"Your what now?" I just stare - my mouth halfway down my neck.

Before anyone can answer, Maylee jumps in and glares at them all. Instantly - and I can't believe it - they all - all eight of them - turn pale and sheepish.

"Get out all of you! Heavens, you should be ashamed of yourselves!" Her voice takes on a slight accent suddenly in her rant.

The group of weirdos all hang their heads and single filed out of my personal space.

Maylee then turns narrowed eyes at her husband who chuckles nervously.

"They were just curious May - "

"Out!"

He's gone before I can blink.

Dang - for such a small lady she's - she's got fire.

I suddenly decide I like her.

"I'm so sorry Zaria - they - my boys are a bit dense when they get excited. They meant no harm." Maylee apologizes beautifully, her slight accent disappearing.

"It's um - ok?" I wasn't sure - nobody told me this would be a house full of boys!

"Please get dressed and come down to breakfast so we can introduce them to you properly." She smiles apologetically at me and slips out the door closing it firmly behind her.

I let out a breath and quickly slip out of the soft sleeveless nightshirt and blush when I see it's pretty thin - I really hope nobody saw anything.

I lick my lips and set to work - maybe I should try to look less like a corpse - at least today.

Breakfast was incredible looking. I have never seen so many placements and food - the food - varieties of bread, jams, oatmeal toppings, even pies! May had coffee or coco and - and I forgot to be awkward when I stepped into that glorious dinning room.

I've never seen so much of anything in my fifteen years of life.

"Glad to see you're all right." Mr. Skilton smiles kindly at me, his blue eyes crinkle in that warm way he has.

I nod, biting my cheek to keep from drooling - someone coughs. I regrettably tear my eyes away from the alluring spread and find seven young males - all different ages and styles - looking at their father.

"You gonna introduce us or what Dad?" The tallest one speaks up, he was a spitting image of his father except he had his mothers hair color and nose -

Mr. Skilton smile grows. "Yes. Alright. I would have mentioned that I owned so many boys but - I was a bit afraid the idea would scare you away and well - " The older male looks at me worriedly.

I snort, startling everyone, their eyes stick to me. "I've dealt with worse." I say humorlessly. I'm not feeling too excited about this but - whatever. It was either this or back to that foster prison - I shudder.

"Well then - introductions!" Mr. Skilton sound slightly relieved as he stands, his wife throwing him a weary look but smiles.

"Order please!" He commands the group.

I blink in surprise as they obey instantly and fall into perfect order, I'm guessing from oldest to youngest - it was weird - they all looked like their parents or each other and sorta of graduated in features all the way to the smallest.

I just wait.

"First one - That's West, he's my eldest and almost twenty." Mr. Skilton smiles proudly and gives the oldest boy's broad shoulder a squeeze, I notices the slight color spread across the boy's nose.

Mr. Skilton moves on to the second, he looks more like his mom although his fathers features are definitely still there - his hair is a shade darker than West's -

"This troublemaker is Kendall - he's eighteen."

Kendall winks at me.

"Over here is Willem, stubborn and sixteen." Willem shrugs and seems nonchalant about this. Out of the other two his hair's a dark gold that shines brown, he has a weird mix of dark and light eye color.

"These two - " I do a double take when Mr. Skilton moves between the next two. "Are Kane and Wayne. They're fourteen and twins." They both have brown blond hair shades darker than the first brother and blue eyes and they are a boy version of their mother, near exact replicas of each other.

Except Kane had darker eyes and he seems sort of moody. He doesn't look at me as his twin smiles sheepishly.

"Koby is twelve and very independent." Mr. Skilton pats his fifth sons pale brown head and moves on to the youngest member.

Koby gives me a small wave.

"And finally - Wiley, the youngest."

The kid was practically dark haired and had the darkest and largest eyes. He grins at me and I see his missing front tooth.

"Nice to meet you." They all say at the same time and I spaz at how in sync thy were - it was kinda creepy actually.

I blink at all of them - "Um - I'm Zaria?" I sound like I don't know - how am I supposed to remember all of their names - and um -  "Ok - so West?" They nod - "Um, Kendall, Willem - Kane and Wayne - Koby and Wiley?"

Please be correct.

They all nod.

Oh, thank god for missed embarrassments.

"Now that that's' out of the way. Time to eat. The eggs are getting cold." Maylee suddenly pipes up and everyone settles in what seems to be respective seats.

I swallow and join them somewhat rigidly. I was so not sure about living with - so many boys and - I never even had a sibling before how was I supposed to deal with - foster ones? I think . . . I don't know.

