Chapter 23

All Of You

"Colton?" Gulat kong sabi nang madatnan ko siya sa sala. Nakahiga siya sa couch at pilit na ipinagkakasya ang katawan niya doon.

Kaagad kong binitawan ang bag ko sa single seater na couch.

Kakauwi ko lang galing ng trabaho at siya naman ay mukhang kanina pa nakarating dahil sa suot niya at ang mga pinagkainan niya ay nakakalat coffee table.

"Hi, sister." He raised a hand, giving me an unsure smile.

My face scrunched. "Wow, naisipan mo pa talagang umuwi? Nahiya ka pa. Sana tumira ka na lang sa eroplano."

A delicious chuckle rose from his throat before raising both of his hands, trying to calm me down. Well, I am. As the french phrase says, je suis calme!

"Chill out, will you?"

"Yeah, that's a nice thing to say to your sister after practically ditching her... I mean, this condo unit is not mine but it looks like it was dahil parang wala ka na yatang balak umuwi. Oh wait, why am I even surprised? Ganyan ka rin noon nung nakatira pa tayo sa bahay." I ranted.

I couldn't help it! Maybe it's because I'm worried about him and... and I miss him. I miss my brother and I really care for him. I don't even know what he's up to. I don't understand why he's got to always be away from home.

I do get it that he's a pilot pero bakit si Yael? Mas madalas ko pang makita si Yael kaysa sa kanya.

He looked at me with his goo goo eyes.  "Why are you so grumpy?" He said. I noticed that he doesn't look his usual self today.

I mean, yeah he still look... good (that's how other girls would say but whatever) but his smug and sharp demeanor is lacks something that I cannot point out.

I sat on the single seater couch and blew out a deep air.

"I'm sorry... I'm just worried." I admitted.

Binasa niya ang kanyang pang-ibabang labi bago tumango. "I understand..."

"How are you?" Pangangamusta niya. Exhaust was visible in his eyes, I even noticed some stubbles on his face. 

My features soften. "I'm good." Sagot ko.

"Ikaw, kamusta ka? Mukhang pagod na pagod ka."

He slightly laughed without enthusiasm. "It's just... Nevermind, I'm just gonna sleep it off." Aniya at marahas niyang pinasadahan ang buhok niya gamit ang mga daliri niya.

"Looks like something's bothering you?... Or is it someone?" Usisa ko. May girlfriend na ba siya ulit? Pero noon kahit palit-palit siya nang girlfriend niya never siyang na frustrate nang ganito.

He looked at me ridiculously. "What? Of course not!" He denied before laughing in disbelief. I looked at him, straight face. May nakakatawa ba sa sinabi ko?

"Someone..." He taunted like 'someone' is the most ridiculous word in the world. Bakit parang ang bitter niya naman yata?

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "What is it that bothers you then? Sa hitsura mo ay para kang binasted ng paulit-ulit." I fired at him.

"Tss." A mocking laugh was trapped inside his chest but he didn't let that pass through his lips. "Don't make me laugh, Beatrix. Ponce de Leon tayo hindi tayo inaayawan, tayo ang umaayaw."

"Wow, ang taas naman ng confidence!" I said, rolling my eyes.

"Bakit, hindi ba gwapo ang kuya mo?" He said, raising both his brows at me while grinning like crazy.

I gagged. "Ew! Yuck!"

A delicious chuckle rose from his throat. "Wow. I missed how unsupportive you are."

"Ikaw kasi. Bakit ngayon ka lang umuwi? Kulang na lang ay tumira ka na sa eroplano ah." Sabi ko sa kanya.

He grinned. "Well that's my second home." Sumandal siya sa sofa at nag-inat. Napailing na lang ako at sumandal rin sa aking kinauupuan. Ilang sandali kaming nanahimik bago siya muling nagsalita.

"Pero kayo ni Yael napapansin kong nagiging malapit na kayo sa isa't-isa..."

Pangangamusta niya ulit at this time ay ako naman ang na hot seat. Awtomatiko akong namula dahil sa pagbanggit niya sa pangalan ni Yael.

Tumuwid ako ng upo at tumikhim bago sumagot. "Yep... He's a nice guy." I said, trying to sound simple. Inilipat ko ang tingin ko sa pinapanood niya pagkatapos no'n.

Si Yael ay tatlong araw ng wala ngayon. He said that he'll be gone for nine days. So, I still have six slow days to count.

Saglit akong sinuri ni Colton at bigla na lamang siyang ngumisi. Hindi na siya muling nagsalita pa no'n at itinuon na lang ang atensyon sa telebisyon. Para tuloy gusto kong malaman kung bakit ganoon ang reaksyon niya. Does he know that I'm in love with his bestfriend?

