j a i m e e

+

"Delivery!" My brother announces as he strolls into my apartment, dumping his shopping bags onto my counter before running his gaze over the room. "Where's loverboy?"

"Work." I roll my eyes, "I've not seen you in a week and the first thing you ask me is where Shayden is?"

He shrugs, "I spent four years without him. We've got some making up to do."

For the first time, the reminder doesn't sting. Instead, butterflies flutter around my stomach at the relationship between my brother and boyfriend.

"He'd like that." I say softly, "We're back together, you know? Like officially."

"Duh." He deadpans, rolling his eyes as he unpacked the groceries he'd bought me. "Starr hasn't stopped talking about her Uncle Shayden and it wasn't as if you were ever just friends with him."

"That's definitely true." I laugh, "Has she really been talking about him?"

"Hmm. Seems she's quite smitten with him and his friend. Does the words 'dumbass' or 'dick' sound familiar?"

I hold my hands up, "I tried my best. The kid's too smart and curious for her own good."

"Just like Mom, huh." Remi said absent-mindedly, before his words sank in.

A silence falls between us, the soft music playing from my speaker being the only sound in the apartment aside from the rustling of the plastic bags.

"I miss them a lot, you know."

Remi's voice over the music yanked me right out of my thoughts. Suddenly, I was reminded of why I asked him to come here in the first place and felt a rush of guilt.

"I do too." I offered, looking down at my cup to see the marshmallows floating in the hot cocoa. Honestly, I might not talk about my parents too much, but God, I missed them everyday. Their absence was heavily noticed in my life, the void of their deep laughter and countless consolations always brought a smile to my face. "Sometimes, I wake up and think they're still around, you know? It's been eight years but it still sucks." I let out a sigh, feeling the familiar burn in my eyes that almost always occurred at the thought of my parents.

My thoughts always went back to what they would think of our lives now. Would they be proud of us? Would they have noticed how much I'd changed?

Mom would've been obsessed with Starr. She always wanted a granddaughter first and my Dad, despite all his rigid edges, would've been putty in her hands.

"You'll come to see us soon, yeah?" Remi asks, cocking his head to the side as he waits for me to answer.

"Course, Rem." I grin, hugging my brother.

"I love you, hermana." Remi ruffles my hair, laughing as I try to dodge it. "I'll see you soon."

(translation: sister)

My brother turns to walk out of my home. Shayden's words flow through my mind again, about how I need to tell people.

Remi's always been my closest confidant, the sunlight in my life. A part of me knows deep down that I can't run from this anymore. I can't pretend it doesn't affect me. And when Cameron gets out, I need to be able confront it head on.

"Rem." I don't mean for my voice to break as I say his name aloud, but it does regardless. He swirls around, eyebrows furrowed in concern as he waits for me to continue. The words are no longer stuck in my throat but it still burns as they leave my lips. "Cameron raped me."

Hundreds of expressions litter his face within those seconds, from agony to surprise, shock and anger. My elder brother blinks, eyebrows still furrowed as he takes in my words.

He can't react like Taylor. Please, God, don't let him react like that.

Remi's face screws up, tears instantly falling down his cheeks as he continues staring at me in silence.

My own face mirrors his. I feel everything inside me break, and my own heart feels as though it's being torn into millions of pieces.

I fucking told you so, I say to Shayden in my mind. I knew I shouldn't have said anything. I bite my lip, trying my hardest not to sob. I knew this would happen, of course I did. He's disgusted with me, going to brand me a liar.

I almost lost Shayden because of Cameron and that damned night, and now I was going to lose my brother.

"Tell me what you want me to do." He finally whispers, "Jai, I'll do whatever you need me to do. I'll find him and I'll-" He cuts himself off, voice cracking.

What?

"Hug me." I say, rationalising my mind as the words come tumbling out of my shaking lips. "Tell me you don't think less of me, that you don't hate me."

His arms wrap around me within a second, his grip tightening as he guides my head onto his shoulder.

"I'll never think any less of you." He kisses my forehead, stroking my hair. "I love you so much, Jaimee. I'm so, so sorry this happened to you."

"I wanted to tell you. I just...I didn't know how. I didn't want you to hate or pity me." The words hurt as I admit them aloud. He just tightens his arms around me.

"You're my sister, my blood. Nothing could ever make me hate you. Mami and Papi would be so proud of you, hermana. Even prouder than I am. You're so strong." He runs his fingers through my hair, just like my Mom used to do when I was little and had a nightmare.

+++

Shayden's eyes rake up and down my body, taking in my tight tank top and oversized shorts. Lust leaks into his black orbs, he bites his lip. "Darling, if you get into my bed wearing that, I don't think we'll sleep tonight."

Shayden rushes towards me instantly, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me up in a bridal style. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I laugh as he throws us both down onto the bed and continues pecking every part of my face with his lips.

I smile into his kisses as we cuddle closer to each other, his hand traces the soft stretch marks on my thighs as I trace his tattoos with my fingers, amazed at the many more he's collected since the breakup.

On our 18th birthdays, we both went a bit wild when it came to tattoos. He had most of his arm tattooed while I got a few dotted around and my half sleeve.

"You've got so many more now." I whisper, tracing the rose and wings that spread across his left pec and up to his shoulder. "It's beautiful."

"It's for my Mom." He says quietly, hand moving up to the rest of my cheek. "The artist used her ashes, so she's always with me."

Covering his hand with my own, I lean and kiss his palm. Ensuring our eye contact doesn't break for even a second.

