Volume Seven

"A lot of people have things to say about me, some true, some false but I know what I've done in the past and what I haven't. Y'all may think I'm this strong ass person but I'm not." I admitted. "I cry, I doubt myself, I even attempted to commit suicide before but I created this group so I can tell my story and tell y'all it does get better. Y'all will actually smile and let it be real, there is light at the end of the tunnel." 

"What's hard about your life?" Some girl asked. "You beautiful, you're hair always done, always got money and got expensive shit on. Every boy want you, even some girls, you got a rapper boyfriend who loves you. I have to ride the bus every morning, beg my parents for money, I don't even know if I can go to prom or even graduation because I can't afford it. I really wanna how the fuck can you relate." 

"Esme, didn't start this to be insulted-"

"She's fine Ms.Liya." I told the supervisor sitting on the desk. "What's your name?" 

"Tonya." 

"Well Tonya, everything you said might be true but my life wasn't always this way. My parents were murdered in my face when I was 11 and my sister was 18, even before they died I was getting raped by my uncle, the same uncle I had to live with once they died because he was the next of kin. I was in clubs at 12 since I didn't have a babysitter and my sister had to make us money to eat. I may seem like there's nothing wrong but don't forget the happiest person is always the saddest behind that smile." 

"I attempted to commit suicide twice, I failed each time." This girl Rachel spoke. "Each time my mother was the one who found me and each time she did everything in her power to save me. I hated my life but I hated myself even more seeing the look on her face as she tried to understand why her only child wanna take the life she created."

"That's...wow." I said speechless, that just hit home.

"I used to get bullied." This football player named Jarvis said. "I wore the big dusty ass clothes, sneakers that's worn out, just looking like some dirty nigga. I'm 18 in the tenth grade because instead of going to school, I started skipping and finding trouble just so I could make some money and not be that nigga people talked about."

"You was always cute though." Jala spoke up making all of us look at him. "Your clothes don't define you and I had to learn that myself. People spend they rent on Jordans and designer clothes just to impress people but for what? Yeah you got the new Js but you riding the bus, every $200 you spend on some sneakers could be put up to buy a car or even your own apartment."

"I was forced to be older than what I am." Spencer added. "Every time I have money it goes to my son or my bills. Y'all be embarrassed to pull out a EBT card meanwhile I'm wishing I could get free money, I'll hand that card over while smiling. Life is hard out here when you have to provide for your self, I wished my biggest problem was getting talked about for my clothes."

"You've said you been raped? Did you report it?" A girl Katy asked.

"No." I admitted. 

"Is your uncle still alive?" Jarvis asked.

"Yes." 

"I was in class when you said someone in this school raped you, did you report him?" Zamir asked.

"I've blamed myself for him raping me, if I wasn't over his house it wouldn't of happened but then I realized this wasn't my fault, it was his. I haven't had the courage to file a report but I have told someone his name."

"You ever thought about if he did this to other girls? How can't you report it knowing he could be harming other girls?" Wanda asked.

"You know I've never thought about that, you're right but how can I prove he's guilty a year later? What if no one speaks up? Our justice system will not only fail another black person but it'll be opening a door that I'm trying to close forever."

"I get what you saying, just being able to talk bout ya shit make you strong." Benzo said making me smile. 

"I've took up enough of y'all time." I smiled standing up. "Thank y'all for coming and talking to me, I hope to see y'all again next week. Snacks and drinks back there, take whatever y'all want." 

"You are strong." Ms.Liya smiled. "I thank you for doing this, I believe teenagers will relate more with each other then venting to a adult." 

"Exactly why I felt like I had to do this." I nodded drinking my water starting to clean up, I seen Tonya about to leave so I walked towards her. "Tonya?" 

"Yeah?" 

"What you said been sitting on my mind this whole meeting, are you 18?" 

"Yeah, why?" 

"My brother, Saymon, is a manager at Walgreens and I believe he's hiring. You think you'll want to work there?" 

