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The amount of product we returned with sets the next run time for at least the given few days. But Glenn is determined to make runs a daily thing, claiming that even back at the farm he and Maggie would go out.

So it was the decision of the council and I finalized the vote. Hershel came and talked to me about how 'when we get settled, then we can start to calm down,' and over and over again do I have to remind myself.
 We're not settled, but what is settling to me is how tempted it is to lay down my head onto my desk. Instead I shook my head, waking myself up as I took another slug of water.

That's how I'm keeping myself up at the moment, that and eating a small snack.

Put Addie to bed a while ago, and now it's been the given five days with Dixon and I'm starting to feel more on edge than before, when Glenn claimed not to worry.

Resting my head down onto my engulfing hands did I release a groan, but my body was so against me moving that I didn't even care that I was resting my head. It was easier to plan, to envision. To see the little horse stable being finished instead of it being just the given wall structure. Or the chicken coop. The farm is the only thing I can see progressing and it having no difficulty.

A yawn escaped my lips only sealing the deal, what can a little nap really do to me? I'll wake up feeling so much better....

"Rory..." I tenses my eyes, almost allowing myself to smile at the thought of him coming back. Fixing my head further into the crook of my elbow, trying to move away from the sound. More than happy with my position, but the rusty chuckle had me smirk almost instantly. 

"Rory?" I hummed, but the small movement of my body did I see the figure holding me somewhat up. 

"I must be really...Really sleep deprived if I'm seeing you." I motioned, rising my head trying to rub my eyes fully.

But leaning back into my chair did I still find myself had at getting fully awake, until a pinch set it in place. 

"Hey! What was that for?" I sarcastically exclaimed, and he just sat before me at the table with his arms crossed. His bow strictly over his shoulder as he didn't leave it at the door this time.

"It's a 'pinch me I'm dreamin'' sort of thin', ain't it?" I smirked, my hand holding onto his as interlocked it so tightly. "I'm glad your back." 

"Sorry it took so long, got back two hours ago. Wanted to cut up that deer when nobodies awake, ain't really all that pretty." I smiled at the thought, a cookout.

Now that's going to be exciting, a hosting event.

"You got a deer?" 

"Two. And a hell of lotta squirrels. Thinkin' me and Addie can do 'em tomorrow...Y-ya can come join too if ya find some time." Rolling my eyes did I gesture to the papers in front of me. Lists of ideas, things we need, necessities verses wants.

It's a long list.

"Saw the load of crap in the garage, ya doin' good. Got everythin' handled."
"I went on the run today, it was quiet out there." He hummed, guessing he didn't find it all that quiet.

So when I rose up to level with him in the slightest my arms pulled him in closer for a hug.

"I missed you," I mumbled into his shoulder, and as his hands clicked to their designated spot on my back he whispered the same thing. "It's been a while since we've been apart for that long." 

"Guess ya can say the farm, least we were on the same property back then too." He knew he hit a hard topic, so I just silenced him with a single kiss on the lips. One of which he was more than happy to continue with.

"Hmm. I'm sorry. I'm fucking exhausted." I said, resting my head onto his vest once again. We haven't had sex since that night in the watchtower, and even then that wasn't planned.

"Got anythin' planned for tomorrow boss?" He grumbled, and I looked down through the papers, shuffling them a little bit to see the schedule. "There's a run, still trying to figure out how to make that cookhouse and the stables need to be fixed." 

"So ya gonna be a runner and a builder tomorrow?" I shook my head, smirking at that.

"No. Tomorrow I am not doing a single thing." 

"Whys that? Ya got a day off?" He joked, and I hooked my single arm around his head as I whispered. "You just got back." I finished, with another kiss on his lips.

*

"Ya know...When I was out, thought I saw somebody."

"A survivor?" I questioned, interlocking my hands with his as he couldn't help but fiddle around with mine. He was leaning into my body, stationed on one single side as he tried to reign higher.

I still felt radiant after what we just did, feels like all I needed was sex to get my mind off the impending doom that was my own combustion.

