There's someone. Someone I can feel. 

His name is Ren Ichijou, and today, he's angry again. I know this because, as he draws near, I feel something hot flare up inside me, prickling in my chest for a few seconds before it settles there, a constant weight. It's rather unpleasant.

It's like my body involuntarily grows warm when he's close; the air thick with his presence. I can almost feel the ghost of his heartbeat right over my own, a faint but steady thrum. If someone says something to hurt him, I feel it in my chest, like a punch to the heart. When Ren is near, I know. When Ren is angry, I know. When he's sad, I know. When he's nervous, I know. Even when he's hungry, I know.

Logically speaking, this shouldn't be possible. Having your body be almost physically sensitive to the feelings of one particular individual and being acutely aware of his unpredictable mood swings—none of this makes any kind of sense. But I've abandoned logic when it comes to Ren. He breaks past my defences and floods my mind with sensations of...him. And this, whatever it is, is getting troublesome.

I look up just in time to see him storm into the classroom, throwing open the door with more force than clearly necessary. I sigh through my teeth. He really needs to find quieter ways to release all that pent-up frustration.

He abruptly stops and, without warning, jerks his head in my direction. My heart rate spikes. I fail to compose myself until I realise that his glare is not for me but for the girl who just approached me. I forgot about her. It's easy to lose sight of the present when Ren is feeling intensely; his emotions are like a second presence wreaking havoc in my body.

But he's never so much as looked at me before, which is why I know that this emotion channel thing we have going on is completely one-sided. I get hit with all his mental rampages while he doesn't even know who I am. This has been going on for a year, and at first I thought I might just be extraordinarily perceptive of people's feelings, before it became painfully clear that it's just him I'm so aware of.

Just Ren.

Of course, I have questions. Questions no one around me has answers for. Questions I had to lock up in the back of my mind so I could focus on finding alternatives instead. 

Putting distance between us is effective. The farther he is, the weaker the signal, the lesser the pull. The farther he is, the better. Ren's mindset affects my daily life more than I'd like to admit.

Lifting my focus off him helps too, so I do just that and blink up at the girl who's glaring right back at him, her face screwed in an expression of utter distaste. Something must have happened between them. I quickly remind myself that this has nothing to do with me.

"Hey," I mumble, and she turns to me so slowly, as if the weight of something she just absorbed is too much to drag along. Rubi Amari, I recall as her face clicks in my mind. The girl who's nice to everyone just for the sake of it "Did you want something?" When people talk to me, it's usually for one of two reasons: Either they want to borrow my notes, or...

"S-Sorry, shit. Um," she fumbles before sliding her fingers into her pocket and drawing out my house keys. Of course. I'm known less as Akito and much more as Kurumi Kai's brother around these parts. Not that it makes much of a difference.

"Thanks," I mutter, tucking them into my own pocket even though I don't really need them because my sister usually gets home before I do. Rubi offers me a tight-lipped smile in response. Marking this as the end of the exchange, I shift my attention back to my book, showing her that she can leave. She doesn't.

"So, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to... I don't know, hang out sometime?" She winces a little at her own words.

I don't falter. "I'm good."

She nods, but I can see the hesitation in her eyes. "If you don't want to, then..." It feels like words have betrayed her again. I don't completely understand why some people don't take a second to think about what exactly they want to convey before they open their mouth.

"I just... I've noticed that you're by yourself a lot, and I was thinking..." she pauses at the look on my face. "Wait, that's not—"

"Some people actually prefer to be alone," I mumble, because it's true. I'm not sad or lonely, like my classmates often perceive me to be. There are things I need to get done in my life; certain goals that I need to meet; work that I can only finish myself; and the presence of other people in my life will only serve as a distraction.

Staying away from current social norms suits me quite a bit. Not having to worry about physical appearances and petty obligations leaves me with more time to keep my priorities in place.

Rubi gives me an all-knowing look. "Don't lie to yourself." And this time, the words confidently fell out of her mouth.

She doesn't get it.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

Seating arrangements are being changed. Which means I'll most likely lose my corner and my window.

It's strange how this seat feels like home, but it does. I feel comfortable and cut off from the rest of the classroom when I'm here. Being alone by this window doesn't feel unnatural like it sometimes does when I'm down on the grounds, in the school cafeteria, or in the lab. The view is breathtaking, so much so that it even helps me resist that pull from Ren, just so I can keep looking.

If I'm lucky, the new owner of this seat might be willing to switch back, the odds of which are much too slim. I'm going to be someplace unfamiliar very soon, so I mentally prepare myself.

A wooden box flowing with folded slips containing seating numbers is passed around, and by some wonderful miracle, I end up cutting it really close. I'm assigned the seat right beside my old one, to the right, and If I just ask the person next to me to switch, I'll be okay. The tension in my body melts away like snow when fresh rays of summer cut through the clouds.

I slump forward, only to feel that all-too-familiar tug leading right up to my heart. I swallow and slowly lift my head, schooling my face into neutrality.

Ren is here, glaring down at me, mouth twitching. His eyes drop to my feet and back up again, assessing, and I feel myself deflate as a thousand needles pierce my skin. I breathe in shakily as his eyes meet mine for the first time since I've known him. I suddenly feel inexplicably vulnerable, like he's picking me apart with his burning gaze.

