M I L L E R

I invited Axel to a date. But honestly, I have no idea how a date should go with two guys. Axel is the first man I ever dated, and he is also the first person I truly like. Kahit saan na anggulo man ako tumingin, napaka-crucial pa rin ng sitwasyon na ito.

Call me overreacting, but I want this day to be special. We both decided to take a day off from our daily responsibilities kaya dapat lang sulitin namin ito ng lubos.

Buong magdamag akong gising at nasa internet para maghanap ng pwede naming pasyalan. It doesn't have to be super extravagant. I realized that bringing a centuries old vampire in a fancy restaurant will be useless and would rather appear lame. Sa haba-haba pa naman ng buhay ni Axel, I'm sure marami na siyang nakitang mamahalin na restaurant. At hindi na rin ata uso sa kanya ang mga museums. Especially, kung ang mga gamit doon ay mas bata pa sa kanya.

So, for today's special day I have decided to bring him in a very refreshing place. Dahil nga puro kemikal na lang ang nakakaharap niya sa laboratoryo araw-araw. It would be a great change for him if he walks with nature once in a while.

Gamit namin ang sasakyan niya. Pero dahil ako ang nagyaya at ako rin ang may alam ng lugar, ako na ang nagmaneho ng sasakyan.

"What's this place?" he asked.

"It's a park... and a garden," I replied with a little reluctance because he might get taken aback. I still doubt that he would like it here with other people around.

Palihim akong lumingon sa kanya. Baka kasi hindi niya magustuhan ang ganito ka-romantic na lugar. Axel isn't the type to show too much affection. The reason why is that he's also too awkward to be honest with me.

Pero nawala ang kaba ko nang sumalubong sa akin ang masaya niyang mga mata. Ang palihim kong lingon ay nawalan ng silbi dahil nahuli niya lang din ako. Hindi ko kasi agad na naalis ang mga tingin ko. I was magnetized. Ang ganda lang titigan ng masaya niyang mga mata. They look like a pair of sparkling diamond, and the subtle curve of his pinkish lips is too smooth that it made me want to kiss him.

"It's a beautiful place," sambit niya.

"A-Ah, r-r-really?" tugon ko kahit na nauutal na. Hindi pa kasi ako naka-recover sa nakakasilaw niyang ganda. "G-Great— ahem! I mean, I am really grateful that you like the place."

Ngumiti lang siya ulit. Kumurba na tila nakahigang kalahating buwan ang kanyang mga mata.

Hinawakan ni Axel ang kamay ko at hinatak ako. "Let's go. Let's explore the place," aya niya.

Kahit ako ang nakakita sa lugar, unang beses ko rin na mamasyal dito. I just randomly searched about gardens on the internet. At may nakita ako sa malapit. The place has been popular for a while now. Saka sabi sa review ay perfect ito para sa mga may gusto ng privacy dahil may isang restaurant dito na may private room.

Sa entrance pa lang ay may mga vine leaves na. The signage was written on an old wood. Nagkaroon tuloy ng consistency ang lugar sa enchanted garden theme nila. May mga kulay berdeng palumpong ng dahon sa buong paligid na imbes mga simento o kahoy na bakod, ay ito ang humahati sa tila mga bahagi ng park.

May bahagi na may maganda at matayog na water fountain. Nagmistulan din na karpet ang berdeng bermuda grass sa lupa. Of course, there's also flowers of different species and colors. Everything looks like a piece of paradise, especially when the water fountain's little rains begin to create a rainbow. The other segments have benches, best for couples who want to sit and talk quietly as they enjoy the scenery. There's this mini bridge with a koi pond underneath. Napapalamutian din ito ng mga lotus flowers.

There are also other segments. Malawak ang lugar at hindi na namin napasyalan pa ang lahat dahil oras na pala para sa reservation namin sa tinutukoy kong restaurant.

"Magpatuloy tayo mamaya pagkatapos nating kumain," suhestiyon ko na agad naman tinanguan ni Axel.

