another tw for suicide/bad thoughts/sh since i still feel like shit

i hate it when people make me out to be so important and needed but as soon as i try to help im fucking useless, i wish i could be good enough for someone, i don't fucking care as long as im worth something to someone, i wish someone, anyone, would fucking notice that im not okay, im so fucking scared and paranoid and nervous rn, i can't fucking eat, i can't drink, i can't draw, i can't do anything without going to check my phone, im trying so hard not to cry, i fucking hate myself, i wish i was good enough, why can't I make anyone happy anymore, i wanna die so fucking badly