LOGAN

Not long after that party the nods and smiles in the hallways just stopped. Maisy did her best to avoid me, pretending not to see me as we passed by each other on the way to class. I still didn't understand what I'd done, but obviously it was something, so I didn't push it. I respected her wishes and ducked my head down from then on whenever I saw her.

After Christmas year things with Laura had run their course. We ended up breaking up when she cheated on me on a family vacation in Mexico. I didn't really care. I suppose I was angry, but I wasn't really broken-hearted or anything, and being a senior I found a string of underclass girls who were more than willing to hook up, even if it was only for the weekend. So that became my thing for the rest of the year, hooking up at parties and keeping away from any girl who had that look in their eyes like they might have wanted more.

The rumor mill claimed that Maisy was still dating Justin and that she even had plans to join him in Berkley next fall, but every time I saw her that year more and more of her spark seemed to disappear. Something was going on with Maisy, but I couldn't ask because we weren't even friends.

That second semester senior year was the first time I ever shared a class with her. I wasn't shocked by how bright she was, but I was surprised at how passionate she was about learning. She constantly raised her hand whenever a question was posed, and often argued different points of view whenever the class would get involved in a discussion. She was quick-witted, funny, and had a great memory, able to recall passages from texts that we'd read months ago and recite them almost verbatim.

It was impressive to see and I spent much of my time in class that semester just observing her. She still ignored me of course, but I didn't mind. That meant she wasn't paying attention when I stared at her biting down on her lip as she finished up a test, or when I watched her ass as she wrote something on the board. I couldn't help myself. Thanks to that class I was back to obsessing over Maisy Jacobs from afar.

Will thought I was crazy. He was the only one who knew about my feelings for Maisy, and couldn't wrap his head around having a crush on someone for that long and never doing anything about it. There was no way I could make him understand. Shit, I didn't even understand it myself half the time. It just was what it was.

The month before graduation Maisy and I were assigned a project together. I still remember the scowl on her face, defeating my elation when the teacher called out our names. Her shoulders stiffened and she turned her body away from me so that l couldn't see her face. I knew she was going to keep avoiding me if she could, so I sucked it up and approached her after class.

She was shoving her books into her bag and didn't look up when I stepped over to her desk, but I could tell that she knew I was standing there because she tensed.

"When do you want to meet up to do this?" I asked, cutting to the chase, not wanting to make this anymore painfully awkward then it needed to be.

Maisy brought her green eyes up to me. Her face was impassive as she shrugged.

"We could meet this weekend at the library. Maybe Sunday around ten?" I suggested, consciously picking the most non-threatening date and time. After what seemed like forever, Maisy nodded and I let out a relieved breath. It was settled.

She picked up her bag and walked out of the classroom without saying a single word to me, and I just stood there for a moment, watching her leave. This wasn't a good start to things.

That Friday I decided to drown myself in a sea of girls. Ryan was having another party and I used the excuse of Will finally breaking up with Kimberly to surround the two of us with as many hot girls as I could find. I was in the pool with some sophomore whose name I couldn't remember when I felt someone's eyes on me. I don't know what it was, but my skin began to sting and my pulse quickened. I turned my head and found myself looking straight into Maisy's Jacob's green eyes.

She was sitting at a picnic table across the patio with a group of her friends and they were all laughing and being loud, but Maisy had secluded herself from them. She was leaning back in her chair, not participating in the conversation around her, and instead just staring back at me. The second I caught her eye, she jumped, and leaned in towards her friends, throwing herself back into the party around her full force, like she hadn't just been sitting there watching me.

But she had. Maisy Jacob's was staring at me and I wanted to know why. The sophomore began to sloppily suck on my neck, but I kept my attention focused on Maisy as she picked up a shot glass and tapped it against her friends'. I didn't understand what was happening; I thought she couldn't stand me.

I gently coaxed the girl off me, telling her I was going to get some beers, but really I just need space to think. Pulling myself out of the pool, I grabbed the first towel that I could find, and began to dry myself off, keeping my eyes trained on Maisy the entire time. I watched as she picked up another shot and downed it with her friends, and found myself frowning, wondering what exactly it was that Maisy needed to drink away.