"Yeah, if you could get me there." 

"Also, my sister host this event where they donate prom dresses if you can't afford your own and I will personally do your hair and makeup for free."

"Why are you being nice?" 

"Like I said there's a light at the tunnel, I'll find you tomorrow to tell you what's going on with the job."

"Thank you." She smiled making me nod. 

"Where's Dylan?" Jala asked walking up to me. 

"Don't know, her phone off. Where's Jae?" 

"You know her and Shep broke up, she don't wanna be around or talk to anybody."

"My JaeBae." I poked my lip out. 

"I have to go, Kee and Face outside and keep rushing me." Spencer rolled her eyes. 

"Same." Sanaa agreed. 

"Q's rushing me too."

"Aw, y'all men came to get y'all. Must be nice." I chuckled grabbing my bag. "Ms.Li, I'm leaving."

We all listened as Sanaa told us about her old best friend finding about her and Terror, I laughed not feeling bad at all. We walked out to see Kreed, Kee, Face, Q, Reem, and Terror all standing leaning on their cars rapping to some song. I took out my phone recording them. 

"All these muhfuckas so damn ghetto, even got the baby outside with a gucci durag." I recorded as we walked closer to them. "Why the hell y'all so ghetto?" 

"That's snap or insta?" Reem asked.

"Instagram." 

"Follow me at Reem underscore sbp!" He yelled throwing up some gang signs as they all followed up. 

"Y'all sickening, ghetto heathens." I shook my head ending the video.

"Y'all missing two." Q said. 

"Dylan nowhere to be found, her phone off and Jae going through a breakup." Jala said. 

"Word?" Reem chuckled.

"My boy just hit the lottery." Kee said making everybody laugh. 

"What y'all doing? Let's have a cypher." Q said.

"I gotta go do hair." I spoke. 

"How much shorty paying you for her hair? I'll double it." 

"No, I'm not even fucking with y'all." I shook my head. "Y'all wouldn't let me spit no bars last time."

"You can't rap sweetie." Kee said as I frowned.

"Y'all son love me so I don't care." I smiled poking him. "I for real gotta do shorty hair but I promise, the cyph gon be lit when we have it."

"Betty bop." Face said making me look at him. 

"Take a picture with me." I smiled holding my phone up. "Don't we look alike y'all?"

"That's my brother and y'all look more alike." Sanaa frowned.

"You so jealous." I chuckled.

"That mean y'all be around each other too much." Jala said.

"I just told him y'all look alike, he was like she ugly as hell." Kee said making me look at Face.

"We snitching? Betty bop. Spence, Kee had Kreed sitting in the closet until he cried his self to sleep." Face said.

"You a conniving ass bitch." Kee said as Spencer hit him.

"I can't fuck with y'all." I chuckled pulling out my phone.  

"Who taking you home?" Face asked me. 

"I'mma just get a Lyft-"

"Nah, I could take you. Passing ya shit anyway." Terror said.

"Betty bop." I smiled getting in his car. "Terror, you still manager at Walgreens right? Y'all hiring?" 

"You need a job?" He asked backing out the parking lot.

"No, it's for this girl Tonya." 

"Tell her to do a online app and I'll pull it." He told me.

"Betty bop." 

"Really Face twin." Terror chuckled.

"I'm Face twin." Sanaa corrected. 

"Green a ugly color sis." I chuckled. 

I sat quiet for the rest of the ride, when I got out I thanked them then walked to my house seeing Shayla getting out the car. I smiled opening the door for her, I went to wash my hands then felt her hair and the weave she had in. She wanted a four part sew in over her dreads so it was going to take some time. 

"Emmy can you open the door?!" I yelled. 

"You right there, I'm studying I can't." 

"Hold on." I rolled my eyes opening the door then running back. "And where the fuck you been at?"

"In the house." Dylan said yawning. 

"Why do you have a busted lip?" 

"Fell dancing in the shower, should of saw my fucking face earlier. I looked like I been getting beat on, I took a picture for you." 

