Volume four

"Why is it so hard to say goodbye? I can't wait to hate you make you pain like I do, still can't shake you off. I can't wait to break you through these emotional changes, seems like such a lost cause. I can't wait to face you, break you down so low there's no place left to go. I can't wait to hate you!" I sung loudly with my beats on my head.

I looked at my phone because my music stopped, I looked seeing it was a unknown number, I answered just to see who it was. "Hello?" 

"Nana don't hang up." I heard Saymon say making me roll my eyes.

"We have nothing to-"

"Just talk to me, I just wanna talk. No sex, touching none of that, we can just talk."

"No, talk to your girlfriend."

"Sanaa I-" He didn't finish his sentence because I hung up the phone making my music continuing playing as I sung my heart out until the song changed.

"This gon be the last time we say goodbye, ain't gon be no reruns of this episode. Maybe if you would've told me you were unhappy,  you weren't satisfied, baby we could've tried! But you didn't say nothing, all along faking and fronting. Why?!" 

"Lil sister, you heartbroken?" I heard as my beat got snatched making me open my eyes.

"Kia!" I jumped on her making both of us go to the ground. 

"Damn, you missed me that much?" She asked as we got up.

"Hell yeah, I haven't seen you in a year. How's Memphis? You still single? Pregnant?" I threw question after question making her chuckle. 

"We gon catch up, where my handsome lil bro?" 

"He doesn't live here anymore."

"Why?" 

"She kicked him out."

"For what? She's tripping." She walked out the room making me follow. "You kicked Face out?" 

"He was selling drugs and leaving them in my house." She stated looking up. "Not that I have to explain myself to you."

"Do you even know where he at? Did you make sure he had somewhere to go before you did allat? Is he with one of our family members?"

"He's fine." She waved her off. "We've spoken and he apologized, I told him he can come back he's choosing to live where he's at."

"What?" I frowned, I didn't know that.

"He's living with Kee, he said he'll rather live there so I left it there."

"Well I'm inviting him for dinner." Kia said taking out her phone. "We're going to have a family dinner like old times."

"You told him he can come back as in he can have his old room back with no strings attached?" 

"Yes, he says he's happy where he's at."

"But." I stopped my sentence. "I'm going to take a nap, just wake me up when the foods ready."

"Okay." 

I put the beats back on my head laying on my back so they wouldn't fall off my head, pressing play on Pandora I closed my eyes and it wasn't long before I went to sleep.

"Bubs? Bubs?" I heard Face say making me turn the other way. "Wake up, the food almost done."

"Get out my room." I told him moving away.

"Fuck I do?" He asked to get ignored. "Fuck it then."

He walked out and I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't so I just went to take a shower, it wasn't anything else to do. By time I got out the shower everyone was in the living room talking, I looked in the kitchen to see the food wasn't done. Going back in my room to retreat my ringing phone I answered Janey call.

"Sanaa, just talk to me."

"You called me from her phone? You're so bold and disrespectful." I chuckled.

"That's how much I want and need to talk to you."

"We have nothing to discuss." 

"Is that my phone? Who you on the phone with?" I heard Janey say.

"Nana."

"Let me speak, hello?" 

"Wassup?"

"So for Christmas break my parents are getting a cabin for us and you're coming."

"Who's us?" 

"Me, you, Saymon, Donovan, my cousin and whoever she brings."

"I doubt my mom would say yes to that." I told her. I wasn't even going to ask, it was no way in hell I was going.

"Your mom already said yes, I told her I wanted to tell you so bitch pack."

"It be ya own fucking mother." 

"What?" 

"Nothing, I'll call you back." I spoke running out the room. "Mom, why?"

"Why what?" 

"Why would you agree on me going to a cabin with them?" 

"I thought you would be happy." She looked at me confused.

"You know there isn't going to be any adult there? It'll be 6 teenagers alone for a week."

"Yes, I know I spoke to Janey parents. I trust you."

"You have too much trust in me." I groaned.

"If you don't wanna go just tell her no."

"I can't just say no now, I have no legit excuse."

"Why don't you want to go?" 

"Because I want to be with you."

"You know I go to Montana for Christmas every year, you can try again." She spoke making me sigh. "Did you and Janey get into a fight?"

"No, it's nothing." I sighed going to sit on the couch.

"Aye Bubs, you saw the episode of Love and Hip Hop?" 

"Leave me alone." 

"What did I do to you?" 

"I think she upset about you not living here no more." Kia spoke. "Ma told her you said you didn't wanna move back."

"It ain't got nothing to do with you Bubs, I'm getting older I can't be under moms forever."

