I walk out of my room at exactly seven
in the morning, fully dressed for school, my bag slung over one shoulder, my fingers working the knot of my tie. I stop by the living room to let Nee-san know I'm leaving, only to find her hunched on the mats, speaking quietly into the house phone, her eyes grim.

My fingers clench around the strap of my bag as a grating suspicion sinks in. I know what this is about.

I walk across the mats and kneel before her, motioning towards the phone with a question on my face. She moves the phone away from her ears, placing one hand over the receiver to block our voices, and smiles weakly. "It's nothing you need to worry about. Are you leaving?" She ruffles my hair. "Have a nice day."

I fix her with a flat look. "Just tell me."

"I'll fill you in later. Trust me, I can take care of this on my own. You should get going—"

"Nee-san."

She sighs in resignation. "Papa's in a tight spot. He's not going to be able to send in any money this month," she confesses reluctantly. I almost bark out a laugh. It will always be beyond my realm of understanding, how this man manages to lift his head, lift the phone, dial this number, and then deliver news like this to the very children whose lives he's responsible for.

What does he expect us to do after? We can't pay rent anymore. He might as well be telling us to camp out on the streets. He's just so, so pathetic.

"But I'll figure something out. You don't have to concern yourself with any of this, Akito; just focus on studying."

"What are you going to do?" I whisper.

"I think I'm going to apply for a month's leave from college and work full time. It'll be just for a while, until we're in a better place. Financially." I don't understand how she can sound this calm. How she can be this accepting. That man doesn't deserve it. He's let us down over and over, so many times now that we might as well not have a father at all. We're on our own.

Nee-san shouldn't have to deal with this. She shouldn't have to give anything up. She should get to go to college.

"If I wrap things up in time, I can still come visit you guys at school—"

"Is he still on the line?" I ask sharply.

Nee-san goes still for a moment, then nods.

"Give me the phone."

"But Akito—"

"Give me the phone."

She wordlessly hands it over. I take a deep breath, press the phone to my ear, and speak. "You didn't land that promotion then." All I get in response is a long, unbearable silence. A shock of anger reverberates through me, and for a moment, I need to reign in an overwhelming impulse to hurl the phone against the wall or snap it in half. The anger burns. It hurts.

Then, in a voice so small it's barely there, he answers from the other side. "T-There's still a chance. Next month...I submitted an application...they might consider it—"

Calm. I suck in all the air around me until my lungs are full and cold, and there's no room left for the violent urges to occupy. Push them out. And when I exhale, the anger exits my body, taking with it all the energy I have left. "Please," I beg softly, hating how tired I sound. "Get yourself together already. Don't do this to her." Again, silence.

Nee-san grabs the phone out of my hands and turns away, eyes shadowed. "Go to school."

"I'm not done yet—"

She starts to stand up, and I follow suit. She places one hand on my chest and slowly pushes me backwards until I'm standing outside the room. "I'm the adult. This is my problem," she says, voice hard. She's never used this tone with me before, and it's enough to subdue me into silence.

"Let me take care of you."

"Nee-san, you don't understand," I protest. "He—"

She locks her jaw in place, her expression shrinking with anger and hurt. "The one who doesn't understand a thing, is you." And with that, she slams the door shut in my face.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

I go to school in a sour mood. Ren is already there, lounging in his chair in our corner of the classroom, arms crossed and feet spread out. "You're late," he utters by way of greeting.

"Good morning," I say half-heartedly, and collapse into my seat without really sparing him a glance. I rest my head on my desk, bury my face in my arms, and close my eyes. I can't bring myself to reach into my bag and open a book. Not yet.

Exchanges with my father usually leave me with a sense of relentless motivation. Every time I see for myself, just how weak and helpless he really is, I'm reminded of everything I never want to be. The sight sends a fire coursing through my veins, and I channel the excess energy into my work, upping my speed and sharpening my focus.

This time, though, I feel none of that. I'm hollowed out. Spent.

Nee-san is mad at me, and neither can I figure out why nor do I know what to do about it.