Keeping my head down, I navigated through the clusters of people, and headed towards the keg. On my way back to the pool, balancing two full cups of beer in my hands, I didn't watch where I was going and ended up bumping right into Maisy out of all people.

I threw my arms out on either side of me, saving her from the beer sloshing over the rims of the red cups, and she smacked straight into my still-wet chest. I knew the chances of her shirt being wet as she peeled herself back from me were high, and I couldn't help myself; I looked.

The cotton fabric of her white tank top was see-through in spots and I could make out the intricate lines of lace on the bra she wore beneath it. I forced my eyes away and began apologizing, but she just raised her own plastic cup and stopped me.

"It's fine," she mumbled as she fanned out her shirt. "I wasn't looking where I was going."

"I don't think I was looking either."

"I've had too much to drink," she sighed, sweeping her unfocused green eyes up to me. "Are those beers for the sophomore?"

I was at a loss as to what to say. This was the longest conversation we'd had in a year and here she was, acknowledging that she'd been watching me, that she'd seen me in the pool with the sophomore girl. She swayed forward a bit and that's when I realized it was the booze talking; it wasn't Maisy. So I just nodded.

Her eyes lazily skimmed over my chest and then she reached her hand out and pressed it against my skin. My body actually constricted at the feeling of her hand on me; it felt like she was permanently burning herself into my soul, and I didn't think I'd ever forget that sensation. I knew at that moment I'd never feel anything like it again. It was like torture though because I was already realizing how much I'd miss it when it was gone. She stood up on her toes, wobbling a bit and using me for support as she leaned forward and whispered in my ear.

"I'm sorry."

She didn't say what she was apologizing for, but she didn't have to; I knew. It was for the last few years, the uncomfortable vibe between us, the sudden distrust, and awkward discomfort. I still didn't know what I did to have made Maisy turn on me like she did, but she was telling me now that she was sorry and I was surprised to hear it. I didn't think she even cared.

Moving my head back to get a better look at her, I noticed that our lips were just inches apart. I could smell her breath and it smelled like peppermints and tequila. I never wanted to kiss someone more in my life and struggled to keep my composure because the timing couldn't have been more wrong.

Clenching my fingers around the cups in my hands, I commanded myself not to drop them. She started to go back down on her toes, but her hand stayed pressed against my chest, and it took everything I had in me to keep my breaths steady.  She looked like she was about to say something again when a sudden commotion at the front of the party distracted us.

I looked up and my body deflated when I saw Justin walk down the steps, flanked by a group of his friends. Although I assumed he and Maisy still saw each other, this was the first time I'd ever seen him since he left for college. He looked taller, more commanding, and I knew I didn't stand a chance. Maisy was drunk. That was our moment. That was all that I'd get.

Everyone's eyes were on Justin, but mine swung back down to her. A part of me anticipated the pain I was going to feel at her reaction to her boyfriend surprising her. I imagined her gushing, or even crying with joy, but I was surprised to see that she just stood there absolutely still. She stared at Justin along with everyone else but with absolutely no emotion on her face. Then she raised her cup to her mouth and took a big gulp of her drink, hiding herself behind the large rim.

When some of the excitement died down people started looking for her, and she stepped away from me and plastered a big smile on her face. She didn't say a word as she left. She just wove her way through the crowd and went over to Justin. I stood there watching her as she wrapped her arms around her boyfriend. A few weirdoes in the crowd actually cheered, but I looked away, feeling physically ill.

I caught her looking at me once more that night. I was back with the sophomore girl and she was across the patio with Justin's arm casually slung around her shoulders. I remember wondering what she was thinking, as she peeked over at me from behind her hair. I couldn't figure Maisy Jacobs out. I didn't know if she liked me, if she couldn't stand me, or if she didn't even think about me at all, and it was driving me insane.

The sophomore wanted me to take ever upstairs, but it just didn't feel right. Maisy Jacobs had me preoccupied, and I couldn't seem to get her out of my mind. I decided that I had enough of the party and went to find Will to tell him that I was taking off. I could only handle so much in one evening.