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Blake,

Christ if ya readin' this that means I'm dead as all hell and ya found ya girl. I did my best tryin' to raise her like ya wanted. Bet Daryl got his hooks all in ya right 'bout now, but even better. I know that ya probably haven't told him. Chance of this gettin' to ya is 'bout as slim as that Toby lie comin' to the light of day.

Ain't worth that much stress over.

But there's one thin' bet make it worth ya while.


I shoulda told ya 'bout this, long fuckin' time ago. And I don't think he'd ever really admit, poor bastard. But there was time, Addie was 'bout five. He was talkin' all this stuff 'bout the first time he really loved someone. And I promised I swear didn't mean to say ya name. But it came up, and I've never seen the man's face drop so damn much.

That's the day I told 'im ya had a kid.

And he didn't believe me.

He was high as all hell and best he didn't remember.

But he wasn't angry, he was happy for ya back then too. Guess what I'm tryin' to say is, that he won't be mad. He ain't gonna be as mad as anythin' he's done.

Ya fight him back. Mention me, mention Stephanie. Christ mention the fact that ya ma stopped callin' ya Aurora cause it brought too much of 'im back in ya mind. Don't feel sorry, on either side. Did 'em both good finally meetin' now. Best keep it in a thought of father-daughter relationship than a real one. Cause he'll know boundaries otherwise.

Sorry, I'm fuckin' shitfaced right now. Ya kid's sleepin, she read to me till she fell asleep. Fuckin' adorable. Don't hold out on him forever hun.

-Merley

I never trembled so hard in my god damn life, if he wrote half a sentence I would be still acting like this. If he wrote twelve pages, I would be balling my eyes out and need to stop working for the smallest bit to try and find the strength to continue. He wrote these because he felt trapped in knowing that Addie's Daryl's kid.

Returning it did I look to the others, scared. Hopelessly scared in opening them as a violation. But he said when I'm ready, and by definition, if he wrote something in service to tell either one of them about the truth then I have a right to know.

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Lil brother,

My god if this fuckin' reaches ya man, I'll be more than happy to abide by the shitty resist ya givin' to me right now son. Didn't mean to go down before ya met back up with us. Stopped by the house for a lil, same old same old. Ain't much different, just as shitty as any other place to stock up on.

Ya readin' this, means I'm dead. Or been dead considerin' ya either waited this long to tell me or this fuckin' thin' hasn't found ya yet. But I got some shit I need lay off my chest.

'emeber, back in the summer of 98, where all of a sudden ya started goin' campin' like a madman. And ya tried tellin' me that Blake went off to college. Instead she dumped ya sorry ass and I had to find out from Shawn and the rest of 'em dumbass?

She told me man, she told me a lotta things.

And one of the big thin's. Was she was pregnant, and it wasn't toby's kid or whatever the hell she told ya. Naw, it's yas. Lil Addie D. Faith Holden. Ya know what that 'D' stands for baby brother? That's a sure a sign that she's a Dixon. 
Even though ya name ain't on the birth certificate, ya best believe it.

Saw her pregnant at the restaurant long ass time ago, she tried lyin' her way out. Faked a rin' on her finger. Faked a whole story so that her kid can grow up nice and happy.

I never told ya cause I didn't think ya were ready, never did baby brother. Me and her decided that it best to keep quiet, and look what happened. She turned out to be a beautiful image of her mother, but one damn thin' that's hauntin' me to this day. Is that she got ya fuckin' eyes, ya fire, and that fuckin' glare. Although she's got it down pat to the people in this sorry ass town.

Everythin' 'bout her eyes she got, why else ya think she's good with a damn bow?

Now I know what ya thinkin'. That Blake did this cause of what happened, and it's fuckin' true. She knew everythin' that happened cause ain't the fuckin' state of Texas, she was home after the summer workin' her ass off, feeding and provdin' for ya kid. So if ya think yellin' at her right now is gonna make ya feel better. 
I need ya to give a great big hug for me, cause she's done right.

Now it probably makes sense where all our damn profit went half the time, was payin' ya child support and ya didn't even know it. But half the time she didn't wanna take it, she said it's best to keep it a secret. But I threatened to tell on her if she didn't take the damn money, threatened to tell ya and ya'd help her out.

I fuckin' love ya baby brother, and it was a pleasure bein' an uncle to that lil girl of yas.

You do right by 'em both, ya hearin' me. Cause I'm fuckin' watchin' ya. Best believe I am.

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My eyes burned as I clearly wasn't ready for this, the overwhelming desire to give him this letter and let Merle speak for me was the only way I can ever see myself getting through this. I dropped it back in and hurried along towards the front door, hoping the small fence and going out did I leave a note for Karen.

Otherwise I'd be screwed on further accounts.
 With my body in the clear, scouting the woods did I hurry along the road now. Trying to find the first car and hoping to god that it has gas and a somewhat working battery so that I can hot wire it.

I dated a Dixon and still am, it's one of the first things he's told me.

With the clear take of my water did I stumble when the vision came forth. And it was too late to take back or hide, so I continued to walked forward. Waiting for the judgment.

"You taking a walk?" She called out, and I nodded along. "It's a nice day, and I'm not about to sit inside all day." I joked, and she smiled along. Haven't really a chance to talk to Michonne since she's set out on this mission.

"Find any leads?" She shook her head, her mouth echoing to the corner as he couldn't find anything more to say. And she pulled the complete Dixon move as she bit her lip. "He could've gone anywhere, he's a coward." I nodded, but once we passed one another I felt her stop in the instant. 

"You'd think you'd have some kind of guard squad coming with you on one of these walks." I hummed, turning the small bit around to laugh at her joke.

"You mean Daryl?" 

"He know you're out?" Staying honest I shook my head, and she tilted it in respect.

"Anybody know your out?" 

"Glenn, but he's on the run." She hummed but then slowly turned around to continue the walk back. I frowned, she was going to tell.

"You—" 

"It's about a ten-minute walk back...Think you can make it to wherever you're going by...Where are you going?" She stopped her thought for another, turning completely around as she questioned me.

"My house." Her eyes widened and she completely nodded, but when she suggested that she get Daryl I sort of cracked. 

"Please...Please don't I—" She hurried back towards me, offering her arms out in condolence. 


"Are you alright?" I huffed, wiping my eyes with my forearm as I just shook my head. 

"Just needed a minute outside, away from...Everything." Then she promised not to tell, not if he doesn't ask.

I can deal with that, I barely see him anyway, and mostly it's just the quick 'hey,' or question. Don't doubt this will take too long. Unless I can't find a damn car.

After she left, I picked up speed. More than that honestly, I almost decided to take the damn hike towards the car dealership I was thinking about ransacking a few times before. It's just getting there's the issue.

But one thing always made me stop running. Daryl asked me to go to the house more than a few times, so is my freak out pregnancy really what drove me to get the hell out of there. Or is the pressure really coming on me now?

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Date Posted: 12-16-18

Time: 10:29

Word-Count: 1538

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