The next morning, I met Raina outside the packhouse gates. She half-stood, half-leaned against her silver Audi, arms crossed and a scowl on her face like I disappointed her. She wore her black leather coat and pants, looking more ready for this practice session than I felt.

I woke up this morning still stung by what had happened, or hadn't happened, during my date with her brother. With my best efforts, I pushed him aside and focused on impressing his sister.

That... doesn't sound right. I got up early, ate, and dressed so I wouldn't be late.

"You're late, Flower." She glared at me then climbed into her car before I answered.

"Sorry, I thought I was on time." I slid into the passenger seat and shut the door. My fingers trembled as I pulled the belt across my lap.

"On time with me is five minutes too late," she snapped, annoyance bouncing off the interior. "We have to drive to the training grounds."

With that, she peeled out of the pack house. I dug my fingernails into my seat belt and closed my eyes. My heart thumped at the jerked side to side movements from her fearless ease driving over the narrow cliff road.

"If I wanted to die, Flower." She scoffed, hands wrenching the wheel. "Then it wouldn't be by plunging to death with you."

"So..." I had no idea what to ask her in terms of small talk.

Kill anyone lately?

Instead, I chose the worst thing to ask her, "Do you have a mate?"

"Not your business." I interpreted her flat, biting voice as a no.

Let's try something closer to her heart.

"Why do the women in your pack know how to fight?" Since Elena's history books didn't describe the motivation, I figured it was best to ask a direct source.

"Females." With a hard wrench of the wheel, she shifted me into my side door. My heart flipped when she slammed on the brakes and the belt choked my chest. "We're not human, Zara. It's simple, we have no choice. Our pack is the smallest and we need every wolf able to defend themself."

I stepped out into the open, grassy field she pulled into. By the faded out dirt circles, I recognized where the competition had been held. The area was empty except for a few random trees dotting the horizon. Two male werewolves waited for us, dressed in what I called their warrior outfits.

In other words, they wore sexy leather jackets and black jeans.

'Run.'

Lumi whined at the wide-open space. I understood, feeling a pull to run in her form in my twitching legs. They felt cramped from lack of daily exercise.

Not yet, Lumi.

"Zara, this is Idris and Arlo. They're two of my best warriors." Raina marched across the open field, one stomp of her boots in the grass after another, pointing at the two werewolves.

I recognized both from the competition yesterday and offered them a smile.

Idris was leaner and younger between the two, his nose narrow, and dark eyes bored into me. Arlo's nose was crooked, broken at least once, and faded scars traveled from behind his ear down his neck. His round eyes looked kind, focused on the ground at my feet. Chests and chins lifted, spines straight, and arms at their sides, both stood with the tall, imposing stance this pack was known for.

Or maybe all packs? Not sure, this is my first one.

"Goddess, Raina." Idris's eyes passed between us. "She's tiny. We're going to break her in half."

"I thought I was fighting you." I ignored Idris and frowned at Raina.

"I said I would train you," she corrected. "And I can't mindlink you corrections, so this is your best second option."

My lips parted when remembering Idris and Arlo's snapping jaws, giant wolf muscles, and slammed pins down into this very dirt.

And that was when they held back.

"Plus," Raina rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "I first need you to see a demonstration. Idris and Arlo, shift."

My eyes widened as both removed their shirts, revealing smooth, broad chests and defined abdomen muscles. Idris was leaner than Arlo, who was tagged with more white scar tissue over his right ribs.

As their hands lowered to their pants, my cheeks flushed with warmth. I turned away, finding myself surprised with my flustered thoughts.

Something about werewolves, maybe the fast metabolism, but the males are ripped.

I don't know how to do my own laundry but I'd be happy to learn using those washboards.

Like mental whiplash, Lumi warned me to control my distracting thoughts.

'Not mate.'

Lumi warned me to control my distracting thoughts.

"Zara." Raina grabbed my arm and turned me around. "Your wolf is weak."

'Not weak.'

Lumi pushed a growl into my chest, vibrating my chest as it escaped out my lips. My spine stiffened and Raina's lips parted.

"She didn't like you saying that." I bit back a smile, pressing my lips together.

"I can see that, calm her down." She squeezed my arm again. 

