"Bye Lily!!! We love you!! Be brave!" All my siblings were calling after me.

My Mom was coming with me, my Dad couldn't make it. He wrapped me in an enormous hug and just held me. I felt my emotions slipping and at that moment he whispered in my ear,

"Be brave, my wild and free Lily, be strong. We will always, always love you, no matter what happens."

I leaned back and looked deep into my dad's azure eyes and I knew. I knew. No matter what, no matter how far, he and Mom would never forget, and never stop loving me. I scooted up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

"Goodbye Dad."

"You're Daddy's girl, Lily. Forever and always."

He smiled and that's when I noticed the tears shining in his eyes.

Keep it together...focus Lily, focus...

I bunched the sleeves of his shirt in my fists as we held each other at arm's length and then I let go...I let go...and turned around to head down the road.

In books the heroine never looks back. She holds her head up high and sets her face into the wind. Onlookers reminisce about how tall and brave she stood as she walked out of their lives.

But I'm not a heroine, and this isn't a book. This is my life. My new reality.

Shockwaves of nerves wracked my system as we headed down the road and I felt myself reaching for my mother's hand. Maybe I'm not ready for this. Maybe I will be factionless. Maybe I will die. I need to be brave and strong.

But I also need my Mom.

One.

Last.

Time.

I felt her warm, lean fingers curl around my own and I felt strength, her strength, flow into me. All the blood that had left my face began to return and I felt strong enough to look up and over my shoulder. My siblings were laughing and waving and I was able to smile and wave back, even if it was only feeble. I lowered my hand and looked into my mom's eyes. She smiled. Then she began to swing our joined hands back and forth. We both let out a giggle and I breathed in deeply.

Here we go.

***

"Lily Steele from Amity." My knees buckled and my throat started closing but I forced myself to my feet and clasped my mother's hand. She squeezed it one last time and it felt like a parting benediction. I looked down at her quickly and felt the room spinning, so I instantly looked up again and started scooting past the pairs of knees in our row.

We were in the Ceremony Room. My mom had told me on the walk down this morning that the last time she had been there was at her own Choosing Ceremony. At last I made it past the last pair of knees in my path and shakily headed down the stairs towards the stage where Marcus Eaton stood.

He smiled at me in a quiet way and handed me the knife. He repeated the same phraseology he'd been repeating all morning and I didn't care to listen anymore.

I knew what I had to do.

I had to take this knife...

...and cut my hand...

...and where the blood fell...

...was my destiny.

I took my knife in my hand and held it like a switchblade as I continued to where the 5 bowls were stationed, each on its own pedestal.

Earth: for Amity

Water: for Candor

Stones: for Abnegation

Glass: for Erudite

Coals of Fire...Dauntless.

I stood a moment and inhaled deeply. I felt sick as I took the knife and carefully slit my palm. Waves of nausea hit me at how easily it cut into my flesh, and how rich the red of the blood was that oozed out around the blade. I felt faint, but I straightened my back and moved towards the glowing coals. A thought whispered through my brain:

If you are this woozy at a simple Choosing Ceremony, how will you ever fit into Dauntless?

My eyes widened at my inner doubts and I stalled beside the bowl of earth. The very room seemed to hold its breath for me. Then a cute, simple, little girl voice recited to me:

Courage is not the absence of fear...

The blood sizzled as it hit the coals.

"Dauntless!" Marcus announced in his low, booming voice. I felt a smile spread across my face as the relief and doubts flooded my being all at once.

I turned to look at the crowd as I headed to the Dauntless area of the Ceremony Room. I couldn't see my mother, so I turned and faced the Dauntless faction. My new faction. Everyone was loosing it with applause and I was accosted in massive hugs from the black-clothed, tattooed group. I felt a giggle erupt out of me after the second hug, it made me feel so much better about my decision. Hugging strangers wasn't fazing me at all.

There's got to be some bravery in me somewhere, I thought with relief.

It may sound grossly self-centred, but I cannot remember a single moment of the ceremony before or after those moments. I didn't see what anyone else chose, and I only was vaguely aware when a Dauntless member got up and then returned to his seat again. He chose to stay in his faction. I glanced sideways up at him.

I wonder if he's happy with his choice...

***

Marcus Eaton was still talking. I fidgeted with the slice on my palm, trying to clean the blood off of it with the hem of my dress. My dress was a scarlet red anyways...and something told me I wouldn't need it after today.

My head shot up as the doors to the outside world were opening. Everyone in my new faction was standing up and cheering. Suddenly they were running.

How could I forget?

I hate running!

With dread and panic starting to seize my chest, I gathered up the hem of my dress and tucked it in my left hand. I exhaled and bolted down my rapidly emptying row and scrambled down the steps towards the doors.

In a sea of black, I was a drop of red, like blood before it soaks into ebony fabric. I knew I was a spectacle, I didn't care. I needed to survive this. I needed to be two steps ahead of everything so when I failed, I was still one step ahead. Thankfully, although I hate running, I'm a marvellous sprinter and I was no longer at the back of the group, but just behind the front runners.

My heart was beginning to pound painfully and my head was throbbing as we reached the train tracks, two stories above us. I paused, then gasped as I saw the black clothed athletes begin to climb the trellises.

I pushed my lips together hard and narrowed my eyes:

Like climbing a tree...

I took the hem of my dress that was still in my left hand and twisted it until it was a thick rope of fabric. I twisted it around my body and tucked it into itself, freeing my lower legs and knees for movement. A couple of people had pushed past me as I did this, and for the first time since we left the building I could hear people talking. An Erudite girl was complaining that she couldn't climb in high-heeled shoes. I rolled my eyes and looked at her. She was pathetic. And arrogant. Normally I had a heart for those struggling, but she was so full of herself. Typical Erudite. I shook my head and walked up to the trellis. Small iron triangles were sticking out of it, as well as random bars here and there. My spine tingled suddenly and I felt like someone was watching me, so much so I quickly snapped my head around. But I saw no one looking at me. Everyone was looking up. Weird. Must be leftovers of feeling like a spectacle. I squinted my eyes one last time as I looked up at the task ahead of me.

Here we go.

I took a deep breath and clasped onto the iron trellis, starting my climb up, hoping my skirt would stay tucked in and not impede my climb. My hand smarted against the metal where my cut was, but I ignored it until I didn't feel it anymore. My heart leapt into my throat, nearly choking me, when I lost my balance near the top, but other than that, it was easier that it had appeared.

The train was coming in the distance and I noticed the Dauntless born running.

Not again!

I untwisted my skirt and held it in my hand again so I could run with them, quickly realizing I would need both hands to accomplish the next feat. I dropped my skirt as I ran, it slowing me down. I pumped my legs harder and my breath came in erratic painful gasps in order to compensate.

Everyone began swinging themselves up into the train cars. I knew it was now or never as I was only going to exhaust myself by running more. I could hear others in the background screaming about how they couldn't do this. I couldn't help them now. I needed to survive, only then, could I help anyone else.

I looked over my shoulder as I ran and timed the grab bar that was about to pass. I gripped onto it and jumped, tightening all the muscles in my arms and shoulders, pulling myself up. The momentum swung me forward and against the car's open door, so I curled my right foot up and caught the inside edge, pulling my right knee in.

Just as I was about to roll the rest of the way in, someone on the inside grabbed me and pulled me in. More people began jumping in the car behind me as I caught my breath. I turned to thank my helper when I saw a flash of blue.

"Lily?"