Gusto ko pa siyang kausapin at pasimpleng hulihin kung may alam ba siya pero kinagat ko na lang ang dila ko para pigilan ang sarili ko sa pagsasalita. Makakahalata lang si Colton kung iyon ang gagawin ko.

--

"Kailan ang uwi ng jowa mong piloto?" Tanong ni Kaye habang nagla-lunch kami dito sa cafeteria ng ospital.

I rolled my eyeballs. "He's not my boyfriend, Kayeleen." I corrected her. Yes, I'm so into him but I don't like claiming something that I'm not sure if it's really mine.

Ayokong mapahiya sa bandang huli. Don't claim that Gucci if you haven't payed for it yet.

Lumipad ang palad niya sa kanyang bibig. "Really? Then what are you two? Friends with benefits?"

"What? No! We're not like that. We've never done that!" Namumula kong tanggi. Kahit kailan talaga ay napakarumi kung mag-isip nitong si Kaye.

Pinaningkitan niya ako ng mga mata. "Really? Why?"

Ngumiwi ako. "What do you mean 'why'?"

"You mean... Hindi pa siya nag initiate?"

I laughed at her ridiculously. "No, of course not! Yael won't do that... Ayaw niya ngang pumasok sa kwarto ko." kampante kong sagot.

But he did, once. Noong umiiyak ako but we just slept and cuddle that day. No other business. Masyadong gentleman si Yael.

"Woah..." she said in amusement.

"That's... that's so old fashioned." She snickered. I just made a face at her.

Sanay na ako sa mga ganitong komento ni Kaye. Ang isip kasi ni Kaye ay mas wild pa sa wild. She thinks that we're in the 21st century that is why it's okay for men and women to shag each other, with or without label.

I believe that it's fine, too. As long as you know what you're getting yourself into. If some people want to stay celibate or not, that is perfectly fine. It's their life, it's not yours to give comments about.

"Ikaw, ayaw mo ba? Don't you fancy your Captain?" Tanong niya pa. Natigilan ako sa tanong niya at tinignan ko siya. She raised her brows and her jaw slacked, waiting for my answer.

Then suddenly, an image of me and Yael doing the deed crossed my mind.

The way the bed creeks with every thrust and pull. His jaw clenched while beads of sweat are dripping from his temples to his broad and firm chest.

His soft brown eyes looking me intensely while trying to letting out his deep groans.

Parang lahat ng dugo ko ay umakyat saaking pisngi dahil sa bigla kong naisip. Ipiniling ko ang ulo ko at tinampal ang sarili kong mukha. Damn! Kung ano-ano naman kasi itong pinagtatanong ni Kaye!

"No, no... Don't answer that. Alam ko na ang sagot." She teased while smiling salaciously. Wala naman akong nagawa kung hindi mapairap na lang habang pulang-pula ang aking mukha.

"Maybe your captain isn't old fashioned man at all..." Dagdag niya pa habang itinataas baba ang kilay.
Kinunotan ko siya ng noo.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "Siguro ay kaya siya hindi nagi-initiate ay dahil gusto niya na ready ka na sa ganoong bagay. Ikaw lang siguro ang iniintindi niya, Trix." Aniya.

I was quite shock for a moment.
"Really? Ganoon 'yon?" Nagtataka kong tanong sakanya.

Tumango siya. "Well, yeah. Men are always ready for sexual intercourse. No offense but he could've shagged you the first time you two have met, given that you already showed your interest on him. Ikaw lang ang iniisip niya."

Hanggang pag-uwi ko ay iniisip ko pa rin yung sinabi ni Kaye. I felt a fuzzy warm feeling inside me. Totoo ba lahat ng sinabi ni Kaye? Again, I shook my head for the fifth time this day. Bakit ko ba pinag-iisip ang mga sinasabi ni Kaye?

If it's gonna happen then it's gonna happen. Besides, ayoko munang isipin ang mga ganoong bagay. Kung ano man ang meron kami ni Yael ngayon ay kuntento na ako.

--

Sa kalagitnaan ng panonood ko ay biglang tumunog yung phone ko na nasa center table. I lazily stretched my arm to grab my phone. Namilog ang mga mata ko at parang nabuhayan ako nang makita ko kung kanino galing ang text na natanggap ko.

Yael:

On my way. Be there in 15 minutes.

I squeaked after reading his text message. He's gonna be here in 15 minutes! Hindi ko maitago ang saya na nararamdaman ko dahil para akong tanga rito na mag-isang ngumingiti. Mabuti na lang at kakatapos ko lang maligo!

It's been nine freaking days and I missed him so freaking much!

Me:

Okay. I'll just heat up your food in the microwave.

Akala ko ay hindi na siya magre-reply pero nagulat ako nang bigla nanamang umilaw ang phone ko nang akmang ilalapag ko na ito sa center table.

