I hope you guys listen to the playlists :) You don't have to but it helps with the feeling of the chapters x

Adele - Remedy

Rihanna - Close to you

One Direction - If I could fly

"I fucking always wanted you but I did this.."

"Don't say to protect me cause look where that fucking got me! You cant say you're protecting me from harm by leaving when you're the only thing that is protecting me from it by being with me "

I bit my lip as I wished my tears would stop falling.

"I'm sorry Kenz.. if I could take back these last few weeks I would. I was a fucking idiot .." he walked towards me.

"Will you just let me explain regarding John I hate that.."

"I don't fucking care that you did cause it was my fucking fault.. it doesn't matt.."

"I didn't sleep with him it was Kane's shirt I was wearing!" I blurted out and he held a confused expression and I was glad he was finally quiet so I could explain.

"We went to the club. Seth and his girlfriend, Kane, myself and Paige... John just happened to be there.."I sighed and wiped my tears.

"I was drinking a lot and we danced but honestly I was just thinking about you. It didn't matter how much I drank I just couldn't get you out of my fucking head." I wavered my hand towards him.

"We danced together for one song and then I left him and went to dance with Paige for the rest of the night. After us dancing on the bar, Kane took us back to the booth but my brother and his girlfriend had already left so it left me, John and Paige there but she was out of it. He kissed me and I briefly kissed him back but I was so messed up I thought it was you but it wasn't you and I pushed him away."

I could see his anger resurfacing at the fact that John kissed me and I couldn't argue with that anger as that part was true.

"I went to the bathroom and when I came out Kane immediately dragged me out of there and when its just us we usually share an hotel room . Paige and I sharing one bed while Kane gets the other and that's what happened. Kane did his usual duties as he did each time I had forced Paige to go crazy with me."

"Which were?" he whispered as he looked at me with no expression.

"He undressed us and slipped his t-shirt over Paige and his shirt over me and went to bed while John who had forgotten to book an hotel room was forced to sleep on the couch. Nothing happened at all.. When I heard your voice at the door I was so happy but when I saw your face I knew you got the wrong idea... and I couldn't explain and then my brother was there and.."

He seemed deep in thought and I wished I knew what he was thinking as even though I was upset with him I didn't want him thinking I would be with another man besides him.

"He slept on the couch?"

I nodded, "that's why he got to the door before I did.."

"He said... that fucking.." I was confused as he was rambling on.

"I'm...I'm sorry Kenz.." he looked into my eyes and I could feel myself melting but even though the confusion was cleared up it didn't change what had happened.

"I'm sorry for kissing him , it was a mistake that I.."

"Kenz.." he sighed and reached for me but I stepped back and hugged myself.

"I still don't.. get it.. I don't believe your messed up reason for leaving me , I don't Brock... I defended you against my brother, my brother who warned me against being with you and then you make me seem like a fucking idiot in front of everyone and I have felt like that before and I hate being fooled, I hate.."

He tried to wrap his arms around me but I pushed against him , I knew if he wanted to he could have forced me into it but he knew I couldn't have that, not now. I walked over to one of the garage doors and leaned against it.

"I don't want you to fucking touch me right now because when I wanted you to touch me you repelled from me and made me feel so unwanted. I won't lie to you , there were times where I felt like I did when I was with Eric like I was begging you because you didn't see me as good enough. Holding me in your arms and a good fuck won't fix..." I saw a small smirk on his face.

"IT WONT ! I don't think you realized how much you hurt me... I want to be with you, but it doesn't erase this last month of confusion and hurt and feeling like my old self again. I hated that feeling ..."

He sighed and finally walked closer to me.

"Of course I fucking do ! I can fucking see right now cause you won't stop crying and I just wish you would cause I know I'm the cause of it and I fucking hate it. This is what I was trying to prevent I was trying to stop myself from screwing up and hurting you and somehow I ended up doing it anyway. All I know is I didn't fucking cheat on you and you didn't cheat on me so whats left is the shit I caused in Canada."

"I'm just over this ...."

" What the hell is that suppose to mean?" He raised his voice but I didn't jump or flinch I just stared at him.

"This ... begging you to tell me the truth because while you protecting me may be one of the reasons its not the major reason and you clearly do not want to tell me so why the fuck am I even here?"

" I told you it was a mistake I...".

