(y/n) - your name

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I smile softly as I watched the cadets around me all chatter up a storm about tonights new years party. They were extremely excited cause after that, Hanji, Levi, Armin, Eren, Mikasa and I were going for our first expedition of the year outside the walls. I hear someone slam the cafeteria doors open and I look over to see Hanji waltzing in like the loud extrovert she is. I see behind her that Levi was following with a scowl on his face and I sigh out. He turns his head, our eyes locking and I quickly turn my head to look down at my hands.

Shit, he saw me looking.

"Why is Captain Levi glaring at our table?" Armin whispers out and I slowly turn to see that he was. I turn back away, moving around the food on my plate.

"He's glaring at (y/n)." Jean whispers out.

"What did you do now?" Connie asks and I shrug.

"Nothing."

Except avoiding him at all possible moments.

Ever since the Christmas party, I had avoided Levi in every situation possible. I would mainly stay in my bedroom or stay in the girls bunker, trying to keep myself busy and staying with Hanji. She tried to pry at why I was trying to keep my distance from him but I just didn't say anything.

"He's coming over here!" I freeze up and quickly grab my dishes.

"I'm going to my room." I quickly say and I dash for the kitchen, dropping the dishes there and running out of the cafeteria. I could hear someone call out for me but I don't turn back, dashing down the hallway. I quickly barge into a closet room, backing away from the door and sitting down on a box. I hold my breath, hugging my arms and waiting for whoever was calling out for me to walk away. I heard someone walk by and I wait for a few seconds before I creep out of the closet room. I let out a breath of relief "Phew-" I shriek in surprise as my back slams against a wall, coming face to face with a very angry cleaning fairy.

"-why have you been avoiding me." Levi growls out, slamming his hands on the wall beside my head and my heart goes in a frenzy from how close he was. I gulp and try to move back but I was trapped.

"I'm not-"

"-don't fucking lie to my face (y/n). I know you have. You always turn the other direction when you see me or leave the room once I enter. So answer me. Why the fuck have you been avoiding me." Levi commands, leaning his head down and I shake my head.

"I'm not-" I gasp in surprise as Levi punches the wall.

"-if you don't tell me, I'll go to Hanji instead and you know she breaks easily." I look at Levi, noticing the hint of sadness in his eyes and I frown.

I need to do this. I have to break connections so it'll be easier for everyone.

"Fine. I'll take your silence as your disobedience to not answer me." The oxygen suddenly disappears around me as Levi leans in closer, narrowing his eyes at me. "But I will make you tell me one way or another-" I quickly dodge under Levi's arms and run off down the hall while my heart rings in my ears.

"He did what!?" Hanji screams out and I quickly shush her, looking over at her shut lab door.

"Hanji, keep it down, won't you! I don't need anyone to hear while they walk past!" she starts jumping up and down around me, squealing like a maniac.

"OH, WHO CARES!" Hanji grabs me by my shoulders and shakes me back and forth hard. "He kissed your cheek!"

"It doesn't mean anything!" I blush darkly as Hanji grins menacingly.

"Bullshit! This is Levi we're talking about! Any ounce of romantic gesture from that emotionless man means he's fallen head over heels for you!" My cheeks flare, thinking back to the kiss but I shake my head.

"We can't fall in love Hanji. This world won't let us." I hiss out as she pouts, crossing her arms.

"We have one life. Cruel or not, you deserve to be happy. You can't just hide away your feelings for him. Stop avoiding him!" Hanji huffs out as I stare in the mirror in front of me while she fixed me up for the New Years party.

"I have to Hanji. I can't put him in any more pain. Better to sever things now then later when things have progressed." I mutter out as she stops brushing my hair.

"You're hurting him now too. He really cares about you and I know you care about him too." Hanji sighs out and I look down at my lap like a lectured child. "Whatever is bothering you, tell him. Tell him what's stopping you-"

"-I can't!" Hanji freezes from my outburst and she sighs. "I just can't. It would break him."

"Fine. Just don't push your feelings away. Be in love for once." Hanji spins me around, a big grin on her face as she looks me over. "Well damn, I'm good." She looks over at her masterpiece as I stood up in a high low champagne dress that she managed to find.

"Tell me again how you got these dresses? This looks way more expensive than our allowance lets us buy." I turn around to face her as she wore a black evening gown with a thigh split. She had a gun strapped like always, her hair pinned up and my god was she fucking sexy.

"I may or may not have stolen them." Hanji cackles and I stare at her wide-eyed.

"You didn't!?" I scramble to take the dress off but she shoves me out of her office and down the hallway to the cafeteria. I stumble past the doors, seeing the cadets all mingling around and sipping their drinks as some of the soldiers stuck to the back in the orchestra playing mellow music. The tables were moved to the sides with different kinds of foods, the middle being free for people to walk around.

"(y/n)!" I turn around and see Eren call out to me along with the other main characters and I smile at him. 

The boys looked so cute in their suits as I walked over. "Why don't you guys look dashing." I chuckle, ruffling Armins hair as he pouts at me. 

Jean and Connie both look smug, tugging on their blazer in a cocky way. "I'd say we are the best looking guys here right Connie?" he agrees with Jean and I roll my eyes.

