Episode One, Part 6:
Redemption of the Heart

It's bittersweet to think about the 
damage that we do. 'Cause I was 
going down, but I was doing it with you.

Dreea hovered above Chessca for a few moments, trying to convince herself that her words had sunk in and were all that was needed for the girl she loved to come back, but she couldn't keep putting her heart against the brutal knife of hope only to be let down again.

She fell down, her face nuzzled in the space beside Chessca's as her hands cradled her close, not strong enough to do anything else but collapse; but whimper, and choke on her miserable sobs as they came out, and cry.

"I'm sorry I couldn't keep you safe," she meant to whisper, but the agony of her grief projected her weakness so everyone could hear. "I'm sorry I failed you. I love you."

Beside them, Sol and Atlantis were also consumed in their bereavement. Sol held tight onto Chessca's hand, unable to keep herself sitting upright any longer as she, too, fell against her, losing all motivation to carry on existing in the world around her, and Atlantis dropped her head, feeling her throat close up and every breath gradually begin to feel harder and harder to take.

No one else knew what to do; as well as their own mourning for losing Chessca, there was a terrible fear that nothing they could say or do would provide any comfort to Dreea, Sol or Atlantis.

But, right as Wynn was about to reach forward and set his hand on Sol's back - his hopeless attempt at trying to allow her to focus on something other than her sorrow, something miraculous happened. There was a heavy, desperate sound of an inhale - a gasp as if no amount of oxygen could ever be enough to fulfil the hunger inside their lungs, but a gasp nonetheless.

Everyone froze for a moment - all trying to figure out who the sound had came from, until there was movement from under the Sovereigns.

"...Chess?" Aeryn asked, the only person strong enough to find their voice.

At the sound of her name, Sol and Dreea leaned up from Chessca's body, nervous to glance down at her, but they couldn't stop themselves from doing so, either.

And then, another gasp. Chessca's lips opened, breathing in a mouthful of air, coughing ever so slightly.

"She's alive!" Dreea exclaimed, the realisation doing nothing to stop the steady flow of tears from rolling down her cheeks, but at least they didn't burn her skin any more.

Her hands rested on either side of Chessca's face, tucking her hair behind her ears, running soothing circles over her cheeks as her breaths continued to increase.

"Chess, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?" Sol asked as she squeezed tightly onto her hand, hoping Chessca knew that all the people who loved her were crowded around, overjoyed at her survival.

"W-why isn't she waking up?" Dreea asked, noticing a lack of response from Chessca. A terrible fear crept in, one that told her they had managed to revive Chessca's bodily function, but not her mind. Thankfully, Aeryn was quick to offer another alternative to why Chessca was unresponsive to any of their questions.

"This is good," she said, pressing her fingers into the girl's wrist to measure her pulse, relieved to feel it growing stronger. "She's unconscious, but she's really alive and I... I think the combination has worked," she declared. "From what I know, this is okay. She'll pull through."

"Elara was essentially unconscious when Kodiak got her to the vessel ship, remember," Fenn joined in, contributing with what facts he knew. "And it took several hours before she properly woke up and was able to communicate with everyone. This could be what's happening with Chessca; we won't know for sure for a while, but she is alive. That's what we need to focus on right now."

"We need to get her somewhere safe," Dreea instructed, somehow managing to control herself now that she knew Chessca was going to be okay. "We can't leave her out in the open-"

"We can take her to the hideout," Sol suggested, confident that it was the safest place they could take her. "The shore is too exposed and all of Terra Firma should be on the other side of the island where Exile Allegiance are. If we travel together, there'll be enough of us to defend against any strays that might be around."

"Good idea," Dreea agreed, already turning her attention towards Aeryn and Fenn, trying to figure out the safest way to move Chessca without tearing the stitches they have given her or triggering her pain.

Sol rose to her feet as everyone gave them some space, suddenly backing into Wynn who she almost forgot was there.

"Wynn-"

"You're okay," he assured her, grabbing her by the shoulders to still her racing mind. "Chessca's okay."

Sol nodded, allowing his voice to replace the chaos in her heart as she leaned into him, catching a breath of relief as his strong arms wrapped around her, completely closing all the distance between them. She could have stayed liked that for hours if it wasn't for the sudden realisation that crept up to her and took her by surprise.

"Elara!" She pulled away, her eyes wide with fear. "Kodiak and Izzy... I-I didn't have a choice-"

"I know. It's okay," he told her, knowing more than anyone how it felt to have a decision resting on his hands yet, not having much power over the outcome.