I took a deep breath, expanding my lungs, and pulled my shoulders down.

'Chill out, Lumi. We'll show them.'

Her only response was a snuff.

"Better." Raina exhaled out her nose, flaring her nostrils. "She's got a temper, making her stronger but harder to control. Unfortunately, she's been suppressed for too long, so your human side is stronger. The human physical side is always weaker than the wolf, so that makes her weak."

While Lumi's mental hackles bristled, I thought back to my training with Cole. While we spent all that time strengthening my human body, I didn't realize it was at the expense of weakening Lumi's wolf.

'Not weak.'

"I don't understand." My forehead creased as my eyebrows squeezed together. "How can I stay strong but help her get stronger?"

"Experience." Unlike the hard look in her eyes, Raina's voice softened, "You have to learn to fight in her body, then let her have control. I can help you with the first part but you have to learn to control your wolf on your own. And if you've first shifted seven weeks ago then it's going to be very hard."

"Okay..." I took a slow breath, closing my eyes, and opening them with a nod. "Where do we start?"

"When fighting in wolf form, everything is magnified. Your senses are heightened, not only smell, touch, and sight, l but the reaction times in your muscles are faster. Reactions and recoveries are amplified and you must flow with their natural occurrences. Holding back or controlling wolf instincts will only slow you down, or worse stop, putting yourself in more danger than if you'd fled."

My head bobbed as she spoke.

Makes sense... but how do I do that?

I knew already that Lumi's form was faster and more powerful but felt as clumsy as a toddler when I commanded it.

"Idris, Arlo, fight." My eyes shifted from Raina's stern face to where a light gray and dark gray wolf now faced each other, paws extended into the dirt, and heads lowered until their jaws hovered low to the ground.

In a blink, their leg muscles clenched, launching them straight at each other with front claws extracted. A heavy thud sounded as their bodies collided, followed by gut-wrenching skirmish sounds as they thrashed against each other violently, jaws snapping and paws swiping.

"Oh my gawd." My hands flew to my cheeks but my eyes couldn't tear away.

Their bodies moved so fast, so fluid, in the most violent dance I'd ever seen up close. Tuffs of grey fur fluffed up from between them. The ground thumped under my feet as their paws trampled it, pounded contact inches from us. Damp grass, mud, and animal body scents filled my nose, twitching my nostrils.

They're killing each other.

Wolf form fighting was so graphic and violent. Yet, I saw they held back. No blood was drawn. No claws raked over flesh, only shoves down for submission. No jaws shredded into necks, backs, and shoulders, instead clamping down into holds at the scruffs.

If this is practice, then how bad is it for real?

"Like in human fighting." Raina walked around Idris and Arlo rolling and slamming into each other as calm as taking a stroll in the park.

"There are defensive and offensive moves. Defensive is pushing someone away, finding that breathing space to strike or flee. Arlo, push." Arlo, the darker grey wolf, grounded his hind paws against Idris' belly, the light gray one, and shoved him back two feet.

I can do that.

"And offense is striking back. Claws are less fatal than teeth but effective in an offensive form of defense." Raina crossed her forearms, cupping her elbows into her palms. "Idris, front swipe."

Idris' light gray paw raised, claws extended, and slammed down into Arlo's dary gray shoulder. The contact tore into and shredded into the flesh, and left a small surface wound. Arlo's yelp pierced the air, as blood matted his fur around the wound.

"Or go for the kill, biting with the jaw lock. Arlo throat." Arlo flexed his hind legs and lunged against Idris. Saliva strings stretched between his canines as he opened his jaws and snapped them less than an inch from Idris' neck.

Arlo's pulling back was obvious as he snapped his jaws over empty air, then shoved Idris' chest with his shoulder. With grunts and growls, the two continued wrestling each other in various shoves and jaws snaps.

After a few seconds, Raina paused in her steps and looked at me. Her eyes flickered between each of mine, like she held an internal conversation. They weren't glazed over so she wasn't minklinking them.

"What?" My eyebrows lifted.

She turned to me, putting her back toward the fighting wolves in front of us. In a low voice, her eyes lowered to my chin level. "Is your wolf really white?"