"Fuck my life," he grumbles, falling into my seat and pointedly looking out the window. I don't know what's worse. The fact that I can never have my seat back because it's decidedly impossible to hold a civil conversation with Ren, or the fact that Ren himself, the ultimate distraction, is now so near. I've never been so physically close to him like this. And I feel so full. He's pouring himself into me.

I can't stop feeling him, and this is bad. So bad. The questions I keep locked up start resurfacing. What is this feeling?

"I'm telling you this now," he suddenly barks without looking my way, his voice a low rumble. "I have no interest in being friends and shit. So leave me alone."

Sometimes I forget that Ren is just an insufferable meathead with a bad temper.

"I will," I assure him. It's bad enough that his face pops into my head every time I close my eyes. I don't want to start hearing his voice too.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

I can still see the view out the window from over here, so my new seat is not so bad. I think I might get used to it with time. It's mostly the same. What's different is that whenever I do turn to look out the window now, Ren is constantly in my line of vision, and I'm not sure that's something I can get used to.

But any thoughts of Ren swirling in my mind get sucked in as I open the reviewed answer sheet from last week's test that I was just handed. I don't blink as I look at my score. forty-four out of one hundred. I quickly pull my text books out to see where I went wrong.

This test is really not a big deal. It won't affect my GPA in any way. I know that. So why does it still hurt like this?

I try to push the berating thoughts aside as I underline the concepts I need to further practise, a tight knot of air in my throat. Math is something I've never been very good at. I should have expected this result. I know where I want to be in the next few years, and I guess I just never realised how expensive the ticket to my destination would be. No one can pay this price for me; I need to work for it by myself, do what it takes.

I suddenly hear a sound that drowns out everything else, causing my senses to spike. With shock apparent on my face, I look to my left and meet Ren's dark eyes. Except now, I see a glint there. "Guess you're not as smart as I thought you'd be," he snickers. My heart thumps loudly as I flush from the embarrassment. He's seen my test score. Even so, what Ren of all people thinks should be the least of my concerns.

"What's your score?" I ask levelly, knowing full well that I'm breaking my don't speak to Ren rule. And it has nothing to do with a driving curiosity to grasp every little detail I can about him. He knows my score, so it's only fair that I know his too.

He springs at this, flashing his paper so close to my face that I need to lean backwards to see his numbers.

...Ninety three.

I'm so quiet that Ren suddenly remembers that he isn't supposed to be talking to me and turns away with a click of his tongue. Ren is surprisingly good at math, and I had no idea. On the surface, all I know about him is that his parents are well-respected professionals who run a factory in our locality and that he was once a good friend of my sister's. It's been a while since I've seen them together, but I try not to think too hard about it.

Even though it feels like I do, I know nothing about him. This realisation is heavier than I might have expected. I quickly remind myself that he's just an outsider who unknowingly invades my body and mind, his conflicted feelings like the incessant buzzing of a stubborn bee in my ear: a nuisance. My primary focus right now should be on blocking him out of my life.

Ren is just a stranger, no matter how much it feels like I know him.

It doesn't take me long to notice how quickly I went from analysing my performance on yesterday's test—what's important—to thinking of Ren again—what's not important.

The severity of my situation weighs on me. This is very bad.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

I stop by the library after school, and I'm glad I have the keys with me because when I reach my house, my sister isn't in. She's left a handwritten note on the fridge informing me that she's left for work. She managed to land a part-time job at a DVD rental place last week. My high school doesn't let students work, so I can't look for a job yet, even if I want to. Studying is the only thing I can do for the both of us right now.

I peel the note off and scrub the gum from the fridge, wondering again why she can't just drop me a text. Sticky notes on refrigerators won't make me feel like I'm in any more of a family than I already am.

I pull my jacket over my blue sweater as I step out of the house to drop by her workplace, see how things are. I'm always cold, and no matter how many layers I put on, it's like the chill seeps right in, sinking into my bones. My low tolerance for the weather is becoming a growing inconvenience.

I'm walking, and I think about school, the notes that I have to organise, and dinner, the groceries I'm yet to purchase, but I don't think about Ren. As if to fix that, there's a pull at my heartstrings that gets stronger with each step I take towards the shop, and I'm suddenly thinking about him all over again. Why is it you? What were you thinking about when you looked at me today? Don't you feel this too? Not even a little bit? Maybe he's with my sister right now.

When the shop is right around the corner, I'm hit with waves that rattle me, dampening and draining me right after, and I know. There's a storm brewing inside him. I don't care. I should leave.

Instead, I take the turn and see him slumped against the wall outside the shop, arms crossed and head hanging low, his back to my sister, who is somewhere inside. There's a dark cloud looming over him, and I don't want to stick around till lightning strikes, so I walk past, pulling my hood over my face. That isn't really necessary. He won't notice me either way.

The wind blows, moving everything as the temperature drops a notch. I stuff my hands deep into my pockets as the back of my neck prickles. I look at Ren again. He's laying himself bare.

The realisation is slow.

It's not me. It's Ren who's always cold.

END OF CHAPTER