A/N: physical violence in this chapter.

A few days later, Raina shifted the focus of my training.

"You've surprised me on defense, so we're switching to offensive training today."

After another day of defensive training, Raina and I's moods reversed. Silently mulling over my crumbled situation with Lucus had made me quite irritable and short-tempered. I kept to myself, withdrawing to my room whenever Mist wasn't tossing me all over the training grounds.

On the contrary, Raina appeared to be in a good mood this morning. She seemed pleased with my progress in the sense that she didn't criticize me as much.

At least I still have that going for me.

I wondered if her change in mood had anything to do with my platonic situation with Lucus. But no matter the reason behind her shift, I was grateful that she continued my training because it became the sole reason I was here.

Didn't think my sole reason to be here would be impressing my no longer potential mate's sister, but at this point I'll take it.

As I practiced this week, spending more time in wolf form than human, the stronger Lumi grew inside me. We had become more intertwined, her presence and emotions flowed through me as if they were mine. As her muscles and my ability to manipulate them developed, I felt more comfortable, confident, and powerful as I controlled her body form.

Working together, she grew stronger every day.

This morning, I started to sense that the scale had tipped and she was now more powerful than me. She grew restless, wanting to be in control for a match. How unbridled she was left me unsettled and her impatient.

"Your wolf is smaller." Raina directed me to a spot on the field. "Lumi will always be smaller than males, so she will have to fight smarter. Do the defensive moves first, pushing wolves off their balance rather than overpowering them. It'll put you in control of the fight, acting first instead of reacting."

"Male wolves tend to get hot-headed when attacking females. Pheromones kick in. You'll smell it coming off their pores. Almost always they will try to over power us," she added in a low tone to suggest she was revealing secretive insider information. "Their overconfidence is the main weakness we have to our advantage."

My mind traveled back to yesterday, when she showed me sensitive pressure points on a wolf's body and how to manipulate them to throw a larger opponent off balance. She made me practice hind leg sweeps against one sensitive spot all week. The divot in between the nose and mouth, avoided because of its close proximity to snapping teeth, was another such sensitive area but we hadn't worked on it yet.

"Zara," her sharp tone cut through my thoughts. "Always defend first, put your opponent into an exposed position, then strike. That's the best approach to saving your life after you leave the practice ring."

Moving myself into position, I repeated with a nod, "Defend, expose, strike."

We can do this Lumi.

'Ready.'

She sure was and her desire to do this radiated electricity through every cell of my body. The hairs on my forearms rose in anticipation.

"I do not want your wolf fighting today, got it?" Raina pointed her index finger at me. 

Poof, Lumi was shut down. Her disappointment soaked through me, squeezing my heart and slumping my shoulders.

'Damn.'

At my pout, Raina rolled her eyes. "She'll get her chance, but right now she's too hard to control. Only you today, Zara."

I obliged, shifted into Lumi's form, then stood by Raina's side. With her smaller statue, Lumi's shoulder came to the top of Raina's head.

"Today, you're also getting one more opponent." She turned as four male figures approached us, walking shoulder to shoulder in a line.

My eyes took in Idris, Arlo, Lucus, and... Beta Baron?

Oh, crud. I forgot he was here.

The sight of his snarling, weathered face dropped my stomach and coated my tongue with dryness. My heart pounded harder with each step they approached with, until it thundered in my ears. The hair on my neck bristled and saliva pooled under my parched tongue.

I offered Idris and Arlo a small whine and both smiled politely, dipping their chins down.

Lucus' wide eyes stared at me, the first time he saw Lumi's form. A small, wistful smile played on his lips. I flattened my ears at Lucus and struggled to suppress the snarl in my chest that I wanted to direct at Baron.

No way I want to fight him.

My paws lifted and padded the ground in front of Raina. When she snorted, I realized I leaned into her shoulder and straightened up.

As if he sensed my thoughts, Baron crossed his arms over his chest. His stormy-gray eyes narrowed into slits and he sneered. "Only here for a progress report for your father."

Lovely.

His words swirled a mix of emotions inside me. I was relieved to hear that I wasn't fighting him, glad I shifted before he or any of the other males saw me exposed, but melancholy that whatever he saw would get reported back to my father. The combination surged my blood faster through my veins but muddied my thoughts.

"Lucus, you first." Raina nodded at him.

My eyes averted while he stripped his shirt off, not before I caught a smirk from him. With my gaze on the ground between us, he shifted. Only once a low growl sounded out did I lift my eyes.

As his black head reared back, I got an up-close reminder of how Lucus' wolf was by far the largest in the pack. His black fur bristled with highlights from the overhead sun. Shadow towered an entire head height above Lumi, his broad chest expanded and he glared down his snout at her.