"I guess, dunno. But what happens if we see somebody alone? We see 'em on the road, do we leave 'em when we got a good home?" Lifting my chin did I think a minute. But a minute soon turned plural and his smirk rose.

"Ya thinkin' real hard there hun, better to be verbal 'bout it."

"What if they're like the—" He sighed, kissing my head as he looked deep into my eyes. And I couldn't get enough of the solid blue crystals that positioned themselves so close to me. 

"Everybody ain't that bad hun, there's still good people." I nodded in his philosophy, but there's a line to the people who can and can't be saved.

So what do we do about that?

"But there are some that aren't...And we just let everyone in." He agreed in the sense that we need to be careful, but what is it that makes asking a question so difficult? And that's what I 'verbally' spoke about to Daryl as he was getting far too confused.
"What we gonna ask their name? What job they had or somethin'?" 

"We shy them out, we give them questions that is important before we let them in." He grumbled something that even I couldn't understand before he slumped back down to the leather couch as well.

"Addie's gettin' better at skinn' 'em." 

"Maybe you can help her skin a bunny, I'm a shitty teacher." I said, bringing the blanket a bit farther up my body as I was getting a small chill. But otherwise my eyes still looked on over to him. "Nah, we didn't get that far with the bunny. Besides, ya got some big stuff comin' up don't ya. Ma'am." I elbowed him as he deemed himself funnier every time he makes that joke.

Instead, my feet made the solid motion to touch the floor to try and locate my panties. Wherever the hell they went.

"Ya leavin' already?" 

"It's like ten o'clock." 

"Guess I did mess up ya schedule 'nough. Besides, Addie wanted to do somethin' today too." I smiled off behind me. I think it's adorable that they're getting along so well. Even if she's still wearing the vest.

"Does she ask about him?" I questioned, trying to fasten my bra, but he took recognition in doing it himself. 

"Lil here and there, ain't really nothin' to worry 'bout. She's doin' aight." 

"She never comes to me...For that kind of stuff." I honestly stated out, and with my shirt finding it's way over my head did I find myself being pulled backwards into his embrace. "That's 'cause she doesn't wanna worry ya hun." 

"I'm always worried. And that kid she's spending her time with, I really don't want to have THAT conversation with her just yet." He tried so hard to stop himself from laughing, I could see it in his squinting eyes and hands tenting over the brink of his nose.

But then it all shot out at once.

"That's on ya sweetheart. That's all ya. I'll be huntin' out ten miles out if ya need me." 

"Hmm, and if she asks how all of a sudden I'm pregnant with her brother or sister, you're going to—" He interrupted me with a kiss, but even then was he giggling like a little school girl about the idea of me talking to my daughter about sex.

"For this place bein' in operation for a lil over two months, ya doin' a fuckin' great job." 

"Well, I have a good council and a great....Partner." I interrupted myself as I gave him one final kiss on the lips before rising to my feet with my jeans all the way up.

"Ya know, there's this idea floatin' 'round. That there's gonna be a party in a few weeks?" He asked, reaching down to the floor to grab his combined pants and boxers. But this is the first time I'm honestly hearing about it, so I reluctantly agreed that I've heard of it.

As a little white lie.

"Well, I might be goin' to find some fresh meat. Carol always makes somethin' good with it." 

"And what might you be getting at Dixon?" 

"Well ya gonna needa escort or somethin'" I let my head hang back and chuckle as he was so adorably nervous that I couldn't help it.

"I'm surprised you even want to go. Even I was thinking of skipping." He looked surprised, more than that even. Downright shocked more or less. 

"Hell ya mean? It's celebratin' that we made it hun." 

"Yeah no. I'm good." 

"Can't change ya mind?" He offered, and I didn't realize until then that I said no to his offer.

Shit.

"I'll guess we'll just have to see, won't we?" I offered him the chance to change my mind, but he should know I never really like parties. But a sudden movement made my stomach twist, and in doing so did I grip my side so tightly that it stopped whatever was happening to render back once again.

