CHAPTER NINE: PAVEMENT

Love from novels isn't true love: it ends where it should begin. True love, deep love, grows up with time, throughout days of dullness and days of storms. It leaves in one's heart a rainbow of tenderness and forgiveness which illuminates forever the beloved one.
-Gabrielle Dubois Here.

After finally convincing the two boys that I wouldn't prank Riggs if he came to my house to watch a horror movie with me and trying to tell Demy that my mom wouldn't be in the room with us to 'mom him scarily' meaning we were able to head to my house just fine, I certainly didn't expect to get one foot in the kitchen and come face to face with my older brother.

Triton is one of my favorite people ever to exist but me and his boyfriend, Sebastian Monikol-Rae have long known beef with each other.

See, we've always been close because we were the last two kids at home but that also means me and Seb were always fighting for his attention.

With Rigby and Demy behind me, I have TJ off to the side munching on what looks like a strawberry with wide scared eyes -knowing and right about the fact I'm mad that he didn't tell me he was coming.

But then I see Sebastian.

Sebastian just standing there with his back turned from me completely.

Being all vulnerable and shit.

Holding a knife.

So naturally I'm not about to waste this perfect opportunity and so I drop my bag and jump on his back making him bang into the counter as hard as my 5'2" ass could have made him.

He lets out a loud yelp, the knife stabbing clean through what I can now see is a pineapple and starts to curse at me.

"Awh, Seb," I coo, mocking him. "I missed you."

"Your little freak ass better get off me, or you can start missing me when you're down in hell."

"What are you gonna do?" I ruffle his hair. "Stab me?"

"Actually, you know, that's pretty tempting." Turning his knife point up makes me squeal and pull away but his other hand is already painfully gripping my thigh -which only succeeds in making me slip down.

TJ catches me around the hips and just slings me upside down over his shoulder, I catch Riggs' guarded eyes first focusing on the knife being pointed between me and the pineapple as Sebastian mutters threats.

Then I glance at Demy and find his very worried eyes giving me and Triton- -who I now realize doesn't look all that much like me, with his grey eyes and blond hair, my natural color but something Demetrious hasn't ever seen on me- -a once over.

"Let me introduce you to my boys!"

This gets Triton to snap to attention instead of staring at Sebastian with a wide grin -keep in mind this is the same boy-man who is still muttering death threats about me with a sharpened knife.

Putting me back on the ground, he holds onto my shoulders and acts like he has to protect me or some weird shit.

He's the classic annoying protective older brother- -or both douche-bag when he wants to be- -and it doesn't help that he knows how a guy should act given he obviously likes guys.

But I also know he'll easily accept my friends, especially Demetrius and if sees me being comfortable talking to Riggs before the night is over I expect nothing less than chaos.

In the meantime, Rigby is just smirking down at me like I don't realize something- -which is normal for him when confronted with a situation he isn't familiar with- -and a blinking, wide-eyed Demy.

"The tall cute one wearing the hat is Zeno, he's my boyfriend or person I kiss? I don't know exactly, but man, he sure is something."

Saying this, I think it's quite adorable how the mechanic blushes a bright red and attempts to hide from Seb's now piercing gaze behind his best friend all while Triton shakes my entire fucking body all excitedly.

You can definitely tell we're related.

"And the one with the white hair and fuck-me eyes is Riggs, but you can call him Shitass or Giggles, or something funny as long as it's creative. I guarantee he will respond to it all."

Having siblings will do that to a person, especially since all his siblings are boys too.

"Never become a show-host person," Riggs snorts, smile widening in amusement. "With how you introduce people, you're sure to make a good enemy or two."

"Well shit, I already have a few and I haven't even gotten the job yet." Huffing, I stomp my foot on the ground. "My life is rigged!"

"Rigged but really good, look at him!" Triton motions to Demetrius, a giant grin on his face as he shakes me a bit again.

Looking at his hands, then up at him, I can only wrinkle my nose and start to squirm. "God damn, am I this annoying-"

"You did good! Like too good, like this is worrying. I'm not sure you deserve him. But hey, he looks all awkward and cutesy, ignoring his height." My dumbass brother just continues, making my cheeks start to feel a little too warm. "The other one doesn't even look like he likes you."

"Well yeah," I poorly defend. "That's true-"

This makes Rigby turn towards me instantly, but I ignore it in favor for Triton who continues to talk.

"How did you meet them? How did you meet him? Did you have to annoy him until he just accepted you in his life, or does he tolerate you well? Wait, don't tell me, let me guess-"

Seb, thankfully, pulls my brother away from me and lets me breathe but I take back all my thankfulness when he nods towards my boyfriend again. "Babe, look at his necklace."

They coo in sync, making me scowl. "Don't say a fucking thing."

"Um... she's -she's good too? And sorry, for my height?" Demetrius mumbles out awkwardly, shrinking back. "I'm Zeno, it's um, it's nice to meet you."

My brother makes a noise and I can only describe it as the noise equivalent of '!!!' that I'm sure I do a lot too before he waves to Demy. "I'm Triton, it's cool to meet you too. Oh also, my dudes, I think it's really cool you both got on Riss's good list without even trying, if you had to try I guarantee it would be months and months before I met you. Instead I only heard about you like, over the phone, which is already weird enough after only what, a month and a half? By the way, I can already tell that I'll like you both."

"Um, I -okay." Somehow confused by that, though I'm decently sure that he already knew he was on my good side, Demetrius just blinks and nods. "Thank you."

Grinning, my brother nods. "Welcome!"

"Do you have a problem?" I suddenly become aware of the tension still between Seb and Riggs as Sebastian says this.

