Of course I knew him. Like I could ever forget that name.

- ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ🏐་༘࿐ -

That one eye contact kept me awake the entire night. Hindi ako nakatulog. Ni hindi man lang ako dinalaw ng antok. I was haunted by that moment, and I couldn't even understand why. Hindi naman kami nag-usap. We didn't even have a proper interaction, so why was I acting like this?

Frustrated, I muttered a curse. Galit dapat ako sa kaniya. Galit dapat ang nararamdaman ko dahil sa ginawa niya sa'kin noon. I had lived with that anger for almost a year already. How could I let down the wall I had built just because of a millisecond of eye contact?

I kept myself busy for hours. Lahat ng files na hindi ko ginalaw, binuksan ko. I cleaned my camera, wiped the lens, and took care of the sensor-anything just to stop myself from dwelling on that moment. But it wasn't enough. Kaya kahit hindi ko naman ugaling maglinis ng condo during weekdays, napilitan akong kunin ang duster at walis.

I poured every bit of my energy into fixing my place. Pati iyong uniform kong naplantsa ko na noong Sabado, plinantsa ko ulit. Kung puwede nga lang akong mag-volunteer sa kabilang unit para magplantsa, ginawa ko na.

I probably looked ridiculous. Saint, this was all his fault for crowding my mind.

Bakit ba kasi bigla niya na lang ako bibigyan ng pansin gayong sinasanay ko na ang sarili kong lumayo sa kaniya? I was doing exactly what he wanted. So why did he have to do that? Bakit bigla niya na lang akong muling hinanap gayong siya naman mismo iyong nagtapon sa'kin?

That was totally a glitch in my 365 days of going along with the cycle I'd grown accustomed to.

If Shade were here, she would probably laugh at my misery. Worse, she'd tease me for still being deeply affected by my ex-boyfriend.

Matapos makapagbihis, ibinagsak ko ang sarili ko sa ibabaw ng kama. I let myself sink into its comfort, allowing the fluffy blanket to cradle my body. Napasulyap ako sa TV nang tuluyan nang luminaw ang ingay mula roon. Binuksan ko lang pala iyon kanina, pero hindi naman ako nakinig.

Nilipat ko ang channel nang hindi pa rin matapos ang commercial. Nakailang pindot pa ako bago iyon sumakto sa isang local news broadcast.

But I wasn't paying attention to what the reporter was saying.

What caught my eye was the headline, followed by a short clip from outside the district stadium. Hindi ko masyadong pinansin ang sinasabi ng reporter lalo na at nakatutok lamang ang mata ko sa pinapakitang highlights ng tournament kanina.

The court was filled with players from different schools. Nagawa ko pang mamataan ang team namin sa isang sulok.

And he was there.

Kitch Valdevieso stood among his teammates, his towering figure easily distinguishable even from the distant camera angle. Nakatalikod man siya sa lente, pero alam kong siya iyon. He was the only one wearing their golden jersey while the rest of his teammates sported their matching team hoodies.

Hindi ko na nasundan kung sinong team ang ini-interview dahil nanatili ang mata ko sa background. I let my eyes linger on his figure, silently wondering if he had been affected by that moment too.

Ano kayang naisip niya nang mahuli niya akong kinukunan sila ng litrato?

I had been too focused on his teammates that I didn't even notice how long he had been looking at me-or if that was really the case. Basta nang magtagpo ang mga mata namin noong mga oras na iyon, ako na mismo ang nagmadaling umiwas. Ni hindi ko na nga siya nilingon ulit dahil lumabas na ako agad sa locker room.

Marahan kong kinagat ang ibabang labi ko.

Hindi ko dapat ginawa iyon.

Ano na lang ang iisipin niya matapos niya akong makita sa gano'ng estado? He would probably think he still had that kind of impact on me.

I practiced ignoring him a few times. I even spent hours in front of the mirror pretending he was in the reflection just so I could act natural. Ilang beses ko nang ginawa iyon. Ngayon ko pa ba hindi mapapanindigan?

Diyos ko naman.

With chaotic thoughts running through my head, I curled up on the bed, facing the right corner of my condo, only to be welcomed by a much more annoying sight.

It wasn't his picture. Not even our couple polaroid.

But his volleyball hoodie.

Salubong ang kilay kong humarap sa nag-iisang gamit na naiwan niya sa sarili kong kuwarto. Maayos iyong nakasabit sa isang hanger sa gawing sulok. Hiniwalay ko pa talaga iyon sa mga gamit ko, lalo na at masyado iyong makulay para sa panlasa ko.

