Chapter 11

The week that followed the road trip was pretty much uneventful. The homework load lessened due to midterms.

By the time Friday rolled around, I was more than ready for spring break week.

Aaron’s brother was going to have his concert later in the night. Although I promised to go, I had to cancel on him. Since we were leaving to the beach this Sunday, I had to schedule in some time to go back home.

I decided to leave Friday right after class.

Aaron didn’t want me to leave. He had been trying to find any excuse for me to stay.

I finally managed to convince Aaron to let me go when I reminded him that he would be picking me up from home on Sunday afternoon.  

He was really excited about meeting my parents.

First, I had to find a way to tell them about Aaron. Neither my mom nor my dad knew anything about him, or what I’d been doing for most of the semester.

Whenever I talked to my mom or my dad on the phone, I was usually vague with my conversations. I had a tendency to stay on light topics, afraid that by bringing up Aaron, my parents would make a comment about Matt.

“I’m going to miss you,” Aaron told me.

His hands were wrapped around my waist. Our embrace felt really personal, despite the large crowd in the airport.

“I’ll miss you too,” I told him, running my hands through his hair.

“You’ll be careful? Call me when you land,” he told me, giving me a small smile.

We’d been saying ‘goodbye’ for a while now and still Aaron hadn’t let me go.

“I’ll be fine. I should be telling you to be careful. No misbehaving at the concert,” I said, playfully lecturing him.

“Now I don’t even want to go,” Aaron told me, as he rested his forehead against mine.

“Why not?” I asked.

He’d been looking forward to this concert for the last few weeks.

“I wanted to go with you,” he shrugged.

I laughed, and playfully slapped his chest.

“You know, TJ is going too. You’re not going to leave him alone,” I told him.

“Yeah, I know. My brother will be pissed if I missed it too. Are you sure you can’t just leave later tonight? If you want, I can take off for the weekend with you while you visit your parents. I don’t mind,” Aaron suggested.

As tempting as it was to have Aaron go with me, I couldn’t do that. There were too many things I had to sort out this weekend.

“No, go and have fun. I’ll see you on Sunday,” I told him, pressing myself against him one last time.

“Fine,” he complained, but he still gave me a teasing grin.

“You’ll call me, or I’ll call you,” he whispered in my ear, giving my waist a squeeze, before letting go.

“Honey!” My dad called out to me as soon as he spotted me.

I waved at both my parents, and began making my way towards them.

“Anna,” my mom said, walking a few steps behind my dad.

My dad was the first to reach me.

“How are you pumpkin?” My dad asked, wasting no time in wrapping his arms around my back.  

My mom came and joined in on our embrace.

I laughed, because I was betting we looked comical to the people passing us by.

When I laughed, both my mom and my dad pulled away from me and looked at me with strangely.

“You seem different,” my mom was the first to comment.

“You do seem different, in a good way though,” my dad added, offering me a warm smile.

“I’m happy,” I admitted, although I didn’t elaborate on why that was.

Both of my parents looked surprised when I said that, but they smiled wider after I did.

“Do you want to go eat dinner, or should we head home?” My dad asked while we buckled our seatbelts.

I was only planning on staying for the weekend, but I still had the suitcases filled with some bathing suits and beachwear I had bought for my trip with Aaron.

I was glad when neither of them questioned why I had two suitcases and a duffel bag with me.

“I think Annabel wants to go home,” my mom told my dad.

I noticed the look she gave him. I had spent the last months before leaving to college holed up in my room. I wouldn’t exactly blame her for thinking that hadn’t changed.

“We can go to dinner if you guys want to, I don’t mind,” I replied, shrugging casually.

I wanted them to realize that I was really okay with it.

While my dad smiled at me through the rearview mirror, my mom was staring at me with her mouth hanging open.

“Um, that sounds great hun,” my mom finally said when she snapped out of it.

We ended up in a local restaurant that was open till late at night. I wasn’t exactly hungry, but I knew it would mean a lot to my parents if I came out for dinner.

I also had to find a way to tell them about Aaron and how I was spending spring break away from home.

We were in a booth at the far corner of the restaurant. The main lights were dimmed down, but there was a lamp dropping down in the middle of the table.

It had been the place where my parents had brought me for breakfast the morning before my graduation.

I swallowed at the thought, and decided to focus on something else other than the past.

I couldn’t stay hung up on it, because then I’d end up like Silvia. Feeling like I had to run away to escape the memory of Matt.

“So how’s college life treating you?” My dad asked, with a bright grin on his face.

My mom was trying not to look worried.

“It’s been great. I, I’m really happy I decided to go,” I admitted.