Mr. Skilton says grace and they all dig in.

I gape when they all suddenly take and pass and turn and spread and the chatter starts up and I think I might be going deaf - and my eyes try to follow who's sitting where and - I feel so out of place.

"Pass the butter!" Kane calls.

Koby grabs it and literally tosses it at him.

Maylee scolds them. Their father hides a smile. I gape as Wayne forces his eggs on little Wiley next to him who digs in with a grin. West is doing something weird with his eggs and jam - Kendall suddenly pops up next to me freaking me out and reaches for the nearest pie tin.

"Apple! My favorite, love ya mom." He spews between mouthfuls, his mother frowns.

"Chew your food you dunce." Willem says between his own full mouth.

Kendall sticks out his tongue and shoves more pie in his mouth on purpose.

Koby lets out a shriek when someone snatches his tea cake. Kane looks around innocently even though it's  obviously in his mouth - I watch as Wayne sneaks the rest off of Koby's dish while he's distracted with Kane and - their parents don't seem to mind their shenanigans at all.

My brain whirls - they were - crazy!

I don't even know what to do with this.

"I - need to be excused!" I suddenly blurt out stopping everyone mid whatever they were doing.

Maylee looks at me in concern but I can't take it. They all watch me practically run out, their eyes burn my back as I try to hold my idiot self together.

I lock myself in the bathroom in my room and try to calm down.

It wasn't them - they all seemed nuts but nice enough - it was - it was me - I don't know what to do - I'm a freakin'  jerk that's used to being a smartass and angry and - and these nice people took in a freak like me into their lovely home and - they acted like - it was all ok and normal and -

It wasn't.

I wasn't.

I stare at myself - my dad stares back - I shudder and look away.

He's gone Zaria - and - and he's never coming back - then I vaguely remember the phone call about Mom - I never even put flowers on her grave - where did they put the kid anyway? I swallow - not time to think about that - besides - I didn't - Mom's death hadn't hurt like dad's - I know I should feel something when I thought of mom being gone - but the truth was - she'd slipped out of my life a long time ago.

Dad was - he was my staple in life.

A soft knock startles me back to reality. I try to fix my face and open the bathroom door.

Maylee's gentle face looks at me in worry. "I'm sorry sweet red - if the boys are too much - I told Morton to tell you about them and ask and - oh I'm sorry - "

"No." I breath, taking in a breath. "No, it's not them - it's me - I - I'm just not - ok. They're fine. Please just ignore me.." I sound weak. Pathetic.

The foster kids would be laughing at me right now.

Heck, I would be laughing at me right now.

'The weak don't survive long.'

Crooked Nose was right. They don't.

"Alright then." Maylee still looks at me apprehensively. "Do you want to eat in here then?"

I'm not so hungry anymore. "Nah - it's ok - I'll - um - just try to take a nap or something." I try to smile, I know I'm being a brat but - I don't really want nice people around right now.

Mean jerks I could handle - them I can hit back and insult - but nice caring people like Maylee and Morton?

I don't deserve to be here.

I suddenly wish I'd been with my dad when he was killed - maybe I could have gone with him. . .

Maylee sighs and gives me a sad smile, as if to say she understands. She can't possibly - but it's a nice attempt.

I stay in my white walled room for the rest of the day.

https://youtu.be/f87vWCApl6E

I don't leave my room for days - I don't know how many - I hear shuffling outside my door. Maylee comes in to drop off my meals but - I don't really see her.

I stare out the window, watch the sun rise and set, shine and dull. Watch the clouds - sometimes there aren't any clouds. I keep thinking - remembering - wishing. But then I do this weird thing and make my brain go blank. I know I shouldn't stay locked up like this - I should go out there - I thought I could go on and pretend like this is all ok and normal - I thought it could be.

But then I get this heavy, tired feeling that just takes over my limbs and I just don't want - I don't want to do anything.

I'm alone.

The people that brought me here shouldn't be treating me this nice.

They should tell me to get my ass up and stop being a spoiled baby - stop thinking of a past life - it's been nearly a month and a half since dad was killed - I count the days, the ones ahead are long and - more than once I find myself thinking - I don't want to live through them.

Finally, one day - I haven't slept in three - something keeps waking me up - I can never remember what.

Anyway - I'm scrolling through my phone - I don't know why I do it - but Dads number comes up automatically.

I press it.

It rings.

I know he won't answer - I know he can't - nobody will -I don't know why I clicked it - it rings - and ring and rings- my heart speeds up a little after each ring.

What do I want? Why am I waiting? I don't know - I don't move.