"As white as snow." I couldn't help but beam. "That's her name, Lumi."

Her dark eyes dragged sideways, across the open grass to the sparse cluster of trees. "Then she'll be damn near impossible to camouflage, you realize?"

"Yes," I whispered. A sinking feeling lowered my chest, clenching my stomach inward. The heaviness filling Raina's eyes, like she realized what she'd resigned herself to, didn't help.

"Good thing I like a challenge," she muttered and shook her head. Turning on her heel, she held up one hand. "Guys, that's enough."

To the sound of cracking bones and low grunts, Idris and Arlo shifted back. Two crimson streams streaked down Arlo's shoulder but otherwise the two were unmarked. Inspecting lower, I closed my eyes at their nudity. Once I hoped they dressed, I opened my eyes to Raina's raised eyebrows.

"Your turn, Flower."

"Let me go, umm.. shift." I glanced over for a more discreet place to remove my shirt and sweatpants, finding open grass unless I wanted a two hundred yard run to a short evergreen.

Shaking my head, I sighed and pulled my clothes off to full exposure. My lips pursed out a shaky exhale when Idris and Arlo turned around and faced away. Once the cold wind kissed my bare skin, I glanced down and saw that the wound on my leg faded to a white scar.

My turn.

The same skin-tearing, bone-wrenching pains tore through me, my skin prickling with Lumi's fur, but shifting had gotten more bearable. Gasping, I grounded her paws into the ground and pushed up to full height.

The first thing I saw was how Raina's dark brown irises were completely surrounded with the whites of her eyes. As I shuffled closer, one of my ears flicked and my head tilted. I couldn't read her blank expression.

"White as snow," she whispered with a tenderness that I didn't know she had inside.

Her fingers reached for my snout, curling at the pads. I extended my head and licked her fingers. The snapped contact blinked her out of her trance and she retracted them.

"That's not going to save your life." She frowned as her eyes roamed over Lumi's form. "I'm gonna have hell to pay for bloodying that pretty white fur, but let's go."

"Idris? Idris?" she called at him, then stepped closer with a muttered self-commentary that flattened Lumi's ears back.

His mouth agape, Idris stared at me. His eyes dilated black, yellow dripping into his irises. His cheeks were ruddy pink and veins protruded from the side of his neck, down his biceps and forearms, ending at his clenched fists.

I thought he was shifting into his wolf again but Raina's face said otherwise. She rolled her eyes, then glared at him and gnashed her teeth.

"Fuck it." Raina snapped her fingers in front of his face. "Idris, shift already."

Faster than before, Idris shifted into his massive, light gray wolf. On long limbs, he paced back and forth in front of us, head low and eyes locked. The movement, combined with his clenched muscles and overpowering size, flattened my ears against my head.

Lumi felt otherwise.

'Not afraid.'

I blinked at the corded muscles attaching Idris' front legs to his chest.

Lumi, he's huge.

'Weak.'

I know. And he's huge. How are we going to do this?

She snuffed.

'Him weak.'

Her response stilled me, which stopped Idris for a moment. Curling his lips back flashed the tips of his canines and saliva pooling in his jowls. One paw padded down and he resumed his predatory pacing, his silver tail flicking behind him.

How?

'For us. Use it.'

"Zara," Raina's voice broke through my thoughts. "Only defensive moves today. I'm going to have Idris lunge at you and you're going to block him away with your front paws like we saw Arlo do. Absorb his impact, rolling is fine, draw up your front legs and kick into his belly like a springboard. Can you remember that?"

I nodded. Idris lifted up the corners of his lip higher, dripping saliva strings onto the ground. His head dipped and shoulder bones protruding, he crouched low, and released a low growl.

"Idri-" Before she finished his name, he pounced.

His large paws shoved into my chest like two boulders flung at me, hitting me in a wall of heat, muscles, and fur. My ankles buckled under pressure, I fell over under his advancing weight, and my back slammed into the dirt. Moment rolled us in a tangled mess of hair, teeth, and limbs over the grass. I smelled his hot breath in my face, his teeth snapping distance from my neck. He didn't bite, exerting self-control, but the growl he released rumbled through my chest like my own.

