"I take my whiskey neat
My coffee black and my bed at three
You're too sweet for me
You're too sweet for me."
....

Click click click

“How did it go?”

I only freeze with my camera poised mid air, just as I'm about to click the shutter. It's like I'm expecting her.

Heck, I was.

“Um, it…didn't go well.”

I wanted to joke a bit about it but I don't think I could if I tried. And saying the truth just makes it hurt less.

I take a shaky breath and go back to taking my pictures.

“How? What happened?” she probes and I bite my lip, not really surprised at how much I wanted her to ask.

“They aren’t talking to me.”

“Omg, Jordan, that's horrible,” she gasps, finally stepping out to face me on the bench I'm sitting on.

I still avoid eye contact with her as she stands right it front of me, staring at me intensely.

I can still see some part of her outfit though as I face downward to swipe through pictures on my camera. The light blue of her jeans is a blur untill she steps closer to me.

I take a deep breath and look up, causing her to step back a little.

Why can't she just make this easier and just like…disappear or something?

“Jordan…you're not saying anything,” she whines, unfortunately adorably. She reaches out and grabs one of the strings from my hoodie and messes about with it.

“Star, I told you that we weren’t friends anymore. Why don’t you want to leave me alone?” I say firmly.

She pouts and I can see slight hurt flash through her eyes, although she tries to mask it really well.

“Can't you just give me another chance? I really miss you Jordan.” She grabs the other string and pulls on the both of them, causing the neck of the hoodie to tighten, almost choking me in the process.

“Oops,” she mumurs and reaches out to free me. I try to ignore the warmth of her fingers as they brush against my neck and swallow hard.

I clear my throat, still not meeting her eyes, scared that I wouldn't be able to hold myself. “Like I said, and I’ll keep saying, it's not you, it's me.”

She sighs and nods.
“So why are you still here, talking to me?”

“Do you want me to leave?” I say with a teasing smile. She shakes her head quickly and I can’t help but laugh.

I swear, she's acting so adorable, it surprises me. When I first met her, she wasn't always like this. She was more cool and carefree. Did I make her this way?

“I'm just here because I don't have the energy to run away,” I say, finally giving her eye contact. Her eyes are still on me and I look away almost immediately.

She chuckles. “Fair point.”

“Yeah…”

“So…” the sneaky little thing sits down next to me on the bench and I struggle a lot to to keep my composure.

How is it possible to like someone more and more even when you're spending less and less time with them?

“You're actually doing photography? Like…as a passion?”

I give her a tight smile and nod, remembering how I snapped when she brought it up last time.
“Yeah…I actually want to take it more seriously.”

“I'm really happy for you. Simlar thing happened with…Kyle. He was in love with music but his parents didn't want him to do it for some reasons but…in the end he went with music after I talked to him about it. I really hope wherever he is, he's still doing it. He was so obsessed with music, it was so cute. He was always behind the piano in the music room any chance he got, always writing songs…” she sighs, pausing from her ramble that causes my heart clench in a way I don't like.

I wonder if she likes me more than she liked him.

She really loved this boy, the way she rambles on about him with that faint, sad smile on her lips. If he never moved away, she could have been so happy with him. So so happy she wouldn't have to deal with me…

I feel really bad for her.

I glance her and I think she notices. She gives me a small smile that I really don't know what it means but I just give her one back.

“Kyle seems like a guy I'd like to meet.”

“You guys would love each other,” she says with a laugh and proceeds to play with the zip on her jacket.

I can't help but give her a warm, genuine smile that comes from the depths of my heart. I can't help but like her more day by day.

And I know I shouldn't.

She turns to look at me and I look away immediately.

“I'm still waiting for my picture,” she says, batting her lashes at my direction.

I let out a chuckle and give a sigh of frustration.

“Okay, fine. Go and stand there, just right in front of the sunset. I think I can get something beautiful from this.”

“Yay!” she squeals and gets up, quickly heading towards the direction that I point out.

I get down from the bench and proceed to work on getting the perfect picture. Truly, everything in the picture frame is beautiful. The trees, the grasses, the sky, the sunset, Star.

One thing I would never understand is how I can never get over the beauty of nature even though I see I almost all the time. And I feel the same way about Star.

God, I think of her too much.

“Okay just move to the right a little,” I tell her and she shuffles a little until I give her a thumbs up.

I zoom in and out unit I feel it's perfect. I try not to laugh at the bad boy pose she pulls and awe at how well she could pull it off. She can be so cute and cool at the same time.

Damn, girl. Duality.

I snap myself out of my thoughts and click the shutter, getting the picture perfectly. I take a few more. Sunsets are beautiful, I decide for the millionth time in my life.

“Perfect!” I say and smile at the pictures as Star runs over enthusiastically.

“Lemme see, lemme see!”

“Okay, okay...” I swipe though the pictures and watch proudly as her smile grows brighter.

“This is so beautiful, omg, Jordan! You're so good at this. The sunset in the background was…” she mimes an explosion at the sides of her head and I can't help but laugh. "You made it even better than I expected."

“I know.” I bite my bottom lip to hide the smile that is incoming. “It's now one of my favourite pictures I've taken.”

“Aww…” she coos, looking up at me. I keep my eyes on the camera, not daring to look up at her. “that’s such a sweet thing to say.”

“It's the truth.” I take a deep breath and shut my camera off, immediately noticing that it's getting late. The sunset is fading away into the sky and the shade of blue up there is getting darker. “Anyway, I should go. You should go.”

“Okay,” she says, tucking her hand into her jacket pocket. “See you…tomorrow?”

Why is she trying so hard to make this hard?!!!

“Maybe,” I find myself saying, to my utter surprise.

Don't blame me…I love being with her.

“Okay! See ya then?”

“Get home safely.”

“You too.”

I smile to myself throughout the walk home.

God, why do I have to push something I love so much away? Do I have to?