She has so many of them—these animals stuffed with cotton—says they make her feel safe, less alone in this house that's otherwise empty except for Akito. We're together in Kurumi-senpai's room, which is barely half as big as mine is, on her one-person bed, with our backs pressed against the wall, side by side. She hugs the plump little giraffe in her arms while she goes on about her day, and I copy her, doing the same with the white bear she put on my lap.

It's so soft, it sinks into me. I feel no warmth from it, and it's limp against my chest. I pull back and look into its beady eyes, and I can only see it for what it is: an inanimate object. A thousand of these couldn't possibly replace the warm, reassuring presence of a soulmate who can hug you back.

"I think Akito has a crush on someone," Kurumi-senpai is saying now, speculating excitedly. "He seems different, you know? He zones out a lot. And yesterday," she laughs, bouncing happily on the mattress. "He blushed when I asked him what he was thinking about! Like, it was super obvious."

I struggle to maintain my smile. If I tell her who it might be, will she still look this happy?

"I want to ask him about it." She looks uncertain. "Do you think it'll be okay?" Sadness has crept into her smile now, weighing on the corners of her mouth.

I reach for her hand carefully, and it's only after she turns her palm around, letting it firmly fit into mine, that I let myself squeeze. You have nothing to worry about, I want to tell her. Akito is family. And familial love transcends all. I don't think I'd have survived middle school at all if I didn't have the warm cacoon of Dad's arms to return to every evening and the periodic window-shopping trips with Mom to look forward to every week.

Their very existence has always been a comfort to me. My mom and dad have shown me that life can be so colourful sometimes. That I don't always have to yearn for red.

So I look to Senpai now and say, "You could try." Akito seems to be a reserved person, someone who firmly stands guard over his heart, and the two grew up in different homes, so they may not have the advantage of a shared upbringing to bond over, but with family, it's never too late, is it? "It's been over a year now since you guys have started to live together, hasn't it? And you're still eating breakfast together every day?"

"Yeah," Senpai mumbles quietly.

"What do you usually talk about with him?"

"We mostly discuss finances and stuff like that," she answers with a sigh. "I don't know Rubi; it just never feels like the right time to ask about all the things I want to know. About him. It feels like there's so much distance that I need to cross first."

I give her an understanding nod. "But keep trying, okay? I'm sure you'll find an opening soon."

She smiles, sitting up straighter. "Yeah!" A flash of determination lights up her eyes. "You know what? I'm not giving up. I'll crack him open like an egg and get him to spill everything to me someday, you'll see." I laugh, and she collapses against my side again, tucking my hand into her lap. "I love him, Rubi; I really do. And if Akito does have a crush on someone, then I'm excited for him! I just wish I could tell him that."

My heart clenches painfully. Why did it have to be Ren? "Senpai..." I murmur nervously. "Can I ask you something?"

Sensing the tightness in my voice, she tilts her head up at me, giving my palm a reassuring squeeze. "Of course you can, silly."

"What happened with Ren?" I blurt, my heart hammering in my chest, and her smile slips. "It's just...the person that...that Akito likes," I rush in desperately to fill the silence. "I think it might be Ren. They're sort of deskmates now, and I've been watching Akito a lot in class, and...I just have a feeling." I'm risking everything right now. We don't talk about Ren. But I made a promise to her yesterday, and I intend to keep it. I want, with my whole heart, for Senpai and Akito to be happy, and for whatever reason, Ren is soulmates with both of them. He's destined to forever be an irreplaceably important part of their lives.

No matter how undeserving Ren may be, he's all Akito has. It's a take-it-or-leave-it situation, and I want to at least try bringing them together, even if it seems impossible. But I will only go ahead if I know this won't hurt Senpai.