"Why is your phone off?" 

"My stupid ass father wanna be the stupid ass he is and decided to not pay the bill this month, he just so stupid."

"So why didn't you tell me so I could pay it?" 

"Because if you pay it then you're going to be paying for his phone too." She rolled her eyes. 

"Then I'll just add you to me and Emmy plan." 

"Calm down baby bop, if I wanted it paid I'll get one of these niggas too. Keyz gon buy me a whole new phone when he see me, what I miss?"

"My meeting."

"That was today? My bad." She spoke. "These dreads? Oh aight, you pipping shit."

"Ain't she though?" Shayla spoke making me chuckle. 

"Thank you, thank you." I smiled. "Dyl, I need you to do my nails for me." 

"When you done, I got you."

"You do nails?" Shayla asked.

"I only do mine and Esme but I can do nails." She chuckled.

"How good are you?"

"I don't feel like explaining. Here." Dylan handed her her phone. "Don't go too far left unless you wanna see some dick and pussy."

"Y'all nice." Shayla said. "You think you could do my nails like this but in blue?" 

"Yeah, I gotta buy the shit." 

"You gon have it in the next two days? I'm going to Miami for this photo shoot."

"Yeah, give ya number to Esme and I'll tell you when I got it." 

"Got you."

"Can one of y'all answer my phone?" I asked.

"Hello?" Dylan answered putting the phone on speaker.

"Dylan, why the fuck is your phone off?" I heard Keyz asked. "Fuck is ya dumb ass doing?" 

"I'll tell you later, you're buying me a new phone though."

"Says who?" 

"Me."

"I didn't ask you to call her so you could talk to her, fuck. Es, what you doing?" Black asked.

"Hair."

"What you want to eat?" 

"I want some pickles and olives." 

"Food Esme."

"A chicken sandwich from Chick-Fil-A, hot wings and bacon chili cheese fries from checkers, a strawberry lemonade from Wendys and onion rings from white castle." 

"You always gotta say some difficult shit." He smacked his teeth. 

"Ask my baby what she wanna eat." Hendrix said. 

"Emmy, your girlfriend said what you want to eat?!" I yelled. 

"A spicy chicken sandwich and fries from chick-fil-a!" She yelled back. "And a lemonade."

"I just want a bunch of nuggets from Wendy's with some honey mustard." Dylan said.

"Y'all tryna make niggas go all over the world." Keyz said making me sigh, he just be talking all the time for no reason. 

"When I call be outside or ya food gon be sitting outside." Black said.

"Okay, that's gon be wasting your money." I rolled my eyes.

"Shut the fuck up." He hung up.

"That's ya nigga?" Shayla asked making me mumble a yeah as she chuckled. "He so mean."

"He got a lil nicer since I met him." I chuckled.

I finished her hair as I recorded and took pictures of her, she smiled loving it. I uploaded the pictures on Instagram as she gave me $200, I furrowed my eyebrows since it was only $80. She said it was a big ass tip making me smile and hug her as she left.

"Here." I handed Dyl the $200 making her furrow her eyebrows. "Don't depend on no nigga when you got a sister who don't give a fuck about money." 

"Girl please save your money." She rolled her eyes digging in her bag to pull out hundreds. "You know I have money, I spend these niggas money for fun."

"Give me back my money, fake broke bitch." I snatched my money back making her laugh. 

"That's you Oprah ass bitch."

"So I was talking to Hendrix and you know he's moving in but he gon still gon have his apartment. I was thinking we rent it out, it's two bed rooms and it's big as hell. You down?" 

"I think that's too close to Keyz but it's whatever, anything to get out of that house with that dumb ass bitch and that dumber ass nigga." 

"I was also looking up buildings for sale, I want my shop running by time I graduate. You can have a station where you do nails, all you gotta do is get a get a license and that doesn't take long."

"I already been working on getting my license, I start taking classes once I graduate cuhz." 

"Betty bop." 