I ignored him getting my phone so I could text Janey telling her I was coming, my mom called us to eat so I went to make my plate then sit at the kitchen table. Music played lowly while we sat down all eating. 

"I hate this damn song." My mom said as SZA x the Weekend came on. "Talking bout some damn 9 to 5."

"But you like My Little Secret?" Kia asked.

"And He's Mine?" Face asked.

"And You're the One?" I added.

"Those are classics." She defended. 

"So you a classic sideline? Ohkay." Kia nodded making all of us laugh. 

"A old hoe." Face said making us laugh harder.

"Y'all are a trip." Our mom laughed sitting down. "What's been going on with y'all two?" 

"I got a job." Face said making her look at him. "A real job."

"Where?" She asked.

"Footlocker, I'm the supervisor. Saymon put in a good word for me." 

"I haven't seen Saymon in a while." Kia spoke then looked at me. "Y'all still friends?" 

"Nope." I answered quickly. "He goes with Janey, that's her man."

"I guess opposites really do attract." My sister shook her head. 

"What's been going on with you miss thang?" My mom asked Kia. 

"Well I own my home, I'm an attendant now and I have a boyfriend." She smiled.

"Who the nigga?" Face asked. 

"Did you pick your specialty yet?" 

"I picked general surgery so-"

"I watch Grey's Anatomy, I know what that mean." I cut her off making her laugh. 

"Who the nigga?" Face repeated more sternly. 

"His name is Alan and he's not a nigga." She chuckled.

"You with a white nigga?" 

"I'm not even going to correct you on that but he's Asian."

"Oou, I'm going to have a Blasian niece." I smiled.

"You pregnant too? Let me look up plane tickets." Face said pulling out his phone. 

"I am not pregnant." She laughed. "And y'all would like Alan." 

"What does he do?" My mom asked.

"He's an defense attorney, I met him in the delivery room." She said making all of us look at her.

"Come again?" I asked.

"You a side bitch?" Face asked making my mom hit him.

"Okay, that came out bad." She chuckled. "His sister was in labor."

"How old is he? Does he have kids?" I asked.

"He is 32, he has one child who's seven years old, and he is divorced."

"Does the ex wife like you?" 

"We're cordial since I am around her child but I wasn't really looking for her approval." She shrugged.

"I wanna meet this nigga." Face looked at her.

"How about for Christmas?" I smiled. "We can all stay home and meet your boyfriend."

"I'm sorry babes, we have plans for Christmas but we can come back any day." Kia said making my smile drop as my phone rung.

"Hello?" I answered Esme call. 

"What you doing for New Years Eve?" 

"I might be in the Poconos with Janey still but if not, I don't know."

"Ew, she still relevant?" I heard Dylan ask making me chuckle. 

"Well, my sister and I are throwing a new years eve party so come but leave that girl, she can't come." Esme said.

"I'll see what I could do."

"And ask your brother what he doing when you see him."

"I'm not really talking to him so just text him."

"Y'all are immature." She chuckled. "But okay, I better see you there." 

"Okay." I hung up. 

"Who was that?" Kia asked eating. 

"Esme." 

"The one Face used to go with?" My mom asked.

"I never went with her."

"That's your story now?" Kia laughed. "You're not claiming her now because she did you how you did her?" 

"I used to hate that damn girl." My mom shook her head. "I used to think she was a bad influence on Face and all along Face was the bad influence."

"To be fair, we got each other in some shit." He chuckled.

"How's she doing? She still do hair right? I want to try a closure but I need it done right." Kia spoke. 

"Yeah, she got her own website and all. The girl grinding." Face answered.

"What's her website?" 

"It's EsStyles.com." I told her.

"Bout to check that out." She pulled out her phone. "When did y'all become friends?" 

"Esme and I? We've been talking more since she did my hair, I wouldn't consider us friends yet."

"You still talk to her?" My mom asked Face.

"Of course, that's my bitch."

"Y'all back together?" Kia asked.

"You know how when females describe their friends they be like that's my bitch? She my bitch." He chuckled. "So if she ever say she my bitch forever that's what  we talking bout, she gon always be my friend."

"Y'all always been weird." My mom shook her head. "You need a girlfriend." 

"I had something going on with this girl for a good two weeks or so."

"How you mess it up?" Kia asked.

"I didn't, she did." He shrugged. "She let Esme get into her head and started acting insecure and shit so I backed up. Sad part is I was only talking to her at the time, y'all would of really liked her."

"I liked her until I saw her true colors." I added.

"What you mean?" They all asked.

"We were discussing rape and she said Esme deserved to get raped because of the reputation she have and how she dress and allat. Ever since then I stopped talking to her."