I chew on my tongue - my heart hurts me - it rings and rings and rings -

It answers.

I stop breathing.

"Hello?" A Spanish accent filters through. "Who's thi-"

The phone explodes against the wall - an inhuman sound echoes in the room - I realize it's me - I threw the phone - I scream.

I break.

I fall and cry - I fall and cry all over again.

They must have heard my wails and cursing and howls because Maylee is there suddenly - yelling something.

"She's having a break down!" Someone shouts - "Call the hospital."

I don't understand - I don't need a hospital, I'm not hurt I'm just dying on  the inside - nobody can fix that.

I cry harder.

Feet shuffle and rush around me, strong hands lift me up and I think I must have passed out or something because the next moment I open my eyes I'm in a soft yellow room with pastel colored sheets draped over me.

A tall lady - to me - in heels - why? Wasn't she tall enough? And dark skin looks up and flashes me a brilliant smile.

"Welcome to the land of the living." She says gently and adjusts my groggy head.

"Where-"

"Tucson General." She explains. "Apparently you had an emotional break down and they brought you in unconscious - you did a pretty nasty job on your hand there."

I don't feel the pain until she points it out. I blink down and stare at my hand wrapped tightly in white gauze. "What'd I do?"

"Punch anything you could reach." Maylee suddenly walks in, Mr. Skilton close behind and - the oldest son I think.

"Gave us a heart attack - " May was saying as I stare at them in confusion. "We were terrified you would hurt yourself."

"You did kill the wall though." Her son pipes up from behind.

She throws him a glare.

I feel like an idiot. "Sorry - so sorry - " I don't have any other words.

Mr. Skilton smiles his warm crinkle eyed smile a me. "Nothing to be sorry about - we're just thankful you're relatively unharmed."

The nurse lady's smile thins suddenly. "You're her legal caretaker now correct?" She says To the married couple.

They nod.

"I'd like to have a word with you in private if that's all right." They follow her out and it's just me and the oldest Skilton Son.

"Hi." I say after an awkward beat. Just because his parents were understanding doesn't mean he was.

He shifts. "Yah - Hi. Jeez ya freaked us out Kid - " I bristle at that. "When Mom and Dad found you, you were screaming like someone had shot you - Little Wiley's gonna have nightmares for a week."

I feel even more like an idiot - "I'm sorry - " I seriously don't' know what else to say.

He rubs his hair up - the golden waves stick oddly when he does. "Nah - just- you're a weird kid."

"Excuse me?" I was too tired to figure out if that was an insult or not.

"You heard me." He says flatly, blue eyes sticking to my dark ones. "You are a weird broken up kid - Maybe you shouldn't be alone."

I don't know what to say to that. Seems I don't know what to say about a lot of things - which is not like me at all - the old me anyway. Before, I had enough sass for any subject. Now - I feel like I'm disappearing.

"Whatever." I mutter and pull my covered legs under my chin. "Whatever."
I squeeze my eyes shut and will the world to melt away, I refuse to cry - not in front of an older guy I didn't even know.

"Hey."

I tense up - his tone suddenly drops and it sounds warm and comforting - like his dad. I resist a sniff and glance up a bit. His eyes have a sort of unsure sad look in them.

"If you'll just let us - we could be friends, we could help." He says calmly, his hand shoving his hair again.

I bit my lip. "All of you actually want to know a crazy psycho?"

His lips twitch in amusement. "Maybe - according to Ken - you seem 'fun'."

The way he says 'fun' makes my snort loudly. I almost forget I'm in a hospital bed and West seems to be proud of himself for that.

Until the nurse comes in and brings two not so happy looking parents with her.

"Think about what I said." The lady was saying to them then she turns to me. "Ready to get out of here?"

I nod - unsure if I liked the conversation they may have had.

On the way home it was quiet and I sort of felt like the air was thick with something. Something The Skilton's wanted to say to me but didn't know how.

My brain kick starts suddenly as I realize what it must be. They have to send me back don't they? No, no - please don't. I silently beg. I know I don't deserve being here with the lovely people but - please - don't send me back - I don't know what I'll do to my self or what others will do to me.

Please. Please Please -

"Zaria - "

No,nononononononono!

I don't want to hear it. I slouch down in the trucks small back seat and try to hide - please don't send me back. My throat shakes from the effort it takes to keep from crying.

"The nurse thinks - we should talk to you - " Mr. Skilton gives his wife an uncertain Look, she nods.

I hold my breath so his words hurt less. Or the impact of them will at least.

"About - about getting therapy."

I don't know if I want to laugh or burst into tears.

I'm crazy.