My body feels heavy, and my mind feels like it's been shrouded in smoke. I don't want to think. I don't want to think about anything. I wish time would just stop and let me recover from whatever this is. I need a break. I desperately need a break—from my father, from school, from thinking, from breathing.

But that's just not how the world works, is it?

I can sense Ren's eyes boring into me from my side. He's growing restless, I can tell. There seem to be words stuck in his throat, words that won't quite come out. It seems to me like Ren usually has a lot to say but holds himself back for reasons I don't completely understand.

"Hey," he says finally, in an attempt to catch my attention. I pretend not to hear him. A moment passes, and he tries again. "You...listen." I deliberately stay quiet. Unresponsive. He falls into another silence, and I keep my head down, preparing myself for what's coming next.

I hear him suck in a breath.

"Akito."

Butterflies erupt in my chest, fluttering, soaring, and diving before flying up to my brain and turning it to mush, leaving a trail of glittery sparkles. Ren doesn't say my name unless he absolutely has to, and even though I always know when he's looking for me, hearing my name on his lips makes me so inexplicably happy that sometimes I pretend not to hear him just so that he will have to resort to saying it.

I peek at him over my arms. "Yeah?"

"What's up with you?" he asks.

When I'm with Ren, the hours seem to meld together. The minutes tick by without me even realising it. I'm left with a sense of timelessness, and if time can't be stopped right now, this is the next best thing. So I sit up.

"Friday," I say abruptly.

He shoots me a questioning look. "The fuck?"

"You once asked me what my favorite day of the week is," I inform him. "It's Friday."

"Why?" he asks, black eyes pooling with curiosity.

"Every Friday, Nee-san makes it a point to drop by the bakery near the station after work. She brings home two slices of whatever's popular, and we eat it together in the living room," I explain. Pastry Fridays, she calls them. The cakes don't come cheap, but she insists on buying them for me once a week anyway. She never forgets. I feel a low pang in my chest when I remember that she's mad at me.

Ren cracks up, and I instantly feel better. "You like sweet things that much?"

I shrug. "I guess."

He falls back in his chair and takes this in. "Huh."

I suddenly feel weightless and giddy, and I'm not ready for this moment to end, so I ask him, "Why is Monday your favorite?" I already know that it's because Monday is the beginning. The start of a new set of days, far away as can be from the weekend that traps him in his house. I've deduced this from watching him all this time, through his reactions and the ripple of feelings he stirs up within me.

I ask him anyway because I'm curious about what he'll say.

He murmurs something unintelligible without looking at me.

"Sorry?"

"Not important," he repeats.

"It doesn't have to be important," I say. "I told you about me," I press when he doesn't respond, surprising myself. I'd normally never push Ren to say anything he's not ready for and risk making him uncomfortable, because that would in turn lead to disturbances inside me. But right now, I just...I want to know what he'll say. I want to see if he'll tell me; I want to hear the words from his mouth, in his voice, and I find that I don't care about anything else.

"Fine," he huffs, and tilts his head in my direction. He studies me for a few seconds, then says, "It's because I'll get to see your stupid face again."

I immediately flush a deep red. "You're not being serious." Knowing Ren, he probably spit out the first thing that popped into his head in order to get out of admitting the actual reason.

"I am." His lips break into a smirk. "You make some really interesting faces."

"I don't know what you mean," I say slowly, blinking in amazement. Is Ren joking around with me?

On some level, I know that he's warmed up to me.

Lately, he comes up to me every day after lunch break and tells me what he thought of the box I whipped up for him. Too many tomatoes, or could be spicier, but always it's good, always thank you. Sometimes, when we're in the middle of class and he notices that my pencil isn't writing very well, he gently pries it from my fingers and sharpens it for me. He always nods at me when we cross paths, and he's started saying my name.

Still, it's to my understanding that you can only playfully tease people this way if you're intimately familiar with them. Ren has never been the type to pick on other people to begin with, yet here he is, poking fun at me.