"No lie, I used to think like that." Face shook his head. "Remember that porn star that got raped? I used to say she deserved that shit because the world already know how she is but like two weeks later Es got raped and that shit hit me hard."

"I didn't know she was a victim." My mom said.

"She said the boy who raped her go to our school, do you know who he is?" I asked.

"Yeah." He nodded wiping his mouth with a napkin. "She wouldn't let me kill him."

"Saheed." My mom called him. "Don't talk like that."

"No seriously ma, I was going to kill him. Esme ain't the most innocent female out here but she ain't deserve that shit."

"I understand." Kia nodded. "Now what boy got you heart broken?"

"Excuse me?" I asked raising a eyebrow.

"You in there listening to Monica and shit, who got you heartbroken?" 

"Nobody." I lied laughing it off. "I was just feeling the music a little too hard."

"Hm." Face mumbled making me glare at him.

"I don't believe you." My mom and sister stated.

"I don't know what to tell y'all then." I shrugged. "I'm not heartbroken and there isn't anybody in my life."

"Anymore." Face added as I put my glare back on him.

"So Face tell us why she heartbroken." Kia put her chin on her fist.

"She was a little secret, a weekend, a-"

"Really?" I cut him off as they laughed.

"You were a sideline baby? You too good to be any one sideline." My mom told me putting her dish in the dishwasher.

"Who were you a sideline to? That's what I wanna know." Face smirked.

"Saymon." Kia guessed making my face drop. "I heard you tell him to stop calling you, you don't want to go to a cabin with them, when we mentioned him earlier you was hostile saying he was Janey boyfriend."

"Damn, I need to pay more attention to my sister. How did I not know you was talking to one of my bros?" Face asked while I looked at him blankly.

"Oh no baby, what are you doing?" My mom asked me. "That's your best friend man."

"That girl is not her best friend." Face said. 

"Either way, she don't suppose to mess with someone you're always around man, well anyone man. You're better than that Nana." 

"I know I am, that's why it's over. It's been over for like a week now." I told them. 

"Do you still have feelings for him?" Kia asked just as my phone started ringing. 

"Would love to answer your questions but I have to get this." I sighed in relief running towards the back to answer Donovan Facetime call.

"So, this cabin trip? You with it?" He asked.

"Ehh, yeah I guess."

"Bet cause a nigga was finna be bored as shit fifth wheeling."

"I'll put you out your misery." I chuckled.

"How you getting there?" 

"I didn't even think about that." 

"Terror, Janey and I driving down there so ride with us."

"Okay, we could do that." I nodded. "Is it going to be cold in the Poconos? I need to know what to pack."

"Most likely, it already snowed down there so wear some comfortable clothes."

"Bet, I got a lot of packing to do. I'm kind of excited."

"Who you telling? I ain't never been away from my family on Christmas but I don't even think nobody in the Christmas spirit."

"Sound like you are." I raised a eyebrow.

"Christmas always been my favorite holiday, it ain't the same from when I was little but I still love it."

"What you mean?" 

"Once I turned 16 I guess my mother said fuck getting him gifts, he too old." He chuckled. "I ain't get a Christmas gift in almost four years."

"Wow." I chuckled. "I still get gifts but I think that's only because I always spend Christmas alone so they think they could buy my forgiveness." I shrugged. 

"Nana, we bout to play games. You down?" Kia asked.

"Yeah, give me a few minutes." 

"Bet." 

"Ya mother sound young as hell." He said making me chuckle. 

"That was my sister, we're having a family night."

"I didn't even know you had a sister." 

"She lives in Memphis so she comes around like three times every two years."

"Wow but I'll see you in a few days, I don't want to hold you."

"I'll just call you before I go to sleep." I told him. 

"Calls before bed? This like a milestone between us." He joked making me laugh.

"You're a clown." I chuckled. "Talk to you in a few."

I hung up going back in the living room seeing they had all the board games out, I smiled we haven't had a family night in almost five years. I sat down on the floor next to Face leaning my head on his shoulder, he looked up from reading instructions to kiss my forehead then look back down. 

"Aye you basically from Memphis, show us that stupid ass jumping dance." Face spoke making us laugh.

"You talking bout the BlocBoy?" She asked standing up.

"Wait, I got the song." I laughed playing Shoot. 

"Ayeee!" Face dragged out laughing while recording her. 

I got up doing it with her, not as good as her but I was laughing. "Go head ma." Face yelled making her look back at us. 

"What's that ? You do it like this?" She asked doing it as we all started dying from laughing too hard.

"Yeah ma!" Kia laughed as all three of us started doing in.

"I feel left out." Face put his phone by the t.v as it recorded. We all started doing it looking like idiots, we were having fun though so it didn't even matter. 

I prayed for more days with them.
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