I know y'all like...where you been?

I have hella stuff going on with school and extracurricular activities. I haven't had much time to write, and I honestly was gonna give up on this book. This book is my baby though, and I can't do that.

So it's undergoing some maintenance. I'm unpublishing the last two chapters. I had a specific plot for this book, but it kinda went left.

As many of you know, I specifically made Jordan a bad character. Everyone in the book loves Jordan, and adores her, but the readers get a different view. They see something different.

I want the readers to hate the main character. I want y'all to despise Jordan so much. I haven't read to many books where I've hated the beloved character.

So I'll publish latest chapters just in case you wanted to read them, and the latest one I was writing that will not be published. I hope you continue to read :).

Chapter 13: Luck

We ain't gotta rush
Try your luck out like you gamblin

:Dreezy

AMARAH

"You know why these bitches love me? Cause baby don't give a fuck,"A voice sung lowly.

I opened my eyes. The headache made me cringe. It felt like a thousand bullets went through my forehead. I slowly sat up and looked around the room. It was empty except for one girl. She held her phone in her hand, and her AirPods played music very loudly.

A chart across the room displayed my records. My name was written in capital letters. I squinted to see the small writing, but it only made my headache worse.

My phone lit up. I looked to the right of me and saw the get well messages from at least thirty people. Jordan's face stood behind all of them. I turned my phone over.

The girl and I finally made eye contact. I studied her features. She was light skinned, with blonde hair. She had on a grey sweatsuit.

"Oh uhhh...."She trailed off.

"Who are ya?"

"I'm Lan-"

"Bitch ion want ya name. I wanna kna who ya is."

She chuckled, "You should be happy you just came out of a coma. I wouldn't let that slide for anybody else."

I looked at her. She straightened up in her seat.

"Oh right. I'm Rico's friend, Lanai. He just went to the vending machine, so I stay-"

"Coma?"I asked as the words registered in my mind. "I was inna coma?"

"Medically induced of course. The doctors didn't want to put you on anesthesia because of the baby."

I placed my hand on my forehead. The room suddenly began to spin. My ears rang.

"Shit,"Lanai mumbled.

She ran to the door. She swung it open and yelled out for help. I felt my heart getting heavy as it sunk into my chest.

JORDAN

"Shit,"I mumbled.

Amarah's nose was crooked. The blood on the top of her lip had dried into crust. Her body looked lifeless. I knew her nose was broken.

"Shit, shit, shit."

I picked up my phone and scrolled to Rico's number. He was the only person who could help me in this situation. He helped me in a lot of situations I shouldn't have ended up in. Rico would kill for me if I asked him too, and that's why I'm grateful.

"Dude it's 3 in the morning. What could be so im-"

"I broke somebody's nose."

He sighed, "Jordan, I told you I wasn't going to be involved in your mess anymore."

"Please Rico. I need you to help me,"I pleaded. "I didn't mean to do it. It just kind of ha-"

"You don't just kind of break somebody's nose bro!"

"Please Rico. I won't ever put you in this situation again."

The phone was silent. Amarah stirred in her sleep. I prayed he would help me. I couldn't let Amarah leave me.

"I'll call Toni's surgeon. She does illegal surgeries."

"Thanks Rico. I owe you a lifetime."

"Don't do this shit again."

The dial tone hummed in my ear. I threw the phone on my bed. Amarah's eyes opened slowly. She cried out in pain.

I grabbed a glass of water. A bottle of pills sat on my dresser. I grabbed one and placed it in the glass. It fizzed down until it was completely gone.

"Here,"I said softly.

"Don't come any fuckin closa. If ya touch me I'll call tha pol-"

"Shut the fuck up, and drink this water Amarah."

She took the glass from my hands. She held it against her lip and took a sip. I smiled as she drunk the rest of it.

I took a seat beside her on the floor. I wrapped my arms around her skin body. She jumped at my touch. Her eyes were full of hatred. She was ready to spew hateful words to me.

"I love you so fucking much."

The waterworks suddenly came out of no where. She started sobbing into my chest.

"Then why ya hit me? Why ya always do this shit Jordan? Ya said ya wouldn't do it again."

I held her hand. I traced small circles on the back of it.

"I've lost everyone and everything I've ever loved. My parents are never here. My sister got shipped off to private school. I don't have any other family members. You're all I have Amarah. I can't lose you too."

"If ya kill me ya will lose me."

"Trust me. I'm leaving this Earth way before you ever will. When that happens you'll be faced with hell worse than me."

"What do ya mean?"

"My sister, she's trouble. My parents sent her off when she turned five. No one really knows she exist."

"How is she hell?"

"I'm leaving the only piece of myself with you when I die. She's going to want that piece. Whatever you do, you can't give it too her."

"What pie...piece?"She drunkly stated.

Her eyes were beginning to close slowly. I watched as she dosed off. Her head fell onto my chest. I kissed her forehead softly.

RICO

"What's going on?"I asked the nurse.

They crowded the room. Lanai stood outside with a concerned look. Mrs. Harper was arguing with the nurses on the inside.

