So,

That idiot and I, we...we li-

We like each other.

Fuck.

I grind my feet against the hard floor, sinking low into my chair as my face starts to burn. It's five thirty in the evening already, and the silence in the empty classroom is so heavy that my ears manage to pick up on the faint tick tick of the rotating arms of the clock up ahead, my heart rate rising with each second that passes by.

Akito's gone to the staffroom to talk with one of the teachers about the upcoming exams and shit, and I'm waiting for him here so that we can walk home together once he's back. It's going to be our first time being alone together since...since everything.

I suddenly think I hear someone approaching and spring up like a rod, staring at the door with my breath in my throat. A moment passes, the sound fading away, and I slump back down, realising that the footsteps had probably just been someone from the next class walking by. Another minute passes, and my foot ceases its incessant tapping as I slowly unclench my fists and look down at my hands. My forehead quickly dips in a frown and I rub them to my thighs, cursing quietly. I don't want my hands to be sweaty, in case we...in case we h-hold...

I sigh, twisting my fingers into my hair as another wave of heat floods my face. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be...how to be romantic with someone. I'm...I don't think I'm good with things like that. At things like smiling and kissing foreheads and saying I love you the way the main leads in all the romance movies I watched yesterday do. But I want to be. I want to be good at all those things. I want to be a good boyf...I want to be good for him.

I don't want him to regret anything.

Wiping the sweat off my forehead, I sit up again, telling myself to cool it. It's going to be fine. I'll just...I'll be careful. When Akito comes back, I...I should probably smile at him a bit, shouldn't I? A-And ask him if the meeting with his teacher went okay. Then...then, maybe I'll tell him he looks nice? Fuck, it's a school day though, and he looks the same as he always does. Well, he always does look nice. But...but I can't fucking go and tell him that, can I? Argh, nevermind that.

I'll take him home first. And before dropping him off at his door, I could k-kiss him?

He'd be okay with that, right?

He wants to kiss too, doesn't he?

Yeah. Yeah, he said so himself. He wants to.

Kiss.

Right then, the door to the classroom clicks open without warning, and I impulsively dive down onto the desk in a panic, my forehead landing on the wood with a thunk. I gasp quietly into my lap, heartbeat thundering in my ears, face on fire. Fuck fuck fuck, what was I thinking just now!? Kiss him? It's way too soon for that, isn't it? Goddamn idio-

"Ren?" A soft voice. It pinches my heart. Shit. It's him.

I hear him start to walk my way, his steps slow and deliberate, and it starts to get a little hard to breathe. I suddenly want so badly to stand up and throw that door open, get out, get out-

I can't do this, can I?

I'm going to fuck it up.

I'm going to fuck it-

"Are you sleeping?" he asks quietly. My heart jumps again, and I squeeze my eyes shut just as he stops to stand beside me. What am I doing?

Fuck, whatever.

I choose to stay still.

Maybe he'll just go away if I pretend to be asleep.

He doesn't. Akito doesn't just go away. Instead, I feel his knuckles, cold against my cheek. It makes my neck prickle, the hairs on my arms standing up. Please, I'm thinking now. Begging. Go. Just go. He breathes out a quiet sigh then, the sound tickling my ears, and...and a second later, I feel the damp press of his lips against my temple. I immediately want to stand up and throw him off me, because if he's this nice to me, if he touches me like that, I...

I'm going to lose it.

I'm going to fall in love with him.

I'm going to forget what it was like to not be in love with him. And I'm going to want more, so much more, and fuck, that's going to end up being such a pain, because I'm already too much to begin with.

He picks at a strand of my hair then, twirling it between his fingers, and despite the panicked stinging in my eyes, I keep my face pressed to the desk, because it's been too long and if he realises I'm not actually asleep now, fuck. He'll think I'm crazy. He'll think I'm embarrassing. Oh, god.

He runs his thumb along my eyebrows next, before tracing my jaw, and this, this is hell. I feel like I'm about to burst.

I...I want to look at his face.

My fingers dig into my thighs.

When he finally withdraws his hand, I force down the swell of heat in my stomach and think about pretending to rub my eyes before I sit up, when I hear a sound that sounds suspiciously like... the click of a cell phone camera. A shock of embarrassment takes ahold of me, pumping the blood straight to my cheeks. My eyes fly open, and I jerk upwards, whipping my head to Akito in exasperation. He lowers his phone, going stiff. "Ren, y-you're awake?"

The heat flares. "You...shit, did you just take a picture of me?"

He averts his eyes, the hand clutching his phone retreating to his back. "No...no, I-"

I shoot up to my feet and dive forward, reaching across the desk I'd just been sitting in to grab hold of his elbow. "Idiot! Who said you could do that?" I bark, flushed to the toes as I pry the phone from his fingers. "But...I just..." he stammers, eyes lighting up in protest as he tries to grab for it again. I smack his hand away, whirling, my back to him as I pull up his photos.

My fingers freeze on the screen.

This...this stupid picture he just took of me pretending to be asleep, it's...

