The LED sign board above the seats opposite to mine displays the time in glowing red numbers. 5.25 PM. The sparsely populated public train rocks gently, pushing Irina's shoulder against mine, every now and then, in a rhythm that's almost soothing. We're sitting in silence like we always do, a light silence that sings of her presence. This is just the way we enjoy each other's company.

Or at least the way I've always enjoyed hers.

She's watching a little girl in a frilly blue frock, who's occupying the seat in front of us, cradled in her sleeping mother's lap. The girl is fidgeting curiously with a silver ring on her mother's limp hand, but she quickly grows bored of it and shifts her attention to us, entering into a mini starting contest with Irina. The sight is so cute and so unusual that I need to resist the urge to pull my phone out and snap a picture.

The little girl abruptly starts to peel her mother's hands off of her and jumps to the ground. Irina turns to me, and we exchange a confused glance. Sometimes, it feels like it's little moments like these that I live for.

The child waddles over to us and stops before Irina, her small arms outstretched. "Um, Rubi? What is she doing?" Irina asks, perplexed.

I smile. "I think she wants you to pick her up."

Irina looks back at the girl, who's flexing her tiny fingers impatiently. She warily slips her hands under the girl's arms and lifts her into the air. The girl stares, her round eyes large and voluminous. A beat passes with them suspended in that position. "Can I put her down now? My arms are starting to ache a little-"

I giggle. "Put her on your lap, silly."

Irina raises an eyebrow at me.

I clear my throat. "Er...I mean, Irina."

She sighs, and lowers the girl onto her lap. I guide her hands to the child's back, to keep her from falling off. "Hello there! What's your name?" I ask sweetly, bending forward and gently poking the little girl's soft cheek.

"Sa-chee," she replies, fixing her round gaze on me.

"Sachi! Aren't you just the cutest? I'm Rubi," I say, pointing at my chest.

"Lu-bee," the girl repeats.

I laugh, and clap my hands. "Yes! And this Nee-chan is Irina. Try saying it?"

"Lina!" she exclaims, throwing her arms outward.

I shake my head. "Ee-Ree-naa."

"Eee-lina!"

"Yes!" I laugh, taking her small hands in mine and shaking them joyfully. "You did it! You did it!"

Sachi shrieks excitedly. "Ee-lina!"

"Cute," Irina mumbles, a soft look on her smiling face.

"Isn't she?" I ask, pinching Sachi's puffy cheeks as she swats at my hand.

"I was talking about you."

I straighten abruptly. "Oh." My cheeks flush, a second too late, and I rush to amend myself. "I mean...sorry, I was being a bit silly wasn't I?" I ask, laughing nervously.

"I didn't know you were good with kids Rubi." She tilts her head, batting her mesmerisingly long lashes at me. "I'm glad I got to see this side of you."

"You...you're unexpectedly awkward with kids," I say cheerily, trying to override my dangerously loud heartbeat.

"Mm." Irina looks at Sachi, who's now tugging playfully at her long braids, and her features twist with mild displeasure. "She's a bit sticky."

We play with Sachi for a little while longer, before her mother wakes up and takes off with her, having apologized for the inconvenience. Irina and I have a laugh about it afterward, and before I know it, the speakers are announcing my stop. Already? I think. Have the train rides home always been this short?

A song plays, and the doors open. I stand up. "I'll...see you tomorrow. Good night," I say with a forced smile, hoping I don't sound as dejected as I feel.

I get off and hear the doors closing behind me. The train departs with a hissing noise, and the wind suddenly picks up. I turn around, and through the strands of hair blowing over my face, I see her, standing before the blur of a moving train, red-faced and real.

No. This can't be real, this isn't her stop. She looks pretty damn good for a figment of my imagination though. My head was never one to be so detail oriented.

For a second, I relish the thought of an imaginary Irina that I could take with me, everywhere I went. We would never be apart then, in a way.

"I didn't want to say goodnight yet," she whispers, once the train completely disappears from sight and silence descends.

I suck in a breath. "You're real."

Her eyes widen a fraction, and she cups her hand over her mouth and quietly laughs into it, shoulders quivering.

"Hey!" I grumble, crossing my arms, thinking about how unfair it is that even her laugh is somehow like fresh snow.

She swipes at her eyes and looks at me like I'm something unbelievable. "Let me walk you home."

"Oh...no, you really don't have to," I say quickly.

"I want to."

I try to protest further but she's already walking towards the exit, and all I can do at this point is run to her side.

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We walk through my darkening neighborhood, side by side, watching as the lights in the houses on either side of us flicker to life, one after the other. The street is plenty wide, but Irina stays close, the back of her hand brushing against mine, gentle and tantalising. I've never held hands with Irina before. She never seemed like someone who was big on physical contact. It's only lately that she's started to...touch me, every so often.