Once we stopped with my back pinned to the grass, I recoiled my hind legs upward. The pads of my feet brushed into his soft flesh. With a pressured kick, I pushed my hind legs into his stomach, knees bent, and shoved him off.

'Not mate.'

Lumi seemed pleased so far as we stood up. Raina was not.

"Zara!" She roared out, hands in her favorite positions clamped onto her hips. "That was hind paws but at least you got him off. I want you to do it again, using your front paws, and faster. He would've killed you within two rolls if I hadn't been linking in his mind."

Wait, she -

"Idris, control your wolf." She turned her head around to him. "I should have you whipped for those thoughts I didn't need to hear."

'Not mate.'

Lumi sensed his wolf's intentions clearer than I did.

"Again." As Raina's command left her lips, Idris lunged again. Knowing he was coming helped and we rolled once before I shoved him off.

"Better." Raina's word was encouraging but the emotion didn't reach her scowling face. "But do it again."

Idris leapt again. This time I crouched down and leaned my right side of my body lower to the ground. Feeling his weight bearing down on me, I pushed my right side against the ground and used it as leverage to push him off me.

We barrel-rolled over and landed with my paws pressed in his chest, panting into his face. He flattened his ears back and let out a small whine.

"All right, lover boy," Raina interrupted with a groan. "You're done."

I caught her eyes flashed before they glazed over, so I stepped off him and slunk back a few inches. Whatever she'd mindlinked him, the message must've worked. He rolled over, stood up, and growled at me. What surprised me more was the low growl that rumbled my chest.

Raina grumbled and pointed at Idris, "Don't make me send you to a cold shower. Arlo, you're up."

Idris flopped belly-down in the grass, his mouth parted in slight pants. Arlo shifted back into his wolf. He was bigger and stockier than Idris, his dark gray fur puffed out over his large, rock-solid muscles.

I gulped.

"Zara, get ready." Raina pointed at me.

I crouched down with my paws extended. Arlo paced back and forth, like a predator, as if he waited for me to flinch and expose myself. My spine trembled but I didn't move.

The weight of him crashed down on me as he flattened me right into the ground. My head hit so hard that my head vision blurred. I writhed and twisted under him but, with one lean over, he had my shoulders pinned.

After a useless struggle, I dug my hind legs into his belly. The move pushed him off but scratched him in the process with my hind claws. He released a low yelp, then glared at me.

"Again Zara, you would've been dead." Raina shook her head. "Again."

With that word, this lesson turned into one mirroring Cole's and not in a good way, as I got slammed down again and again. Fatigue weakened me each time my head, shoulder, back, or side got pinned over and over.

"Again." Arlo grunted over me, my shoulders bracketed by his paws.

"Again." I got in a few pushes but Arlo rolled me into submission.

"Zara..." The morning sun hallowed around Raina as she leaned down over me, cupping her palms into her thighs.

I was a panting, smelly mess of grass stains, matted hair, and sweat. My tongue lagged out the side of my mouth, brushing close to the ground.

"There's no way you can overpower Arlo," she offered in a quiet voice. "He's too strong. Instead of trying to match his strength, overcome him by using it against him."

She tapped the inside of my hind leg with her index finger. "Push here next time."

Pressing her palms into her thighs, she stood up, stepped back, and nodded at Arlo. My limbs ached but I pushed up to standing, lowering down into a ready position. He lunged again and knocked my shoulders sideways. I slipped onto my side, my legs splayed out as I struggled to stand.

'Now.'

A second before his outstretched front paws reached me, I slipped down onto my back, extended my hind leg and made contact against his leg as Raina had instructed. The push threw him off balance enough to redirect his trajectory.

I felt when Lumi beamed inside me, like a surge of adrenaline. For once, we worked together, not arguing banter back and forth. Our practice session shifted from helping me learn how to defend ourselves to an exercise in strengthening my bond with Lumi.

Finally, I understood what Raina meant about training being important. Even if none of the female wolves fought as warriors, they were stronger due to training reinforcing the bond. It was the source of her pack's radiating internal strength.

And there was no way I could have understood if I'd been told.

Her stern voice cut through my reverence. "Better, Zara. Again."

