I just learned that I’m inlove and yet I’m already heart broken.

But what can I do?

I know I don’t stand a chance to give this love a shot.

Who am I to him anyway? Just an old memory, an unworthy past, a hateful ex who’s meant to be forgotten.

In romance books, ex-girlfriends are usually the character who gives problems to the leads. They get hated the most too. Seeing how Sungkyu and Bora looked together, I can’t help but feel down.

I’m just the ex.

But no need to worry because I’m not that kind of ex, I’m just nothing but some extra, not even a second lead in their story.

Yeah, that’s me, just an extra.

I’m nobody.

But why does it hurts like hell?

I curled more in the bed I messily made. I haven’t even change my clothes.

I just feel so tired and heavy and sorry for myself. Or is it the alcohol that’s making me sentimental?

And without permission, tears started to fall from my eyes again.

I run my thumb along the milk I’m holding. The milk he gave me a while back.

“Sungkyu…”
Saying his name sent millions of needles in my heart.

“Sungkyu…” I sobbed his name.

“What should I do?”

“How am I supposed to unlove you? How can I work around you without revealing what I feel?”

“How am I supposed to work around you… without getting hurt?”

I cried. Hard. So much that I can’t breathe.

At times like this, I can’t help but regret the decisions I did in the past. If I didn’t left him, maybe I wouldn’t feel this way. Maybe we’re still together, happy… probably, even married? We’d be playing music together like we used to dream.

What if I was selfish then?

Then that would mean, he won’t be Infinite’s Sungkyu. He won’t be reaping all these success if I held him back.

I wonder who would he be right now if my choice were different. Will he still succeed?

But I think, the choice I’ve made is the right decision.
It is best that I left him.

Then, is it time to leave again?
But my job?
I need my job.

Whatever.

Tonight I just wanna cry.
I’ll permit myself to be weak. I’ll permit myself to feel the pain.

And when the day breaks, maybe I’d forget this feeling.
Maybe everything is going to settle itself on its own.

Maybe…

<<Author’s Note!>>
Please read.
Please forgive me if I haven’t updated for so long! My laptop got broken! I lost all my drafts! ㅜㅜ ㅜㅜ So now I’m using my phone to encode but it’s so uncomfortable and inconvenient. So for this update onwards, each chapters will be shorter than usual. But don’t worry I already wrote around 5 chapters. They’re just subject to editing (and encoding).
I hope you understand. And thank you very much for sticking with me up until now even though I don’t update fast. Please continue to support me :)
I hope I could buy a new laptop soon too. Haha!
Love ya’ll!