“Anything new?” My mom asked.

I chuckled at her words, and again both of them seemed surprised by that.

“Mom, we talked just yesterday,” I told her.

“Well, talking on the phone isn’t the same,” she complained, almost pouting at me.

“You’re right, it isn’t. I missed you guys a lot,” I told them.

On cue, my eyes became blurry. I simply ran the side of my index finger over my closed eyes, not wanting to start bawling in the middle of the restaurant.

“Oh Anna, we missed you too,” my mom told me, chocking on a sob.

She was a different story than me. My mom started crying and trying to calm herself down, while my dad ran his hand over her back.

“Sandra, Annabel’s back for the week. Stop worrying her. Now she’s going to think you don’t want her leaving,” my dad told her, with a teasing tone.

“I missed you too honey,” he said, turning to face me and squeezing my hand lightly.

My mom was smiling, but tears were still rolling down her cheeks.

“I am happy she’s at school. I still miss her though. I got used to seeing her every day this past year when…” My mom said, before going quiet.

My dad looked like he didn’t know what to fix or what to add to what my mom had said.

“It’s fine, I’m fine. This past year, it was difficult, but things are good now,” I reassured them.

My mom nodded, and my dad looked- relieved?

While I focused on eating, my mom updated me on what was happening around town. She talked about her book club, her friends, my former friends, my dad’s job, her latest hobby, and many other things.

She steered clear from Matt and anything Matt related.

“Actually, I wanted to tell you guys something,” I said, when my mom took a breather from talking.

My dad gave me a thankful look. I winked at him, because I knew how chatty my mom could get when she hadn’t seen someone in a while.

“What is it?” My mom asked, sounding slightly worried.  

“I was wondering if I could take off on Sunday with some friends. We’re going to the beach for the week.”

While my mom’s mouth dropped open in shock for the second time, my dad raised an eyebrow in amusement.

“You haven’t talked to me about any new friends,” my mom said.

“It must’ve slipped my mind.”

“Who are you going with exactly?” My dad asked.

“Uh, on Sunday afternoon Aaron, my friend, he’s going to pass by to pick me up,” I told them.

That whole statement sounded jumbled up.

“Aaron?” My mom asked, raising an eyebrow curiously.

“Yes, Aaron. We’re going to catch up with two of our friends- Ronnie and Jess,” I told them, hoping they wouldn’t make a big deal about Aaron.

“Like a double date trip?”

I blushed at my mom’s question. I assumed that’s what it really was, but it sounded strange hearing it out loud.

“Can I go?” I asked, instead of replying to her question.

“I think that’s a great idea. You haven’t been out much. The beach sounds- well it wouldn’t be my top choice. But if you want to go, I’m fine with it. It would be nice to see you having fun,” my dad told me, squeezing my hand again.

My mom teasingly smiled at me, and something told me I hadn’t heard the end of it yet.

“Are we ready to go?” My dad asked, looking between my mom and me.

We had been in the restaurant for over an hour, simply catching up. My mom cried once again when I reminded her that I’d be leaving two days from now.

It made me feel bad about going to the beach. I considered cancelling on Aaron. After all, my parents hadn’t seen me in a while.

“I’m just going to the ladies room,” I told them, getting up from the chair.

“I’ll ask for the check while you’re gone,” my dad said, waving me off.

The bathrooms had their own hall, on the opposite side of the section we were in. I was glad when I found the restrooms empty. I took the time to splash some water on my face.

Even being in the restroom had brought back memories.

I was already heading back to the table, when I felt someone tap my shoulder. At first, I thought it was someone who’d brushed past me, so I didn’t even turn to look.

“Annabel?” A guy’s voice said my name, and I assumed it was him who tapped my shoulder a second time.

When I turned to face him, I was left stunned in place.

“Jeremy,” I whispered his name.

“Wow,” he said, before reaching out to take me in his arms.

I swallowed loudly, and allowed him to hold me, but I made no attempt to return the embrace.

Jeremy’s arms felt tight around me, as he held me for what seemed like hours.

“It’s been a while,” he said when he finally released me.

I wanted my parents to come and interrupt, but I knew they wouldn’t. I was too close to the restroom, and my parents were in another section of the restaurant. They couldn’t even see me from where we were at.

“It has,” I replied.

Jeremy moved us out of the way, and dragged us to a corner in the restaurant. The way the entire place was lit made the corner we were at feel too private for my comfort.

One of my hands began messing with the hem of my shirt, while I felt Jeremy’s eyes on me.

