Waking up at three in the morning proved to be a much more difficult task than I expected it to be. I don’t know how many times I hit snooze, but eventually James had to come in and sit on me until I couldn’t breathe so I would actually wake up. The house had the eerie feeling to it once again as I padded around, pulling myself together, throwing on layer after layer. Just as I brushed through my hair and pinned it back, James told me it was time to go. Grabbing my purse loaded with my Monster, sketchbook, and everything else, I exited the house and into the car where Rick waited for us. Before we even left city limits, I was asleep in the back and I didn’t stay up long enough to see if James was out too. Every now and then there’d be a small bump in the road, making me smash my head into the window, but I was too out of it so be woken up that easily. 

Eventually, I felt the car slow down and my eyes blinked open to look around the set they had been filming at for the past week. I wiped the sleep out of my eyes and stumbled out of the car, trying to orient myself. It was quite a ways outside of London, far out in the country and it looked almost identical to the place where Pride and Prejudice was filmed, when Keira Knightly was on her way to Pemberly, but first there’s a big dramatic moment where she’s standing on the edge of a cliff. Yeah, you know that place? That’s where we were. I didn’t waste a moment, instantly taking out my Monster to capture the scenery. It didn’t even look real! It looked like someone painted a backdrop and set it up over the entire sky, the sun blazing over the land, setting everything on fire. It was beautiful and perfect.

“Cam, let’s go,” James told me, gesturing for me to follow him. 

“But James! The view!”

“It’ll still be there after I show you where you’ll be hanging out for the day. I know you’re going to want to wander off, but please just stick with me for ten minutes.” I knew very well I was prone to wander, but I slipped the camera strap over my neck and followed James towards the mass of people.

Everyone was in action, getting their jobs done and getting ready for filming for the day. Slowly, we worked our way through everyone until we found our way to a small gazebo a little ways away from where I could see the cameras.

“So this is where you’ll be, ok?” James told me. “We’ve been eating in that,” he pointed to a much larger tent set up much further away to my right, “and we’re filming over there,” he pointed again to the plethora of cameras on my left, “which means there is no reason you should be getting lost because everything is pretty straight forward, alright?” 

“Yes, James, I will do my best to not get lost.”

“Good, now I have to go get ready. Finch is around here somewhere, but if you want you can go take pictures. Just no pictures of the set!”

I waved my hand dismissively. “Yeah, James, I learned that my first day, no worries. Go get ready, I’ll be fine.” He gave me a last, hard look before deciding I would actually be okay and then he turned and took off for hair and makeup. Checking my camera’s battery and memory, I called it good and set off to explore.

It was a freeing feeling - to just wander about and actually be allowed to be there. I never realized how incredible it was that I was allowed to just freely meander a closed movie set. Adjusting the camera, I leveled it to my eye and started snapping pictures of the blazing sun as the sky turned all shades of pink and orange and slowly rose to blue. I didn’t stop snapping pictures as I moved about, making sure I was somewhat paying attention to where I was going. Every picture could turn out slightly different than the last and I couldn’t check right now with the rapidly changing skyline.

“Cam?” I turned to see Bonnie walking towards me.

“Hey Bonnie, how are you today?” 

“I’m alright, a bit low on sleep, what are you up to?” I raised my camera as if that worked as an answer. “I didn’t know you were in photography.”

“Yeah, I like it. You can remember things better that way, y’know?” 

“Makes sense. Now, where are you watching from today?” I started to point where my set up was, but then I realized I had absolutely no idea where I was. Typical.

“Umm. James showed me, but I can’t remember where it is now. It’s a little gazebo?” Bonnie smiled an almost pitying smile at my lack of orientation skills and she gestured for me to follow her. “Wait, Bonnie?” She turned with a questioning look on her face. “I still want to explore a bit more,” I said in a small, child-like voice, hoping it would make her feel bad for me so she would show me around.

“Alright, follow me.” I fist-pumped in my head and jogged to catch up to her. My Monster was positioned to snap pictures every turn we made and I couldn’t have been happier with what I was seeing. The tall mountains, dangerous cliffs, radiating sunlight. I don’t know how they planned to have this perfect spot, but I could have cried, it was so beautiful. 

After I was done exploring, Bonnie returned me to my spot with the perfect view of the set. Stashing my Monster and pulling out my sketchbook, I situated myself, waiting for the action to actually begin. It was still ridiculously early in the morning, a subtle haze surrounding the hills which gave it a very whimsical feel. I put my headphones in an the first thing that played was music from the Tinkerbell movie and it all just fit so nicely. My hand, pen between fingers, started flying across the page, tracing outlines of vines and toadstools, and pixie dust until I started liking what I was seeing.

“Cam! Camille!” My head flew up to the sound of my voice as I saw Liam running towards me, looking slightly urgent. My heart flipped and suddenly I couldn’t breathe properly. “Cam, I need you.”