Even with the same physical effects, from muscles quivering with ache, bones rattled and bruised, and my lungs burning for oxygen, I lifted up my head and met Raina's eyes.

This training, I was more than happy to attempt again... and again.

I spent the rest of the morning training with Raina. After the first hour, she dismissed Idris and Arlo, fighting me herself.

Her wolf Mist was a beautiful silver gray with black accents. Mist was about the same size as Lumi, faster than any wolf I'd seen. She moved like liquid power, slinking silent as a shadow, stealthy, calculated, and cunning.

Mist struck like a pit viper with what seemed like no effort exerted. She was better and bested me in every round, but she still fought with an impressive level of restraint and patience.

After a few more hours, when the sun beat down the hardest, we collapsed onto the grass. My entire body was covered with sweat, with more dirt and grass stuck to my pale skin. Raina had a few beads of sweat glistening at her hairline. Any fatigue she felt didn't show, while every muscle and bone in my body ached for a hot shower, hearty meal, and some muscle relaxers.

"Thank you." I gasped, my chest pitching as I took the water bottle she held out to me. The water felt amazingly cool, so I drank half of the bottle in one round of swallowing.

One corner of her mouth curled up at me, as if my exhausted state amused her. "You're still weak, but you'll get there." If I had the energy then I would have smiled at her half-compliment.

"All the same, thank you." Her eyes rolled, like they had when I expressed my appreciation all morning. "I don't know why my father wouldn't let me learn this. It's like he doesn't care if I get killed."

"What's the deal with him?" She leaned back onto her elbows, gazing forward at the open grasses. "Why did he suppress your wolf?"

"I don't know." Tension squeezed my eyebrows together and drew down the corners of my mouth. "He never explains why he does anything. Not to me at least."

"Maybe he was threatened by you," she offered. "If you mate with a future alpha, then that alpha will be stronger than him."

"Maybe..." My voice trailed off because while I wanted to think my father's motives were unpacked by a simple explanation, I suspected his reasons were linked to more than whoever I mated with.

What specific plans ran through my father's head, I had no idea. We sat for a few moments, resting in silence. My thoughts shifted to her brother Lucus and a sinking feeling spread through me. Pressing into my palms, I sat up and tucked my bare feet under.

"Raina... " I lowered my eyes to my lap, studying the smears of dirt and grass on my calves. "I think you should know... Lucus is not my mate."

"I know." She surprised me with her half-smile, a firm line with the ends curled up.

Her impassive eyes showed my reveal wasn't any surprise. I was impressed that she trained me anyways, despite her knowing that I was not her brother's mate.

Gives me hope that this trip has a salvageable outcome, given the effort.

With one flick of her eyes, she tossed out, "He found his mate in our pack about a week before you arrived... It's been awkward, trust me."

My mouth hung open so wide that I could've caught field flies in it. Swiveling my head, I searched her face for any sign of teasing, any glint in her eyes but found nothing but her stoic, hardened expression.

If anything, she looks annoyed.

I could barely squeak out the words, "He... has a mate already!?"

With one nod from her, my head fell into my hands. Heat rushed over my cheeks and I curled inward, rounding my back and tucking my elbows to my knees.

So that's why he didn't like me.

I thought of the awkward date, and kiss, that we'd shared last night.

And I thought it was my fault.

Him having a mate already explained everything. Selfishly, part of me was relieved our lack of sparks had nothing to do with me. That said, admitting the obvious stung bitterly.

He never wanted me.

As the shock wore off, my nostrils flared and fists clenched.

Why didn't he tell me though? Why even kiss me? He must not trust me.

I feel so, so stupid. If she knows... Oh gosh, they all know.

Tears rose behind my closed eyes, hot and thick, at the idea they all laughed behind my back. Determined Raina didn't see them, I buried my flaming face in my palms.

Or even to my face, mindlinking. Stupid Zara doesn't know the truth.

Raina couldn't read my thoughts, but she clarified, "It doesn't change my father's opinion. He still wants Lucus to mate with you."

My hands slipped down to my lap. Blinking until the blurry green grass and blue eyes came into focus, I glanced sideways at her.

Lucus played along to fulfill an odd sense of pack loyalty. I was his political choice, or more his father's political choice, not his natural preference.