My legs locked in place, I fought the urge that I shrunk down and recoiled in submission. Like Raina suggested, I held his eye gaze in a silent challenge... even if my tail twitched, tickling my haunches.

"Zara." Raina placed one hand on the side of my face, tugging it to focus my attention. "I said we're doing attack but remember, defense first. Two is more than twice as difficult with the mindlink. Start with Lucus and get used to exposing an opponent's weakness. Don't worry about the attack part. Try to knock him on his furry ass."

I lowered my head. She nodded, stepping back into line next to Baron.

Looking at Shadow, my tail wagged a few strokes at his commanding presence. His eyes glowed bright cobalt blue and his coal black fur covered him, except a few gray strands on the tips on his ears and bottom of his muzzle. His scent smelled like a fresh woodsy smell mixed with a musk I couldn't place but drew me in.

Inhaling another intoxicating scent lowered my heavy-lidded eyes, lulling my muscles slacked.

Lumi stirred in my mind, rushing a flash of heat through my body. My heart pounded hard pains in my chest, raising the hairs on the back of my neck and pricking up my ears. Shorter breaths panted out my open mouth.

He wasn't our mate, but she was interested in Shadow. And, by interested... she was aroused by him.

My eyes closed because otherwise they would have rolled out of my head.

Oh, now you like him. We need to focus, Lumi. Not our mate, remember?

"Whenever you're ready, Zara."

My eyes snapped open at Raina's words. Bracing my paws into the trodden earth, my claws extended and I dropped my head lower. The smell of grass and dirt filled my nostrils as they flared and clenched my jaw shut.

If fighting Arlo was hard, then Lucus was almost impossible. His scent hit me first, of earth and pheromones, the unplaced musty smell I couldn't identify until it was flung in my face.

The pheromone scent was Lumi's equivalent of catnip. It steeped right up my nose into my brain, sending her into a drowsy, distracted state. Upon impact, he powered me over in one roll, but I pressed all four legs into his belly and pushed him away with a grunt.

In one roll, he stood up, flexed the muscles in his legs, and lunged again. I rolled away as his jaws snapped at my shoulder.

Once clear, I pressed my paws down and bounded up to standing. I didn't have time to steady myself before he slammed into me again, a hard force rushing the air out of my lungs. I stuck out my paw haphazardly, catching the sinewy muscles under his jaw. He froze at the contact, so I leaned in and snapped at the exposed area of his neck. My teeth nipped at the hairs but I didn't graze the skin. The roll of his eyes made us both realize I'd gotten him, even pinned, so he released me.

We danced like this six more times. Each time more and more confidence grew inside me. Three of the times Lucus bested me, but the other three we either tied in lock-jaw holds or I bested him. He had a soft spot near his right ankle that was susceptible when I swept his balance out from underneath him.

"Good, Zara."

I sat back on my haunches, pleased at Raina's praise. My chest heaved as Lumi's lungs expanded with deep recovery breaths.

She pressed her lips together, suppressing a smile, then waved off her brother. "That's enough, Lucus."

He shifted back, dressed himself, then looked back at me with a slight smirk. I assumed that he'd leave, but he had enough interest that he stayed to observe. Standing next to Arlo, he tucked his palms in his back pockets, arching up his broad chest. Sweat-soaked strands of his hair stuck to his forehead and temples, which he brushed aside.

Raina's voice redirected my focus and I met her pointed glare. "Idris and Arlo, your turn. Zara, remember, defense first."

I took a deep breath, curling my claws into the hard ground they stood on. My heart thumped as Idris and Arlo shifted, both circling me like sharks. Keeping still in a crouched, readied position, I used Lumi's sharpened hearing to track where they moved outside my peripheral vision.

Arlo stepped in first, his jaws snapping at my hind leg. I moved up to a standing position, but didn't move since he baited me. I kept a close eye on Idris, whose gray form crouched down to pounce. Within a second he was over me, but I was ready, I pushed him in Arlo's direction. He stepped aside, let Idris fall to the ground, then pounced. I swept his leg out and pushed him away.

"That's it, Zara."

Raina's praise drew my eyes, during which Idris knocked me over and pinned me in a submissive position on my side. As his razor-sharp canines bared down at my neck, Arlo lunged at me in a flash of gray out of the corner of my eye.

My heart stopped under Arlo's shadow. Instinctively, all my muscles locked up like a corpse. My blood chilled and every cell in my body locked up and froze.

And in my panic, I made the worst decision possible at that moment. Where I faltered and withdrew, Lumi surged forward. Moving on survival instinct, I screamed and she grabbed control with two words in mind.

'Not weak.'

Like gray knives, I watched as she extended her claws, and tore into Idris' belly in one strike. Streams of blood released, gushing warm streams over her snout, with his shrill yelp. Where I sat, hearing that sound, I felt his pain.

No, Lumi!

