After our argument I went for a walk, yeah a walk. Well somewhat.

It wasn't really a real walk, as I was limping the whole time.

The air was chilly, the wind blew through my hair, messing it up.

As I walked down the street I thought of everything.

My whole life, every single decision I made and what I could've done.

I also thought of every boyfriend and girlfriend I've had and why it ended.

For some reason I feel like I was a completely different person just a few years ago.

Was I depressed then?

I can't remember.

What does it feel like to be happy for a full 24 hours straight?

Did that ever happen?

Can that happen?

Do I really love Gerard or am I just going mad?

Steve followed me like a predator follows its prey, always ready to strike.

There was this feeling of hopelessness, despair, and worthlessness desperately clawing at my mind, trying to drown me in them.

Then I realized it, Steve was the one throwing these stupid things at me, they weren't even true yet I believed them.

It took me a while to realize that I was Steve and Steve was me, I was the one who threw these stupid things into my mind, I was the doubt that clawed at me, I was the one tearing me apart.

I'm not saying that I'm depression, I'm just saying that I'm the one screwing myself up, I know that none of this is true.

Finally I figured it out, I need help.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

Before I knew it I was in front of Gerard's house again, I hadn't even realized that I was walking back.

It didn't take long for me to come face to face with the one person I didn't want to fall in love with.

"Gerard," I breathed, "I- I need help."

A look of shock washed over his face but soon died out and was replaced with concern, "mental health help?"

I nodded, shifting awkwardly.

Gerard smiled softly at me before muttering a few words, "thank you."

I still don't know what he meant, what was he thanking me for and why did it mean so much to him?

None of those questions were answered but when are any questions I ask answered?

Gerard was happy and that's all that mattered to me.