"S-Second base—" napatakip ako ng bibig.

Tangina, anong nangyayari sa akin? Para akong virgin kung mag-react dito, pota!

Tumawa si Savannah sa sinabi ko. "I know you're not a virgin," she smirked. "Come on, make me want to have a home run with you."

I looked at her, couldn't believe what I am hearing. "Babe, saan mo ba natutunan 'yan . . ." pahina nang pahina ang boses ko.

Savannah is one of the most open-minded people around me, but she, talking about the bases of love, feels so damn different. I'm turned on. Fuck!

"Terrence said that there are four bases of love."

Napahilamos na lang ako sa binanggit niyang pangalan. Ito na nga ba ang sinasabi ko. Ilang beses ko pa lang isinama sa lakad namin, kung anu-ano na kaagad ang natutunan. Hindi ko man lang napapansin!

"And?"

She smiled. "I want a home run—" napahigit ako ng buntonghininga sa sinabi niya. "But not now, I think?"

What's wrong with me? Parang kanina lang, pinaghahandaan ko ang mga pwedeng mangyari sa amin ngayon dito, pero ngayong kaharap ko na siya, naduduwag ako.

"Don't you want to . . . e-eat first?"

She laughed. "Kumain na ako. Kasama ang Mama mo."

Napalunok ako bago napatitig sa mga mata niya. Sa liwanag na binibigay ng condo naming, nabibigyan ng liwanag ang mga mata niya, dahilan para masulyapan ko ang kulay blue na sumisilip sa mga mata niya.

I smiled at her before carrying her, making her sit on my lap. "Are you even sure about this?"

She smirked. "With you, nothing's hazy."

Mabilis na tumibok ang puso ko nang marinig ang sinabi niya, dahil alam ko . . . 'yon ang sinabi ko sa kan'ya noong nagtanong siya sa akin. Of course, there's no indefinite with us. I have always been so sure about her, but right now . . . we really need to think about this thoroughly.

Second base means she'll let me touch her . . . on parts above her waist. I'm not sure if she's still virgin, though it feels like she is, but I still want her to think things through.

"A-Are you really—"

Hindi ko na naituloy pa ang mga sinasabi ko nang mabilis niya akong hinalikan, kasabay ng paghawak niya sa kamay ko. I gulped as I know what she'll do with my hands. I made her sit properly on my lap as I let her hands guided mine to her waist . . . inside her shirt.

"Savannah . . ." I sighed as I broke the kiss. "When it comes to you, I'm losing control . . ."

She smirked. "Make me want a home run with you, then. Slowly."

Nagbuga ako ng buntonghininga at kinalimutan ang kaba na nararamdaman ko, bago siya hinalikan kasabay ng paghila sa kan'ya papalapit sa akin. I felt her gasped and I know that it's all because of my member down there.

"C-Connor, w-why here?" she asked in between our kisses.

I didn't answer; I held both of her legs, wrapping it around my waist, carrying her to my room. I locked the door and went to my bed without breaking the kiss. I sat on my bed as I pulled her closer to me, making her feel how turned on I am so that she'll think twice.

I know she's got no experience with this. I do not doubt her. I really want her to satisfy my needs but of course, I want her to be 100% sure when giving herself to me.

I know that I am sure that it was her that I wanted until the very end of this lifetime, but I want her to be sure about me too. Alam kong marami pa siyang bagay na hindi sinasabi sa akin. Hindi ko siya pipilitin na sabihin ang lahat sa akin dahil gusto ko, siya ang magkusa kapag handa na siya.

"Connor, don't hesitate. I'm fine . . ." she sighed as we broke the kiss.

I nodded before letting my hand went inside her shirt again, travelling on top of her mounds. I heard her moaned and it made my member even harder. I unhooked her brassiere and went to her bare breast, massaging it like it was the softest thing that God has ever created.

"Ahh . . ."

I kissed her lips so that I can conceal her moans. We've been together for six damn months and this is the first time that we make out like this. I'm going crazy, fuck it.

I tore her clothes apart because I want her for me. Everything about her, I want it all only for me. Especially now that she's moaning my name, I want her to moan for me, and only for me.

My lips travelled down to her neck, and it made her moan even more. She's really ticklish that's why I can't blame her for all her moans tonight. I, as well, wanted to moan for her, but I know that I just couldn't do it yet.

Baka kung saan pa kami mauwi . . .