" You have never lied to me before but yet you are now and I don't get what I did wrong for you to find it so easy to leave me.."

"There was nothing easy about it! I wanted you every fucking day I didn't distance myself intentionally I just couldn't be with you because..."

"Because what Brock I swear if you don't tell me I'm leaving! "

I took the truck keys from the pocket and walked over to the truck when I felt him grab my arm and snatch the keys from my hand. As I turned I saw him throw it into the snow in front of the house.

"You are not fucking leaving me!!"

I sighed and folded my arms.

"You can't force me to be with you!" As I said the words I immediately regretted it. "Brock..."

"No you're right that's what I'm doing" he shook his head and he walked away from me but I pulled on his arm.

"I didn't mean it.... you would rather let me leave than tell me !" I hated that he seemed to give up so easily on me lately.

"I was afraid.." I was confused.

" What the hell could make YOU so fucking afraid that you would..."

He turned away from me and ran both his hands over his face.

" I was Afraid you would leave me because I have all this fucking baggage! I'm almost 40 years old, I was married for 10 fucking years. You're only 22 .. You are fucking beautiful and you have all these guys who can take you away from me and I was just so scared that one day one of them would.. "

"Brock I have told I don't.." he didn't listen to me but simply went on.

" I was afraid you'd get sick of dealing with my jealousy, my constant questioning of every guy in your life.. the fact that I don't post pictures and declare my love for you on a fucking tweet. The fact that you fell in love with a beast when you can have your share of Prince fucking charmings... Your brother said I was using you, messing up your life and honestly his right. Right about me messing up your life but not using you. Ever since the first time it was never about using you.."

"Brock.."

"Let me finish.." I remained quiet , he finally turned to face me.

" I'm past the stage of my life where I have meaningless relationships. I don't do that shit. I was engaged to my high school girlfriend and when she couldn't deal with me . I met Rena and I thought she could , but turns out she couldn't either. I don't fucking blame her and then I met you. You were literally thrown in front of me and those .. that fucking green eyes ... When I found out about Eric that night, I didn't want you to have to deal with me just like they had to, especially because I resembled him so much.
You came to me and all I needed was time with you and everything was better. You make me better Kenz.. You make me happy when I'm fucking pissed off.
Hell ,maybe I was using you but not for a fuck, for what you made me feel. I didn't have to try and be something else or act fucking nice if I didn't feel like it cause you didn't care. I would be screaming at my loudest at you and while most people would run off and label me as this big rude scary human.. you'd just get in my face more and then I would be the one giving in. No one challenges me the way you do without even trying and I love the fact that I was the one to bring that out in you after all this time ..."

He moved closer to me and his voice lowered and I was afraid of what he would say next as the anger and pain left his face and was replaced by complete sadness.

" But..there's a reason everyone stays away from the beast of the company because they know he destroys everything in his path and that's what I did .. I destroyed the woman I love because I was fucking afraid, afraid that she would get tired..."

I saw his eyes glistening and I didn't want to see it. The beast was afraid that I would hurt him even when it was something I could never imagine doing.

When he had left me, I had felt like my world collapsed for the last month all over again and yet as he stood in front of me so fucking vulnerable, a sight I never thought I would see and I'm pretty sure no one else has seen, I realized it didn't matter,that I didn't care.

I didn't care that he distanced himself from me as I realized it wasn't because he couldn't deal with me, it was because he thought he would do to me what Eric did. He left me because he didn't want to get hurt or hurt me.

Even when he believed I slept with John he still wanted me, he saved my fucking life. He turned my world upside down when he left me but even then I knew that without him there wasn't a world which sounds so stupid. But Brock was my everything...

My beginning of this world and the end of it and even if I was stupid for doing it in that moment I knew I forgave him for every fucking thing and that none of it mattered as long as I was his and he was mine again.

A/N:

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ALOOOOOT HAPPENED HEY???

SO I WONT BE SAYING ANYTHING BUT HERE'S THE REST OF THE PLAYLIST:

Miley Cyrus - When I look at you

Paramore - The Only Exception

Miley Cyrus - Forgiveness and love

Jess Glynne - Take me home

Sam Smith - Life Support

Hailey Reinhart - Can't help falling in love

Sorry I didn't do any dedications in the last few chapters. I will definitely do it SOON :)