Another reason why I choose the place is for their food. They have Chinese cuisine here. Napansin ko kasi na halos Western ang lahat ng pagkain na inihahanda sa Red Mansion. It's not like I can complain or request anything. Bago dumating ang grupo ni Kim, ako nga lang ang kumakain ng pagkain ng tao sa mansyon na iyon. I never asked for a certain dish. At ngayon na may ibang mortal na sa mansyon, mas lalong hindi ako makakapag-request ng pagkain because they seem to like the Western cuisine.

I just want Axel to taste a different kind of dish. Something oriental.

"Woah. I like the ambience here. So peaceful," he chimed in as we entered the restaurant.

It's a full one-sided mirror place kaya kita ang mga bulaklak sa labas habang tago naman ang mga tao sa loob. Itim nga ang kulay nito sa labas nung papasok pa lang kami.

We were brought to another garden area.

Yup. It's like a garden inside a garden. Pero iba naman ang mga klase ng bulaklak dito. They have plenty of flowers that can be found in China. Peonies, magnolias, irises, name it! More or less five different kinds of flowers are in this mini Chinese garden. Although nakikita rin naman ito sa bansa, iba pa rin ang ambience kapag pinagsama-sama na sila.

May mga apat na pagoda sa loob ng garden, and the staff brought as in one of them.

As soon as we took our seat, I immediately instructed the staff to bring our food.

"Pwede na bang iserve ang lotus root and pork rib soup?"

Ngumiti naman ang staff sa akin. "Of course, sir," tumango siya bago yumuko at iniwan kaming dalawa ni Axel sa pagoda.

"The place is very refreshing, Miller. I'm impressed you were able to find this," Axel complimented me as he smiled.

Lumuwag naman ng bahagya ang pakiramdam ko nang marinig ito. I am glad that he finds the place freshening. Pero sa kabila ng mga salitang ito ay nakayuko pa rin si Axel.

Here it is again. Whenever we are alone together and the air around us starts to warm, he also begins to feel awkward and shy.

Maayos naman kaming dalawa nung nasa labas kami. Maraming mga tao sa paligid. May iba pa nga na hindi maiwasan na magtaka at tingnan kami. Ano nga ba kasi ang ginagawa ng dalawang lalaki sa ganitong klaseng lugar?

Yet, I couldn't care less about them. Ang importante kasi ay magkasama kami ni Axel.

"Axel," I uttered quietly. Napapansin ko na naman kasi na from a little bit of reserved air there goes the awkward air coming again. Kaya bago pa man na mangyari ito ay kailan ko na siyang matanong.

"Mhm." He quietly responded as he nodded his head to acknowledge.

"How are you?"

Natigilan si Axel. I know. The question is too sudden. But I really felt that I should ask him.

"I'm doing good. You know that, aren't you?"

I simply smiled. "Axel. May problema ba?" tanong ko ulit.

Hindi mapakali na tumingin sa baba si Axel. Pero agad din naman siyang tumingin ulit sa akin.

See? He's acting too restless.

"I-Is there any problem with me?"

"No. No, no. There's no problem with you. May napapansin lang kasi ako lately. I just want to see if you have a problem. Pero kung wala naman, ayos lang. Pero gusto ko lang malaman kung ano ang nararamdaman mo. So... k-kumusta ka?"

"Didn't I say I am fine?"

Axel doesn't seem to know whether to laugh or cry.

"But why are you acting that way?"

"Acting, what way?"

Nagbuntong-hininga ako. Mukhang pati siya ay hindi rin napapansin ang mga pagbabago niya. He's too clueless of the effect of his own actions.

As soon as I realized it, I decided to tell him frankly what's on my mind.

But before that even happened the waiter came into our pagoda. He's pushing a tray that contains our bowls of lotus root and pork rib soups.

Wala sa aming dalawa ni Axel ang nagsalita pagdating ng waiter. Habang tahimik din naman nito na inilapag ang mga pagkain namin. Para bang may nararamdaman siyang tensyon, so he just proceeded to do his job then left us with the warm bowls on our table.