Stomping my foot again, realizing Madam Rigby's twisted features aren't out of anger or disgust but anxiety, I huff loudly and draw attention to myself. "I don't know, dumbass, maybe it's because you're waving a giant knife around talking about stabbing people. How have you not realized that?"

"Don't snark me, smartass," Seb bites back. "How long did it take those two dipshits to realize how annoying you are?"

"First of all, asshole, I'm sure they realized the moment they met me how annoying I could potentially become, if the bright purple hair is anything to go by. Secondly, the only person who gets to insult them both is me, so fuck off. Thirdly, if I have to take any more of your bullshit tonight, I think I'd rather just save you the trouble and stab myself."

"Oh yeah?" Sebastian turns towards me fully and I realize my mistake instantly, even though he did put down the knife I am still in immediate danger. "Let's see how much 'bullshit' you can really take."

Triton steps between us, flicking us both in the forehead simultaneously and huffs, stomping his foot just like I did. "Stop it, both of you! If I have to drive either of you to the hospital one more time because you guys fought in my lifetime, I think I'll have a stroke."

"Whatever." I brush him off, swatting at his hand and still frowning while Seb flips me off. "We're gonna go chill and watch movies in my room. How long are you gonna be here for?"

"We leave in like, two days." His stupid boyfriend answers for him. "So we can finish this later."

I nod. "Damn straight." Pausing, to glance between Rigby's now hard eyes, Demy's still anxious ones and Triton's are-you-fucking-kidding-me ones, I just shrug. "Alrighty, fuckers, let's go! I already have popcorn and licorice!"

It wasn't long after the second movie ended that Demy told me he was overwhelmed by the setting of the movie- -The Autopsy of Jane Doe- -and wanted a break.

But from the look on Rigby's face told me it definitely wasn't his best friend who was overwhelmed -given we watched Hush first, the movie I would expect to freak out an actually deaf person. 

I didn't know why this movie freaked him out so much, and I didn't need to know either. Normally when people are scared in the sense it overwhelms them instead of makes them panic there's a reason, and I'm not one to push.

So instead I loudly challenged the two boys to an air hockey game, of which Riggs accepted and Demy did not.

We were head to head with six points, its seven to win, when TJ and stupid Sebastian came downstairs to play too. Being distracted by TJ shaking my shoulder excitedly I lost.

To answer my own question from earlier, apparently yes, I am that annoying when I shake people, because TJ doing this made me want to stab him.

Cain instinct, I suppose.

After losing, which I am definitely salty about, Demy still didn't want to play and was fine with watching but the rest of us decided on foosball so to make it fair I ended up playing with Sebastian and Rigby ended up playing with TJ.

The fair part being I would murder my brother and I made some lame excuse that Riggs needed Triton's athletic ass to level out his lameness when in reality its more about Riggs' not being next to someone I already know he's uncomfortable around -and I didn't want him to have to play with me and try not to fight with me at all.

The only people here that are allowed to make fun of him are me and Demy, and the only person allowed to make him uncomfortable in any sense is Demetrious because only he knows where all of his best friend's boundaries are.

It was a good game until Seb elbowed me in the shoulder. Even though I myself can tell it was an accident (and didn't even hurt) Seb shoots me a smug grin and says, "Oops, oops" before hip bumping me into the table side.

I immediately elbowed him back in the rips entirely on purpose, say "Oops, oops." in the same bullshit mocking way he said to me and knee him in the thigh to make him stumble back against the wall.

"You wanna go?" Sebastian snaps out as he playfully, and unexpectedly fast, takes off his shirt.

Making a split second decision- -and because I remember I have a tank top under my long sleeve and band-tee not to mention I'm actually getting pretty hot- -I tug both mine over head and throw them at him.

"Why not, motherfucker, think I'm gonna lose to your dumbass?"

Seb, breaking the pretend tension with a laugh causing me to laugh as well, just shakes his head and points back to the table. "We just gotta win, Riss."

"Alright Seb, but if you still want to fight after, I'm down kick your ass." I tell him, the usual annoyance at one another's presence is still all too obvious in the way we start to bicker a moment later as we continue the game.

It's now that the action of making myself shirtless in front of two people who have never seen me shirtless kick in.

As in anxiety. As in, my snarky smile turns into a small scowl that's probably soon to turn into a frown.

See I know I'm awesome and a good friend, I'm cool as shit and will fight people to prove otherwise. I know I'm useful and good at things. I like who I am.

But every once and a while my depressive disorder kicks in and a little voice says, "It'll be okay, things are better when you're dead."

And for a while there, I believed it.

I listened to the voice so I have scars on my wrists, I listened to it and played chicken so I have a big scar on my shoulder blade from hitting the pavement. I listened to it so now, I have to deal with that fact.

Now, I don't believe it but I'm still learning how not to be ashamed that I once did.

Demy's not going to judge me, neither is Riggs. So I take a deep breath, kick Sebastian under the table and relax.

"You good?" My brother asks -of course he noticed.

"Yeah," I reply, having just decided that now as I hold out my arm for him to see before motioning down at myself. "Because who gives a fuck about scars when I'm this hot?"

"Damn straight!" TJ shouts.

His boyfriend whistles, holding out his own wrist for show. "Exactly."

There's a good moment of the only noise being Rigby's low chuckle, before Demy quietly raises his hand and goes, "I agree."

We all either grin or laugh at this and the game goes on.

Sometimes all I have to remember is that anxiety is a dirty, dirty liar who's only friend is depression. It's job is to make you question everything and skip out on things that make you feel good.

And it's your job to tell it to fuck off and enjoy your life.