I hold my breath, waiting for an answer. After a moment passes, she pulls away from me, her hands curling in her lap as she soaks my words in. The silence is unbearable. What was I thinking? She's never going to tell me what happened. Of course not. I should have seen it coming. How could she trust someone whose fate doesn't intwine with hers, someone who's insignificant in the long run, with something that's so clearly personal?

After an excruciatingly long wait, she lets her head fall back against the wall with a dull thump. "You're never wrong about these things," she whispers. "So...Akito and Ren, huh?" She laughs, a scratchy sound. "I can't say I saw that coming."

There's a sting in my chest. I'm such an idiot. "Senpai—"

"I think I'm ready to talk to him again," she says suddenly, shifting on the bed to face me. "To Ren. I think it's about time. Will you ask him for me?"

I swallow and nod. "You're...you're sure?"

She smiles, some of the light returning to her eyes, but her voice is weak. "Yeah. I'll do anything if it's for Akito."

I guess I'll be playing matchmaker after all.

━━━━━━━⊱✿⊰━━━━━━━

I'm standing near the door to my classroom, spacing out as I wait for Irina to join me so that we can walk to the station together, when my arms suddenly feel heavy, and I blink down at a pile of notebooks I don't remember holding. "Ah—"

"I'm late for club," One of my classmates is saying with an apologetic smile on her face. "Could you take these to the staffroom for me? Please?"

Irina is standing behind her, bag slung on her shoulder, and I desperately look to her for help, but she pretends not to notice. By the time I think to open my mouth, the girl has already taken my silence for a yes. "Thanks! I owe you one!" And then she's gone, and she'll only come to me again when she has more books. You owe me ten already.

I groan softly and throw Irina a look of accusation. "You didn't say no," she points out. "You could have." But I can't. My luck with people isn't good to begin with. I don't want to risk getting on anyone's bad side. Irina throws me a look that says, It's your fault for not paying attention. I press my lips together. I just...I can't help it sometimes.

I hate it inside my head, and it's scary the way these thoughts suck me in without warning. There are so many voices, but none are talking to me. There are so many faces, but the eyes slide past me. The worst, a deafening silence. It's hard to escape from the dizzying void that is my mind, where everyone else is moving on. From me. I'm temporary.

Irina strides to the door, her dark braids fluttering softly behind her. It's been so many hours, but there's still not a strand out of place. "I'll wait for you downstairs," she says haltingly. "Don't take forever." And then she's walking away.

"Thank you," I whisper after her, a quiet ache in my chest, and I fail to mask the longing in my voice.

━━━━━━━⊱✿⊰━━━━━━━

I'm presented with an opportunity when I arrive at the staffroom to deliver the notebooks.

There's a register lying open on my homeroom teacher's desk. Feeling unsure of myself, I bend over the book and list out my name, along with Ren's and Akito's, under the heading Volunteers for School Committee (An after-school meet-up group).

Being tethered together by the red string is practically a guarantee for an irreplaceable relationship. There's an established connection between Akito and Ren, and all I need to do is help them become aware of it. And the quickest way to get that to happen is to provide them with opportunities to talk. Considering Ren's Jerkass-ness and Akito's antisocial tendencies, the on-speaking-terms stage may be harder to achieve.

It all boils down to them spending as much time together as possible, and I guess I'm here to make that happen.

━━━━━━━⊱✿⊰━━━━━━━

I hurry outside after school lets out. The sun is going down, and the evening light reflects off the vibrant strings in the air, creating a warm blend of red all around me. The blaring colour is easier on my eyes at this time of day, when everyone is dispersing and the sunset doesn't let the additional red stand out like it usually does.

Kurumi-senpai is waiting for me on a wooden bench under a pine tree, and she stands up immediately when she sees me approaching. "Did you—"

"I slipped a note," I manage between heavy breaths, "into his locker. He'll be here. " I know that it's necessary for the two of them to make up now because of Akito, but I still just don't like Ren, and I didn't want to deliver the news to him face-to-face.

She nods stiffly. "You told him that—"

"That you want to speak. Nothing else."