Shayden's lips tug up slightly and his eyes flicker to the side of my ribs that are exposed by my top, gaze lingering on black ink that stands out against my tanned skin.

"That's new too." He hums, pulling the side of my tank top down so the full tattoo is visible due to the fact I wasn't wearing a bra. "What does it say?"

"Cura Te Ipsum." I quote the latin effortlessly, "It means cure yourself; take care of your own self first."

Shay shifts to the side, showing me his opposite arm and pointing to the writing etched within the beautiful design. "Fata Viam Invenient; the fates will find a way."

We shuffle closer to each other, I rest my head onto his chest and find myself loving the sound of his heart beating.

"I told Remi today." I whisper to him.

"I know." He replies softly, trailing his finger up and down my arm. "He texted me saying thank you for taking care of his little sister, as if I'd ever do anything else."

"I thought he'd be disgusted." I admit, "Like Taylor was."

Shayden tensed beneath me, his hand dropping to just rest on me.

"I've been thinking. I don't want you to risk a lifetime's friendship because of me, Shay." I mumble, trying to hide the expression on my face. "You should talk to him."

"I'm not going to rebuild a bond that I didn't break." He says as if it's the most simplest thing in the world, "And it isn't because of you. He defended a rapist, that goes against everything I believe in as a man and a human being. I don't respect that."

"It's Taylor, though." I try to reason, "You can't lose him. He's your family. This can't come between you, it's not your battle."

"You're my family." Shayden stresses, continuing to rub circles into my skin as his muscles finally relax. "He was out of order for what he said. I wouldn't let anybody else have walked away from that discussion without a broken nose, I've already given him more chances than I should've."

"Okay." I accept, aware that I wouldn't manage to change his mind tonight.

A thought springs to mind.

"What's your favorite song?"

"Same as it's always been, Live Forever." He huffs, "What's yours?"

"At this moment? Best Years, 5 Seconds of Summer." I draw a heart onto his chest as he tells his Alexa to play the song.

We just lay there in silence, taking in the lyrics. That was always another part of Shayden that made me fall more in love with him. His unconditional ability to care. I told him once that my favorite color was green and he showed up at my home the next day with green flowers, green stationary, candles. I told him what my favorite album was and he spoke about every single song with me the next day, and I later found out he spent the entire night listening to the band's music and forming an opinion about it.

When so much of your life is revolved around music and little things like colors, someone who takes such a genuine interest is everything.

'I'll build a house out of the mess and all of the broken pieces

I'll make up for all of your tears

I'll give you the best years'

"Can this be our wedding song?" Shayden whispers so gently I almost don't catch it.

Butterflies erupt in my stomach as I tighten my hold on him, snuggling my head further into his chest as I nod.

He laughs, smothering my hair out and kissing my head. Is this what it's like? Loving someone so effortlessly.

It feels surreal to have a love so honest and unconditional, I never would have comprehended loving someone else as much as I love him, I never thought I deserved it. I want him forever, until we're old and grey. There's truly no one else I can ever see myself growing and evolving with, he brings out the very best in me.

I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not. Together, we're just Jaimee and Shayden. J&S forever.

"I love loving you." I mumble against his chest almost mindlessly.

"It's me and you, Jai. Against the world. Forever and evermore." He mumbles back and our bodys mould together. Everything's better with him by my side, the demons in my head stop screaming.

When we're together, nothing else matters.

That's when I knew. Deep down, there was no future without him. There was no one else, and I had to stop running from it because I was scared.

His words from just a few months ago run through my mind, where he told me that he wants me to want him first.

Abruptly, I sit up. His eyebrows furrowed and his naked chest visibly tenses as he stares up at me in confusion.

"You told me that you want me to want you first. Remember that? You said how you wanted me to stop being scared, make the first move." I start off, continuing once he nods his head. My heart races dangerously in my chest but I need to do this.

"You're it for me, Shay. I knew it when we were fourteen and I knew it when I lost my Mom and Dad. I knew it when I felt the urge to protect you and left, knowing full well that I'd never get with or trust anyone else. You told me I was scared and you were right, I still am. But you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and you make me really fucking happy. My life is better with you in it and I want you with me forever. And I know this is far from what you deserve, I know you deserve the very best. I'll always have my self doubts but deep down, I've always known that you're my person. You were my person all those years ago and, despite the time we spent apart, we still came back together as if nothing had changed. You care for me, you love me and you support me like no one else ever could, and words can never describe how much you mean to me and how much I adore every ounce of your being. I know we're young but when you know, you know, right? I'm listening to my heart right now."

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I grab his hand. His black orbs are swinted slightly, but I can see fluid shimmering within the pools of ink.

"What I'm trying to say is...Shayden Nkosi, the star-crossed love of my life, will you marry me? Officially. Me and you."

He stares at me, mouth wide open, in silence. Blinking slowly, as if he's trying to process my words, a large grin begins to spread across his face. Shayden bites his lip before throwing his arms around me and hugging me with everything inside of him. I feel instant relief and all the nerves in me are washed away as I hug him back just as tightly.

Shayden kisses all across my face, his words coming out between pecks as he laughs a little. "Fuck yes. A hundred times yes."

I chuckle at his excitement before pulling my head away in order to catch sight of his expression. His smile is as wide as it can be and I watch his eye swarm with adoration.

"You're my person too." Shayden begins to kiss my neck, making me lean into his touch. "Fuck, I love you so much, Mendoza. I've waited so long for this."