It's the only picture in his gallery.

There's a twinge in my chest. Reluctantly, I turn to the side and glance at him. He's staring at the floor, looking all mopey, and shit, what...what am I doing? I like this idiot. I like him a lot. Especially his stupid smile. I like it, I love it, and I don't want to ever let it leave his face. And fuck, that's all that matters in the end, isn't it? If I sit around constantly worrying about him getting fedup with me, how the hell am I gonna make sure he's always happy?

Grinding my teeth together, I shove the phone back into his chest. His eyes widen in a startled expression, before he checks to make sure the photo is still there and then wastes no time slipping it back into his pocket.

When he looks back at me to see my cell camera positioned before his face, he lets out a little yelp, hiding behind his hands. "You. That's not fair!" I snap, taken aback. "I let you keep that picture of me!" I reach across the desk again. "So in exchange-" I peel one hand away to reveal half a smile, and my words die in my throat.

He's so cute it actually hurts.

I let the arm clutching my phone fall back to my side, swallowing once, twice, then move his other hand away too, so that I'm looking straight at him, his melting warm eyes, his curved pink lips, and...

Shit.

The longer we stare at each other, the more his smile starts to drop, and then he's just watching me, something thickening in his gaze.

Akito steps forward first. There's something magnetic about him right then, and it draws me towards him. My thighs press into the desk standing between us, and I flatten my palms against it's surface, pushing myself forward. A feeling of fuck, it's happening, it's happening, it's happening, constricts my chest, but then our lips meet in the middle, and all the nerves are swept away.

A rush of something overwhelmingly warm and sweet engulfs me, little pricks breaking out all over my body like flowers sprouting on my skin. It's good, and I immediately can't get enough so I fumble for more, grabbing for Akito's tie as I try to tug him closer. His eyes are startled open as his teeth clash against mine, his knees knocking into the desk between us, and I curse into his mouth, sloppy and wet as I try to figure out which way to move.

He pulls away from me then, hands firm on my shoulders, and I make a helpless noise of protest in my throat before a spark of panic tells me that maybe...maybe I'm being a bit too eager.

What...

What am I doing? What the hell am I doing? I...I shouldn't have.

I shouldn't have kissed him.

Something painful twists in my chest, but then I blink up to see Akito climbing over the desk to land on my side.

He smiles. "Better?"

Something wet tickles my eyes.

Huh.

Maybe I can fuck up sometimes, and he'll still smile at me.

"Ren?" He asks softly, looking all serious. "Can I...?"

Dazed, I nod.

He takes my face in both hands this time, eyes falling shut as he pulls me in, kissing me slowly, so that I'm able to keep pace, and the threads strangling me come loose in my chest, the tension finally melting away. Hands clenching in his sweater, I let my eyes close too, and we manage to fall into a sort of rhythm, small grunts and warm breaths and noses against cheeks.

I don't know if I'm doing this right. I don't immediately realise when to pause for a break, so when Akito turns his face the other way to breathe, my lips sometimes trail across cheek. I bite him once too, without thinking, and for some reason it makes him laugh. So I don't know if I'm doing this right.

But then I look at his face, so close now that his lashes tickle my cheeks as he whispers my name into my ear over and over, like it's the only word he'll ever need, and I...

I make up my mind.

I may not be great at it now, but someday, I'm gonna become the best goddamn kisser. The best goddamn kisser in the world, and he'll be so satisfied he'll forget how to speak.

Someday.

For him.

I shift against him, using my knuckles to slide his soft hair out of his face, and the coarse material of his sweater scrapes against my arms. I don't particularly dislike the feeling, but I make a mental note to remind him to take the thing off next time.

Next time, I think disbelievingly, my lips breaking into a smile against his, and Akito notices, and it makes him pull me even closer. Something ignites in the pit of my stomach, and my eyebrows draw together as I feel myself melt, suddenly unable to recall what I'd been thinking about. Suddenly unable to think at all.

Akito tugs at my hair and I stumble backwards till my knees buckle against the desk behind me. "Like you," he mumbles against my mouth. "Ren." I'm half sitting on the desk now, Akito's hands splayed on either side of me, chest expanding with each breath. "Love," he gasps, tipping my face upwards to close his mouth over mine again. "Kissing you." His hands come up to squeeze my sides, and I can't tell if I'm dizzy or just happy.

I feel his breathing mellow against my cheek. "Ren."

"Hn," I say, and he draws back slowly, face flushed. My heart starts to beat all funny, so I fix my eyes to his neck, staring mutely. Breathing out a quiet sigh, Akito presses a kiss to my forehead, letting his lips rest there as he holds me, and my throat starts to close up, because I can't remember ever being touched like this.

"Was it...was it good?" I blurt.

He pulls back to look at me, a question in his soft eyes.

"The kiss," I clarify, face heating.

"O-Oh. Yes," he stammers. "Yes, I um, I enjoyed it. I mean, it was enjoyable."

