Playlist:

Lady Antebellum - Need you now *must listen*

Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding on

Sam Smith - Lay Me Down

Avril Lavigne - When You're Gone

Leona Lewis - Better in time

NEW YEAR'S EVE

7 days.

7 days since Xmas and since I have seen everybody else besides Paige.

"So I have let you cry , we have watched tons of sappy movies and ate loads of fucking ice-cream even though its actually quite chilly outside. So now you need to talk!"

"I really don't want to ta..."

"Kenz please just say whats on your mind I need to know its killing me. You fucking love this guy and he loves.. he.."

"Doesn't love me.. I don't get what there is to say I'm so tired of it. I knew once he found out things he would leave me and he did. I was stupid to think that he could handle it. Everyone has a line to draw even my beast."

"I just don't get it.."

"He hasn't even tried to call Paige.. his done with me. He meant everything , he left me because he wanted to protect me what fucked up shit is that?"

"I honestly don't know.. I still believe.. I mean I might be insane but I believe that he loves you.."

"A guy who loves someone wouldn't leave them because they were fucking afraid of hating them especially a guy like Brock. In these six.. seven months he has changed so much and I thought I brought that out in him but I didn't it was just .. I don't know. I know its silly but do you know how many times I have begged him for one picture and he disagreed I have actually never even looked at his phone so I wouldn't know who his been texting. He fucking took a picture with her and then she posted it ! Why would he let her do that if..."

I shook my head as the tears fell yet again.

"Brock is different you know that hence you cant compare him. I just think you guys need to talk after everything you guys have not had a proper conversation. I don't think he would cheat on you Kenz.. his too antisocial to lead a double life especially when its someone we are working with!"

I turned to face her.

"Just think about it! All the times he has been there for shows where would he be immediately after he finished his segment?"

I sighed, "With me.." she smiled and continued.

"And we both know he arrives mainly just before he has to go on or earlier if he has a meeting with the boss. I doubt he found time for that and she was there for the shoot the day he joined us. Kev told me cause he was shocked , that Brock's eyes were on you the entire time Kenz and Kev actually had to nag him awhile to get him to leave with him for food. I think the only reason he didn't punch Kev was because he knew you would be mad"

I couldn't fight my smile as Brock would have probably done that, "Don't do this to me. I just want to hate him so badly right now"

"Why would you.."

"Because if I don't start hating him I will be feeling like this for who knows how long. Feeling empty inside like I need to see him now. I need his arms around me and feel all my pain leaving my body just by him holding me and I cant have that so the only thing left to do is to hate him and use that hate to block him out and focus on my career."

"I know I was against you talking to him before but I actually think you should. I mean you have to wonder why he came all the way from his home to a hotel which is a 5minute drive from the arena yet he didn't even pitch to fetch his awards."

"Paige stop..." I groaned as I hated myself because everything she was saying was the same things that were running through my mind and she sighed.

"Okay fine lets just get out of this apartment for the night its our first New Years together" she smiled and I couldn't help but think what it would've been like if I were with him.

I immediately wanted to forget those thoughts.

"I'm getting wasted tonight.."

"Kenz..." I felt her eyes on me as I slipped on my dress and I knew that tone.

"It's one night" I pleaded I needed to forget about the man I loved.

"It's just us Kenz we don't have Kane with and.."

I sighed and she rolled her eyes and smiled, "Fine!"

"But you wont convince me again. Your brother will kill me!"

"Since when have you been scared of Seth" I smiled and she laughed.

13 shots and 3 beers later we were counting down to the New Year, I pushed through the crowd and found a place at the bar.

I dialled his number without thinking or maybe I was thinking, thinking about how much I missed him .The alcohol couldn't take it away, the pain of missing him.

The phone barely rang when I heard his voice in my ear.

"Kenz... uhm McKenzie..." his husky voice filled the line.

" Not sure what to call your whore anymore?" I slurred.

"You are not and were not my whore and will never be my wh...."

"At least then I'd be something of yours" I sighed .

"Kenz.."

"Did I wake you?" I shouted out above the music and a brief thought crossed my mind that she could be with him.

"I'm not with her.. why do you..." I realized I hadn't actually thought it.

"I miss you..." I could feel my voice shaking as my emotions were heightened thanks to the alcohol.

I heard him sigh, "where are you?"

"I don't really know.. I'd rather be with you Brock.." And the waterworks began and I moved off into a corner to get away from the bartender's gaze as he must've thought I looked crazy.

"Please don't do this.."

"Just tell me you still want me please.." I wiped my cheeks and sunk further into my corner seat.

"You're drunk Kenz.. Just go to Kane and let him take you home please"

"His not here, I'm with Paige or at least I think I am.. she's somewhere"

"So you're basically fucking alone and wasted. Where the hell is John?"

"John?" I was confused as to why he thought I would be with John when he was the last thing on my mind.

"Never mind McKenzie just call a cab and get home please. I cant possibly get there right now and.." I could hear he was annoyed and it hurt.

"Why would you come? You don't love me ..." I hated that he didnt.

" I still love you though.. You were everything I needed. The Beast who made me feel safe with just his presence. I knew if I had you I didn't need anyone else but I wasn't enough for you or maybe too much.. I still don't understand Brock.."

I sobbed I hated that I was saying it all but I never could control myself when I was drunk especially when dealing with him, " Make me understand.."

"Kenz you're drunk .. I'll fly down tomorrow and we can talk but just get home now pl..."

"No you don't need to do that. Drop everything for me.. that's what boyfriends do and.. and guys who love people do but none of that is you .... Happy New Year and fuck you!"

"Kenz you.." I hung up immediately and set my phone on the bar as I ordered more shots.

"Kenzie, come on join me!" I felt Paige grab my arm and I grabbed a shot with my hand and followed her to the packed dancefloor.