She nods again. "Okay. Okay." Her incessant foot-tapping is kicking up dust. She's obviously nervous about this. Agonised, I chew at my lip. I don't want her to do anything she's not ready for yet.

"Senpai—"

"I had feelings for him once," she blurts out, laughing nervously. I go still. "We used to be close, Rubi—really good friends—but when I confessed to him, he stopped talking to me," she admits shakily, her eyes finally flicking up to mine. "Straight up ignored me for a year. That's why I... That's pretty much it. That's what happened."

"Oh," is all that comes out. Oh is all that I allow myself, because truthfully, I feel an uncontrollable urge to break something right now. My scream could be loud enough to replace the school bell, because that's how mad I am. Because it's all so unfair.

I blink, and suddenly Ren is standing before us in his crumpled school uniform and unkept hair. The bitter feelings are coming together in my chest, hot and white, and I can't really muster much of a facial expression at the moment, so I just look at him.

Senpai is clutching my sleeve, and I wish I could give her hand a squeeze, but I don't want Ren to see any vulnerability.

"Hey," she says, struggling to look him in the eye, and the word lacks all the Kurumi energy that I'm familiar with. I've never heard her sound this weak before, and I hate it so much. "How've you been?"

Ren's eyebrows are furrowed, and he's looking down at her with so much raw emotion in his eyes that I instinctively feel the need to shield her from his gaze. "Senpai," he whispers, his voice pleading as his fingers unconsciously twirl around his piercing. "I'm sorry." So he's cutting straight to the chase.

"This is Rubi," Senpai continues, as if she didn't hear him at all. "She's my best friend." All the thoughts swirling around in my head freeze over, and I glance at Senpai, momentarily forgetting about Ren. Best friend?

I didn't... I didn't realise that she thought of me that way. Something pink and warm glows in my chest, but I chide myself, attempting to extinguish it immediately. It doesn't matter what she thinks. It's not—it can't be true. You can't be best friends with someone you're not tethered to. There's nothing that keeps me tied to Senpai, nothing that would keep me in her life once I've decided to walk out.

That's why it's so unfair. Because Ren has that with her, and that's probably why they're even having this conversation.

Ren doesn't deserve it at all.

His eyes flick towards me for barely a second before they return to Senpai. "I want to talk. Please. Just us."

I'm about to protest, but Senpai beats me to it. "No," she says firmly. "I'll feel better if Rubi's here with me."

His eyes land on me again, brimming with frustration. I glare right back. "Please," he says, his voice stripped bare. I don't let myself waver. "Senpai."

"I want Rubi to be here with me. Whatever it is that you want to say, you can say it to the both of us."

"Fuck." His gaze drops to the ground, his hands shaking as they fist into his hair. "Fuck. Fuck."

I glance worriedly at Senpai when I feel her grip tighten around my arm. She's biting down on her quivering lip, doing her best to look stern, but god, she's near tears. It hits me then that maybe Ren is still important to her, and that's what's making all of this so impossibly hard.

Ren lifts his head without warning, catching us both off guard. "I love you," he says thoughtlessly, and I immediately want to punch him.

Senpai is crying now, grabbing on to me tightly, her tears wetting my cardigan, and I think about telling Ren off when Akito's sombre face and focused eyes flash in my mind. I don't know what to do. I really don't know what to do. This whole situation is so cruel that it's laughable. I hold Senpai close and give Ren a mute glare.

He looks utterly crushed, his eyes wide and panic-stricken. At least he has the sense to keep his hands to himself. "S-Senpai, I'm sor—" he stumbles over a rock and catches himself before taking another unsteady step back. "I'm sorry." He runs away then, leaving her with her tears a second time.

I wrap my arm around Senpai and steer her away. God, he sounded so pathetic. Pathetic but genuine. I'm not blind to that. That's what makes all of this so much worse.

END OF CHAPTER