My room was all gray and black. And it was the only golden piece of clothing that stood out against the dark, muted walls.

My eyes stopped at the single number printed on the left side.

2. His jersey number.

Ngayon ko lang ulit naalala na nasa akin pa rin pala iyon. I never had the time to return it to him. Nakakatawa lang kasi pareho kami ng school, pareho pa ng area sa locker, pero hindi ko man lang magawang ibigay sa kaniya.

I knew he needed it back, but he wasn't asking for it. Hindi ko rin kayang ipabigay sa mga kaklase niya o iwan na lang sa gym.

I don't know.

It just didn't feel right.

Tanghali na nang magdesisyon akong pumasok. Kalahating oras na lang din ang natitira bago magsimula ang klase.

Pagdating ko sa room, wala namang masyadong kakaiba. Abala ang iba sa paggawa ng assignments. May ilan na nagre-review. Pero madalas, katulad ko lang din, nakatunganga sa gilid at hinahayaan na lang ang kung anong mangyayari maya-maya.

Our class routine started without any problems. At siguro masyado lang talaga akong determinado na tanggalin siya sa isip ko kaya nagawa kong makinig sa klase.

I flipped my binder open and started taking notes. Nang magkaroon kami ng group activity, pati iyong leader namin ay nagulat dahil tumulong daw ako. Hindi lang iyon. I even recited a few answers in class.

But of course, half of those were wrong.

Hindi naman kasi talaga ako magaling sa acads. Sakto lang para pumasa.

I was fully aware that I didn't really have the heart for paperwork.

Sa isang bagay lang naman kasi ako magaling.

"We are all obliged to participate in at least one club before this semester ends."

Tuluyan akong napatigil sa pagsusulat nang bigla iyong sabihin ng isa sa mga classroom officers namin. Before I could even raise my hand to ask about it, excited murmurs filled the room as if what she'd said had awakened everyone's sleepy spirits.

"I know this is out of the blue, considering we still have final terms left. However, the council insisted on having this activity para na rin daw sa graduating students. So, yeah, we can consider it an escape as well. Ngayon lang 'to nangyari, kaya for sure, madadagdagan pa ang existing clubs ng school."

Hindi na ako nakapagsalita nang iabot ng kaklase ko ang isang form. Binasa ko ang mga detalye sa loob, partikular ang mga nakahilerang pamimilian.

There were plenty of choices to select from, and what was even more surprising was that they were open to suggestions.

I was about to start writing my details when one of my classmates approached me.

"Clarinet, sa photojournalism ka na raw? Paki-confirm naman. Ilalagay na kasi ni Vice sa listahan."

"Ayaw ko. Bawal balikbayan do'n," daglian kong sagot. "Tsaka nag-quit na ako last year. May bad record na ako sa club."

He gave me a confused look before gesturing toward the DSLR camera resting above my armchair.

"Saang club ka kung gano'n?"

Agad kong binuka ang bibig ko at puno nang kumpyansa siyang tinignan pero bago pa man ako makapagsalita, bigla na lang akong napahinto.

Saan nga ba ako papunta gayong isang mundo lang iyong alam ko?

Saglit na nangunot ang kaniyang noo nang hindi ko siya nasagot. Pilit na lamang akong ngumiti bago binalik ang tingin sa form.

"Pag-iisipan ko pa."

It was the best excuse I could come up with.

Hindi niya rin naman ako kinulit. Sa halip, sinabihan niya pa ako tungkol sa iba pang detalyeng nakasulat sa papel bago tuluyang bumalik sa upuan niya.

Lumabas ako ng room na gano'n pa rin ang iniisip.

Most of the students I came across in the corridors were holding the same printed forms as mine. May iba rin akong nakasalubong na tingin ko ay mga representatives ng existing clubs. They were wearing colorful lanyards with name tags so students could approach them with ease.

Ang ilan sa mga kakilala ko ay nakapili na agad at dumiretso na sa mga silid para raw sa briefings. Mukhang tutulong din yata sila sa pagre-recruit ng mga bagong miyembro.

Sa gitna ng alon ng mga estudyanteng paparoon at paparito sa pasilyong halos hindi na mahulugan ng karayom, natawag ng pansin ko ang manager ng volleyball team kasama ang dalawang juniors.

I wasn't familiar with their names, but I could recall their faces. Regular players sila ng team namin. I even heard they were an unstoppable duo.

Nagtatawanan iyong dalawang lalaki habang pinagigitnaan nila si Gailen, na nakatutok naman ang mata sa notebook niya.

"Iba iyong square root sa cube root, shunga!"

