June 1st;

After the exciting news that Sam is scheduled for surgery to remove the tumor, he still has to finish up chemo and radiation. Since these last few sessions have been extra aggressive, he was excited for it to all be over.

Today was officially his last day of chemotherapy. The doctors wanted his body to have a rest period before surgery so that he was as strong as he could be.

On the fifth they will be meeting with the surgeon to discuss the surgery. He will explain everything starting from moments leading up to surgery to days and months after.

Though this surgery was a blessing, there were a lot of dangers behind it. Such an invasive and dangerous surgery could leave Sam with disabilities. There was a lot at risk, but they just have to pray that it will go smoothly and he'll be healthier walking out.

As for the pregnancy, as days went on it seemed to get harder and harder. Jessica forgot the complexity of a twin pregnancy and the toll that it takes on her body. It's even more different this time around because she's chasing after three toddlers all while trying to get as much rest as possible.

Jessica was running the house. She did all of the shopping, cleaning, driving, and just keeping the house on the ground. Luckily, her mom was home to help, but because of the state Sam was in, he needed a lot more hands on help. Jessica didn't mind doing it all, she had no choice. All she wanted to do was make Sam's life easier during all of this. She knew he would do the same. She loved him and more.

//-//

Scarlett, Wyatt and Jack were downstairs watching movies. It was very rare that Jessica would let them sit in front of the tv, especially for long hours on end. But, it was a rainy day and Jessica just wanted a quite house.

Jessica set them up with their blankets and pillows. Each of them had their own toy to play with while they watched movies. She made them little snacks every hour and lit some candles to make it more cozy.

It felt so unnatural to have the kids in their pj's for almost a full twenty four hours, but Jessica just let it happen.

Dorthy and Sam were expected to come home any minute from the hospital. Jessica was trying to get the house in order before Dorthy got back so that she wouldn't have anything to "do".

Dorthy was doing everything she could for Jessica and Sam. Jessica couldn't help but feel guilty. The point of Dorthy being with Sam and Jessica was to take some of the burden off Jessica, but Jessica wanted it the other way around.

As she paced through the kitchen organizing, cleaning, and cooking, Jessica got a quick pain on her side.

It was strong enough to startle her and make her stop what she was doing.

Jessica leaned over and put her hand on her stomach. She panted as the pain started again... only this time it was constant.

With her free hand she clenched onto the countertop. She hissed in pain. This wasn't the first time this had happened. Jessica noticed a pattern. At moments of high anxiety her body reacted in this way. It was her body telling her to slow down.

She thought it had gotten better, it had been a while, so feeling this specific type of pain scared her.

"Mommy? Are you coming?" Wyatt asks from the living room

Jessica takes a moment to gather herself. She breathes in then out a few times until that racing feeling goes away.

"Yes, honey. I'll be right there!" Jessica says from the kitchen

She finishes up what she had to do in the kitchen, checks the clock, then her phone.

Wyatt calls for her again. "Mommy, the best part!" Wyatt exclaims

"I'm coming sweetie!"

Jessica makes her way to the couch then sits down in between her babies. Immediately they all swarm around her and start to cuddle. She lets out a deep breath and places her hand back on her belly.

"Are you okay, mommy?" Scarlett asks

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" Jessica smiles

"I heard you in the kitchen! I thought you were hurt." She says as she squeezes Jessica's arm.

"I'm okay, baby." She says

As soon as Jessica gets comfortable Sam and Dorthy walk through the door.

"We are home!" Dorthy says as she walks in through the front door.

The kids all get up and run to Dorthy and Sam.

"Hey kiddos!" Sam smiles as Dorthy helps him in

Jessica stands back up and walks over to greet Sam and Dorthy. She gives Sam a kiss and hugs her mom.

"How did it go? Are you okay?" Jessica asks as Sam makes his way to the couch

"Yeah... im good, actually." He smiles

"Im really sorry I couldn't be there for your last day..." Jessica says

"Don't apologize. I'd rather you be here, relaxing. Away from all the sick people." He says leaning in and giving her a kiss

"Well, I made you chicken noodle soup." Jessica smiles

Sam closes his eyes and leans back onto the couch. "I think I'm just going to close my eyes." He says

"Sammy! You gonna watch?" Jack says as he climbs onto Sam

"Oh no no, Jackie! Sam needs to rest... be gentle." Jessica says

"It's okay... I love Jack cuddles!" Sam says

All the kids climb back onto the couch and start to lay down next to Sam. Jessica repositions all of the blankets and pillows so that they are comfortable. Finally, when she's finished she realizes there is no room for herself.

She sighs and walks off as the movie starts to play again. Dorthy was in the kitchen organizing all of Sam's medications that he would need after surgery. Since Dorthy was a retired nurse, this was her expertise and too confusing for Jessica.

"Hi honey... how was your day?" Dorthy smiles as Jessica sits across from her on the kitchen island.

"How did you do it... I mean how do you still do it?" Jessica says breathlessly

"What do you mean, sweetheart?"