"You look really pretty." Mikasa says softly and I thank her, seeing how beautiful she looked in a pink dress with the same coloured gloves. I chat with the group for however long I do before deciding to grab something to drink. I let the youngsters mingle about, walking over to grab alcohol to calm my nerves that started surfacing as the clock ticked closer to midnight. 

Levi isn't here yet. 

Maybe I can leave before he-

"-Are you planning to get blackout drunk?" I jump in surprise, swallowing the alcohol down the wrong pipe and I burst out coughing.

"Shit-" I hit my chest, feeling someone pat my back and I turn around to see Levi with a worried look on his face. "Don't creep up on me like that." I wheeze out, taking in deep breaths.

"Are you going to stop avoiding me then?" Levi mumbles out softly and I frown at the slight crack in his voice. 

"I'm not-"

"-then don't fucking walk away from me." my breath hitches in my throat as I feel Levi grab my hand. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that you're not avoiding me." I look around the room, hoping that no one was paying attention to us but luckily everyone was too focused on their own thing. "Hanji told me." my brows furrow at what he means.

"What-"

"-she told me what you told her that night at the Christmas party after I left."

That loudmouth I swear to god!

"And I heard you outside my door." I freeze completely, ripping my hand away from Levi's grasp and walking outside into the hallway.

"I shouldn't have said anything." I hiss out to myself, pacing down the corridor when Levi walks out from the cafeteria behind me. "Levi just stop-"

"-what did you fucking mean by not letting me get close to you!? Why did you ask Hanji to look after me if you were gone!?" Levi yells out, slowly getting furious and I fist my hands.

"Nothing! Just forget about it!"

"I won't! Not when you are trying to distance yourself from me!"

"Levi, just fucking drop it-" I gasp as I turn around to see him right in front of me.

"Just tell me what's wrong. Tell me what's happening and we can fix it-"

"You can't fix it!" I yell out, my heart ringing in my ears as I try to hold back my tears. I get angry with myself at how pathetic and emotional I was being. "No one can fix it and I don't want to hurt you! I don't want to hurt anyone! I should've never come here! I should've just stayed away then you wouldn't be hurting because of me when I have to leave!" I pant out and Levi looks at me with wide eyes. "So just drop it." Levi glares at me, his eyes narrowed and I stumble backwards as he advances towards me.

"How can I just fucking forget about what you said when you sound like you are going to disappear from my life!?" my back collides against a wall as Levi starts pacing in front of me. "You promised you won't leave me! You promised that you won't leave me like everyone else! I can't have another person from my life taken away from me again." Levi breaks down, his eyes glazing over as he looked at me. "I won't be able to take it if you left me too."

"Levi..."

"I can't understand it, I don't fucking understand this feeling in my chest! It hurts when you're not with me, it hurts thinking that I won't see you again!" Levi grips the shirt above his heart. "Why do you have to leave me too?"

"I don't want to leave you." I mutter out. "But I have no choice!" I cry out as I look up at him. "I don't want to be ripped away from you or from anyone else!" tears stream down my face and Levi frowns. "But you won't be happy with me! You will be in pain because of me. Every second I break down your walls and let you closer to me, I'm putting you in inevitable pain. I can't-"

"-I don't care!" I freeze as Levi holds my face. "I just want to be with you!" my breath hitches as Levi sighs out, revealing his feelings. "Every time you're with me, you make me believe that I have a future. Every time I break down and feel weak in front of you, you protect me. Fuck, you risk your life for me! For this so-called humanities strongest!" I gulp as Levi takes a step closer to me, my back pressing against the wall. "You make me feel human (y/n). You make me feel happiness even when I never thought I deserved it. I... I don't know what I'm feeling and this is all new to me but I know that I just want to hold you." I look up at Levi, seeing the barrage of emotions in his shining steel eyes that used to be so dull but now overwhelmed. 

I could hear the faint cheers from the cafeteria as people started counting down. "Levi, I don't know what to tell you." I try to bury my feelings down but Levi was making it hard for me.

"Stay with me. I know you feel the same way for me so whatever it is that you're dealing with, we can deal with it together." Levi leans his forehead on mine and my heart nearly escapes my chest. "You're not alone (y/n)." 

"I-I don't want to hurt you. I can't-" Levi takes a step closer and I close my eyes, overwhelmed by how close he was to me that I could also feel his racing heartbeat. 

The countdown was coming closer to the end as we stood in silence. "Look at me." I slowly open my eyes and look up at Levi's face as he smiles sadly at me. "I don't want to let you go and I won't. I care about you too much (y/n)." The final countdown finally hits, and I gasp in surprise as Levi quickly slams his lips against mine, sparks flying through the air. 

The world ebbs away as he holds my face and I grip his shirt, pulling him closer to press against my chest. The kiss was rushed but soft, the both of us being each others first kisses but that didn't stop Levi from kissing me hard like it would be his last. Tears stream down my face, realising how much I loved him as he held me gently against the wall, his own tears falling down his cheeks.  

"Levi..." I pant out gently as he leans back, his lips a bright pink as I felt him brush away my tears. "I care about you too." I mutter out and Levi sighs out in relief, tilting my head up as he grips my waist with one hand. "A lot..." he doesn't say anything except captures my lips again in a searing kiss, holding my jaw in place.