Hihigop na sana si Axel, pero ibinaba niya rin agad ang kanyang kutsara nang marinig akong magsalita.

"You have been awkward around me these past few days."

"What? H-How?"

Kahit na napagdesisyunan ko na maging prangka kay Axel, mahirap pa rin naman itong gawin agad. So, I took a subtle deep breath before I started.

"Madalas kang nagdadalawang-isip na hawakan ako, you're more focused on telling me what's happening in your day than telling me your thoughts and feelings of the day. Hindi ka rin makatingin ng diretso sa mga mata ko. Even just now, you were staring at the table, you were reluctant to keep an eye contact to me. You're unsettle and restless beside me, and Axel... that hurts."

"I-I didn't know." Umiling-iling si Axel bago yumuko.

"I also realized that." I reached for his hand on the side of the table and held it tightly, I saw him raise his head again to stare at my eyes. "Axel, alam kong mahirap para sa iyo na ipahayag ang iyong nararamdaman. Siguro natatakot ka, o baka hindi mo lang talaga alam kung paano. Pero s—" I made a halt when I felt him tugged his hand from my grip.

Yumuko siya ulit. "Miller!" he called me with a loud voice. Loud enough to be almost like a scream. I'm sure he's trying to muster his courage now so I listened. "I really appreciate you... I really do."

Oh no. Kinakabahan na ako.

Don't tell me, he's breaking up with me?

"Axel. If I am not—"

"No. You're actually too much. You're too much for me. I really appreciate you helping me out during my estrus. It was then that I felt someone was actually sincere to me. My past partners only used estrus as an excuse to have s*x with me without restraints. And I know I am promiscuous too, but I noticed and felt that you were trying to be gentle despite getting 90% of your reasons drawn in my pheromones."

"Axel..."

"I really, really, feel your love and kindness to me. It's too much. And I am not asking you to stop it or even break up with you. Because I wouldn't want that either. I am just too shy... You're right I am too shy to be affectionate. Being emotionally, and truly being involved with someone with all my heart and mind is so new that it's giving me a hard time to adjust. It's making me weak... and I'm somehow scared of getting used to someone else's warmth."

"So, do you want me to..."

"I want you to wait and be patient. But I am already aware that you'll do that. I know you could wait for me to get used to all these new feelings and experiences. And if I somehow hurt you for my unintended shunning and uh, looking away. I am telling you to forgive me in advance. I'm sorry."

Axel's honest words made my heart squeeze and my stomach tickle. Para akong bumalik sa pagiging teenager sa biglaang kilig na nararamdaman ko.

Binitawan ko ang kamay ni Axel. I stood up and grabbed him.

Kahapon ko pa siya gustong halikan, at hindi ko na ito matiis pa ngayon.

I finally held his waist in my arm as I touched his cheeks.

"Miller, we're still outside." Hindi mapakali ang mga mata ni Axel, at luminga-linga ito.

But then I did not dare to look at another except his blushing face. I slid my hand behind his head and pulled it closer.

At 'yun na nga. Sa wakas! Natikman ko na ulit ang malalambot na labi ni Axel Wesley.

"Hmn... M-Miller." He managed to utter some words, at nang marinig ko ito ay tumigil na rin ako.

Kahit papaano ay alam ko pa rin naman ang salitang PDA. I know I shouldn't be too insensitive and display too much affection na pwede naman naming gawin sa kwarto namin.

"Thank you..." biglaan niyang sabi habang nakayuko na naman sa tapat ko.

"Yup. Thank you too, Axel."

I am fully aware that it is easier for Axel to display carnal desire of lust than true feelings of love that he seldom receives during his long life. I understand that. That's why I am willing to wait for him to get used to it. And I am ready to show him my sincerity until my affection to him will be nothing but a usual yet special connection between us.

Woah. Ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng ganito. Ngayon lang ako naging matyaga sa isang tao.

Oh! The irony is, Axel is not even a human.