When the month of August came, I always look for Savannah. Hindi pa man kami nagmi-midterm noon at hindi pa kami nagkakalinawan ni Grace tungkol sa mga naging problema sa aming dalawa, palagi ko nang pinupuntahan si Savannah kung nasaan siya.

I just wanted to relive the moments we had back when we were happy. I just wanted to relive the feelings I had when we were dancing under the first rainfall of the August month.

But it rained . . . and it rained. A storm came, numbers of low pressure areas were experienced for the whole month of August, and I never saw her dance under the first rainfall of August ever again. I never saw her get excited with the rain anymore.

For the whole month of August, I never saw her smile when it rained, not even once. I was always watching her from afar. I almost cut classes just so I could see her expressions for the rain she loved to anticipate. And I never saw that same excitement again.

Naging normal na araw na lang para sa kan'ya ang panahon ng tag-ulan.

Dalawang araw na lang, patapos na ang buwan ng August. Nauubusan na ako ng pag-asa na uulan pa. Nauubusan na ako ng pag-asa na makikita ko siyang ngumiti dahil sa ulan, kasi pakiramdam ko, wala nang iuulan ang buwan ng August. Naiulan na niya yata ang lahat kagabi at hindi ko man lang nakitang lumabas at naglaro sa ulan si Savannah.

"Hindi ba uulan?" iritang tanong ko kay Grace habang nasa library kami, sinasamahan ko siyang mag-review dahil tapos naman na ako sa plates ko.

She scoffed. "As much as I remember, Connor, you despised the rain because it's ruining your shoes, right?" She raised her right eyebrow at me while her lips are playing with her ballpen.

I chuckled. "There're just things that you'll learn to love in life. Those things that you used to dislike will eventually matter to you when you already met the person you want to be with."

She smiled at me before looking at her paper and continued scribbling on it.

"I think it's going to rain tomorrow," she says as she answers her activity.

"Paano mo naman nasabi?"

She faced me with small smile. "I just believe it will rain tomorrow. If you really learned to love something, you just have to believe that it will come to you on the day that you want it the most."

I smiled at her as I brushed her hair with my hands. She glared at me because of that. "Thanks, but can't it rain now?"

She chuckled. "Then believe that it will rain today. You won't lose anything if you believe in it." She shrugged and then completely shifted her attention to her paper works.

I just smiled as I watched her get more serious while she's writing. This is what I really missed about her. We may not end up with each other but at least, we can count on each other when things get tough. She'll never feel alone anymore.

As I watched Grace become more serious with her activities, I saw three girls entered the library. Kumabog ang dibdib ko nang magtama ang paningin namin ni Savannah. Wala pa rin siyang emos'yon sa tuwing nakikita ako. Hindi man lang nagugulat o naiilang. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman dahil doon.

Naupo sila ng iba pa niyang kasama sa dulong parte ng library at nagsimulang mag-aral.

"She's there, oh? Why don't you talk to her na? Ayusin n'yo na kaya," Grace said in her cute accent.

I smiled as I watched Savannah highlighting some things on her book while her friends are stealing glancing at me—and Grace. She never looked back at me again after being seated.

I sighed. "I just don't know how to properly approach her."

"Go now." She pushed me that made me look at her. "Do you think I need you here?" She chuckled. "Go on and talk to her na."

I smiled at her. "When it rains, I'll talk to her."

Umirap siya bago itinuloy ang ginagawa.

I still have classes at 4:00 PM so I had to leave Grace in the library for me to attend to my class. Naghahabol siya ng activities na hindi niya na-take dahil nagkaroon siya ng therapy no'ng Thursday.

I'm so happy to see her getting better now. I know that she's got better already the moment I saw her the first time in few years, but looking at her now, she looks glowing . . . blooming. She says that it's the effect of the antidepressants that she's taking.

Habang nasa loob ako ng room at nakikinig sa discussion ng Prof namin para sa Power Plant Engineering, ang kaninang maliwanag na kalangitan dahil sa sikat ng araw, unti-unting nagdidilim na para bang uulan nang napakalakas mamaya.

Tiningnan ko ang relong suot ko at nakitang 4:58 PM na. May 30 minutes pa bago matapos ang klase at naiinis ako. Kung bakit ba naman kailangan pang magbadya ang ulan habang may klase, eh. Paano ako makakaalis dito? Matanda at masungit ang professor na 'to!

I shouldn't have believed that it will rain today, baka sakaling hindi umulan. Sana pala bukas na lang, o kaya naman mamayang gabi, kapag siguradong nakauwi na si Savannah at wala kami sa kani-kanila naming klase.

Humaba pa nang humaba ang discussion hanggang sa bumuhos na nga ang ulan. Napahilamos ako sa mukha ko sa inis habang hindi mapakali ang katawan ko kung ano ang dapat gawin. Gusto ko nang lumabas. Gusto ko nang puntahan si Savannah, pero alam ko namang may klase siya dahil nauna siyang umalis kanina sa akin sa library.

Sana pala hindi na lang ako pumasok.

