The drive to the hospital was filled with silent questions gnawing at our worries.

What happens if it doesn't help?

Gerard ran a hand through his hair, glanced at his cigarettes before looking at me, silently asking if it was okay.

I nodded slightly, putting on my headphones.

He gave me a soft smile, rolled his window down a bit and lit a cigarette.

My music calmed down my mind in only a few minutes.

Slowly, the atmosphere in the place became more calming.

The questions died in the air.

I took my headphones off.

I looked at the sky for a second before deciding to speak.

"I'll miss you," I said softly, "will they let you visit?"

He smiled, it didn't look real and calming like his smile did, this smile was fake.

I returned the fake smile, silently waiting for his reply.

"I'll miss you too," I saw tears threatening to spill out of his eyes, "I'll make them let me visit you."

I was going to ask about something else until I saw how much pain his eyes held.

Quickly, I let the question disappear off of my lips, it evaporated into the air just like all of the other questions.

Gerard continued to smoke, it seemed to calm him down enough for him to be able to not cry.

I sighed and looked out of the window at all of the passing things.

Tears ran down my face silently.

Impatiently I wiped them away, thinking of how this was going to be a good thing for me.

I needed to hear someone else say that, it's so hard to believe myself.

"Gerard," my voice cracked, the older boy's attention immediately fell on me, "can you just reassure me, please?"

He pulled the car over and parked.

"Hey, look at me." Gerard said softly.

I turned my head and stared into his eyes.

"Everything is going to be okay, I promise." He smiled at me.

"How can you even promise that?" I whispered, ashamedly looking away.

"Trust me, I know things." He reassured.

I nodded slowly, deciding it'd be better if we continue on our way.

"We should go."

Gerard started the car and yet again we were on our way.

Recovery might take time but he seems ready to wait.

God, I love him.

I will miss him so much.

Oh god.