TRINITY

"He wouldn't what?"Nya basically shouted in the bathroom.

"Please,"I whispered. "There's other people in here."

She rolled her eyes and picked up her phone. I knew exactly what she was going to do, and I didn't want her to do it. I shot her a look, but she proceeded to do it anyways, not caring for my opinion.

"Ayo! The bell rings in 30 seconds! Y'all gon be late,"She said out loud.

Within a moment, all of the girls hurried out of the bathroom. I couldn't help but laugh. Truth is, the bell would ring in about a minute and thirty seconds, and that was more than enough time to get them where they were going.

Nya, Kim, Royale, Eli, and I all had library science. We were basically interns that stacked the books, checked people out, organized reading rallies. It was fun, and not much work. That's the only reason that the others signed up to take the class.

Us being late wouldn't hurt us. We could say we were picking up books from the lost and found, but of course we would actually have to do that.

I slipped on the jeans Nya had brought me from her house. I hadn't worn them in years, and they sure did fit very tightly. I wasn't too fond of the look, especially at school, but it would have to do.

"So if I'm hearing you correctly, you jumped on that nigga, and he ain't wanna fuck?"Kim asked. "He gay."

"He is not gay, Kim. He said he didn't feel an emotional connection with me."

"News alert...he's gay,"She responded.

I rolled my eyes as I pulled the t-shirt over my head. Once again, it fit very tightly, and I was not pleased.

"He got a girlfriend,"Nya concluded. "It's the only other option."

"Or,"I said annoyed, "He actually wants to have an emotional connection with me. I don't blame him for it. It was just extremely embarrassing."

Kim and Nya looked at each other with the same look. I sighed as I put the rest of my belongings in my bag.

"The car ride was so awkward,"I continued. "We didn't speak once."

"What's his last name again?"Kim asked.

"Davis, I think. Wh-"

"That's him, bitch!"Nya shouted.

Kim's mouth dropped at whatever was on the phone. I snatched the phone to see what they were looking at. Not to any surprise, it was Warren himself.

WarrenD219: 🤫

"Damn that nigga fine! Why you ain't fuck him?"Nya shouted.

"Bitch....He really got all them tattoos?"Kim asked.

"Yes, he do. A whole sleeve and th-"

My face fell as I scrolled through his page. The plentiful pictures of another girl made me sad.

I guess Nya and Kim noticed I wasn't screaming at them to be quiet. Kim took the phone out of my hand and saw what I was looking at.

"At least you know he's not gay..."Nya mumbled.

"Bitch, shut the fuck up. You always saying shit,"Kim fussed. "Who is she?"

WarrenD219: Always and Forever babygirl

"That's why he ain't wanna fuck!"Nya shouted. "He got a gi-"

"Ladies! The bell has rung. Get to class!"The principal shouted from outside of the bathroom.

We all scrambled for our things. Mr. Williams knew all of our parents personally, and none of us wanted to risk getting in trouble.

I slipped on my shoes, and laced them quickly. Nya grabbed her makeup bag off is the counter and shoved it into her bag. Kim stuffed the books she took out of her backpack back into her hands.

We quickly rushed out of the bathroom. Mr. Williams gave us a look as we all ran towards the library.

Once we got to the door, we bursted with laughter. Kim was hunched over on the ground, practically dying. I was holding my stomach from laughing so hard.

"Trinity, your shirt inside out!"Nya laughed at me.

I looked down, and sure enough it was. My laughter stopped once I became annoyed. I'm seventeen and still putting on my shirt wrong.

"Can you take my stuff inside? I'm going to go fix it in the bathroom."

Nya snatched my book bag playfully. They both walked inside of the library, giggling very softly.

I made my way back to the bathroom, trying to keep out of Mr. William's sight. If he saw me without a pass, it would be an instant detention.

I quickly changed my shirt to the correct way. I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't look terrible. My curly hair was still somewhat in tact. My outfit was a bit too tight, but it highlighted my soft curves. I wasn't very curvy, but there was still something there. Mommy says I look like a little boy sometimes, considering I don't have much hips or boobs.

My phone buzzed in my back pocket. I reached for it, and saw Eli's name. I hadn't heard from him since last night. He texted me goodnight, but he didn't answer my questions on where he was at.

New message from Eli
Received at 7:39 AM

We need to talk. Come to my car?

A soft smile grew across my face. He was going to apologize, finally. It was the apology I'd been waiting almost two days for, and I was looking forward to hearing those bittersweet words come out of his mouth.

I fluffed my hair, pulled up my jeans, and tucked my shirt in. Once I finished, I headed outside.

I was practically running to his car, but once I saw it, I slowed down to make it seem like I wasn't in a hurry. I didn't want him to think I was worried about him, but deep down I was.

When he noticed me at his car, he opened up the passenger door. I smiled as I got in, but that smile quickly faded as I saw the look on his face.

He wasn't happy. He didn't look great. He looked tired, like the whole world was coming down on his shoulders.

"Eli,"I said. "What's going on?"