"How are we going to get Izzy back? Just... Just give me a minute or two and I'll help-"

"You need to stay with Chessca, Dreea, and your sister," Wynn cut her off, seeing how frazzled she was becoming and realising that she was in no position to deal with the added stress of trying to help find Izzy. He knew after they all made it out of Neptunum and Elara was alive, he didn't want to be out of her sight for even a minute, so it was bound to be the same for Sol and Chessca.

"They'll hate me if I don't do something-"

"They won't. You know they won't. Leave this down to me."

"I hate leaving things down to you."

"You still don't think I've got the hang of this Sovereign thing? I wouldn't have picked you for an underestimater-" He smirked into his words, trying to ease Sol's worries but he wasn't having much luck.

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it. You've been through so much lately, especially with your family. I couldn't live with myself if I was the reason you or Kodiak lost another person you loved-"

"Well, it's a good thing that's not going to happen," he said. "I've already got a couple of ideas of how to get her back. Worse comes to worst, we'll have a good, old-fashioned riot on our hands and break into the shelter to get her out. But at the end of the day, Izzy is a child; no one, especially not Tobias, has the heart to keep her away from her family. He's a little crazy because Ivy's dead, but he'll realise that she wouldn't have wanted this, and he'll give Izzy back. Don't worry about this. I can handle it."

Sol sighed, her heart full of guilt, but she nodded. "I'll be in the hideout with the others. If you guys need us, Dreea and I can join you, but I know Chess will want one of us around. But don't hesitate to find us if you need help. It's already starting to grow dark so if we haven't heard from you by morning, I'll try and find you guys."

Wynn nodded, a part of him wishing to stay with her and give her all the strength he had left, but he knew he had to go.

"Good luck with Elara," Sol managed a faint laugh. "You're lucky she's still recovering from Neptunum, otherwise she'd probably tackle you when you go over."

"Believe me, I know," Wynn laughed along, deep down, hating to think how furious his sister was with him. "But this is all going to work out... I'll see you soon."

"See you soon," Sol murmured the words back to him, waiting until he turned away to do the same because she didn't have the strength to be the one to leave first.

"Hey, Bas," Wynn called his friend over, perhaps trying to use their conversation as a way to stall himself from reaching Kodiak and Elara. Within seconds, Bas was by his side, curious to listen to what he had to say.

"Do you know what the situation is like between us and Terra Firma? Any idea on how many of them are still out there?"

"It looked like their numbers were significantly decreased," he said. "Exile Allegiance working alongside us put a detrimental fight. Give it a few hours, and I reckon all of Terra Firma will be long dead, if they aren't already. How come? Are you worried about Izzy?"

Wynn nodded somewhat. "I know she's safe inside the shelter, but Elara's going to be out there and I was even wondering if it was worth taking Quill. I don't want to drag him into any danger, but I'd feel much better if I know I'm with him to be able to protect him."

"Like I said, I think it's safe enough out there. And you didn't see Quill on Neptunum; trust me, he can handle himself now. Still not the best with a blade and he's never going to be," he laughed, earning as amused agreement from Wynn, "but he'll be fine. Do you need me to tagalong?"

"No, Harlow needs you around," Wynn said. "And I don't want any more of us to be separated. Besides, they might need you to defend the walk to the hideout as I'm not sure if Sol or Dreea are up to their usual standards after everything that's just happened."

"I get it," Bas nodded, setting a reassuring pat on Wynn's shoulder before gradually turning back to the others. "You guys stay safe out there."

Wynn smiled in gratitude at his words, but it quickly faded as he made his way over to his siblings, seeing the rage that covered his sister's features, made worse by the fact that he knew it was because of him.

"I think I know what to do. We should start making our way towards where you dropped Izzy off-"

At the mention of Izzy's name, Elara turned and began walking away from Wynn, unable to listen to what he had to say to her.

Wynn sighed, trying not to take it personally or show Elara that it was getting to him, and shifted his attention over to Kodiak. Even he seemed a little frustrated with Wynn's presence, but thankfully he seemed able to realise that for Wynn to make the decision he had done, there was a likely probability that he already had a plan or two in mind, especially when Elara would be the one to suffer as a result of it being otherwise. Regardless of their current circumstances, Kodiak couldn't deny that Wynn wouldn't go to the ends of the earth to protect his siblings if they needed it. He just had to hold out a little faith for him.