No. I—


"Addie and I'll be out in the field or somethin', get a chance join us aight?" He winked, giving me a small kiss on the cheek before leaving once again. But the second the door closed did I find myself opening the window to puke on out.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Quickly closing the window as he already found himself walking back to the main gated prison did I hide like a child right underneath the frame. Opposite to where I threw up whatever it was that didn't sit well in my stomach.

"On the list of things that could happen, it had to be this?" I sighed, leaning upwards at everything. It explains why I haven't had my period in fucking forever. Or why my body aches so much after runs.

How do I tell Daryl I'm—

I had sex with Rick.

My mind drew and honest blank as I kicked the leather chair before me as it slammed into the desk, bouncing back to taught me. There is an honest chance that this baby is Rick's. And I've never been more horrified in my god damn life.

I gave so much shit for Lori in the same situation that I never gave credit for her in making a decision like the one she did. But I'm not about to have Rick go through with that again, or Daryl having to fight for what is most likely his kid. I need to make the decision for myself.
But first I need to find out if it's true.

Taking the quick grab did I try and figure out who I can ask to get me the test without arousing suspicion, I don't need a rumor. And the last thing I need is someone saying I'm unqualified if I'm pregnant.

Karen would do it, she'd go straight to Hershel and for it. But she'd be worried, and I really don't want to know anyones moral standpoints with this.

I can go myself. That's an option, just run to a pharmacy that I know we haven't searched. Or Maggie can give me one of hers? Fuck why is this so difficult?

Why did I sleep with Rick?

It's what's making me grit my teeth so god damn hard right now that my jaw flinched in pain. This is ridiculous, all these stupid problems I'd see on stupid drama shows that I caught myself watching late at night if I had too much coffee at work.

But now it's inevitable.

Rising to my feet did I feel so unstable, I knew staying on the ground was so much easier to deal with. But as I gripped the water bottle sitting there did I gulp it down in the instant.

"Boss? You in?" A voice shouted, and I groaned as I yelled a response. It was Glenn, probably wondering what the hold up is on the run. That's it! I can fake going on the run.

"We're all set for the run, you think it's smart hitting a building like this?" I took another sip of water as I bobbed my head. 

"Someone sounds a little nervous." But I remember the build, I picked it out specifically because it has stuff for the kids and a few guns stores in the area to chose from. 
It might take a driving in circles, but it'll be the combined effort because one of the biggest complaints is that their children don't have anything to do while the parents are working.

This will make up for it, whatever supplies and work that's put will last them the day. And one of the elderly women have already offered to take it considering she taught elementary school. 
Feels like this is easier to deal with than my family.

"You sure you can't come. It really boosts moral!" He cheered, and I just shook my head at the honest theory. The last time I went we had a lot of walkers and burned through a lot of bullets. "Next time." 

"Promise?" I tiled my head, he knew I had a thing against promises and so forth so he just waved and continued off with his back pack.

But then I yelled out his name and tried to catch him. "Can you uh...Can you cover for me, say I went on the run?" 

"What? Why?" 

"I-...I wanted to go back to my house, surprise Addie with a few things." He was quick to agree, but pulling this card was dangerous because I know for a fact that my house has probably been raided like the rest all around. So instead I grabbed the small go bag in my bottom draw. 
And as I uncovered it, the packet of envelopes.

I've been meaning to read them. The one addressed to me and the rest of my family, it feels wrong keeping it. But I know that they all have the one indication of Addie's father, and I can't tell them.

It's this denial I can't get over, it's the fear of the argument and losing them both in the instant. And it's the brutal denial of me being pregnant right now is completely straining my mind.

So do I open it?

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Date Posted: 12-15-18

Time:4:17

Word-Count: 2647

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I completely forgot to post yesterday, had my forensic Psych final this morning (YEAH IT WAS ON A SATURDAY BELEIVE ME I AM HEATED) But I managed and here I am! I have three more exams this week but I'm giving myself a break 🙃🙃