"Tanga, pareho lang namang ugat iyon!"

As they walked closer, their voices became even louder. Pinagtitinginan na rin sila ng ibang estudyante, pero mukhang wala silang hiya, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say they simply didn't care.

"Tarantado, nakikinig ka ba talaga? Ang sabi ni Kuya Aldison, parehong inverse operations iyong dalawa. Magkaiba lang ng way of solving. Iba ang sa square at iba ang sa cube," kunot-noong sambit noong lalaking mas matangkad.

Tinaasan naman siya ng kilay ng katabi niya.

"Pake ko? Hindi ko naman kailangan ng math sa volleyball."

Nang lumingon siya sa'kin, saka niya ako nginitian. Lumabas ang pares niyang ngipin na may bahid pa ng chocolate syrup sa harapan.

"'Di ba, Ate?"

I was surprised by how he suddenly included me in their conversation.

Kung nagulat ako, mas nagulat iyong isa. Agad niyang siniko ang lalaking kumausap sa'kin at sumenyas pang mag-sorry. But the kid insisted he hadn't done anything wrong, so the former was left with no choice but to apologize to me himself with embarrassment evident on his face.

Yumuko siya sa'kin at alanganin pang ngumiti.

Gailen noticed the exchange and threw me a side glance. Mula sa seryoso niyang mukha ay agad iyong napalitan ng pagkaaliwalas. She plastered a small smile before halting her steps.

Sandali.

Hindi niya naman siguro ako ire-recruit?

"Glad I found a familiar face here. Hindi ko kasi mahanap iyong room ng Grade 12 HUMSS."

She showed me the list of the school's official players, specifically pointing at the two familiar names.

"Puwedeng pasama?"

It wasn't a difficult favor, so I agreed.

Hiwa-hiwalay ang ibang cluster ng HUMSS dahil na rin sa hindi pa tapos iyong pinapagawang buildings ng school. Ang strand namin ang may pinakamaraming estudyante, kaya pahirapan talaga sa classrooms.

We passed a few more buildings before going up to a secluded corridor. Nadaanan muna namin ang ilang booths ng clubs, pati ang mga opisina ng ibang departments, bago namin narating ang silid.

We watched Gailen knock on the door and hand a document to someone inside. Hindi sumunod iyong dalawa at sa halip ay tumabi lang sa'kin habang naghihintay.

"Siguro kung hindi mo pa kami sinamahan, Ate HUMSS, kung saan-saan na kami nakarating. Naliligaw kasi 'yan si Manager kapag walang kasama."

I was surprised to hear that from one of them.

Hindi ko naman kasi masyadong kilala si Gailen. I only knew her as the manager of the volleyball team.

Wala sa hitsura niya iyong madaling maligaw. Mukha kasi siyang matalino para sa'kin.

"You speak pretty casually around her. Hindi ka ba takot sa kaniya? Dalawang taon ang tanda niya sa'yo," I asked, my voice filled with curiosity.

Tumawa iyong kasama niya, iyong nag-sorry sa'kin kanina.

"Isa lang naman ang kinatatakutan ni Shio, Ate. Iyong setter naming senior. Si Kuya Kitch. Iyong naka-jersey number 2. Kilala mo?"

My grip on the form tightened.

Kitch Valdevieso.

Of course I knew him. Like I could ever forget that name.

Marami pa silang kinuwento sa'kin. Nagtatawanan din silang dalawa at kung makaakto sa harap ko ay parang matagal na kaming magkakilala.

These two were really full of energy, and I couldn't even follow half of what they were saying because my mind had suddenly gone blank. Half of those were probably because I was drained, but I knew all too well that he was the reason behind it. Hanggang kailan ba ako magpapanggap na hindi na muling magkakrus ang mga landas namin? Kahit anong pilit kong umiwas, kahit anong pilit kong lumayo, nagagawa niya pa rin akong mahanap.

"Ms. Clarinet Arzuela."

Kusang naglaho ang mga bagay sa isip ko matapos umalingawngaw sa pasilyo ang matinis na boses na iyon.

Sa paglingon ko sa kabilang opisina, doon ko nakita ang presidente ng dati kong club.

Her bob cut framed her small face, making her look even more intimidating. May ilang estudyante na agad gumilid nang makita siyang nakatayo sa gitna ng corridor.

I held my bag tighter and gave her my most guarded look. Tumaas naman ang kilay niya dahil sa naging reaksyon ko.

"I'd be waiting for you in my office tomorrow." She paused, her gaze lingering on me for a moment before she continued. "Have your form signed. We still have a catch-up to make."