***

Dan hugs onto Connor tightly, silently begging him to stay.

"Sorry Dan, I have to go, but we'll keep in touch and I want to come back soon," Connor assures Dan, "I know you and Phil still aren't talking, but the others wanted you to know that they're still there for you."

Dan smiles half heartedly. Although that's nice to hear, Dan can't help but still feel like he was the closest to Phil, and the stab of betrayal still rests inside of Dan. Dan sighs, looking down at his shoes and Connor grabs the handle on his suitcase.

"Tell me if anything goes wrong okay? I'm your friend and I'm here for you," he says, hugging Dan one more time, "adios nerd."

Dan chuckles silently and forces a smile, even though his heart doesn't want Connor to leave. Connor waves one more time before he turns and walks through the gate to customs, where Dan isn't permitted to go. He sighs and turns away, walking towards the exit.

"Hey mate, you might want to watch out!" A guy says, pulling him to the side as a man with luggage heaped on a trolley and a large family following behind whirls past, "wouldn't want you getting run over."

Dan smiles and nods his thanks to the guy, who looks around the same age as him with dark, slightly curly hair and a wide grin.

"Well, I gotta catch a flight but I think we should catch up again," he says, pulling out a pen and writing his number on a piece of paper, handing it to Dan, "you might need it if you have any other troubles with trolleys."

Dan smiles at the guy, hoping that surpasses for a 'thanks'.

"I'm Pj by the way," the guy says, smiling at Dan like he should know who he is, "nice to meet you."

Dan smiles and nods, before Pj gives him a strange expression and says he has to get on his flight so he turns and runs towards the baggage check in and Dan turns and walks away, unfolding the paper in his hand.

'Call in case of emergency run-ins with trolleys.' and after that, a number scrawled somewhat messily.

Dan smiles to himself as he gets back in the at and his mother drives him back home, where she immediately has to leave for work. Dan walks to his room, feeling glum and lies on his bed, pulling out his phone and scrolling through some texts.

Louise: I'll miss you Connor!

Caspar: have a flight as safe as condoms!

Joe: Caspar you're such an idiot.

Joe: I'll miss you too bro btw

Phil: don't go Connor! :(

Connor: thanks guys! (especially Caspar) I'll miss you all too!

Caspar: I got a special mention!

Joe: why are we friends? :/

Caspar: ... Because I'm awesome.

Alfie: you'll have to come back and visit!

Zoe: yeah good idea!

Connor: I will guys :)

Dan sighs and locks his phone again, putting it on the bedspread beside him. He wishes his life was back to how it was two months ago, when Connor just arrived and Phil didn't think Dan was some psychotic demon child who enjoyed punching his brother.

Quinn is out with his friends from his old school, which is definitely a good thing. Dan's father, however, is home. But hopefully he will stay in his room, asleep with a hangover from his late night last night. Dan seems to be the only person in the house to hear his father stumble inside at all hours of the night.

Dan sighs again, feeling desperately bored and lonely. He stares blankly at the ceiling, slipping into the mind state of 'what is life?' and thinking too deeply into the question. What's the point? All we do is die. If Dan feels so miserable, why doesn't he just die now, and end his suffering?

Your brain is your best friend and your worst enemy. Your brain keeps you alive, defines you as a person and also allows you to feel joy and love, but it also allows you to feel pain, loss, hurt, anger and fills your mind with thoughts which make you lose the will to live.

Suddenly, a bang and a shatter sounds from downstairs, making Dan wince and mentally pray to any powers that may be for his dad not to come up to his room.

However, this doesn't work, and Dan soon hears the heavy, slow footsteps of his hungover and still tipsy father walking towards his room. For a moment, Dan thinks of hiding, but it's too late for that and if he were found, it would only make things worse, so he just sits on his bed and waits.

The door slams open, his father's silhouette almost filling the entire doorframe, making him look a bit like Hagrid when he breaks down the door in Harry Potter, except his dad certainly wasn't there to whisk him of to a wizard school, show him he was rich and buy him an owl.

Dan locks eyes with his dad and swallows nervously, bracing himself. As Dan is slammed against the wall and insults are being yelled in his ear, his thoughts drift to the hurt of Phil.

And even though he knows he shouldn't, he sort of enjoys the pain from his father; because it momentarily takes the place of the pain of Phil.

***

Everything aches.

Dan glances at his body in the mirror in the bathroom, his semi tanned skin dotted with bruises and a couple of cuts from where his father's ring sliced his skin. He sighs, pulling on a black sweater to go with his usual worn. black jeans. His outfit hides his bruises, seeing as his dad only hits in places that Dan can/will hide the marks.