"I mean... I'm drowning. I feel like I can barley keep my house in order. So much so that I had to stick my kids in front of the tv today to get things done and have a few moments of relaxation. In all honesty, I didn't want to have to clean up toys today! I locked the toy room and made my kids watch movies all day. I'm a terrible mother and wife. My poor family has been eating chicken noodle soup for the last three days because one day I wasted all of my energy for the week to make a huge batch of it. I can't even be there for my husband during chemo..." Jessica rants to her mother. Without hesitation she gives her mom the real raw truth of how she's been feeling.

"... I'm tired of doing house stuff all day and being on my feet. To the point where it's making me angry. Running around non stop. Making sure everyone is on time to appointments and drop offs. Making sure the laundry is clean and folded, there is food in the fridge. Yet, I can't felt but feel guilty for complaining. I know that before the cancer things weren't like this and I had more help from Sam... and I know you've been helping so much so it just makes me look ungrateful." Jessica covers her face with embarrassment and starts to cry.

Dorthy walks over to Jessica and takes her hand. The mother and daughter step outside on the porch to talk. There was more privacy and it was more quite.

Dorthy closes the front door and they take a seat.

"Jessica... don't feel guilty for being tired, honey. You're allowed to feel this way." Dorthy says. She takes Jessica's hands and places them in hers. "Being a mother can be exhausting. On top of everything else you are dealing with as a family... and being pregnant. I've been wanting to ask you how you do it... how you stride through every situation, always make things better, and keep a smile on your face. I know you Jessica and I know that you love being a mother and a wife. I love it too. But, everyone has a breaking point or a day where they just feel like they can't do it anymore or are too tired. You're having one of those days. Don't let it get into your head that you are some horrible mother or wife. God, I can't count the number of times I stuck you and your siblings outside for the day and locked the house door. I did it to keep sane. Every mother has their tricks up their sleeves. You are just the nice mom who keeps the kids inside." Dorthy tried her best to talk Jessica out of this funk. She felt horrible for her daughter. There was always something going on. She wanted things to go back to normal for the sake of Jessica's family. She wanted Jessica to be able to enjoy her pregnancy and be spoiled. She knew the time would come. But for now, everyone just has to go with the flow.

"I wish that Sam would let me go with him to these appointments... I don't know what I did to make him not want me there. Does he think it's a bother?" Jessica asks

Dorthy shakes her head. "It's far from that, Jessie. He just worries for you. He doesn't want you to see him in that setting. He's worried that you'll get sick from the hospital as well. He is just trying to look after you. Coming home to you just makes it easier." Dorthy says

Jessica let's out a sigh of relief. She still has tears in her eyes. She felt like they would keep coming for a while. Jessica and Dorthy had all of the time in the world. Jessica rested her head on her moms shoulder and Dorthy held her.

"You're strong, Jessica." Dorthy says softly

"I don't feel like it."

"I know... but that's the magic of it." Dorthy chuckles

"Sometimes you say things that don't make sense, but you're my mom and I have to trust everything you say, right?" Jessica says

"Right... because I'm always right and I know each and everyone one of my kids from the inside out!"

//-//

The next day;

The night ended up being longer than expected. Though Sam only felt tiny bites and pieces of side effects from chemo the first few hours, his reaction was delayed until the middle of the night.

Throughout the night he was in and out of the bathroom getting sick. He had the chills, the sweats, a fever, headache, and his rash from radiation flared up.

Of course, Jessica was up with him all night. Dorthy woke up around three to help. Jessica was too worried about waking her up sooner. But once Dorthy stepped in, Jessica was able to rest some more, which she needed. After her long day yesterday her body was running off of little to no energy.

By the time things calmed down around four, the twins were up by six and Jack was up shortly after.

Jessica let Sam and Dorthy sleep in while she tended to the kids.

"Are we watching more movies?" Wyatt asks as he digs into his yogurt

Jessica was half asleep as she ran around the kitchen. It was almost as if she didn't hear Wyatt and forgot that her kids were in the kitchen.

Without answering him, she continued to do her own thing.

"Mama!" Wyatt yells

It catches Jessica's attention. She turns to her son with tired eyes. She was too exhausted to even say something to him about raising his voice.

"Yes Wyatt?" Jessica says

"Are we watching more movies?" He asks again

Jessica shakes her head "Not today... you watched four movies yesterday."

"But mommy!" He whines

"Wyatt, eat your breakfast and keep your voice down." Jessica says

"Mandy let's us!" Wyatt adds

"Wyatt Alexander. Mommy said no." She hisses

Wyatt eventually picks up on his mother's tone and stops.

Jessica turns back around and starts to cry. She couldn't contain it anymore. She was so tired from last night and flat out exhausted. She didn't think she could do it anymore.

Without thinking, she runs up the stairs and into the room where Dorthy was staying. The light that came in from when the door opened was enough to wake up Dorthy.

Jessica's loud cries startled Dorthy.

"Jessie, honey, what's wrong?" Dorthy says sitting up

"I'm so tired..." she cries

Jessica climbs into bed with her mother. Dorthy gives her a long hug then hears commotion going on from down stairs.

"You rest up, sweetie. I'll go take care of the kids." So, without hesitation Dorthy rushed downstairs to watch the kids. Within seconds of Jessica's face hitting the pillow, she was asleep. Her mind could finally rest.

//-//