"We'll head towards the shelter and see if we can find Tobias along the way. If we can, I'll persuade him to open up the shelter. If not, we try the same thing out on the Exile Allegiance guards; convince them that Tobias gave an order for the shelter to be open so the people from Basilisk that are inside, can come out. If all else fails, we'll take down their guards and break in, ourselves."

"Okay," Kodiak agreed, trying not to say too much as he didn't know if he could control his tongue. He glanced over at where Elara was, wondering how he was going to be able to talk her into Wynn's plans, let alone keep her from biting his head off on the walk over.

"Ell..." Wynn called out for him, knowing that he was the one who had to set things right between them. "Elara," he tried again, still with no response for her, unable to roll his eyes at her stubbornness when he knew she learnt it from him.

Letting out a heavy breath, Wynn took initiative and walked over to his sister, annoying her by grabbing onto her arm as he turned her around to look at him. "Elara, you need to trust me on this," he said.

"Trust?" She choked. "Trust!? I trusted you with my life; with Izzy's life, and you've accepted a deal that means I'll never see her again-"

"You are going to see her again!" Wynn was defiant, refusing to let her believe otherwise. "I don't care what Tobias said to you, it's not true. Sure, he'll make things harder, but he doesn't stand a chance at keeping us away from Izzy. We're her family and this family stops at nothing to get the people we love back. Think about it; I got all of you out from Blood Riders when we first came to the ground, I got Sol out of the DeadLands, you and Kodiak out of the labs when Targo were around, Sol and Chessca out of The City, I saved Quill from Hannah, you on Neptunum..." He was desperate for her to see all of the ways he had saved the people they loved before, even more desperate for her to realise that he wasn't going to let her fall behind. "I know what Tobias said is terrifying and I know you think it's true, but it's not. Like hell are we going to lose Izzy. Like hell am I going to let you lose someone you love again; you know I won't."

Elara's eyes welled up with tears as she stared up at her brother, arms still folded bitterly over her chest, but it was resolving slightly.

He knew that she believed him deep down; that her anger was misplaced and she was only taking it out on him because he would let her, and that Tobias was the one who had made the threat of keeping Izzy away for good. But, with all the uncertainty she couldn't see through and the ever-familiar weight of goodbyes heavy on her heart, she couldn't quite bring herself to abandon her fears. Not until Izzy was back home in her arms again. 

One // Part Six
The ever-familiar weight of goodbyes heavy on her heart.

I had a lot of fun writing this chapter which makes me so happy because I've had terrible writers block for the past month! I've literally never had it this bad and although I know why, it doesn't make it any less frustrating. It's not that I haven't known what to write (because as you know, I plan out each chapter in great detail before I start the book), but I've been so unmotivated to. Every time I open up the document to continue the book, I feel so drained and bored, Thankfully, I think that's over now! I've also been doing A LOT of reading this week, so that's had me inspired (yes, I was reading Season 9 and yes, it was my own book, but who cares).

Also, I think I might have mentioned, but I literally just moved again? Lol, I've never known someone to makes a many massive moves as me. On Saturday, I packed up my life (after living in a hotel for the past 2 weeks) and moved on my own from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania to Los Angeles, California (the other side of the country). It's been hectic and a huge move, but it's already worth it! The past few months have been so damaging on my mental and physical health; I've struggled with severe anxiety, mental and physical exhaustion, been burnt out, insane insomnia, barely eating, almost passing out, severe migraines - literally, you name it! The worst part is that I bottled it up and forced myself through it for so long because I didn't want to make things inconvenient on my old host family, but leaving them was the best decision I have ever made. These past two weeks in the hotel have been some of the most "freeing" two weeks of my life, and the isolation was particularly healing to my heart. I moved in with my new host family on Satruday and though the kids I am looking after now are much younger (2 and 3), I feel so at home in this city and I am so excited to see how I continue to grow as a person and make choices for my health and future.

In the wise words of Taylor Swift, 'leave it all behind and there is happiness.' Also in the wise words of Taylor Swift, 'long story short, it was a bad time'. HA!

Anyway, this was a decent sized chapter (2.4K words) and a happy one at that! Chessca came back!

Did you guys think she was going to survive?

Honestly, I could never kill of Chessca; she's too special to me and is definitely one of my favourite characters in the series. As much as hers and Sol's bond is one of my favourites I've ever written, I have to say, I loved getting to show how fundamental hers and Dreea's relationship is to each other and how much they mean to the other. I'm so glad she's back because she deserves a happy ending. ♡

25/05/21.

STREAM SOUR BY OLIVIA RODRIGO.