"Ew, stay away from Face."

"Stay away from all of them talking bout some damn cuhz."

"Come outside." Black said then hung up. 

"I should make him wait." I rolled my eyes sliding into my slides going outside. "You're going to stop hanging up on me."

"Take ya shit and go in the house, got me going all over for shit." He said.

"First of all, who you talking to?" Dylan asked as Hendrix got out the car going in the house. "Don't take your attitude out on my sister."

"Fuck up."

"You have a attitude but it's fine." I rolled my eyes. "See you tomorrow." 

"Bye." He said as I snatched my food out his hand going in the house.

~

"Hi my Hero." I smiled coming through the door as she jumped on my legs. "Okay girl, let me take off my stuff." 

I took off my jacket and stuff putting it on the chair in the kitchen, I picked my baby up looking around to see she peed on the floor. I grabbed the spray mopping it up, I sat on the couch grabbing the diapers I bought. I cut a hole so her tail can be out, I let her down then walked in the kitchen opening the fridge. 

"What do we want to cook for daddy?" I asked her as she followed me. 

I took out the meat so it can defrost, I looked around seeing some dishes in the sink. I started cleaning the kitchen, which led to the living room, to the bathroom to the whole damn house. I washed my hands starting the food, I checked to see it was going on 10 and he still wasn't here.

"I used to wake up some days, wishing I stayed asleep cause I went to bed on top of the world today the world's on top of me. Everybody got opinions, they ain't been in my position that it breaks my heart when I hear what they have to say about me!" I sung loudly along with the music.

I looked through the cabinets while still trying to stir my food, I was singing my heart out to this song. Hero started barking and wagging her tail making me smile as I looked at her spinning, she jumped on me making me chuckle.

"Can you heal even me oh Lord? see I'm coming to you Lord just as I am, I'm in need of the blood of the lamb oh my oh my soul say yes, yeessss! Can you heal even me? I know I can't do this by myself, I sureeenderrr!" I yelled turning off the stove.

"You serious as hell yo." Keyz said recording me making me jump as Black turned down the speaker. 

"Go get what y'all gotta get." Black said as they walked in the back. "Why you listening to gospel music?" 

"It started off with me watching Honey, to searching Yolanda Adams, to now."

"C'mere, I missed you." He said making me smile running into his arms. 

Keys walked out the back counting money as Nas and Hendrix walked out next to him with papers in their hand. Hero ran out to them smelling and following them, I was about to say something to Black until I seen Nas kick her.

"Why would you kick her dog son?" Black asked unwrapping his arms from me. "Always doing some dumb shit, get out." 

Keyz started laughing pointing in his face, Hendrix put his house keys on the counter for me as they all walked out. I rolled my eyes picking up Hero, she laid on my shoulder as we sat in the living room. I started searching for a movie as Black went in the back to take a shower, I laid on the couch with Hero as I grabbed my phone going to Gmail. 

"What you cook?" He asked after about 15 minutes. 

"Smothered pork chops, mash potatoes and corn." 

"What if I didn't eat pork?" 

"Then it would have been more for me." 

"Fat ass." He shook his head. "You ate yet?" 

"No,"

"So get your lazy ass up and come eat." He said making me roll my eyes.

"I was waiting on you."

"Mhm." He mumbled eating some food. "You put cheese in the mash potatoes? Look at you paying attention to me." 

"Shut up." I mumbled putting my plate on the counter so I can get some dog food and replace her water. "Hero come eat baby." 

"Why the fuck she got a diaper on?" 

"Cause she not trained yet, you want to be stepping in pee?" 

"I'll kick both of y'all out." He grabbed a water and his plate sitting in the living room as I followed rolling my eyes.

"You posted me on Instagram." I squinted my eyes.

"So?" 

"You only post ya videos or songs, you barely put pictures up of yaself but you posted me."

"So?" He repeated.

"I just feel special." I smiled.

"You ain't gon feel special reading them comments." He laughed. "Some bitch said you look like that bird from the froot loops box."