Yael:

No. Don't bother. May dala ako.

Napangisi ako.

Me:

Right. See you!

Ibinaba ko na ang phone ko sa center table. Sigurado ako na hindi na siya magrereply doon. Habang hinihintay ko siyang dumating ay hindi ako mapakali. Parang ang tagal-tagal ng kinse minutos.

I always get this kind of feeling everytime he informs me that he'll go home. Parang kulang na lang ay hilain ko pati mga segundong nagdadaan para makita ko na siya kaagad. Magaling talaga ang mga pilotong magpa-miss.

Napatalon ako nang marinig ko ang pagkatok niya sa pintuan. Mabilis pa ako sa alas kwatrong nagtungo sa may pintuan para pagbuksan siya.

As usual, he's still on his pilot suit and there's always a suitcase behind him. Ang kaibahan nga lang ay may dala siyang paper bag ngayon.

This is my favorite part of meeting him for the first time in a week. I always get to see him wearing his pilot suit and mind you, he always look like a full course meal!

"Hey," he greeted me with a boyish grin.

"Hi!" I chuckled and opened the door wider so he could get it. He dragged his suitcase as he steps inside. Isinara ko na ang pintuan at muli siyang hinarap. Iniwan niya muna ang suitcase niya sa gilid.

"Wala yata si Colton?" Tanong niya.

I frowned. "Umalis na naman. May pupuntahan daw at gagabihin." sabi ko.

Ngumuso siya bilang pagbibigay ng simpatya saakin.

"Anyway, let's just proceed to the living room, shall we?" Pang-iiba ko ng topic. He just slightly smiled and nodded his head.

We spend an hour eating the food that he bought and talking about his day and my day.

After that we watched an indie movie. "The art of getting by" was the title. We were on the part on which the female protagonist asked the male protagonist to have sex with him. I frowned at that scene even though she took it back eventually.

Asking a guy to have sex with you is like shoving a freshly baked humiliation in your throat.

I glanced at Yael and his eyes are just on the screen. He unconsciously licked his lower lip. Shit! Hindi ko alam pero biglang nag-init ang magkabila kong pisngi dahil doon. Bumaba ang mga mata ko sa labi niyang medyo basa na.

I watched his adam's apple move. Napansin ko rin na may tumutubo ng balbas sakanya. I wonder what he looks like with beard? I haven't seen him with one. Palagi kasi siyang nagshe-shave kaya palagi siyang mukhang bata.

My body flinched when he licked his lower lip again. Mariin kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko bago muling ibinaling ang atensyon sa pinapanuod namin. I bit my lower lip hard. Pull yourself together, Beatrix! Don't let your inner hoe deceive you.

"Hey, you okay?"

Para akong nakuryente nang marinig ko ang boses niya. It was so damn husky! Ramdam ko ang mga titig niya sa akin at inipon ko lahat ng natitira kong pagpipigil sa katawan para h'wah siyang tingnan pabalik.

God, what is this kind of feeling? Parang konti-konti na lang ay bibigay na ako!

I don't know why but I'm suddenly craving for his touch. Hindi naman kami madalas magkaroon ng physical contact pero hinahanap-hanap ko yung mga ilang sandali na nagkaroon kami.

"I'm okay." Sagot ko. Hindi na siya muling nagsalita at nakita ko sa gilid ng aking mata na ibinalik na niya ang kanyang atensyon sa telebisyon.

After a few minutes I found myself getting closer and closer to him until I'm leaning my head on his hard shoulder. He didn't push me away but I felt him looked at me. Napangiti ako. I somehow feel contented. I love it in here.

"Ang lambing mo ngayon..." A low and sexy chuckle lingered in his voice.

Inalis ko ang pagkakapatong ng ulo ko sa kanyang balikat at medyo nakasimangot siyang tiningnan.

"Ayaw mo?"

One corner of his lips lifted. "Gusto..." He whispered before planting a quick kiss on my forehead. Napapikit ako saglit sabay ngiti nang matamis.

"Come on, lean your head on my shoulder again." Aniya at siya na mismo ang humawak sa ulo ko para mapahiga sa kanyang balikat.

Hindi natanggal ang ngiti ko sa mga labi at mas lalo ko pang isiniksik ang gilid ng ulo ko sa kanyang balikat.

Ah, this is home. Feeling his warmth beside me and getting intoxicated by the mixture of his natural manly scent and his cologne.

I really love how Yael smell. Out of all the 50, 000 scents that my nose could remember, his scent will always be on my top list.

"Yael?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Do you know that when it's time for the peacocks to mate, hinahanap nila 'yung partner nila through their brilliant feathers?"

"Yeah, I kinda know that..."