"I need to know why the hell my daughter isn't being supervised! She wakes up out of a com, and has a panic attack! Why wasn't anyone here?"

"Ma'am I can reassure you that we will deal with th-"

"You should be so fucking happy I'm not with Andre anymore! If he cared..."Her voice croaked. "If only he cared about his daughter, we wouldn't be in this situation."

I looked at Lanai. She reached for my hand, but I snatched it back. I had to figure out what was going on in the room.

The door swung open. Nurses started to leave slowly. Once they were all out, I walked inside. The room had a stale smell. It was like nothing lived here but boredom.

Amarah sat up on her bed. She held a cup of water in her hands. Her hands shook so badly, the water hard a time staying in the cup. She didn't look like herself. She just had on her wig cap. The hospital wouldn't let Janiya change her wig. They claimed it could bring bacteria. Her eyes drooped.

"Ricotta,"She managed to say in a soft voice.

"Amarah, the doctor said you needed to rest. Now go to sleep,"Mrs. Harper sternly told her. "And stop calling him Ricotta. His name is Richard."

"Ma his na-"

"Ah! Get some rest."

Amarah sighed in defeat. Mrs. Harper shot me a look. I waved to Amarah. She smiled. Mrs. Harper forcefully pushed me out of the room. She was much smaller than be, but the woman had some hands.

Lanai was sitting down in the waiting room. Once she saw me, she came running. I smiled and pulled her in for a hug. She's been here ever since Amarah fell ill.

Mrs. Harper rolled her eyes dramatically, "I need to speak to Rico...alone."

"Oh, I-um. I understand. I'll just be in the waiting roo-"

"Alright, bye sweetheart,"Mrs. Harper said rudely. She waited until Lanai was out of sight to began speaking again. "Who is she? Amarah's never heard of her before."

"That's my girlfriend, Lanai."

"I have a bad feeling about her. She just seems so...invested into Amarah's life, and she hasn't even met her,"She spoke softly. "Weren't you dating that Tamar girl?"

I chuckled, "No ma'am, her name was Toni. We broke up once I met Lanai."

"Which was three days ago...don't you think it's too early to be this close?"

"She's like my soul mate Mrs. Harper. We've met in a previous life."

"It's Ms. Smith."

I looked at her. Confusion fell over my face. Amarah's parents were like a power couple, until they found out they would be grandparents of course. Everything Amarah told me about them has always been great. Amarah truly looked up to their relationship, and I think that's why she was with Jordan.

"Andre and I are getting a divorce. You can't let Amarah know that though. I don't need her to be anymore stressed than she already is."

I shook my head, "That's going to break her heart."

"Andre and I just don't see eye-to-eye anymore. He goes through these phases, but this one has yet to end."

"I'm sorry to hear about that Mrs..."

"Smith."

"Right, Mrs. Smith."

***

AMARAH

"I'm so ready ta leave,"I said as I packed my clothes.

I've been in the hospital for exactly two weeks now. My panic attacks worsened, and my stress levels rose. The doctors decided to keep me for a few extra days. Those extra days turned into a whole week.

Rico started to throw away my trash. He was here every single day. I was really thankful for him. Without him, I wouldn't know where I would be. He kept my company. His girlfriend did too. She was way better than Toni, and I actually liked her.

"You know the doctor said take it easy Armadillo. That means no fighting or running around with...Gerald."

Pure disgust was present in his voice. Rico and Gerald haven't spoken to each other. I had no clue why they wouldn't talk. I know Rico was trying to protect my feelings, but I'm a big girl. I can handle a relationship by myself.

Gerald and I weren't even in a relationship. We just had a few kissing sessions. We were like best friends...that kissed. Gerald was nothing but a friend to me.

"I can't guarantee tha no fightin. Ya kna Nala and I like ta push each otha buttons,"I said with a smile.

Nala giggled. She pushed her hair behind her ear. Ever since she arrived, she's kept all eyes on Rico.z I could tell she was into him.

"Stop droolin. He too old fa ya,"I said lowly so she could hear me.

"Uh Rico, can you show me where the vending machine is? I'm kind of starving."

Rico smiled, "Lanai and I were just bout to grab something to eat. You can tag along."

"Actually I need to talk to Amarah,"Lanai spoke.

"About wh-"

"My brother and I would like to go as well,"My younger broke Phrey said.

"No, you're going home,"Nala sternly said. "You already ate today."

Rico chuckled, "The more the merrier."

The twins got all of their belongings together. Nala grabbed her purse. Rico gave me a hug before they all left out.

It was just Lanai and I in the room now. We didn't say anything to each other for awhile. The silence was deafening.

"Amar-"

"Jordan's sister? Yeah I already kna."

"How? We just met?"

I laughed, "Girl ya look just like him, and Jordan warned me about this."

I walked over to her. She sat in the chair. I easily towered over her. I jabbed my finger into her chest. She flinched at my touch.

"Ion want no fuckin pro'lems. Stay away from ma child bitch."

"I don't want the baby,"She laughed. "What the hell am I going to do with a baby?"