"That's funny?" I asked not getting the joke.

"It is cause you kinda do then another one said you looked like the scream mask, me and Keyz was dying." 

"Glad you find that funny." I sat on the opposite couch as he kept laughing. 

"Chill Es." He laughed. "I clapped back at all of them that had something to say."

"Okay." I said eating my food watching my movie. 

"Fake ass attitude, you know I don't care." He chuckled making me roll my eyes for the 30th time in the last five minutes.

~

"Aye Es?" I heard making me mumble a hm. "Es, you bleeding."

"What?" I opened my eyes slowly.

"You got blood in the back of ya sweats." He said making me stand up. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Why you apologizing for something you can't control?" He furrowed his eyebrows. "Go take a shower while I change the sheets."

"Okay." I mumbled walking in the bathroom. 

I closed the door turning on the hot water, I ran cold water in the sink so I can rinse my panties and sweats out. Once I finished I took a long 35 minute ass shower, I would of stayed in longer but the hot water went out. I wrapped the towel around me walking out the bathroom to see Black laying on new sheets as Walmart bags was sitting on the bed.

"What's this?" I asked making him look at me.

"You only got thongs and shit here so I went to Walmart to buy those pack underwear, some midol, a heating pad and some tampons." 

"How you knew I used tampons? And why you buy so many brands?" I chuckled picking up the kotex, platex and tampax boxes.

"Dylan said you used tampons but her dumb ass hung up before I could ask which kind, you know these shits expensive? It ain't like y'all could choose this, why they so expensive?" 

"I swear I love you." I chuckled.

"You mean it or you just in the moment?" He asked making me look up.

"I wanna say I mean it but if you don't love me then I'll feel stupid and second guessing-"

"Go get dress so I could take you somewhere." He cut me off chuckling.

"Why would you lock my baby out?" I asked hearing her whine at the door. I opened the door as she followed me in the bathroom.

I started getting dress in some leggings and a dashiki since I didn't feel like finding a shirt. I looked at my bare face wondering if I should put makeup on or not, I twisted my lips to the side still deciding.

"Come the fuck on!" He yelled.

"Can I see your phone?" I asked.

"No." He said making me roll my eyes. 

"I feel like I'm too natural." I told him. 

"Nothing is wrong with you, come on." He said as I pulled out my phone taking multiple pictures.

"I think I should at least put on some lashes." I told him as I walked out the bathroom. 

"We not even going no where special, come on." He looked at me blankly.

"How about just some eyeliner?" I asked.

"Walk." He pushed me making me whine.

"Can I at least bring Hero?" 

"Yeah." 

I smiled grabbing her leash, I held her as we walked outside. He grabbed his car keys as I walked to his car, I put my baby in the back then got in the front and he immediately pulled off like a dickhead.

"Can I know where we going?"

"You in the car already, it don't matter where we going now." 

"You're always mean to me but love claiming you miss me." I rolled my eyes. "You love bullying me."

"You better get ya sensitive ass out my face."

"Watch I start being mean back."

"Nothing you say will ever make me act how you acting." 

"Okay." I said reaching over to pick my baby up. 

I sat in silence as we drove a little more over five minutes, I furrowed my eyebrows as he parked downtown. He grabbed my hand as we walked side to side as Hero was in front of us walking, he pulled me into a abandoned building as I looked around while he looked at me. 

"What's this?" I asked.

"Your shop you finna open when you graduate."

"Wait, what?"

"This finna be ya shop. This where you and whatever females you gon do hair at, this where the sinks and shit finna be, dryers right here, bathroom across there then back here gon be ya office, you gon have ya personal bathroom in there."

"You sound like you did a lot of thinking for this." I said still looking around. 

"I've been thinking bout it for a month now, the building and shit in your name, I was just an investor this shit is yours. You can do what you want with it."

"I meant it when I said I loved you." I smiled hugging him. 

"I know, I love you too."
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