I like being silent.

I like loud nosies.

I like having something to do in front of me.

I like listening to my music on full blast.

I don't like thinking.

I don't like when it's quiet.

I don't like having free time.

I don't like not having music.

Why?

Because when i'm silent listening to things going on around me, my friends, working on school work, or listening to music...I don't have time to let my mind wonder.

When my mind wonders...it always ends up on my dad.

My dad may have died in a car crash, I may hide the pain it still brings me everyday, I may not have had a single thing to do with how he died, No one may even blame me for his death...but me.

I blame myself each and every day for his death. I know I had nothing to do with the wreck,but before the crash other events happened. Let me explain.

My mom had to go to the hospital because of her father. She left my dad in charge of me, all he had to do was wake me up and take me to school. My dad didn't wake me up, he didn't take me to school. I woke up and saw that I was already suppost to be at school. What do I do? I called my grandma, who called my mom, who came rushing home. When she got home, she and my dad got into it. My mom throw some shit in a bag, grabbed me and we left. We stayed at my sisters for a month i think before moving into a new house. Then one monday, my sister came over and told my mom the news. My mom told me.

All I had to do was get up, get dressed, wake my dad up and have him drive me to school, but no. I called grandma. I regret everything that happend that day. I regret even waking up that day.

I hate having free time because then I start thinking aobut how its my fault my mom left my dad, I mean yes for years i knew I was the only reason they were even still together. I was the "glue" as my mother had said more than once before. I start thinking that...if I had just gotten up that day...would it have changed anything? Would dad still be here? Would my parents still be together? Would anything have changed?

"Now it's just too late and we can't go back..."~ Simple Plan

"Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone. There wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just to real. There's just so much that time cannot erase..." ~Amy Lee