Lumi and I were in full agreement.

His wolf would always reject us.

Our bond would be weak.

Lumi, you were right.

She offered her usual two-worded answer, this time softer and absent her usual 'I told you so' edge.

'Not mate.'

"Alpha Faelon wants us mated?" After Raina nodded, I pressed, "Why?"

With a sigh, she pushed herself up to sit next to me. "Political strength. He's also had a slight against your father for a long time." She didn't offer any more information, averting her eyes. I didn't feel appropriate to press further into her family's personal opinions, so I didn't.

Studying her masked expression, I gained a large amount of respect for Raina's honesty and candor in this moment.

She could have been like Lucus and not shared anything with me.

That said, her confirmation of what I suspected, that my value was in political gain, stung my ego like an open wound doused with antiseptic.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable," I mumbled, hugging my knees into my chest.

The last thing I wanted was to hurt anyone, especially the family who had been kind to us. A chill trickled down my spine at the idea my worth was as a political pawn.

Lucus already belongs to someone else. Wants someone else.

"Flower, it's been uncomfortable since the minute you arrived." Her eyes sharpened as she sat upright. "We haven't had a rogue attack like that before."

"Ever?" I asked her with wide eyes. Her head nodded, a tick appearing in her tightening jaw. "Do you know who was behind it?"

"No, it's always been one or two rogues." Her mouth twitched, which pulled her expression into a frustrated grimace. "Baron captured one, he's in the holding cells. He's not talking, despite Lucus' best attempts."

"Maybe I could talk to him..." The words sounded silly as soon as I mumbled them.

"Not a chance, Flower. You need to go pretty yourself up for your second date with my brother."

Frowning, I gave her a side-eyed look because I wasn't sure how much of that relationship was salvageable. She didn't need a mindlink to know I was thinking of canceling the date.

Now there's no point.

"Their bond is still weak enough," she clarified. "He hasn't marked her yet. From what I've heard, you could break it if you wanted. He thinks your human form is attractive, as much as I haven't wanted privy to those thoughts, his mind has been a jumbled mess since he first saw you."

My eyebrows lifted. "He has?"

The idea I wasn't the only one affected by this makeshift mate setup pushed a slow exhale out of me, relaxing the tension coiling in my chest.

"He has." A flicker of sadness flashed in her eyes, gone in a blink. "And your white wolf has a lot of... influence, if you haven't noticed."

"What influence?" I noticed a lot of intense eye gazes at my human form but only Raina, Idris, and Arlo saw Lumi's form.

Idris and Arlo's reactions weren't so bad, they were both respectful, but she was mentally connected to her pack.

"The unmated males seem to know your every move." She chuckled. "Gamma Jameson is obsessed with you. Even the idiot Idris couldn't keep his inappropriate thoughts to himself when your wolf pinned him on the ground."

"Oh... that." Heat rose in my cheeks, spreading up into my forehead, as I remembered why my father canceled my pack ceremony. "It's... not intentional. I have zero experience with boys, wolves aside."

Tipping her chin up, she barked out a laugh. "Even I can admit that you aren't doing it on purpose, Flower." Coming from her, that seemed like another non-compliment compliment.

"But Lucus has a mate." I squeezed my knees back into my chest, hugging them close.

Butting between the Moon Goddess' choice for him doesn't feel right.

"And you have another date with him tonight," she reminded me, slapping my arm with the back of her hand. "Better get going."

Lucus and I did go out again that evening, on a date that reinforced our friend zone status. He was cute and charming but the detachment on both sides was obvious and awkward.

Instead of pressing a romantic interest, I used our closeness to ask him about his pack, his territory, and what his goals were once he became alpha. In particular, I wanted to know what direction he wanted to steer the Silverback pack in, at the expense that our conversation turned into an interview.

If anything, I wanted an amicable alliance with Lucus. We weren't going to be Alpha and Luna together but had to co-exist.

Despite the ease of our conversation, he didn't mention his mate to me. I didn't bring her up either but wished he told me so we could establish trust between us. The omission left me confused and doubtful of what kind of future relationship we could have.

This time, he didn't even attempt to kiss me.