She slapped my hand away from her chest. She stood up and pushed me back. I fell backwards onto the bed, but I kicked to keep her from coming any closer.

"You know exactly what I fucking want Amarah. I will do anything to get i-"

"Ian givin ya shit!"

She wrapped her hand around my neck, "Give me the fucking password."

I laughed as her hands squeezed harder, "Gon 'head. Kill me bitch. Ya still not gon kna tha pin eitha way."

"You fucking bi-"

The door knob turned. She let go of me and stood up straight. I sat up on the bed. Niya walked in with a smile on her face.

She had on a tight pink dress that highlighted her curves. Her hair was in a Afro. She accessorized with gold hoops, and a gold chain.

"Guess who just won homecoming queen?"She screamed.

"You won?"Lanai asked. "Oh my goodness, congrats!"

"Me? God no. I will not parade around school like some object. It's s-"

"Janiya, who won?"I asked out of curiosity.

"You did!"

"What tha fuck ya mean I won? Ian even enroll fa that shit."

I shook my head as I grabbed my bags. She was always signing me up for shit. Now I'm homecoming queen.

Chapter 14: Bless Me

Went looking for a muse
Think I found that shit in you
It's been a long time...

:6LACK

RICO

I focused my camera in on Amarah. She looked absolutely stunning in her dress. She had on a beige sheer dress. It was tight, and it fitted her in all the right places. She had on a long trench coat to accessorize it.

"Rico, I cant find ma otha heel."

I snapped another picture of her, "You know the doctor said no heels Armadillo."

"You know the doctor said no heels Armadillo,"She mocked me under her breath. "Where is ma fuckin shoeeeee?"She screamed.

"Girl you better stop all that damn screaming in my house!"Mrs. Smith yelled from down the hall. "The shoe is in the box. I told you too put both of them in there earlier, so we wouldn't be doing this today. You don't listen."

Amarah rolled her eyes. She walked over to the couch. Once she opened the box, the shoe appeared. She slipped it on her foot the best she could. Her growing belly was slowly starting to show. Especially with the dress she had on, it was very noticeable. I loved it on her.

"Smile."

She turned around and looked at me. She placed her hands on her sunglasses. They pushed down a little, so her eyes were visible.

"That's definitely not going in the baby book,"I chuckled. "This is way to sultry for our little girl's eyes."

"Oh thank ya fa remindin me. We still gotta make tha docta's appointment. You needa tell me what days ya don't have practice."

I nodded, "I'll work it out. Don't worry about anything."

She smiled softly, "How does your 2019 homecoming queen look?"

She did a little spin. Once again I thought she was stunning. Her pregnancy glow was beautiful. Everything about her was beautiful.

"Amarah you look absolutely gorgeous,"I said with a smile. "I've been meaning to tell you something, and I think now is the time."

"A'ight make it quick. Gerald gon be hea' ina few, and ya kna ya don't be 'round him."

I smacked my teeth, "I can't believe you turned down my hoco proposal for his."

"Rico I'm not third wheeling with ya and Lanai."

"Lanai wouldn't mind, and you kn-"

"What ya gotta tell me Ricotta?"

I toyed with my fingers. She looked at me with suspicion. Amarah and I haven't spoken a lot since the incident. She moved back in with her mom. We didn't spend a lot of time with each other besides doctors appointments.

Truth is, I missed her. She always kept me laughing. Lanai helps me laugh, but it was never as much as Amarah. Lanai was fun, but she wasn't the best. I liked her a lot though.

"Amarah, the past few weeks with you have honestly been some of the best times of my life. Ever since Jordan passed, I lost a piece of myself. I was down and out, but you fixed that,"I stated. "The baby is going to be so blessed because she...hopefully... has an amazing mother. I know I won't be half of the father Jordan could ever be. With your help, I know I can be better than that. Amarah I-"

"This ain't a proposal? Cause tha answa is no."

"I love you Amarah. I actually love you."

"Huh?"She giggled. "Ya kna we ain't ta'gatha right?"

"I love you as a family member silly. You're like, well are, baby mother I never asked for."

A huge smile spread across her face, "I'm not e'en gon comment on that,"She laughed. "I love ya too Ricotta."

I took another picture of her. This time her smile was wide, and I could see her heart bursting through her dress. She crossed her legs and held her belly.

"Ya wanna kna something crazy?"She asked. "Jordan told me he loved me fa tha first time last homecoming."

The name Jordan made my stomach churn. I stood up quickly and grabbed my things. Jordan's true colors were starting to unfold as I went through some of his things. His parents let me take some of his stuff, so it wouldn't be on their hands anymore. I was packing most of it for a charity.

"Uh, Lanai is probably on her way to my house. I should probably go now."

"Okay, I'll see ya at tha dance."

JORDAN

"Would you like to dance with me, my lady?"I asked Amarah.

She turned around and giggled. Her smile made my heart throb. I grabbed her hand and turned her around. She giggled some more as we pranced around.

"You know I've never seen anyone come to homecoming so underdressed,"I whispered in her ear.