My screams echoed off the endless blackness like a cave, and she ignored me.

Lumi's paws were stained red as she clawed him repeatedly, shredding into his warm flesh like a butcher. Arlo lunged, knocking her down but she rolled over, shoved herself up, and pressed him back with a murderous snarl.

"Zara!" Raina's faint voice fluttered my eyes.

The pounding of Lumi's heart was so loud, her adrenaline pulsated through her muscles, I didn't hear anything else. Through her near rabid state, blurry, vague shapes passed in her line of vision.

Vibrations shook me as Lumi roared a menacing growl, rushed in, and rolled Arlo over. She snapped her jaws, over and over. He dodged, but Lumi was faster and her claws dug into any part of him that she could find.

With a lunge, she tore into his neck and spilled blood onto the ground. He stumbled, staggering sideways with blood drooling out his neck, and whimpering. His blue eyes, dull and lifeless, rolled closed as his legs collapsed.

The fight should have been over but Lumi wasn't done. With a flick of her tongue, her taste for blood wasn't satiated. The hairs on her hackles raised and another growl vibrated through me.

Lumi, no. No!

Whimpering and reaching out, I begged her from within. I was frozen and helpless, watching as events unfolded in front of me like a horror film.

'NOT WEAK!'

Lumi lunged at him, jaws open, going for the kill when a hard body tackled her from the side. Shadow stood over her like a large dark presence showing Lucus had shifted back. His lunge pushed her away from Arlo and their limbs tangled and clashed.

Growling menacingly, they rolled over twice, then pinned her down with a hard slam into the ground. He held her down into grass, his long, muscular legs keeping him out of the reach from her snapping jaws. Saliva flung as she flailed and snapped, until he placed a large paw against her throat. Pressing down into her chords, she growled and writhed, but Shadow was too strong.

"Zara!!" Raina's scream pierced my ears. "Control her!"

My hands balled into fists and I screamed as loud as my mind knew how to.

Lumi, enough! You won. Stop.

STOP.

Lumi snapped her mouth, tucked her snout, and flattened her ears in submission. Her chest heaved with breaths as she laid still, shrinking back toward me.

Slowly, Shadow released her, growling low and even. She rolled over, stood, but sat down on her hind haunches, front paws planted in a standing position.

Enough.

The words 'bad dog' tipped on my tongue as I pushed her back into my mind. Consciousness whooshed through me, leaving me dizzy and unfocused. Blinking my eyes, shouts and whimpers filled my ears. Shifting back into human form, my legs faltered and I gasped for breath. My trembling fingers, covered in blood, picked up my clothes and dressed as quickly as possible.

Idris and Arlo's blood.

Once dressed, I lifted my eyes to the horrible scene in front of me. Idris had collapsed on the ground and laid, hunched over and with his knees curled up. Both his hands pressed in his stomach, blood pouring through his fingers. Arlo sat, his dark eyes half-lidded and lips parted. Blood ran down his neck and stained the muscles on his chest and stomach like thin, red tributaries.

"Arlo." Raina gasped as she rushed into Arlo's side.

As she pressed a cloth into his neck wound. Lucus shifted back into human form and stepped over to Idris. Both of their faces drained of their color.

"Lucus, are you all right?" Clutching his elbow, Raina inspected him.

He nodded. "Yes. Fuck, hang in there." Lucus knelt next to Idris on the ground and looked up at Raina. "I mindlinked the pack doctor. They need to go to the infirmary. Hang on Idris."

"Idris!" I rushed forward, crouching down with tears flowing down my cheeks. My lips trembled, slurring my words, "I-I'm so sorry. I didn't mean -"

"Stay back!" Lucus snapped me as I reached for Idris' shoulder. "You've done enough."

"Lucus!" Raina chided him. "It wasn't Zara's fault."

In the midst of all the commotion, Baron stood back, stone silent and his eyes fixated on me. For once, he wasn't glaring. His face was expressionless except for a smile pulling up the corners of his mouth.

With one heel spin, he turned away and headed back to the pack house. A quick look back over his shoulder showed his eyes glassy with a mindlink.

My eyes caught the flurry of Silverback pack members that approached us, then carried Arlo and Idris onto stretchers into large vehicles. Lucus frowned, jumping in with Arlo and Raina cast me a last look.

Trembling like a leaf in a storm, my palms clung to my elbows as my fingers gouged into my skin. Hot rivers poured out of my eyes and my nose clogged with congestion. Gagging and coughing, I didn't attempt to hold back my tears and sobs.

"C'mon."

I heard Elena's soft voice, numb in my ears. Her hand loosened one of my finger grips, then tugged on my hand. I didn't see when she arrived, but was glad for her presence leading me away.

In the back of my mind, Lumi whimpered, but I ignored her.

I am a monster.