Dear Angelika,

I am so afraid, this place that I hold so dear has become a torture chamber for me. It is the freaks, they are the ones that are causing all of this trouble. They have turned on everyone else, and each other too, blaming everyone for the way that things have gotten. For the hate that has been flung our way.

I do not believe that anyone is to blame for one bad show after another. Not inside the circus anyway. I think the outside world is to blame. Them and their small-minded views.

Maybe mother was right to say the things that she did. Perhaps she was correct about the world. I always assumed that her views were small town and that I knew better, but now I am not so sure.

There is evil in the world. True evil. I do not know how to get away from it.

Even as I sit here now, I am watching two of the freaks beat another nearly to death. I would like to intervene, to put a stop to this, but I am already regarded with disdain.

To be perfectly honest with you, Angelika, I am so afraid that I am next, that the freaks will turn on me. I say nothing because I do not want to be on the other end of that beating.

I do not want to die. Not out here, not like this.

I want to turn to the side and to be able to ask you what I should do, but I cannot.

In this, I am all alone.

I have never been given the opportunity to experience loneliness before. Not until now, and it hurts. I do not like it one bit. I understand why it is a choice for so many singers to sing about because it is a boundless emotion with so much to it.

This is made worse because I put myself in this situation. I chose this.

Angelika, I believe it might be time to go home, to go back to the life I left behind, the one that I was so desperate to escape. I might be bound here with a contract, but I have my own mind. If I wish to pursue other things I should be able to. No one else can tell me how to live my life...can they? Am I now a possession? Owned?

I do not sleep, I do not eat, I feel fear all the time. I think I have to leave otherwise I will simply fade away. I can already feel it happening, the color ebbing out of me. Like I already said, I do not want to die here. I want more for myself.

I need to take action, Angelika. In one way or another. First, I need to decide which way I want to go then I need to just do it.

You know me, once I have set my mind to something, nothing will stop me...that is what got me into this mess in the first place.

Yours,

Diamonique.