She had on a yellow sweatshirt that hugged her curves. Her hair was pulled up in a high ponytail, and she had on no makeup. She had on some dirty converse to top off the outfit.

I was surprised they let her through the door like that. Homecoming was always semi-formal, and she didn't even meet the semi requirement.

"I'm proving that school dances ain't that important. Ya don't have ta spend a shit load money onna dress ya gonna wear once,"She whispered back. "This is a statement Jordan."

"Well your statement looks beautiful on you Marah."

"Thank ya,"She spoke. "Na, shut up and dance with me. Ain't that tha song ya be listening ta?"

I chuckled, "Just for that, I put in a request for our song. It should be coming on any minute n-"

The song softly sung in our ears. A wide smile grew across her face as tears filled her eyes.

"There it is,"I smirked.

"We're coastin' on the coast when you opened my eyes,"Jhene sung.

I pulled Amarah into my arms. She held me tight as we swayed. I felt her tears drop onto my suit. Her touch warmed my body.

"I love you,"I whispered into her ear.

She looked up at me with joyful tears, "You do?"

"I love you so fucking much Amarah, and I'll never stop loving you."

"And I know the meaning for all the seasons
You are the reason, my love,"Jhene's voice followed after me.

"I love you too Jordan,"She cried. "I love you."

"Don't wake me up cause I'm in love with all that you are
You make me see the truth in things, I think that you are
The remedy for everything, it seems that you are
The truth itself cause nothing else can take me so far..."Jhene's voice sung softly as the music faded.

From that moment on, I knew Amarah was the only love of my life. I knew I would be with her for the rest of my life. We would grow old, and have kids. Then we'd travel the world once our kids grow old. We would be together forever. That was truly my blue dream.

AMARAH

I held my chest as the thought of Jordan ran through my mind. I was beginning to have vivid flashbacks of him everyday. He was everywhere to me.

My mind always had a memory about him to go with some ongoing event in my life. I hated it so much. It was like Jordan hisself wasn't letting me forget about him. He wanted me to always love him. That's something I wish I couldn't do.

"Mar, you ready to go?"Gerald asked. "Shit you okay?"

I nodded slowly as I stood up. I felt myself getting lightheaded. I quickly sat back down, but it only made the feeling worse.

"Breathe baby."

My breathing slowed down once Gerald began to talk to me. He always had a way of cheering me up.

"See, now you're alright. It's homecoming. Why you panicking?"

I sighed, "Well let's see. Im pregnant with a dead baby fatha. Ma actual fatha hates me. Ma best friend ain't talkin ta me, and I'm fuckin homecoming queen...But those aren't reasons to be havin panic attacks e'eryday right?"

"I didn't ask for no fucking attitude Mar."

RICO

Lanai squeezes my hand as we walked into the gym. The gym was decorated with bright lights. A replica of the Eiffel Tower stood in the middle of the gym. A few fake buildings were plastered along the walls.

I watched as Toni stood beside Alayah. Alayah held a clipboard as she checked things off. Toni pointed towards the DJ stand. I could tell things were frustrating her. Her makeup was half done, and her hair was still in rollers.

"I'm gonna go ask if Niya would like me to help with anything,"Lanai said to me.

"Alright, stay close by."

She rolled her eyes as she walked alway. My eyes shot back to where Toni was. She was trying to hang the lights back up. Alayah tried to reach it, but they both were vertically challenged.

I walked over to them slowly. Deep down in my soul I was hoping they wouldn't need my help. I haven't spoken to Toni since we broke up. She didn't take the break up very well.

However the rebound, she had no problem with. She found some football player to stand in as her boyfriend. She was already posting him on social media. I mean, yes I show off Lanai, but I haven't gotten to the point where our relationship is officially official. I couldn't wait until we could start flaunting our relationship. I would just have to wait because it was sensible. I respect Toni enough. I wouldn't let her look like a fool, because people would think I left her for Lanai. They wouldn't be wrong, but I don't want them to think that.

"Look what the hoe dragged in,"Alayah mumbled under her breath.

I chuckled, "I didn't come with your cousin. I came with a friend."

"She's probably still a hoe anyways,"Toni said with hatred filled in her voice.

"Can I talk to you Toni?"

She crossed her arms and gave me a death stare. Alayah did the same thing beside her. I looked Alayah up and down.

"Alone..."I spoke softly.

"Whatever you have to say to her you can say it to me nigga. Toni might be scared to slap the shit out of you, but best believe I'll do it bitch as-"

"Alayah, that's enough. Please go assist Janiya. We both know she will mess up out decorations with her...ghettoness."

Alayah looked me up and down one last time. She scoffed as she walked away slowly. Alayah was truly Toni's sidekick. Toni could tell her to murder her parents, and Alayah would do it loyally. Sometimes I wonder what they would be like without each other.

Toni started to take the rollers out of her hair. Her black curls fell to her shoulders. Tonight, she was different. She wore all black. The top of her dress was mesh. It was corset like, and pulled her figure together. The bottom of her dress was split in between her legs. Her heels gave her some height, but not a lot.