I've thought about what our hands would look like, with my stubby fingers curled around her slender ones. I've thought about what it would feel like. I've thought about just closing my eyes and going for it, for her hand, but I know that entwined fingers can be undone. I know better than to allow myself to warm up to the feel of her hand, because sooner rather than later, I will have to let go.

To give her up to someone who's strings of fate are tangled with hers, because those are the knots that can never come undone.

I put my hand away, tucking it into my elbow, hoping that putting a little physical distance between us will serve as a reminder that she is unreachable to me. I shouldn't get ahead of myself.

"Are you going to tell me why you skipped class yesterday?" she asks, breaking the silence.

"I..." I hug myself tighter. "I didn't feel like attending."

"You didn't feel like attending," she repeats dubiously. I nod.

"Why?"

I shrug.

"There's something you're not telling me. You wouldn't tell me what happened at the ice cream parlor either. Rubi, why won't you tell me?" she asks, agitated. "You used to tell me everything."

"Irina." I smile, and almost reach for her hand again out of instinct. "It's nothing worth mentioning. Everybody has bad days, don't they?" She looks at me, unconvinced. "Thanks for worrying about me, but I'm really okay." I settle for a friendly pat on her shoulder.

Her nose crinkles. "Rubi-"

"This is me," I say quickly, stepping in front of my gate. She stops walking, and takes in the sight of my simple, two storey house like it's something to behold. "So this is where you live," she mumbles to herself.

"Yeah."

"It's nice," she says quietly. "Can I come in?"

I swallow, and don't respond. Nobody outside my family except for Kurumi-senpai has ever been in there. This house has always been a haven to me, in a world overflowing with red. If there's anything equally as powerful as the bonds of fate, it's blood-ties. It's family. In this house, I feel loved. I can love and be loved with my whole heart and there's no power in this universe that could take that away from me.

Irina has always been a walking reminder of everything I can't have. So close, yet so out of reach. If I open these doors to her, this place will no longer be my safe zone. The sight of this marvelous girl in my room will be burned into my mind, and it just won't be the same after she's left. It will always feel like something is missing. And that something will never come back.

"I can't?"

Even so, when have I ever been able to say no to her? To anyone?

"N-No, of course you can."

A hint of a smile transforms her face, and now I know I'm royally screwed. This whole ordeal is going to be very very bad for my heart.

I walk up the front steps and ring the doorbell, then turn to face her. "I should warn you, my mother can be a bit-"

"Welcome home darling~" a sing-song voice greets. The door swings open, and out comes my mother. Her unruly black hair is in a messy bun, and she's wearing a white apron over her pajamas, the one that has a picture of an unsettlingly life-like duck across the front. I find it sort of inappropriate to wear in a kitchen but when I voiced my concerns, she shot me down with an "It's cute!"

So much for first impressions.

"How was your day baby? Would you like a cup of tea? I've been experimenting with Chinese flavors, and they are delightful!" she starts, waving a spoon in the air.

"My day was good Mom, and no thank you, and wow, Chinese tea huh? Um, tell me more about that next time." I motion for Irina to come forward, and Mom releases a dramatic gasp. "You must be Irina!" she exclaims, rushing over and taking her hands. "Oh honey, you really are as beautiful as Rubi said you'd be."

Irina's eyebrows perk upwards at that, and I cough loudly, hoping my mom will take a hint. No such luck.

"This girl doesn't shut up about you!" she continues, taking Irina by the hand and leading her in. "Always Irina this and Irina that. Honestly, it feels like I've known you for ages sweetheart, I can't believe you've never come over before!"

Irina laughs that snowflake of a laugh, and I turn away, trying to conceal my blush. "It's nice to finally meet you ma'am."

"So tell me, how've you been? How's school?" Mom asks, prying Irina's bag from her and hanging it on the rack outside the living room. "Is there any special someone to speak of?" she goes on without waiting for a response, unpleasantly wiggling her eyebrows. "A boyfriend, or girlfriend perhaps?"

"Mom," I groan.

"Too soon?" she whispers, making an oopsie face. "Sweetie, I was asking for you-"

"Mom! We talked about this!"

Mom sighs. "Right. Boundaries."

"Yes! Please!"

"Would you girls like some tea?"

"I think we'll just go upstairs." I stop before the stairway and throw Irina a look that says, coming?

"I think I'd like to stay and speak with your mom some more," Irina says, amused. Mom claps her hands together, delighted. But before she can suggest a girls' night over tea, Irina takes a step towards me. "But, I would be an idiot to say no to your bedroom." Oh man. She smiles politely at my mom. "I'm sorry ma'am, I'd love to chat with you some more next time."

"That would be lovely dear, I could tell you all sorts of stories about what Rubi was like back in the day if you're interested," Mom offers gleefully, completely sidelining my glare.

There's a glint in Irina's eyes that makes me very nervous. "That sounds perfect."

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