The thing I like the most about work is that it feels normal, I feel like an ordinary human being, walking down the corridors, knowing I'll be paid for teaching a few eleven-year-olds the difference between igneous and sedimentary rocks in a twenty minute lesson.
I hate lunch, especially when I'm alone, because that's when it starts to sink in, that's when I think about home. About the fact that I'm on the edge of a cliff that's just about to erode in to the ocean, I just don't know when.
"Hey Rosie!" I greeted, seeing the new art teacher arrive from the other entrance of the quite large, but always crowded staff room.
Finding a quiet spot in my usual corner, we sat down together, eating our lunch and making small talk.
"so, do you live nearby?" she questioned me.
I'm going to have to talk about her.. I'm going to have to tell her about my family. I was already beginning to dread this.
"yeah just about twenty minutes down the road, by the sea." I told her.
"oh that'd be lovely, we're up near the city unfortunately. I'd love to move down one day."
I paid close attention to her use of the word 'we'. I wish I hadn't.
"are you- living with a partner or family?" I daringly asked.
God I wish I just stalked her on Facebook so I wouldn't have to ask these awkward questions..
I always hated small talk and socialising. But she just seemed so nice.
"I've got two boys actually, Jasper and Dante. They're seven and nine." she told me. This was not the answer I had anticipated.
"oh really?" and somehow I felt pleasantly surprised, knowing I was speaking to someone who obviously had problems too, maybe she'd be more forgiving of mine.
"yeah, living that single mum life. Wouldn't change it for the world though. How about you? Any kids?"
"yeah, two as well. Molly, she's seven, and Mark's fourteen." I said, and was suddenly beginning to enjoy this conversation with her. She looked so genuinely entrigued, like she was actually listening to every word that I said.
"oh really? Tell me, when do they start to grow up? I seriously can't keep telling bedside stories to a nine year old it's just weird."
I sighed a fake laugh. I genuinely couldn't remember the last time I had read either of my children a bedside story. I barely recalled what the inside of Mark's room looked like.
God.. My children grew up far too fast.
"Don't wish that away, what I'd give for them to grow back down again." I laughed, but I meant it.
I'm aware that ever since Ellen got ill I haven't given my children the attention they deserve.
She smiled at me, taking a fork to the salad in her lunch box and letting the eye contact slip away.

As soon as the last bell rang I was out the door to my car. I looked over to the left to see Rosie in her red vauxwagon beetle. She had such character.

Both my kids had afterschool clubs, Mark does art and Molly does football, so it was just myself and Ellen for half an hour.

"Hey." I greeted as I opened the door. Placing my keys on the hall table and throwing my coat over a chair.
I heard I quiet murmur coming from the kitchen, which I followed till I saw Ellen lying in the conservatory, the sun beaming down on the pale skin of her hairless head as she read her book.
For a moment I was breathtaken by how absolutely beautiful this sight was. I took my phone out and photographed her, much to her dismay.
"you look stunning." I told her, setting my phone down and walking over to her.
"please don't." she sighed quietly before I kissed her lips and forehead.
"how're you feeling?" I asked her, sitting on the sofa looking down at her. Still seeing the girl I fell in love with, wishing she'd see herself the way I saw her.
She gazed down, "I've got my CT results, Dr Kane wants an appointment tomorrow morning."
"but you only had the CT scan three days-" I cut myself off. I knew the game by now. No news is good news. Quick news is bad news. "shit.."
I hugged her, she was just as terrified as I was. "What time tomorrow? I'll book it off now."
"no, it's alright I've already got a taxi arranged--"
"Ellen." I looked into her scared eyes, "I'm not letting you be alone for this."
She smiled sadly, her eyes were watering while she placed her hands on my cheeks and kissed me again until she was too breathless.
"I'm sorry I've done this to you." she sighed. More tears flooding her eyes. This was the first time I'd seen her cry since she was diagnosed.
"it's okay. It's okay." I assured her, stroking her arms and maintaining eye contact. "never apologise for this, okay? Never."
I could tell she was wrestling to stay awake, so I kissed her forehead and placed the blanket over her again.
"wake me before the kids come back." she mumbled as I leant against the wall, a hand over my mouth, contemplating what tomorrow would bring..

I started frying up onions to make a curry, I enjoyed cooking. All it required was concentrating on carefully cutting an even slice of each vegetable and sizzling it into the wok.
How long will she be here for?
I wondered. Gazing over at my sleeping wife. Feeling so nostalgic for our early honeymoon days together. I just wished we could go for a walk on the beach together. I wished we could go on holidays together. Or perhaps, even just kiss for longer than five seconds. All I wanted was one more happy memory with my wife and my kids. Something good to look back on.

I looked down to my ipad seeing I'd been sent an email from Rosie. I opened it up, seeing she had already created an itinery for the school trip next week. She had everything budgeted, from the bus, accommodation right down to lunch costs.

Sounds great! Look forward to it.

I replied, feeling so strange. A feeling of both excitement and dread swarmed over me.
I gazed over at Ellen who lay fast asleep on the sofa, closing my ipad I walked over to her and sitting down on the ground with my head beside hers before I fell asleep too.