4

Jude

Throughout the ride back to my house, Elle kept nodding off into sleep. I didn't mind at all, but every time she felt her head droop, she'd snap back up with a small 'sorry' emitting from her soft lips. By the time I pulled to a stop at the curb, she'd dozed off entirely. I shut off the engine and snuck around to her side of the car. The moment I pulled open her door, she slumped into my arms with a start.

"Sorry—" Her voice was thick with sleep.

"No apologies, love. Let me carry you."

The gentle smile I so dearly loved pulled across her lips. Before scooping her up, I placed my own on hers. There are no words to describe how much I knew I was going to miss seeing her, hearing her, and holding her every day. Fucking hell it was going to be tough.

It may seem silly, but I loved carrying her. I loved feeling her in my arms and assuming full responsibility for her. When I was holding her, her safety was in my hands; I didn't trust it in anyone else's.

Once inside, I trudged up to our bedroom. Elle would fight me on whether it was my bedroom or ours, but I've told her repeatedly that she was as much of a member of the house as I was. Elle didn't have a home in London, so I did everything I could to make my home feel like hers. At times she would get really gutted, and I knew it had to do with her missing her family and all she has ever known as home. She'd tell me it was work related, but she's a shit liar—she always has been. I'd like to believe I'm enough of a reason for her to stay in London, but, just in case, I thought it'd be best to give her a home here as well. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I've no plans of losing her.

By the time I made it to our room, I could feel the pull of gravity on my own eyelids. I set Elle down on the duvet, unwrapped her coat and scarf from her body, and tossed them to the floor. I followed up with her boots and then dropped all of my outerwear.

I climbed in bed next to her and somehow managed to get us both under the covers. Elle squished her body next to mine; it was something she did every night. She'd press herself so firmly into me that it was impossible not to feel the rise and fall of her chest and the beating of her heart. I held onto every inch of her I could as I joined her in drifting off into sleep.

When I woke in the morning, the sun was nearly bursting through the shades. I could feel that Elle wasn't wrapped up close to me, so I shifted in bed to pull her into my arms. But she wasn't there. My heart went cold for a moment as realization sunk in that this was what I had to look forward to for the next few months. Maybe I could try to convince her one more time to come with me. She knows I can support her. She knows that she would never need to work another day in her life.

Bloody hell. I can't ask her to do that. Not again at least. I know she loves her job. There are times when she comes home and fucking raves about some manuscript she's read. Then she blushes and tells me not to tell anyone about the storyline, as if I would ever break her confidence. She's unbelievably endearing, and she turns me into a right lovesick teenager around her. I can only imagine what Theo would say if he could read my mind when I'm near her. I'd never hear the end of it.

When I turned back to my side of the bed to stretch and go find my Elle, I saw that there was a scribbled note on the bedside table.

"I love you. Let me spoil you sometimes, okay?"

She often joked that I had a strong memory due to having to learn so many lines, but she didn't ever seem to forget a single word I've said to her.

The moment I pulled open the door to our bedroom to go downstairs, the various scents of a traditional English breakfast hit me.

As I entered the kitchen, the spread on the table greeted me with wisps of steam. I watched Elle as she stood at the range. I could tell she was poaching eggs, something that even I had trouble with, and the rigidity of her body told me she was firmly concentrating on the pot of water in front of her. I saw her submerge the slotted spoon into the water and pluck out a perfectly round poached egg. Her body gave a little shake in satisfaction as she realized her success.

"I was going to ask if you wanted some help, but you seem to be doing a perfectly fine job."

She turned to me with a little jump. "I didn't realise you were up. I'll be done in just a minute." She smiled at me, but it was forced. I studied her features and noticed that the skin around her eyes was ever so slightly pink. No one else would've picked up on it, but I've looked into her eyes so many times that I could spot a difference in them instantly.

"Elle," as I made my way to her, she cast her eyes down. I picked up her face in my hands. "I can tell when you've been crying, dear."

She turned her face to rest her cheek against my palm. "Do you have to be so observant all the time? I wanted this breakfast to be happy and perfect."

"You, along with everything you do, are always perfect. And I'd say this is more like a late lunch given how long we slept."

Her navy eyes did a little somersault before settling back on mine. Her lips also slipped back into their genuine smiling position. "I love you. Let's tuck in."

Her British accent was adorable. Terrible, but adorable regardless. I kissed her forehead before releasing her and letting her lead me to the table.

"Really, Elle, this looks delicious. The eggs are perfect, and the sausages are nicely browned." I loaded up my plate with a little bit of everything as Elle pushed down the plunger on the French press she was brewing our coffee in.

"You have no idea how many video tutorials I've watched over the last week. You make me breakfast almost every day, and I wanted to give you a good one before you left."

