Volume fourteen

"Hello from the other side." I mumbled along to Adele as I laid in my room in the dark.

This what I did everyday. I didn't have motivation to do anything else.

It was the hospital, sometimes police station then my room.

If I didn't live with Spencer we wouldn't see each other at all.

Now I finally understood why Esme would disappear.

"I'm going to the hospital." My mom announced. "Are you coming?"

"Yes, I'll meet you in the car."

I sighed getting up to put on some shoes, I looked at the picture of Face and I when we were little and I almost smiled.

I missed my brother.

When we got to the hospital my mom went to go tell the nurses we were in here, I looked around his room seeing all the balloons, flowers and teddy bears sent. My brother was so loved.

"I see him everyday but his beard keeps growing." My mom said making me smile.

"I'm going to spend the night." I told her.

"Okay." She nodded walking out.

Reem, Q, Jala and Ice walked in, they looked at me then each took their turns to hug me. I laid on the bed with Face as they looked at me.

"Why you go fight without me?" Jala asked.

"Because I didn't wanna hear it's not worth it."

"For Face it's always going to be worth it."

"I'll call you next time then."

My phone vibrated letting me know somebody went live, I went to the notifciation seeing it was Jaelyn. I clicked it as she was talking her shit, she was going off making me scrunch my face and ask her what happened.

"Sanaa cause bitches is botheredt with a t at the end!" She yelled laughing. "First of all, the bitch Nia mad because I was with Shep like bitch you wasn't this mad when I beat you the fuck up. She did not have the energy when I chased her ass around the car, that bitch was on the verge of tears."

I started laughing because in the video that I seen, Jaelyn rolled over a car and everything to get to that girl.

She sent me a request to be in her live as I accepted.

"Sis, this bitch said Shep used me. Me!" Jaelyn laughed. "It's crazy though cause that ring she wear around her neck is the ring I threw in his fucking face when I broke up with him! Those pink panties was mine bitch, you wearing my panties dirty ass and Shep just letting you."

"Hell no." I laughed. "Jaelyn why you even entertaining her?"

"Cause she gon go live then invite me as if she could fight, that bitch wanna argue cause I'm in Barcelona. I will tired that hoe out when I see her."

"That bitch could get jumped."

"And then here come Meeka big humpty dumpty linebacker ass, bitch I'll go dig up your fucking brother stop playing with me."

"And don't say shit about mine bitch." I told her. "As soon as you say something I'll come fuck you up."

"That bitch not coming outside, that bitch was peeking in the window crying." Jaelyn yelled. "She was crying!"

"She got her fucking mother to call mine like that bitch 5!" I laughed.

"Here go this other bitch, I swear Imma get jumped when I get home." Jaelyn smiled. "Oh and my fake ass old best friend on this shit."

"Jaelyn stop."

"No because Jala really a fake ass bitch, I ain't gon say what I want to because I already told that bitch and it ain't everybody business but fuck that bitch."

"Bitch, stop talking bout me." Jala said.

"Oh, you with this bitch Sanaa? Uh uh. We don't fuck with switch around ass bitches."

"Bitch bye, I'm not doing this with you."

"Then stop commenting on my stuff and trying to talk to me! I do not fuck with you." She chuckled. "Why the hell every bitch I don't fuck with joining this live?"

"Who that?" I asked.

"Imma put you on about this bitch later Sanaa cause listenn honeyy!"

"Oh God, I need to be around you more so I won't be sad all day."

"Girl, when I get back from Barcelona we can spend every damn day together."

"I still can't believe you in Barcelona."

"Me either, Sanaa I fucking cried on that plane. Bitch I thought I died."

"Planes not even bad." I chuckled. "It's just the turbulence that fuck me up."

"Lemme see my brother." Jaelyn said. "Look at my fucking boy, handsome self."

"Right, looking like a Dominican." I smiled.

"Why are you on my live Reem?" She rolled her eyes making me look at him. "Oh, he there?"

"Yeah."

"Get off my live Kareem, I'm bout to block all y'all at this point."

"If you gotta block somebody, you bothered."