"Who's funeral are you going to?"I joked. "Your hair is black. Your dress is black."

"You know that's how I like my men,"She smiled. "Now I want those lights to hang across the building. Make sure they have a slight dip in the middle."

I nodded. I grabbed the ladder and placed the lights on the wall. After much, much, guidance, we finally got the lights the way she wanted them. She wouldn't let me hang them the wrong way. Everything in the gym was tailored to her interest. The buildings were uniquely designed by her design team. The Eiffel Tower was hand crafted by her woodsman. The lights were ordered from the electrician who ran most of the city. Everything was made for perfection.

Toni always went out with homecoming. She was the always voted to be chair of the student council. Even though everyone had specific jobs, Toni took over most things. She planned prom, graduation, Christmas parties, teacher appreciation, senior week. Every school even was placed in her hands. To be honest, there really is no student council. It's just Toni.

Most people were afraid to have a say-so. Parents didn't argue with Toni's choices, because her parents funded everything. Her parents are the biggest donors to our school. After them it was, Jordan and then my parents.

"Follow me to the balcony. We can talk out there because it's quiet."

She grabbed my hand and led me to the balcony. Homecoming would start in fifteen minutes. People were starting to pour in so they could eat there early. Most people partied for two hours, and then go to the after parties.

There's always two after parties. One is at Toni's house. I've never been to the second after party. Toni would never let me go. Jordan tried to convince me to go, because he always went with Amarah. This year would be my first year going though, and I was excited.

Toni's after parties are classy. The music was elegant, and the dinner was fancy. I hated going, because not many people showed up. The whole white population of the school, which was around forty-five percent, showed up. To go to the party, you had to have a specialized invitation from the host. Toni only gave out invitations to who she liked. Not many people showed up anyways.

"How are things going?"I asked. "We haven't spoke since the-"

"Devon has been treating me like a queen."

I scratched the back of my forehead, "Yeah you moved on pretty fast Toni. I just wanted to check up on you."

She placed her hand on my chest. She slowly started to unbutton my shirt. I pushed her hand away, and she smiled.

"I've missed you baby,"She whispered in my ear.

"Toni we just weren't made for eac-"

Her hands traveled to my pants. I took a breath in as I felt her grip my dick. She pushed me into the chair that was behind me.

"To-"

"Quit talking baby,"She said softly. "Let me give you one last anniversary gift."

I placed my hand on my head. I forgot that today would be our second year anniversary. She pulled my dick out through my boxers. I sighed as she placed me in her mouth.

Her lips warmed my shaft. Her tongue danced around my tip as she bobbed her head up and down. She was so talented she didn't even need her hands. I felt myself touch he back of her throat.

I grunted as I felt myself about to release. I went to tap her, but she pushed my hand away. She looked up at me with satisfied eyes. My release felt good in her mouth. She pulled away and showed me what I left behind. Once she swallowed the contents she stood back up. I pushed my dick back into my pants.

"You always said you wanted a swallower."

I shook my head, "Toni no I always said I wanted followers."

"You're still funny I see,"She giggled. "I have to go greet everyone, so I'll see you at the after party right?"

"Nah, I'm going with Amarah to Niya's party."

She rolled her eyes. She mumbled something, but I didn't catch it. Before I could respond she was gone. I looked down at my pants. Truth is, I always did say I wanted a swallower.

AMARAH

"Welcome to our 2019 fall homecoming!"Rico's ex shouted on stage. "The homecoming committee and I worked tedious hours to be here today. We wanted this homecoming to be memorable. With that being said, feel free to have some fun. The DJ is going to play amazing music. We have refreshments in the lunchroom."

The whole school looked around. The decorations were beautiful. I had to give that to her. She could work some magic with paper and glue.

"To kick off our 2019 evening, we will have a performance by a one of a kind man. He's faced recent hardships this year from discrimination, to coming out. Creekwood please give a big welcome to our musical guest, Lil Nas X."

Gerald looked over at me, "How she get this dosey doe nigga over here?"

I giggled, "Nigga this ma song." I placed my hands on my hips and did a little dance. "I'm gonna take my horse ta tha old town road. I'm gonna ridddddeeee 'til I can't no mo."

Gerald rolled his eyes as I danced a little. Eventually he joined in and started to dance with me. I watched him hit the woah a few times. I was starting to think that's the only dance he could truly do.

He looked good in his all white. We decided not to dress the same because we didn't want people to think we were together. Most people at least assumed we were. It was hard trying to stay under cover for Niya.

To my side I saw Lanai dancing with Rico. She had her hands on his hips trying to show him how to dance. I wish I could tell her he was a lost cause. Rico could not dance for anything.

I caught his eye briefly. He waved while he smiled at me. I waved back. Gerald scoffed as he watched us interact. He pulled my attention back to him as he started to dance again.

"I see you out there!"Lil Nas X shouted while pointing to Gerald.

I playfully hit his shoulder. He laughed from excitement. Gerald has never been around celebrities. The most exciting celebrity encounter he ever had was being retweeted by Drake.