"You've outdone yourself, love." She poured some coffee in my cup as I shoved a forkful of beans into my mouth. "These are ace," I pointed to the beans with my fork, "they taste just like—"

"Your mom's?"

"Is this her recipe?"

"Mhmm. Called her last week for it." A satisfied smile spread across her face.

I didn't deserve such a woman. "I love you, Elle."

"I love you too."

***

I helped Elle clean up after we finished eating, but she was taking her time. I knew exactly what she was doing.

She set a single dish in the sink and then retreated to the table for another.

"We'd get done faster if you brought more than one plate over at a time."

"I know," she said.

"You know I know your stalling tactics by now, right?"

A frustrated moan came out of her mouth. "I know."

"You can't slow time, love."

"I know." This time, there was a slight quiver in her voice.

I placed the dish I'd been rinsing in the drying rack and picked up a towel to dry my hands. She placed another dish in the sink, but when she tried to retreat back to the table again, I caught her around the waist and set my lips against her ear. "Let's go upstairs."

I felt my own lips tug into a devilish smile, and I saw Elle's reflect mine. She hopped up into my arms and wrapped her legs tightly around my waist. The whole time I carried her up the stairs, she left soft trails of kisses on my jaw, my ear, and my neck.

When Elle and I were intimate, it was like nothing I'd ever experienced. Of course, she's fucking fit, but that's not what makes it so good, and it's never just a shag. When I'm with her, I can legitimately feel the love that binds us together; it's more intense than anyone I've ever been with, and I'd had it off with more women than I'd like to admit.

It's not something Elle and I have ever really discussed. The subject came up once, and I'm still thankful she didn't ask me for a specific count. If I could erase that part of my history, I would. But no one can change time.

We laid in bed for a long while, neither of us wanting to get up and face reality. Elle pulled her head from my chest and turned so she could face me.

"You're the best thing that has ever happened to me, Jude."

"The feeling is mutual, love." I pressed my lips to hers. It sometimes surprised me how in sync we were.

"When I moved to London, I didn't really have any intention of finding someone. I was just going to let the wind carry me through my life here, and somehow it led me right to you."

"I'm glad the winds have been so favourable for me."

She nestled in close to me and left a kiss right above my heart.

"I know we've put this off by about an hour, but I really need to start on my luggage. I want to have a relaxing morning with you tomorrow, not one where I'm frantically shoving things into my bags."

I felt the rumble of a groan come from her, but she released me. I watched her climb out of bed and pull on some clothing.

"Enjoying the show?" She didn't even turn around when she said it.

A hot blush crept up my cheeks. I didn't know how it was possible for her to still do that to me given all we've shared.

"You never fail to surprise me." I rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of pants.

Elle started pulling some of my most worn clothing from my drawers and setting them on the bed while I pulled my largest bag from the closet.

"How are you going to pack for two months?"

"I won't. Most days I'll be in wardrobe from the show all day. During any free time I'll change into something I packed. I can also send my things out to get washed. They put us up in a nice hotel where we each get something more like a flat than a traditional hotel room."

"Oh."

"I could request a room that would be big enough for two..."

"And what exactly would I do all day while you were working?"

"Some sightseeing?"

"While that may be fun the first few days, I think I'd lose interest rather quickly."

"You could hang out on set and—"

"Jude," she turned to me with a sigh.

"Sorry. Thought I'd try just one last time."

We finished packing up my luggage, and as I zipped it closed, I felt Elle's hands wrap around me from behind. I turned in her arms and stared into her eyes. When she spoke, her voice was soft.

"I know my emotions have been all over the place for the last few days, but we will be fine. In fact, being apart for a little will actually make our relationship stronger. You know the whole 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' saying."

"It didn't really work that way with my father." I couldn't stop the words if I tried. It was like my mouth had been over taken and my brain didn't have a single say in what came out of it. There was a look of confusion muddled with sadness in Elle's eyes. "Fucking hell," I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes as I felt Elle's arms tighten around me.

That was it. I'd finally realized what I was fucking terrified of. Once my father was away from us, it was so easy for me to care less and less about him. The more time he was out of my life, the less I loved him. My own father. Someone who I was supposed to love unconditionally. It didn't take long at all. Less than a month had passed after he had left us that my life felt normal without him.

"Look at me, Jude."

I opened my eyes to find a reassuring gaze peering at me through Elle's.

"We will be fine. It would take a hell of a lot more than two months and a few thousand miles to lessen my feelings for you in the smallest amount. And I have confidence that you feel the same way. I love you, and I know you love me. Nothing is going to change that."

I shook my head to clear it. "I know. I know, love. I don't know where that came from. You've shown me a love I didn't know was possible. It has no chance of fading."

If only I could shut off my brain from trying to convince me otherwise.