I continued sucking her neck while playing with both of her mounds, as she's giving me more access to her neck while her hands are grasping a handful of my hair. I continued kissing her, until she's the one to stop, because if I may ask, I'd lay her on my bed and make love to her.

"T-That felt good," she said, panting. "B-But . . . it's tiring . . ."

I chuckled before planting a kiss on her forehead. "Mas nakakapagod ang homerun."

She smiled. "I know." She hugged me as I heard her sigh. "This is how it feels . . . to c-conquer it."

Niyakap ko nang mas mahigpit ang baywang niya, kasabay ng pagpikit at pagbuntonghininga, para mapakalma ang nagagalit sa akin sa ibaba. Nabitin ako, pero ayaw kong maramdaman niya na minamadali ko siya, kaya okay lang. I'll wait.

"Conquer what?" I asked.

She sighed, hugging me tighter. "My fear for touchy men."

I sighed. "You don't need to fear me, babe. I won't harm you in any way, I promise."

She sighed again, for the nth time. "I know . . . I trust you."

"Thank you," I said, caressing her back to calm her heart that's beating so crazy. She must've been scared. She's a virgin, after all.

"Can we sleep now?"

I nodded before moving away from the hug. I carried her and made her lie on the bed. I lie beside her and hugged her.

"Good night, babe . . ."

She hugged me back tighter. "Good night . . ."

~~~

"Grace..." I asked as I saw her hurting herself. "What's happening to you? Why are you hurting yourself?"

She looked at me and I saw a part of emotionless eyes, looking at me. "I can't feel anything. Someone whispered to me that it's one of the many ways to make me feel again."

I gulped down on the way she answered me. I'm so scared as I saw her putting the blade down on her dresser. I quickly went to her and covered her arms with the polo I removed from myself.

"Why are you crying?" she asked.

"This is not the first time!" I said with shaking voice as I tried to cover her left arm with my polo. "Let's go to the hospital."

"No, it doesn't hurt."

"No! We'll go to the hospital!" I cried more.

I carried her out of her boarding house and asked a tricycle near the place to bring us to the nearest clinic. I couldn't even look at her while we're riding the trike. She doesn't look hurt—heck. she doesn't look like she can feel anything.

"Connor . . ." I heard her call my name. "Connor, why don't you look at me? Am I not pretty anymore in your eyes?"

I sighed as I looked at her. I saw, again, an emotionless angel in front of me. New batch of tears fell again from my eyes. She smiled a little as her right hand reached for my face, and slightly caressed it with her thumb.

"I love you."

Her eyes watered and it was enough for me to know that it was real. She wasn't emotionless when she told me that. I pulled her closer to hug as I cried in her shoulders.

"Don't do it again, please. That hurt..."

She sighed. "Yes, Connor. You won't see the same scenario ever again."

"I love you, Grace. Mahal na mahal . . ."

And I never realized, she really bid me goodbye.

~~~

I opened my eyes from my deep sleep and saw Savannah sleeping beside me. I check the time on the wall clock and it says it's 3:35 in the morning.

Devil's hour.

He really knows when to annoy me. Bakit ngayon ko pa napanaginipan ang pangyayaring 'yon, gayong kasama ko si Savannah?

I went out of the bed slowly and gently so that my Savvy won't be disturbed. I opened my drawer gently to get my cigarettes and lighter, and went out of my room. I saw clothes on the living room but I couldn't care anymore. I went out of the condo and ride the elevator to the rooftop.

Nang makarating ako ro'n, walang kahit isang tao. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag bago naglakad papalapit doon habang nagsisindi ng isang sigarilyo.

Paulit-ulit ang ginagawa ko habang nakatayo sa gilid, tinatanaw ang matatayog na building sa lugar, kasabay ng malakas na ihip ng hangin sa pinakaitaas na parte ng building na 'to.

I sighed as I felt my eyes heating. It is my third stick now, and the pain from what I dreamed about didn't subside. That dream . . . it happened, actually. It happened just weeks before she broke up with me.

I was about to put another stick in my mouth when someone flicked the stick out of my mouth.

I looked at who did that and my mouth parted when I saw Savannah beside me. She took the box of cigarette from me and took a stick inside.

"Light up my cigarette, please," she said after putting the stick in her mouth.

_____

Another interesting aspect: Déjà vu is more closely associated with those who watch a lot of movies and tend to travel. What may feel, look or sound familiar, despite physically being our first encounter, may align closely with a deeply buried memory from a previous experience.  —sciencedaily.com