I'll be here." I chuckled. "But just like I gotta make my money, you damn sure have to make yours."

"Especially with all this money I invested, I need to make that shit back."

"You invested in something good." I shrugged.

"I know, that investment never going to let me down and make me proud."

"Yes indeed." I smiled.

"I feel bad as fuck for leaving you knowing what a few days is."

"As I said you gotta make money, I'm not upset." I told him. "Plus, I don't really wanna be around anyone anyway."

"I understand, that's how I feel about every one of his birthdays or his death anni."

"What time are you leaving?" 

"Now, I just had to come see you before we got on the road."

"Who's driving?" 

"Hendrix and Max rotating."

"Okay, good." I nodded feeling a little sad. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you more, I wish I could fold you up and take you in my suitcase but you gotta do ya thing here."

"Right." I pouted shaking my head. "Just give me a long hug and kiss so you can go."

He did as I said and even though I didn't want him to go, I knew I had to let him leave because if I didn't he wouldn't be able to make his money. After he hugged me he told me he loved me then left out, I sighed sitting back down in my seat drinking ginger ale watching Hero play with his cousin.

"Q bout to come get me." Jala smiled.

"When you talk to him, really talk. Don't have sex and do none of that, y'all need to understand each other. When y'all done talking by all means do y'all but make sure this talk helps both of you."

"Thank you Es." She smiled hugging me.

"Everybody just keep leaving me." I said as she gathered her stuff. "Aye Jala?" 

"Wassup?" She asked putting on her jacket.

"When you talk to Dyl, tell her the next time she call tell her I'll answer."

She furrowed her eyebrows then nodded as her phone dinged. "Q outside but I got you, I love you baby."

"I love you too sissy girl." I hugged her.

~

Today was the day my parents had their last conversation, the last time they blinked their eyes, the last time I physically seen them. It's been a sad day but it's been a better day than the years before because I prayed to God that he'll heal the pain in me and he finally has.

I went to a service this morning then met Emae at their grave, we stayed for almost three hours sharing memories, laughing and catching them up on everything with us. I knew they were proud of us cause I was proud.

Right now, I was eating onion rings while watching old episodes of Law and Order: SVU. Black was doing a show right now but he called me right before he went in so I was waiting for him to tell me how it went.

I wasn't bored but I didn't feel like staying in the house anymore. I looked around gathering a list of stuff I needed and decided I was going to Walmart. Black had left his truck and although I didn't like driving it, I have been for the last few days.

"Hero, come on." I spoke grabbing his stroller as he walked beside me. 

I locked my door then went onto the elevator, Hero was trained so good so he knew not to run off or anything. I picked him up putting him in the drivers seat as we took the 10 minute drive to Walmart, when we got out I put him in his stroller then walked in. 

I only had a few things to grab so I didn't see no point of grabbing a cart.

30 minutes later I struggled carrying everything in my hand making me shake my head, I had a list and I still came and got everything but. Walmart really is going to be the death of me.

"You dropped this." A boy spoke out making me turn around. "Es?" 

"Wassup?" I answered. "I know you?"

"You forgot about me?" He chuckled licking his lips.

"Obviously you weren't worth remembering."

"You used to feel different."

"I used to lie."

"Stop playing with me." He chuckled making me laugh.

"Wassup Mir?" I hugged him.

"I been aight, you been behaving yourself?" 

"I should be asking you that." I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Ever since I been out, I been good."

"Who this?" Some girl asked walking up.

"This used to be my best friend before I moved, we grew up together."

"Oh this the one you used to talk about?" She asked making him nod. "You so pretty."

"Thanks, you too."

"Thank you but I'm ready to go and my baby want burger king." She rubbed her stomach making me look down not even seeing the bump.

"Alright, Es gimme ya number so we could catch up." 

"Okay." I gave it to him then hugged him saying bye to both.

You always running into somebody in Walmart.

I started looking around as a little girl bumped into me, she looked up and smiled.

"This yo dog?" She asked.

"Yeah, his name Hero."

"My uncle had a dog but his crazy baby mother let it out."

"For real? What happened after that?"

"My uncle beat her up, he in jail right now."

"Damn, when he get out?"

"Probably never." She shrugged making me laugh.

"You a trip, where ya parents? Who you here with?"

"My mommy and daddy over there, I ran off cause they was talking too low and I was trying to be nosy."

"I like you." I laughed.

"My daddy don't live with us no more."

"Jayla, what I tell yo ass about running off?" I heard a female yell making me turn around as I seen her and a man.

"Black?" I called out making him look up from his phone just as mine dinged. My heart was beating so hard I could hear it in my ears as I started getting hotter.
_________________

DUH DUH DUH.

Arguing with people on theshaderoom, mad people reported me so they disabled my account😑 it been disabled for like two months now. I just made a new one & I need followers, what's yall name? DO NOT DROP YA NAME IF Y'ALL NOT FOLLOWING BACK.