Five minutes bago ang dismissal, tuluyan nang nag-dismiss ang professor matapos ibigay ang mga assignments at activities sa mga susunod na araw. Habang naghihintay ang mga kaklase ko na tumila ang ulan, kinuha ko na ang gamit ko at lumabas ng room. Mabilis kong tinungo ang labas ng building at nakitang medyo baha sa labas.

Fuck, 'yung sapatos ko.

Napabuntonghininga ako bago nilusong ang baha na 'yon at nilakad ang mga silong na madaraan papunta sa building ng Interior Design department. Mabuti na lang mas malapit 'yon, dahil kung noon na MMA pa ang course niya, malayo pa ang lalakarin ko bago makarating sa kan'ya.

Nang makarating, nakita ko na halos walang tao sa labas ng building. Karamihan, sa loob naghihintay. Pumasok ako sa loob ng building at sinilip ang mga room at nakitang nandoon ang mga estudyante sa loob, naghihintay na tumila ang ulan.

Pinunasan ko ang buhok kong basa na sa tubig ulan habang papunta sa department, bago itinuloy ang pagtingin sa loob ng room, hinahanap si Savannah.

Paakyat na ako sa second floor ng building nang makita ko sa gilid ang isang babaeng nakatalikod, may brown na buhok, nakalahad ang kamay habang dinarama ang pagbagsak ng tubig ulan dito.

Nahigit ko ang paghinga ko nang makita ko siya. Alam kong siya 'yon. Kilalang-kilala ko ang hubog ng katawan niya, lalo na ang kamay niyang gustong-gusto kong hinahawakan noong kami pa.

Lumunok ako bago humakbang papalapit sa kan'ya.

"Savvy."

Nakita ko kung paano siya napatigil sa pagtawag ko sa kan'ya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kabang-kaba ako ngayong kaharap ko siya nang ganito kalapit at ganito kalakas ang ulan. Parang dati lang, naliligo pa kami sa ulan nang masaya . . . nagtatawanan. Ngayon, lagi ko na lang siyang pinanonood na mula sa malayo.

Bahagya siyang lumingon sa akin. My heart races when I saw her dark blue eyes, looking at me.

"Why are you here?" she asked as she faced me completely.

Umiling ako at ngumiti nang maliit. "I just want to see you." The corners of my eyes started to heat. "Hindi ko alam kung kailan pa uulan ngayong August. This is the only chance I am sure I got."

She didn't respond to me in any way. She never smiled or nodded at me; she just kept on staring at me, waiting for me to talk.

"I miss you." mabilis na nabasag ang boses ko matapos kong sabihin 'yon, kasabay ng mabilis na pagtakas ng mga luha ko. "I miss you so much."

She looked away as I held her cold and wet hands. She let me do it. She didn't remove my hands and it made me a little happy.

I grabbed the chance because I don't know when I will hold her hand like this again.

"Take me back, please . . ." I begged. "Can't you come back to me and fix things up?"

She sighed. I totally lost all my hopes. Even though I know that the chance of her—coming back to me—is so vague, I didn't let it shake my faith because I love her.

"Connor, ayaw ko na talaga." She sighed.

I gulped. "I'll be better, please . . ." I pulled her closer, hugging her. "I miss you so bad."

I heard her heaved a deep sigh. "Can't you just . . . be there for her now? She needs you."

"Pero ikaw ang kailangan ko." Kumalas ako sa yakap at hinawakan ang magkabilang balikat niya. "I know I can't leave her alone because she needs me, but, can't you be there for me?"

Bahagya siyang ngumiti. "Connor, hindi naman ako mababaw para hilingin sa 'yo 'yan. I'll never ask you to leave her alone. I'm not petty. Can't you just stop treating me like one?"

Napayuko ako nang mapagtanto ko na nagkamali na naman ako ng binitawang salita. Alam ko na mali ang sinabi ko, dahil kahit kailan, hindi niya naman hiniling sa akin 'yon. Savannah is a very great woman. She's matured for her age, and that's one of the things I loved, and still love, about her.

"I'll never ask you to leave her for my own good. What makes you think like that? Gan'yan ba ang pagkakakilala mo sa akin?" Umiling ako nang paulit-ulit bago siya hinila muli at niyakap. "Connor, she's still healing. Can't you just . . . be there for her?"

I sighed. "Can't you be there for me too?"

There was a long silence between us and the only thing that's clear to my ears is the sound of rain, slowly calming down itself. Papahina na nang papahina . . . papawala na nang papawala. Katulad na lang ng pag-asa ko na babalik si Savannah sa akin.

"I can't watch you as I stayed beside you . . . while knowing what you had in the past, Connor. I'm sorry."

After she said that, she pulled away and turned her back at me, before she started walking in the middle of the rain.

___

"Psychics' scientist Dr. Michio Koku analogizes the existence of parallel universe as an area outside of the pool to a fish which has always been living inside of a pool. The fish cannot see the area outside of the pool because the limitation of the 'technology' he has. And the same goes to humans; we can't see the other universe for the same reason.

"Even though the fish can't see other life outside the pool, but he knows the existence of this other life from the vibration that he feels through the wave at the surface of the pool water as the effect of droplets from rain. The vibration the fish feels is the gravity and light from other universe that is undertaken by other parts of our souls."  — ameliadevina.com