My eyes bulged and my heart stopped for a moment as I heard his words. What? He needed me? What was this, some kind of sick trick?

“What?”

“I need you for a moment, just... could you come? I need your help,” he told me, nodding his head back in the direction he just came.

“For what though?”

“Gemma is still in hair and makeup and we need to run the scene so we can make sure the lighting is alright. All you’d need to do is stand and kind of move around to make sure the lighting works. We don’t know where Gemma’s stunt double is either,” he told me, looking impatient.

“I’m not an actress.”

“You don’t have to act, they’ll just get you to move around a little. It’s really not that hard, but we have to do it now.” I didn’t want to get up in front of cameras and have lights blaring down on me. That was James’ job. Mine was to be the silent sister in the background. “Please come?” Liam asked when I was taking my time deciding.

Maybe it was just because I liked him a little too much or maybe it was just that little puppy dog look in his eyes, but next thing I knew I said yes and was following him in front of all the cameras. It felt like everyone was watching me as the director pointed at where I’d be standing and he handed me a blonde wig similar to Gemma’s hair.

“I have to wear this?” I asked Liam as he came back in front of me.

“Yeah, you have to be Gemma for five minutes. Gem has blonde hair and you don’t.” I sighed as I flipped my head over and put the wig on.

As I stood back up, I looked at Liam’s face as his face scrunched and he bit his lip, holding back laughter.

“You look,” he snickered to himself, trying to keep it together, “... lovely.”

“Shut up.”

“Alright you two, so Camille you’ll just stay there and read the highlighted lines and Liam, could you do your entire bit? You do a bit of moving and we want to catch you right.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Liam said. The director headed back to his spot as I looked up at Liam.

“Wait, I’m doing this scene with you?”

“Is that a problem?”

“No, just... I thought I would just be standing here in silence.”

“Nah, it’s a scene with me. Why? Don’t want me to confess my undying love for you?” Actually I would love that.

“Wait, what? Why would you do that?”

“That’s what this scene is. Nora, Gemma’s character, is really passionate about going to kill Mr. Z, you know who that is right?” I nodded. “Anyway, so I’m calming her down which she doesn’t understand why I would do that, so then I go on this entire spiel of how much I care for her so she can’t get hurt because I need her to live.”

“And you’re giving this entire speech to me?” I asked, already feeling like I was going to die very, very soon.

“Yup. Just look over your lines quickly. I think you only have one or two from where he wants us to start.” I was definitely going to die. I looked down and saw my cue line and felt my stomach getting uneasy.

“Are you guys ready?” The director called. No. Definitely not ready.

“Yes sir!” Liam thumbs-ed up and then positioned himself in front of me, his entire face suddenly looking so soft and sincere.

“Alright, action!” He looked at the ground, his eyebrows scrunching in concern as he looked back up at me. No, not me. Nora. His character was looking at my character. Nothing else.

“Nora, I can’t let you go there. It’s insane. You will die if you go after him. What if you’re captured?” Liam moved around the general area, waving his arms about, looking genuinely upset about me wanting to go kill Mr.Z. He then nodded towards the script still in my hands and I remembered I had to say something.

“I’m not going to be captured. He killed my family. I’m going to repay the favor. Why would you care anyway. This isn’t your problem, Eric,” I read the lines carefully, hoping they sounded okay and not like someone was being tortured. Liam even looked mildly impressed under his whole determinedly-soft thing.

“It is my problem. I can’t let you walk off to your death. I need to look after you,” he said as he placed his hands on my shoulders and I felt very small all of a sudden.

“Why? Why can’t you just let me go?”

“Because I love you.” My entire face went into surprise and disbelief. Why did I feel like it was Liam saying these words and not his character? “I know it’s hard to believe, but I love you. You act like you don’t feel the same, but I know you do. From every talk we’ve had to every mission, you’ve always been there with me. We watch each other’s back and it’s because I love you.” My heart was pounding in my ears and I could barely breathe anymore. His eyes pierced into my own and I felt like my entire body was going to collapse. How long have I wanted to hear those words from him?

“I can’t let you go on, because if you’re gone how am I even going to live. I can’t continue with our mission in knowing you are dead.” His hands had moved up to cupping my head and my heart only pounded louder. He doesn’t mean us. He means Nora and Eric. Only Nora and Eric. I saw Liam blink down where my script was still being clutched between my fingers. I looked down quickly and read the next line, “You don’t mean that. You can’t... I can’t.” My voice faltered under complete heart palpitations and uneasiness, but it seemed to fit.

“I do mean it.” His voice was low and husky and I could barely breathe when he stepped closer and I craned my neck to look at him. “I love you, Nora, and I’m not letting you go. There’s nothing else to discuss.”

“And cut!” I heard the director yell from his chair and Liam gave me a small smile as he backed away. “That was great. Cam, you have a natural acting ability. Your emotions were spot on,” he told me as he approached where Liam and I were still standing. That’s because the emotions were real. 