"Hm," I say, further lowering my eyes from his bobbing throat to his blue sweater.

"I could, I could kiss you all day everyday and still not get tired of it," he suddenly breathes in a rush, stupidly honest, and looking at him then makes me feel like I'm falling through the sky. "I mean it, Ren," he murmurs, before his lips fold in a thin line and his eyes momentarily flick away. I see his chest rise, and then he pulls away a little more, and that makes my heart beat fast, because...because not yet.

"Is it...is it the same for you?"

My eyes widen a fraction. "Uh..." Fuck. "Well." I'm back to letting my gaze burn holes in his sweater. "Every...everyday is fine," I start hastily. "But, but I don't know about all the time, because, because that seems a bit...you have to study, you know, and..."

All of a sudden, these little laughs start to pour out of him, unobstructed and so damn sweet, and the sounds do crazy things to my heart so I make a displeased noise and tug him down again, a shut-up kiss. But the silly laughs continue even after we break away, and I stare at all the little sparkles in his eyes, letting them whisk me away to warm honey-coloured depths, because I know. Resistance is futile.

"Idiot."

"Sorry," he says, a little gleeful, leaning forward to let our smiles touch, and we kiss until the sun goes down.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

I come home to a loud rattle in the kitchen that evening.

"Oh! Good, you're back," Amari greets as I step inside. I blink at her, still a little giddy, because even though Akito isn't here right now, I'm still sort of holding his hand in my head.

Right, she said she'd be coming over today.

"You were taking a long time so we decided to start without you." She's helping Mom mix some sort of a dough, and I quickly remember that she's supposed to be teaching us how to make pancakes today.

"I want to help. What do I do?"

Amari and Mom exchange a look. And then Mom smiles at me, but I'm confused, so I forget to smile back. I watch, unmoving, as she reaches into the pocket of her apron to pull out a folded set of papers. She passes them to me, and I spread them out in my hands, swallowing thickly.

"Divorce papers," she says in a low voice, watching for my reaction.

Oh.

"You...you thought about it?" I ask quietly.

She nods. "Will you...will you come with me later to ask your father to sign them?"

I press my fingers into fists. "Of course." And then, after hesitating for a second, "You...you feel okay?"

Mom laughs at that, the folds of skin by her eyes crinkling. "The most okay I've felt in years."

The relief flows through me like a breeze, but I still have questions. Where are we gonna go? "Oh, oh! Show him the pictures," Amari suggests excitedly, and when Mom takes her phone out, she skips over, crowding against me to peer at the screen.

I stare at the photos as Mom swipes past them, one after another, and my eyes widen, heart growing heavy from the impossibility of what I'm looking at. Cream coloured walls and wooden floors, a room with just enough space for a couch and a TV, a small kitchen, a bedroom, a bathroom, and I take a second to imagine - shoes by the door and cracked paint and pictures on the walls. Dirty dishes in the sink, an overflowing laundry basket and a doorbell that rings. I tear my eyes from the phone.

"Y-You found a place?" I choke out.

She just smiles again.

I return my gaze to the images.

A new place to live.

Somewhere that's...that's not here.

From waking up in that small apartment every morning, to closing the windows every night. From dusting the carpets and keeping a spare key in my pocket to taking turns cooking and having my friends over. From texting I'll be home late today when I've got plans after school to taking the trash out and going grocery shopping with Mom. I'm gonna...I'm gonna get to do all those things.

My breathing stutters a bit, and I rub furiously at my eyes. Mom squeezes my arm.

This is everything I've ever wanted.

"I have so many decor ideas!" Amari is saying now, pointing at the pictures and talking about where the dining table should go or where the bed should be set up, and it's a little funny, how she seems just as excited about this as I am. Mom nods, a small smile on her face as she flips to the back of her new recipe book to take notes. I simply sit on a stool and watch them, letting everything sink in, and as my eyes dart between the two women, I can't help but think that I must be one lucky bastard.

After the chocolate melts, Amari shows Mom how to warm the pan, then follows me to my room to help me pack for the move. She checks the drawers for anything I might have forgotten while I struggle to stuff all my clothes into a suitcase I found in Mom's room, because the zipper isn't closing all the way.

It has me cursing and grunting, and when Amari notices, she starts to fuss, making me overturn the bag so that my clothes are all back on the floor again. Then we sit on the ground and she shows me how to fold them, and after working for a good half hour we finally manage to get the zipper shut.

We high five and I'm propping the suitcase up by the door when Mom calls for us to come get pancakes. Amari screams "Coming!" and goes bounding down the stairs, and I quickly start to shove the rest of the junk on the floor into a garbage bag so that I can catch up with her when my fingers close around a black marker. I stare at it, and realise for the first time that I'm gonna have to leave my wall behind.

I think about that for a moment, then drop the marker into the bag.

Well, whatever. I could always just call the idiots over and get them to scribble on the walls of my new bedroom too.

END OF CHAPTER

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

A/N:

It was a real struggle to not use the word "soft" in literally every paragraph.