"Did he just call me out?"Gerald asked with a smile on his face. "Lil Nas X just spoke to me!"

"Nigga he spoke of ya. Stop bein a fan girl."

The song came to close. The DJ started to play some music. The crowd of teenagers started to disperse slowly. I looked around at everyone on the dance floor.

"Ima go try to take a picture with him. You wanna come?"Gerald whispered in my ear.

I shook my head, "No Gerald. Go take ya picture with ya man."

He shot me a look, "Amarah, you know I don't play that shit."

He let go of my hands and began to walk away. My feet were starting to kill me. I went over to one of the benches off the dance floor. I sat down and watched as other kids danced around.

These types of dances were never appropriate. Our student to teacher ratio was absurd. We didn't have enough teachers to watch over every student in the whole gym. Needless to say, many students got away with things they shouldn't have.

"Is this seat taken?"I heard a soft voice say.

I turned around and saw Niya. She had her hair slicked back in a ponytail. Her dress was beautiful. It was tight and grid like. It showed off her subtle curves, and pulled more attention to her bare sacs. Everything about her was beautiful.

"Uh, of cou'se not. Ya can sit with me."

"Great cause girl these heels have been killing my feet. I've been here since 2 in the afternoon."

"Ya shouldn't have wore them stilettos then."

She laughed, "Alright let's cut to the bullshit." She looked at me with horrid eyes, "I don't want you with my brother, and I will do everything to keep you apart."

"Janiya, ya can't be seriou-"

"You're the one friend I've had that doesn't like Gerald. Obviously that's changed, but I don't want it too. I want us to be the three best friends again. I know how this goes Mar, and I don't want that for us."

"Niya ya pushed Gerald and I out. We would love ta hang out with ya and go places. Ya don't want us 'round ya so we stopped trying."

"Because I know how this fucking goes Amarah. I'll become the third wheel. You think I want my best friend to leave me for my brother?"

"There is na' such thing as a third wheel in our relationship! Gerald and I ain't gon leave ya out so we can be a couple. We would neva do that. Ya mean so fucking much ta us. We neva wanna hurt ya."

She sighed, "Maybe I was overthinking this...I just didn't want to be y'all's bitch."

"Ya ma bitch Niya. Don't ya eva fa'get that,"I said playfully in a deep voice.

"I won't Pimp Daddy A,"She joked. "The queen bitch has spotted me. I have to go introduce the next guest. I'll be back later on to check on you Mar."

I nodded, "'Ight, I love you Niya."

"I love you too Pimp Daddy A."

She got up and walked off. Once again I was alone. I watched everyone dance around. This dance started to feel like I didn't belong there. I was getting tired of watching instead of participating.

At least thirty minutes went by before Niya walked onto the stage. She grabbed the microphone, and it made a loud screeching noise. The crowd of teenagers held their ears. I laughed as she fumbled around with the microphone.

"Dumbass mic- Oh it's on,"She realized. "This year we've lost some legends. Nipsey Hussle, DJ Official, Doris Day, James Ingram, and many many more. One thing we have to understand is tomorrow is not promised. Next week isn't promised. Next year isn't promised. The next decade isn't promised. Most of us had our wake up call when a fellow student passed away."

Tears filled my eyes as I realized where this speech was going. Rico was making his way towards me. I tried to keep my composure.

"Jordan Bynes shed much light on us. He was always present in school. His grades were nearly perfect, and his baseball skills were more than perfect. He could pitch a ball faster than most of us can say pitch. Sadly, his life was cut short due to a car accident. Jordan was not wearing a seatbelt, which resulted in him being ejected from the car."

Rico wrapped his arms around me. I hugged him back as he rubbed his hand along my back. Everything she was saying was the truth. Some days I wished i could've stopped him. I shouldn't have picked up the phone. I shouldn't have let him leave. I should've told him to buckle up. I should've gotten in the car with him. There's so many things I should've or shouldn't have done.

"Jordan is survived by his parents and his child. We all lost a piece of ourselves the day we got the news. I believe that the piece we lost is still here with us today, just in a different way. Jordan still watches over us every single day. I miss his witty comments and his terrible jokes, but I still know he's here. Jordan continues to light up this world through his soul, and through his child. Please welcome our next musical guest, Jhené Aiko with her song Eternal Sunshine."

I looked up at Rico. He wasn't saying anything. He was just watching as Jhené sung softly. I hated this moment with such a strong passion. I remember telling Niya that I didn't want anything about Jordan at school. I didn't want to remember him.

"Are you alright?"He asked above the music.

I nodded, "I just don't want ta keep reliving his death. I think ima go freshen up in tha bathroom. I'll be back."

I got up slowly and walked to the restroom. I felt myself getting sick as I heard the lyrics to the song. They were so vivid and realistic. I held my hand over my mouth as I ran to the toilet. I threw up everything I had in my system.

I cried out in pain as I felt stinging hit my throat. Everything hurt at the moment. My head, my heart, my stomach, my feet. I wanted this moment to go away forever.