He grabbed my hand, and ran his finger over my knuckles. He only did that when he was about to tell me something terrible.

I braced myself for the words that were going to come out of his mouth.

"She was pregnant,"He muttered.

"Pregnant?"I shouted. "Eli, what the f-"

"She got an abortion,"He interrupted. "She got an abortion without talking to me first, Trinity. I lost my child."

Tears streamed down his eyes as he continued to run his fingers over my knuckles. His face was a bright red. Any other day, I would've felt the need to console him, but right now I didn't. I couldn't console him.

I snatched my hand away as quickly as I could. He looked up at me. His eyes begged for my sympathy.

"You got her pregnant?"I shouted. "Now you want to boo-fucking-hoo cause she doesn't want your bitch ass baby?"

"Don't s-"

"No, I'll say whatever the fuck I want to say, you dumb bitch. I look like a fucking fool for you, and you want to cry about this shit? Eli, I swear on everything I love, I'm fighting the urge to kill you right now."

"Trinity, can you please stop being ghetto, for one second? I lost my chi-"

"Ghetto?"I practically screamed. "I'm being ghetto for telling you how it is?"

He looked down in defeat after he realized what he had said.

"You know what, fuck you, Eli,"I said as I opened the car door. I quickly turned around so I was face to face with him again. "Oh, and guess what? Your child, would've hated you anyways. Two cells or a full grown fetus, it still knows you're a fucking asshole."

I slammed his car door after I got out of the car. He rolled down the windows, shouting apologizes at me, but I didn't listen.

I walked as quickly as I could to the side of the school. Once I was there, I slumped down against the wall, put my head on my knees, and cried every single tear I had left in me.

I hated myself.

***

"I'm trying not to go insane,"I sung along. "...they say lately I ain't been the same...but they will never know my pain."

Phora's rapping accompanied the soft cries I let out as I rapped along. The words hit closer to home.

I picked up the bottle and brought it to my lips. The dark liquor burned my throat, but it was the only thing that made me feel good again.

More text messages popped up on my phone, but I swiped them away. I couldn't deal with Eli today.

Yesterday was painful for me. I didn't go home last night. I couldn't. I could muster up enough strength to face my parents.

Eli showed up after school to talk to my parents. He knew that was my weak spot. My mother would support us together until the end. To my mother, he was a white man, and he brought me so many opportunities that a black man couldn't. She wanted us together, even if I felt like shit about it.

He convinced my parents to summon me home, but I knew he's be there. I couldn't take the pain of seeing him. I couldn't take any pain.

The bottle of brandy was the only thing making me feel better. It was $12, but it was enough to get the job done.

The lake looked nice as the sun set. The water glimmered from the sun's pinkish tone on the sky. It almost brought a smile to my face, but nothing could do that.

I laid back and watched the sun move farther out of sight. That's what I was: the sky.

The sky had brief moments of light, and then it's consumed by darkness. The sun shines, then the moon replaces it. The stars and clouds represent people, and the moon and sun represent us.

The stars shine bright at night. They have a purpose. The moon is just a rock, nothing more than that.

The sun has the purpose during the day, and clouds only hide the pain.

Right now, I was transitioning to night. I was the moon, with no purpose other than being there. My friends shined brightly, but they didn't care for me. They never have.

"So I lie and say that I'm okay, but I've been plotting on my suicide,"I sung softly.

Suddenly, the pills in my hand had more of a purpose. I didn't even know what they were. They consisted of whatever I could buy from the dealer outside.

I told him I didn't want to feel the pain anymore, and he immediately knew what I meant. I'm sure my face said enough. He told me I'd be out at least ten minutes after I take it.

The next ten minutes could be my last ten minutes. I put the bottle of brandy down beside me, and fumbled with the pills in my hand.

Finally, gaining the courage to do so, I pulled my hand to my mouth. My hand was shaking so badly, I could barely get one pill into my mouth.

"Trinity?"I heard a voice call out.

I looked behind me and saw Amir. He had his hands stuffed into his pockets. He took one out to tug at his headphones.

Moment went by before he said anything else. He walked closer to me, and examined what was happening. His eyebrows furrowed once he put the pieces together.

"Give me this shit,"He mumbled as he snatched the pills from my hands.

He tossed them into lake with one throw. I quickly stood up to reach for his hand, but by the time I did they were gone.

Relief covered my body, but my mind was disappointed. My body want to live, but my mind wanted to win it all. Mind triumphs body, but never in my situations.

"Please, Amir,"I cried. "I don't want to do this anymore...I can't do this anymore."

He pulled me in for a hug. His right embraced comforted my soul. I felt my body getting weak as I cried in his arms.

"It's going to be okay,"He whispered. "It's going to be okay."

He reached into his pocket and scrolled through his phone. I pulled away to see what he was doing. He tapped on the name that I didn't want him to.

"Don't call him, plea-"

"Shawty, you need him,"He responded. "I know my brother is an asshole, but deep down he cares. He needs you as much as you need him right now."

I didn't respond. I just wondered why he would need me.

Why would I need him?