Napangiti ako. "But humans, do you know how humans find their partners according to Biology?"

I felt his head tilted to look at me. "Uh,  through their hearts?" He said, unsure.

I chuckled before tilting up my face to meet his soft brown eyes. "No, it's through their scents... Tayong mga tao, hindi naman talaga tayo nagbabase sa hitsura talaga dahil sa amoy, doon tayo nagbabase sa mga partners natin. We just don't realize it  but that's how it is." I explained.

Ang ganda ng Biology dahil para dito, you don't have to be the prettiest or the sexiest to find your mate, you just have to have that scent that will attract your mate towards you.

He's still looking at me, watching every feature as I explain.

"Did you know that Beatrix talking about Biology is the sexiest thing in the whole wide world?" He whispered.

I chuckled and pinch his nose. "Captain Smooth..." I teased.

He slightly laugh before holding my hand away from his nose. He kissed the side of it while looking at me.

"But if that's really is then that explains why I love your smell."

I bit my bottom lip. "How do I smell?"

"Vanilla." He smirked before drawing back his attention to the television.

Napangisi na lang ako bago muling isinandal ang ulo ko sa kanyang balikat.

Hindi ko namalayan na nakatulog na pala ako sa balikat ni Yael.

Naramdaman ko na lang na parang nakalutang ako sa ere pero hindi rin iyon nagtagal at naramdaman ko na ang malambot na bagay sa likod ko. I slowly opened my eyes.

I saw almost a silhouette of a man looking at me. I blinked and opened my eyes once more to see the man looking at me clearly.

Biglang nagwala ang puso ko nang makita ko ng maayos ang mukha ni Yael. Bahagya siyang nakangisi at malapit ang mukha niya sa akin. Kahit hindi ko tignan ay alam kong nakaupo siya sa gilid ng aking kama at nakayuko siya para panuorin akong matulog.

He's so wickedly handsome! Lumunok ako at hindi na napigilan ang sarili ko. Hinila ko ang necktie niya na naging dahilan upang mas mapalapit pa ang mukha niya saakin. Inangat ko ang mukha ko para salubungin ang mga labi niya.

I felt him stunned but I didn't care. Para akong uhaw na uhaw nang maglapat ang mga labi namin. I'm holding on his necktie like I'm holding for my dear life.

I sucked his lower lip and he gasped in my mouth until he's kissing me back. Same intensity. Same passion. Lumipat ang isa kong kamay sa buhok niya at bahagya ko siyang nasabunutan.

I noticed that he liked what I did because he groaned at what I did. He groaned in my mouth. His palms began cupping my face while kissing me deeply, thumb caressing the side of my cheek softly.

Ang isa kong kamay na nakahawak sa necktie niya ay lumipat sa mga butones ng kanyang uniporme. My heart was banging on against my chest.

This is it. I want this. I really, really want this.

Matagumpay kong nabuksan unang buton ng kanyang suot-suot na uniporme.

Nang dumako ang mga daliri ko sa pangalawa ay bigla siyang tumigil sa paghalik sa akin at bahagyang inilayo ang kanyang mukha. Sinubukan kong habulin ang mga labi niya pero natigilan din ako dahil sa mga titig na ibinigay niya sa akin. Hindi ko mawari kung anong mga titig ang mga iyon.

"I-I want you, Yael... All of you..." Napapaos kong sabi habang ang mga mata ko ay namumungay na. I really want him. I want all of him. Every piece of him! My fingers are still on his second button.

Pumikit siya ng mariin at hinawakan ang pulso ng kanang kamay ko na ginamit kong pangbukas ng kanyang butones.

"No..." Halos pabulong niyang sabi at tinanggal ang kamay kong iyon mula sa pagkakahawak sakanyang butones. It felt like someone stabbed a thousand knives in my heart. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig.

His jaw is clenching hard.

"Y-yael..." I called his name, hoping that he'll change his mind. Hoping that he'll pull me by the wrist and crash his lips to mine.

"No..." But another 'no' is what I got instead. He shook his head three times while his eyes are still shut before finally letting go of my wrist. Bago ko pa siya muling maabot ay binuksan niya ang kanyang mga mata at tumayo na para tuluyang mailayo ang sarili saakin.

He turned his back on me and the last thing that I've got from him is a slam on my door. I felt a hot tear creaked through my left eye. I silently sobbed as I pull the comforter to cover myself. I held on the comforter tight while crying like it would save me from the humiliation.

Awhile ago I was frowning at the female protagonist for asking the male protagonist to have sex with him and now I just did the same. I just indirectly asked Yael to fuck me.

I just shoved a freshly baked humiliation in my throat.

It burns and it choked me to death.

Rejection is what I hated the most yet it's what I always get.

__________________________