Once I finished, I cleaned myself up. I rinsed out my mouth with the bottle of mouthwash I keep on hand. Being pregnant meant a lot of nausea, and vomiting. I always came prepared, because these moment weren't foreign to me.

"What's the code?"I heard Lanai say.

I felt the cold metal against forehead. I didn't turn around. I looked in the mirror and saw Lanai. She held a small gun to my head.

Lanai wanted the one thing Jordan left for me. To be very honest, at first I thought it was my baby, but as time progressed I knew she meant the safe in his room. It was hidden under the floorboards. The safe had three entry codes. Most people could guess the first two, but the second one was difficult. It was a sixteen digit password. It consisted of numbers, letters, and special accents. In no way or form was it anything that related to his life.

I've been trying to get into for the longest. He always gave clues, and told me when I needed it the most I would figure it out. Eventually I stopped trying. I realized that I didn't need it right now. Whatever was in that safe played no major part in my life at the moment. I would focus on what Jordan didn't mean to give me.

"Lanai I've already told ya. Ya not gon get tha code."

"Tell me the code or...I'll just have to take your little boyfriend for myself."

I laughed, "First of all that's not ma boyfriend. Second of all ya can have him. He'll break ya heart, and ya will fa'get the safe eva existed. Ya gon be so worried when he gon take ya back or who he fuckin with bitch."

"Amarah I will kill him."

"Ya not bold enough ta do tha-"

"Amarah! Are you okay in th-"

The door swung open. Rico's eyes widened as he watched Lanai hold the gun to my head. Before I could say anything, a single shot ran out. I watched as Rico's body fell lifeless to the ground.

Chapter 15: Bless Me Pt 2

(Alternate ending not finished)

Tell me what you're looking for,

Is that me?

We'll see

You fall in love just from looking at me...

:6LACK

JORDAN

"Jordan,"Amarah cried out. "I-"

She stopped mid-sentence to continue crying. Even though my eyes were shut, I still knew everything she was doing. Whenever she cried she pulled her shirt over her mouth. She was always an ugly crier.

Apart of me wanted to reach out and grab her, but my body just wouldn't let me. My heart raced as I struggled to move.

"Ya always pick tha worse times ta do shit,"She said softly. "Ya found ya homecoming suit the day befa' homecoming so we had ta change our colo'a scheme. Ya decided tha day before our AP exam ya would pick up tha textbook..."Her voice trailed off as she came to the next words. "Then ya decide ta get inna car accident tha day we fought."

I silently laughed to myself. She wasn't wrong, I always did find the worst times to fuck some shit up. Even if it meant it hurt everybody else.

"The docta's say ya don't gotta chance baybeh. They said ya a tomato, carrot, or something like that."

I really wanted to laugh at that. She always found a way to joke even when things were serious. She was referring to me being a vegetable.

"Ion kna but I kna ya stronga than that. Ya much stronga than a fucking vegetable baybeh. Ya gotta keep fightin fa us,"She said while tears streamed down her face. "As much as I fuckin hate ya, I can't let go of ya. If ya don't make it through this baybeh, ion kna how ima make it through. Ya my life. Everyday I live revolves around ya. Ya ma baybeh Jordan."

My heart began to sink into my chest. Her words hit heavy. Amarah wasn't one to share her emotions. Even when she did, they were never as sincere.

"Ya gotta do this fa tha baybeh..."Her voice croaked. "I tried to tell you but I was obviously too late."

My heart fell as I heard those words. Amarah was pregnant. The past me would've wanted this for us, but I didn't know if I would pull through. I wanted to be there for the baby, and for her. I hated what I did to her. I truly hated what I did.

"I can't raise na' baybeh by ma'se-"

I heard the door open loudly. I knew Amarah jumped. She was always jumpy, and she got scared easily. She placed her hand in my hand. I could feel her pulse pushing through.

"I'm sorry. Do you need a few more minutes?"Rico said quietly. "I was told nobody was in here."

Amarah gave my hand another soft squeeze. I felt her let go. Her perfume scent still lingered around my nose.

"Remember what I said baybeh,"She whispered in my ear.

The silence filled the empty air as the transition occurred. I heard Amarah shuffle out of the door and Rico walk in. My heart throbbed at the encounter that was soon to come.

I heard Rico's heavy breathing as he fumbled with the machines. I felt a cord tug on my body. He pulled a little harder to make sure it did what it had to do.

"Jordan,"He chuckled. "I hate to do this, but you know you told me too."

I wanted to cry out, "Please don't. I don't want to do this to you."

"As much as you don't want me to do this, I want too. God I want to kill you. I've waited my whole life for this moment,"He said with a dark tone.

I felt the cords move around on my body. If only I could tell him what I needed to. He would think twice. He wouldn't do what I told him to do.

"I supported you through thick and thin, and you decide to pull this stunt to run away from me. Jordan you knew I would find you, and you knew I would kill you,"His voice roared in my ear. "I know what you did to her...I saw it myself."