He sighs, walking out and slinging his bag over his shoulders. He's too sore to walk so he decides to brave the bus this morning - much to his displeasure. He avoids catching the bus for one reason: the bus is the definition of overcrowded and seeing as he lives a fifteen minute walk away, he'd rather and needs the exercise.

The bus pulls up a few minutes later, filled with kids from his school, including Phil, who's the only person with a spare seat, but Dan would rather stand. He stands, but Phil's seat is near the front, right next to where Dan is standing.

"You can sit here you know, I don't bite," Phil says, his voice cold and bitter, but he moves to the side and shifts his bag to the floor.

Dan shakes his head, setting his lips into a thin line and keeping his gaze trained straight ahead.

"Oi kid! Sit down, there's a seat there!" the bus drier yells, sounding angry and annoyed, either at his crappy job and midlife crisis or because he is just in a bad mood this morning.

Dan groans inwardly, sitting on the seat next to Phil, as far to the edge as he can and just face the other way, not interested in talking to his ex-friend in the slightest.

"Jesus I don't have a disease," Phil says stiffly, "but maybe you're just trying to control your fists."

Dan scowls even harder at the ground, his breathing becoming even more deep and hard to control as he tries to ignore Phil, but his words feel like a knife in his already shattering heart.

Phil jokingly punches Dan lightly, but he hits one of Dan's particularly large bruises, so the soft punch causes Dan a great deal of pain.

"Jesus, that shouldn't have hurt, it was nothing compared to what you gave my brother," Phil says as the bus pulls up to school.

Dan ignores the jibe, mostly because he has to as he cannot respond, and stands abruptly, rushing off the bus with his bag still in his hand. Dan huffs to himself. He knows deep down Phil isn't a mean person, but from all the obvious jives Phil is giving Dan, he isn't happy with him to the point he's being a bit of a bully, even if it's accidental.

Dan goes straight to the bathrooms. It's still pretty early and he's in the bathrooms no one else uses much as they're hidden away so he takes his sweater off, examining the bruises on his arms and pulling his shirt up to reveal a large one on his stomach.

He sighs and makes eye contact with himself in the mirror. His eyes are empty and defeated, his shoulders hunched with a sense of hopelessness and bruises covering his skin. His father is right, he's pathetic, and it's no one's fault but his own.

"D-Dan? Oh my-" a painfully familiar voice gasps, startling Dan and he drops his shirt to meet Phil's wide, horrified eyes in the mirror.

Dan's face turns into a scowl. He quickly pulls his jumper on and grabs his bag off the sink, shoving roughly past Phil, his shoulder knocking into him on the way out, which was all in all a mistake as Dan's already wounded shoulder is now throbbing.

"Dan! Wait!" Phil calls after him, but he ignores Phil and keeps walking.

He wishes Phil didn't see that, but he's kind if glad it was Phil and not some random kid who'll get the wrong idea. Dan walks faster across the grass outside, his fringe hanging in his face and his body still aching with most movements he makes.

"Dan wait up, I-I'm sorry Dan, I shouldn't have said that this morning," Phil says, puffing slightly as he reaches Dan, who's sitting against the science block wall, facing away from him.

Dan still scowls, folding his arms across his chest, his head still facing away from Phil. He doesn't want a pity apology and a pity friendship. If Phil wants to apologize, Dan wants it to be from the heart, and because he wants to, not because Dan needs him to.

"Are you seriously going to blank me?" Phil asks, raising an eyebrow at the stubborn boy, running a hand through his fringe.

Dan simply nods in response, ignoring his urge to hug Phil and break into tears.

"Fine then," Phil says, turning away, "ignore me."

And with that, Phil walks away. Dan watches as he walks to the table where Joe, Zoe, Alfie and Caspar sit, and where Dan use to sit. Dan gets up as walks around the corner to the back of the building, where it is more hidden from student's eyes.

There, where Dan cannot be seen, he sinks to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest and crying his heart out, his shoulders shaking with each silent sob. His heart is shattering as his life falls apart yet again. After his first few weeks here, he'd had hope for a better life.

And now all he's learnt is that hope is cruel, stupid and a waste of time.

*********

AN: hey hope you liked it! I'm being very productive with updates now haha. Thanks so much for all the reads!

Please vote, comment and share. Tell me your thoughts on the book so far too! I'd like to know, do you like the plot? The characters? The story so far?

Update soon! :D