“Where’ve you been? I tried calling you. I even emailed you. Your parents only told everyone you’d gone away, nothing else,” he said.

He was looking at me intently, waiting for my answer.

If I focused on his eyes, I could see other things running through them. Hurt maybe?

“I went away for college,” I replied, but my voice sounded weak.

Jeremy knew what Matt had kept from me. Matt said so in his journal, and now Jeremy was looking at me like if I had been the one to hurt him when I went away.

The rational part of me knew why Jeremy hadn’t told me. Matt and Jeremy had been best friends since they were five.

The selfish part of me- the one that was still hurting over Matt’s death- was angry at anyone who knew and hadn’t said anything.

“You’re back for spring break?”

I nodded, but didn’t say anything else.

“I’m going to State. We’re having our break this week too,” he told me.

“I should get back to my parents,” I told him, nodding toward the direction where my parents were at.

“Did you hear that Silvia and George are moving away?” He held my arm back when I attempted to walk away from him.

“My mom told me about it,” I said, feeling uncomfortable to be talking with him.

“I think you should talk with Silvia before she leaves,” Jeremy said, giving me a look I couldn’t understand.

“I’m planning on it.”

“Good. Matt, he-” Jeremy said, but he cut himself before finishing the sentence.

“He what?”

“You sound mad at me.”

I stared into Jeremy’s blue eyes, wondering if I should just spill my guts about Matt’s journal. He already knew about it, so what I had to say wouldn’t be news to him.

It would probably make confronting Silvia a lot easier if I took out all my anger on Jeremy.

“Should I be?” I asked him instead, deciding I shouldn’t cause a scene in front of everyone.

Jeremy remained silent at my words. The realization that I knew Matt’s dirty little secret must’ve hit him like a bucket of iced cold water, because he took a step away from me.

“You know, don’t you?” Jeremy asked, as he looked down at the ground.

“You were my friend too, you know. We weren’t as close as you and Matt, but I deserved to know about this.” My words sounded reproachful, and I knew Jeremy noticed that.

“You did,” Jeremy agreed, his voice sounding defeated.

“I told Matt to tell you, he was going to do it,” he said.

I narrowed my eyes at him, not knowing if I should believe what he was saying.

“Are you lying to me? Matt’s gone, so there isn’t a point in covering up for him,” I snapped.

A waitress passing by gave us both a look. Jeremy only had to scowl at her, before she blushed and walked away.

I would’ve been intimidated by Jeremy too, if I didn’t know he was a big softy.

We probably shouldn’t have been discussing something so private while we were still in the restaurant. Anyone passing by would be able to catch parts of our conversation.

“I’m not lying. He was going to tell you,” Jeremy said, pausing in the middle of his words.

His eyes got glassy, and ran his hand through his blond hair, messing it up.

“He was going to tell you the day after the accident. He thought you wouldn’t leave him if you two- you know, had been together,” Jeremy said, while a blush slowly started creeping over his face.

Although he didn’t shed any tears, his eyes remained rimmed in red, with that glassy sad look covering them. The pain was clear in his features.

“I wouldn’t have left him, I just thought what he was doing was unfair,” I admitted.

“You would’ve stayed with him?” Jeremy asked, sounding completely surprised.

“I loved him, Jeremy. I wouldn’t have left me. It just- sucks- that he never told me. This was something that would’ve affected me to. How could he live with this, keeping it a secret from everyone? God everyone thought he was so perfect,” I said, shaking my head in disapproval, hurt, and confusion.

“He dealt with it, not in the best way, but he did,” Jeremy shrugged.

“Anna,” my mom’s voice stopped me from saying anything else.

“I need to go,” I told Jeremy.

I stole a glance at my mom, who was making her way towards us.

“Can I see you again, maybe tomorrow?” Jeremy asked me.

“I’m going to speak with Silvia tomorrow,” I told him.

I was sure he saw the grimace in my face as I said that.

“That’s good. With Matt gone, well, I’m not sure what’s been happening with that,” Jeremy told me.

“I’ll drop by your house on Sunday at noon. We’ll talk then,” Jeremy said, before walking away.

He didn’t give me a chance to argue, or to tell him ‘no’. He simply left.

“Was that Jeremy?” My mom asked as soon as she reached me.

“It was. Did you guys pay already?” I asked her.

“We did. Are you ready?” She asked me, interlacing her arm with mine.

“I’m ready.”

I sighed, knowing that the words not only meant I was ready to leave the restaurant.

Tomorrow would be a difficult day. It was the first time I would be seeing Silvia and George in months. It saddened me to think that it wouldn’t be a happy reunion, like Silvia might’ve been expecting.

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