"You're doing it right now," he points out, amused. "Fuck, you should really see your face. I could watch you all day."

A warmth that I can only describe as acute happiness floods my chest. I turn away and quietly sigh, attempting fruitlessly to calm my burning face. "You're not making any sense."

Without warning, he reaches over and grabs my nose, giving it a little pinch. I reel away in shock, and glare at him while clutching my nose, flabbergasted. "Ren, what on earth—"

He chuckles. "There's another one."

"You're being ridiculous," I murmur, embarrassed. "Stop it."

He falls back in his chair, pleased. "The expressions you can make. I'll only stop after I've seen them all."

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

Somehow, I manage to pull myself together in time for classes to start.

I do my best to listen to the teacher and note down the key points of the lecture, but my handwriting is sloppy, and my paragraphs are stuffy and disorganised. Something is terribly wrong with me today.

Over the course of the next four hours, Ren and I exchange no further words, but his gaze meets mine several times. Every now and then, his eyes flutter towards me, sometimes lingering for a second, sometimes flitting away immediately, and these fleeting moments of eye contact leave me feeling terribly, terribly distracted.

When it's time for the lunch break, I carefully unpack the bento box I whipped up for Ren and hand it to him.

"Karaage and potato salad," I announce, gathering my books in preparation to head to the library. I've been in somewhat of a haze all day, and I have more to catch up on than I'm comfortable with. Now's my chance to make up for my absent-mindedness. "I bought the vegetables on sale this week, so you won't have to pay for the ingredients for a while."

"Thanks," he mumbles, tightly clutching the bento in his hands. He absently kicks at his desk, and I feel a small pressure rise in my chest, like a whiff of air, suggesting that Ren has something to say again. He fidgets with his earring, and heavily breathes out before mumbling, "You remembered, huh."

I throw him a confused glance, but he's not looking this way, so I ask, "Remembered what?"

"That Monday is...that I like Mondays."

"You told me," I say uncertainly. "Why wouldn't I remember?"

He shrugs. "It was just...so random. Not important. I didn't think you'd care enough to remember it." His lips perk upwards as he says it, jerkily, like they're breaking out of his control. He pulls them back together immediately, erasing any trace of that smile, that it had ever been, but I saw. There's another flutter in my chest, another explosion of sparks and colors and joy.

I swallow. Ren doesn't know that I eat up every piece of information he offers up about himself like I'm starved and needy. I don't know what to say, so I decide that this moment is as good as any to walk out on him and go study.

I stand up.

"You're leaving?" he asks, raising his head and locking me in place with expectant eyes.

He knows I am. He knows I go to the library at this time because the class is just too loud and chaotic to study in during the lunch break. He asks me this question anyway. Everyday. He makes it so hard to go.

"Why, you want to eat lunch with me?" I ask, my heart pounding erratically.

"I wouldn't be opposed to it," he mumbles, making it impossible for me to leave now.

It's okay if it's just for today, isn't it? I think, agonised.

No, every second is precious.

Exams are right around the corner.

I should go.

But...Ren.

I shoot him another distressed glance. He crosses his arms and turns away. "It's fine. Just go," he murmurs, his face dimming.

"No, I..."

How much can you really accomplish in half an hour, anyway? I can just make up for the lost time once I get home, can't I? I'm in some sort of a slump to begin with, and I doubt I'll be able to get anything done if I go now. So why shouldn't I stay?

I sit back down.

This is okay.

Right?

"Akito's eating with us today?" I look up to see Rubi, standing over us with her bentou in hand, wide-eyed and smiling.

"Sure is," Ren answers.

"Yay!" She cheers, settling down in the empty seat before Ren's and depositing her lunch on his table. "Ren, you've gotta let me try some of that."

"Fuck off."

Rubi protests, and Ren slaps her hand away. She turns to me and complains, and when I tell Ren to share, he obliges. She tells me she loves the karaage, loves the salad, and she laughs and laughs and laughs and I forget why I was ever unsure about staying.

END OF CHAPTER