“Anything else?” Liam asked, shoving his hands into his pocket as I still tried to recover.

“I see Gemma coming. Let’s actually run the scene, yeah?” Liam nodded and the director headed back to his spot yelling at Gemma to hurry up.

“Hey, good job back there. It actually looked pretty real.” 

“Thanks, uh, you too.” Awkward didn’t even begin to describe how I was feeling at that moment.

“But I’m a trained, professional actor paid to make things look real. You aren’t and you looked like someone was telling you that they loved you and you didn’t believe them. Bravo, Camille.” My heart flipped when he said my name. What was wrong with me?

“I’m going to head back to my spot now.” I didn’t know what else to say at that point. Thank you? I actually love you? Stop being so adorable, I’m going to die?

“Alright, I’ll see you later. I think James said something about hanging out at your house tonight.”

“Yeah, that’d be cool.”

“I’ll see if anyone else wants to come. Talk to you then.” I waved and turned, quickly passing Gemma without saying a word to her.

“You alright there, Cam? You’re acting a little strange,” she said, loud enough for Liam to definitely hear.

“I’m fine. Just heading back to my spot, bye.” I didn’t feel like putting up with Gemma’s insults or belittling today. I was freaking out. My heart was about to lurch out of my chest from that scene. He was so close to me, he was holding my arms and my head and keeping me with him. Shut up, it was just for a scene. But then why did it feel like he actually meant some of the things he was saying? He’s an actor, calm down. He’s going to do that exact same thing to Gemma. I shook my head, trying to stop having an inner debate, making myself sound crazy. Then I noticed I still had the script in my hands and I glanced down to read the next part.

Eric: I love you, Nora, and I’m not letting you go. There’s nothing else to discuss.

Nora: But I - [Eric cuts Nora off with kiss]

I felt like screaming and celebrating. He could have kissed me. We were two words away from kissing! Would he actually have done it? What would have happened if we did? But now he’s going to go kiss Gemma! My fists tightened around the script as I threw it to the ground and picked up my sketchpad. Anger into art. My hand flew across the paper, everything a thick, dark stroke.

“Hey -” I yelled in frustration and stabbed my paper harshly with my pencil, breaking the tip. “Whoa there, She-Hulk.”

“Gah, James.” I glared at him.

“Whoa, anger art. What’s going on?” He peered down and I noticed how rough my drawing was. You could barely make out what it was, really, but I knew where it was going. Two people looking intense - either about to kiss or kill and that was exactly how I was feeling in that moment.

“Just venting.”

“What’s with the blonde hair?”

“Huh?” I looked at my drawing that was in black and white. Blonde hair?

“Is that a wig or what?” I touched my head and realized I still had the Gemma-wig on. I took it off and threw it to the ground as well.

“Seriously, Cam, are you ok?”

“I just ran a scene with Liam.” James raised an eyebrow, telling me to continue. “They needed someone to test the lighting and I was here, so they asked me to do it and it happened to be the “Nora and Eric” scene where they... yeah.” I didn’t feel like saying it. James knew.

“Wait, you guys kissed?” James hissed. “He’s a dead man. He can’t do that. You probably didn’t even know that was in the script and then BAM,” he rambled on so I waved my hands in front of him.

“No, we never kissed.”

“Phew.”

“But now he’s kissing Gemma,” I grumbled.

“How much exactly do you like Liam?” I groaned and slid down my seat, burying my face with my hands. “Way too much obviously.”

“Shut up, I don’t want to think about it.”

“But you do want to talk about it.” I gave him a look that was a cross between “I hate you” and “I love how you understand me”.

“His speech just sounded so real. Like he wasn’t acting at all, it sounded like he was talking to me.”

“Cammie, he’s an actor. He’s supposed to sound convincing.”

“I know! But even still, there were moments that went past acting, when I felt like he was speaking directly to me.

“I can’t help you, Cam. You got it bad.”

“Yes, I’m aware, thank you for your input.”

“But maybe you’ll be able to ask him tonight when he comes over for movie night.”

“Uh, yeah, because that’s the first thing I want to do tonight is tell Liam how I feel.”

“Yeah, please don’t.”

“No worries. I’ll just sit on the couch silently so things don’t get weird.”

“That’d be appreciated. Anyway, I better get -”

“James! Let’s go!” A stagehand yelled, clutching their headpiece.

“- going. Bye Cammie and try not to worry too much about everything.” He gave me a reassuring smile before sprinting over to the set and all I could do to stop myself from screaming or crying or hurling, was simply bury my nose in my sketchpad and draw aimless things.

But that didn’t distract me from the thought that Liam and I could have almost kissed or that everything was getting so unbelievably out of my control and I didn’t know what to do anymore. All I could do was not think about what might happen tonight.

Because nothing is going to happen.

Nothing at all.

  ----------------------------------------  

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