"Girl, shut up!" Jaelyn laughed. "Bitch, you getting blocked because I don't fuck with you so what I wanna see you for?"

"You gon feel real stupid about this when we start back talking."

"Jala, that's the thing I don't want to be your friend! You want to be mine, we not going to start back talking because I do not fuck with you."

"Okay, this isn't everybody-"

"Lemme help you understand better." Jaelyn said as I heard Big Sean IDFWU playing making me start dying.

"Jaelyn, I'm leaving bye!" I laughed exiting the live.

"I'm done chasing her at this point." Jala shrugged.

"Jala, you can't be mad. You just be leaving her high and dry whenever you around Q, bitches can't even get a damn conversation out of you. We gotta go through Q just to see if you okay."

She didn't even say anything as I started looking at my brother, I missed him so much.

I laid on his chest and looked at him, he was so handsome. I wished he looked more like me, we used to but not anymore.

"Good afternoon." His doctor walked in as we all looked at him. "Where's your mom Sanaa?"

"She's-" I got cut off because she walked in.

"Can I speak to you?" He asked as they walked out the room.

I wanted to walk out to see what they wanted to talk about but I knew she was going to tell me everything anyway.

Saymon walked in with some food as everybody hugged him but me. He pulled a chair on the side I was sitting down. He blew a kiss at me making me smile a lil bit as I reached for his hand.

"You good?"

"No." I told the truth. "But it's better with you here."

"I try princess." He kissed my hand making me do the same smile. "Eat."

"I don't want to."

"Eat." He glared at me making me roll my eyes grabbing the chipotle bowl. "You don't gotta eat all but eat some."

"I'm eating." I rolled my eyes again.

"I'll beat yo ass while Face sit there."

"This the only pass you'll ever get with that." I laughed.

"There it go!" He stood up and clapped. "Y'all see that real ass smile?"

"You're annoying." I chuckled.

My mom walked back in and she looked around then her eyes landed on me. I stopped eating and automatically knew it was bad news.

"What's the problem?" I asked.

"Face lost all functioning in his brain baby." She told me as she started tearing up. "They declared him as brain dead."

I didn't say anything as I was just staring, I felt somebody grab me but I was just staring. I felt the tears roll down my face as all I could do was think of my brother. He never deserved this.

"Come take a walk with me baby." Saymon said as he pulled me into him. "Come on."

I didn't say anything or move, he pulled me off the bed as we started walking. He was talking but I could hear anything, I couldn't feel anything.

Brain dead.

Dead.

My brother is dead.

As I blinked we were in Saymon house, I don't even remember getting in the car let alone the car ride.

"Sanaa." I heard Sonyae said as I rushed into her arms and that's when I felt it.

My brothers dead.

I cried out loud letting everyone hear my pain.

How was I suppose to recover from this? How was I supposed to go do amazing things in my life without my brother?

I have never even been separated from him.

Now I'm forced to be.

~

I opened my eyes to see I was laying on Saymon as he was staring into the dark not saying anything. I felt a tear drop on me as he sniffled.

I leaned up to wipe it as he jumped trying to play it off.

"He was your brother too." I whispered. "I've been too busy focusing on me, I haven't realized you're hurting too."

"Sanaa, your pain hurts more than mine."

"You can't compare pain when a tragedy happens."

"I'm sorry this happened to both of us."

"As long as you never leave me I'll be fine, I can't lose both of the most important men in my life."

"You'll never lose me." He kissed my forehead.

~

"I love you." I told him as I looked at him. "This was never the future you intended for us, you said we were going to college together because I'll never go through anything by myself. I would say I'm alone but I know whenever I am, you're never far away."

I smiled wiping my face.

"I'm going to enjoy my freshmen year because I know you want me to. I know you want me to enjoy my life and move on, I know you love me and I just hope you know you was my world."

I started playing one of his favorite songs which I never related more to than now.

Yungeen Ace - Pain.

"You're the best person, my favorite person ever. When I have kids, I'm going to make sure they knew their uncle Face was the person who would've made sure they was good and never needed for nothing."

I chuckled wiping my tears.

"I'm going to be just fine, don't worry about me big brother."
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I'm really crying, wow. Brb.