Deep inside my soul shivered. Rico has never been this angry with me, let alone upset. He was always easy going, and never caused me any trouble. Everything he was saying was right though. What I did was wrong, but if only I could tell him I'm sorry.

"Have a nice life in hell,"He whispered in my ear.

I felt him pull the tube out of me. My throat began to squeeze itself. I felt the gasp my body let out for air. My body shook as I tried to breathe.

Soon I felt nothing. It was like I was floating on a cloud. I felt weightless, and content. Everything seemed to get tinier as I floated away. I could see everything everyone was doing.

My parents sat in the waiting room holding hands. Amarah walked out of the hospital crying. Rico called for the nurses.

Suddenly everything began to get a little darker. The clouds fell from the sky, but I continued to float. The world around me was scorching. I looked around but nothing was there. I didn't feel anything.

Heaven and hell played in my head. I knew everything I did in life would not take me to heaven. Deep down I hoped for a in-between. Somewhere between heaven and hell. I wasn't a terrible person, but I definitely wasn't the best.

My worst nightmare stood in front of me, darkness. There was nothing there for me to talk to, to look at, to watch. I could only see myself. My skin was paler, and my limbs were smaller. Everything was distorted. I couldn't make out a single thing.

What was I wearing?
How did my face look?
Did I really die?
What is this?

Then suddenly everything dawned on me. I remember someone saying hell was your biggest fear.

My biggest fear was being alone...

AMARAH

I watched his chest rise; then I watched it fall. I watched it rise again. After a few seconds it fell again. I studied his chest. I noticed that the tattoos on his chest expanded as he breathed in. They returned to their original states when he let out another breath.

His heart was etched on his chest. It was another tattoo he got with Jordan. I looked at the stitches that went down the heart. It was now crooked. One side was slightly bigger than the other.

I traced it slowly. My fingers ran over the stitches. They were rough, like the look on his face. They were intricately weaved in and out of his skin. His light complexion was red around the area.

"How many times are you going to do that Armadillo?"He mumbled under his breath. "I told you I'm fine."

I removed my hand from his chest. He opened his eyes and sat up. His hair was messy on his forehead. His eyes had bags under them. He cringed as he sat up. I knew the pain had shot through him.

"I'm just sca'ed fa ya Rico. Ya got shot."

He didn't say anything. He just watched as people passed by the window on the door. I watched along with him.

"They said I can't play anymore,"He said softly.

"The last thing ya need ta be worried about is bout is baseball,"I responded. "Ya was just shot."

"How am I supposed to provide for our family?" He questioned. "Baseball is all I know Amarah."

I sighed, "Ya can get a job. Ya smart as hell. I'll get a job ta."

"Jordan would never have yo-"

"Can't you stop bringing up Jordan eve'y five minutes!"I said frustrated. "Ya ain't Jordan. I don't expect ya ta do what he did."

Silence flooded the air. He didn't say anything back. I grabbed my phone and began to type on it.

Rico was so obsessed with Jordan. We couldn't have a conversation without him popping up. In ways I was glad Jordan wasn't here. He wasn't what everyone cracked him up to be.

"Amarah, I killed Jordan."

I looked around like he was insane. There was no way he could've killed Jordan. The other driver was killed in the accident. He says a lot that he was the reason Jordan died, but he never said he killed him.

"Rico, ya ti'ed. Go ta sleep,"I laughed. "I'll let ya get some rest."

I got up out of the chair I was sitting in. He stayed silent as I grabbed my things. The drugs that had him on was obviously making him go crazy. He just needed some rest, a lot of it.

"I really killed him,"He said lowly as I opened the door.

"What do ya mean Rico? How ya kill him?"I laughed entertained.

"I disconnected his breathing tube. He told me to b-"

"Ya lyin. Rico died cause his parents took him off life support."

Rico shook his head. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. Tears ran down my eyes as I realized he wasn't lying. I let the person who ruined my life become my best friend.

"Don't fuckin' touch me!"I shouted. "Why would ya do that?"

"Jordan did something terrib-"

I found myself punching his jaw. He stumbled back into the pillow on his bed. I kept punching him until I couldn't hear anything.

The world around me collapsed as I thought of Rico killing Jordan replayed in my mind. I could never imagine him doing something like that. He wasn't capable...he couldn't be capable.

RICO

A week later...

"Make sure you take it easy son,"The nurse said to me. "Stressing over her isn't going to make her come back."

I didn't respond. I threw my belongings into my duffle bag. It's been a week, and I'm just now leaving. My stress levels took a great toll on my extended stay. With Amarah gone, I worried. I needed to know where she was, who she was with, and what she was doing. I was supposed to protect her, but instead I hurt her.

The swelling on my face went down. It was still bruised. After she punched me the first time, she kept going until someone came. Then she passed out. After that, I didn't know much of anything. She was gone. She left me.

"Remember take your pain meds every eight hou-"

"Can you stop fucking talking? I just need two seconds of silence,"I shouted. "I'm tired of this bullshit ass hospital."

She nodded slowly. She stamped a few prescription label on my medications. There was a lot of them.