Soulmate. Ren is my soulmate.

I turned the idea around in my head all night yesterday, and yet it has not started sounding any less absurd. I never asked for a soulmate. All I've ever wanted is a flawless high school record and a college degree, and this whole fate business is only getting in the way. I was supposed to read through next week's syllabus last night, but I wasn't able to because my mind kept drifting back to Ren and his bruised knuckles.

It's that string, I remind myself. That red string that keeps yanking my thoughts back to him over and over.

Fate, she said. A supernatural power. The will of the universe. And I have no choice but to believe her, because as improbable as it sounds, I don't have the luxury to call it ludicrous after every impossible thing that Ren has made me feel. I just don't see the point of it. Having a soulmate. Why would you want to involve yourself so deeply with another at such a cost? Why should I feel the pain that's Ren's to feel?

But now that I know why all of this is happening, I'm one step closer to making it stop. The thought brings me some comfort.

"Morning! What are we having today?" a sing-song voice asks from the doorway.

It's seven in the morning, and I'm in my cramped kitchen, getting together breakfast for my sister and me. "Soba," I answer without looking up from the vegetable cutter. She's woken up earlier than usual today. She finishes up late at work, so she normally gets out of bed only a half hour before it's time for school to start and takes the train after she's ready. It's up to me to pack lunches for the both of us.

"Mmm, that sounds good," she hums, sidling up beside me. "I'll get the water heated."

"I can do it," I mumble, swiftly dicing up the onions and sliding them into a sizzling pan with practised ease.

"Nuh-uh, too late!" She announces with a punch to my shoulder, then proceeds to haul a cooking pot from the drawer with visible difficulty. I leave her be, even though I don't understand why she's pushing herself this way. We already established that this would be my job. "Alright, thank you."

The shuffling of steel stops. "Akito, we're siblings," she grumbles quietly. "You don't have to thank me. Especially not for something this silly." She's looking at me with her arms crossed, waiting. I don't understand. When somebody goes out of their way to lend you a hand, it's common practise to thank them. What does being family or not have anything to do with it? The expression on Nee-san's face tells me that it isn't a good idea to voice my thoughts, however, so I wordlessly continue to rummage through the shelves for salt.

She sighs and gives up, and we work quietly together for some time.

Then she brings him up. "So I talked to Rubi yesterday, and...you and Ren seem to be pretty close," she says slowly, and there's a glint in her eyes and a slant to her smile that I don't know what to make of.

"We're not," I answer tightly, switching off the stove with a flick of my wrist. "It's done."

"You're not?" she asks, narrowing her eyes at me. "I thought the two of you were spending a lot of time together."

I can't exactly deny that we are. "Can you bring out the dishes?" I ask in an attempt to steer the conversation away from Ren.

She looks bothered by my lack of a response but does what I ask her to, and together, we clear out the counter before setting down our respective breakfasts on its surface, pulling up stools to sit on because we don't have space for a separate dining area in this house. Joining our hands, we murmur a small prayer to express our gratitude for the meal before us and pick up our chopsticks to help ourselves.

A short minute passes, and Nee-san asks, "Do you know if he's eating properly?" She's still at it. I try to distract my mind by thinking about the list of books that I need to borrow from the library today, because...ah, I don't know why, but it hurts a little to listen to her talk about Ren. "I doubt he is, that oaf," she says fondly. "I wonder when the last time he ate a proper meal was." There's a wistfulness to her voice that's hard to ignore.

Something twists in my chest, despite my best efforts to ignore this foreign feeling. It's not you, I remind myself. It's that cursed tether. From watching him so much, I know for a fact that no, Ren has not been eating properly. He skips breakfast one day and lunch the next. Almost never eats a proper dinner. And when I picture Ren that way, alone and hungry in his house every night, it kills me. But what could I possibly do about it? I don't even know him. Not really. The entire situation is completely out of my hands, and it's so unbelievably frustrating.

I stay quiet.

"Akito." Nee-san smiles at me, my name rolling off her tongue for no particular reason. "Baby bro."

I go stiff. If only there was a manual for what to say at times like this. In the end, I choose to nod, as if to tell her that I'm listening. "You used to speak a lot more." She lets out a short laugh. "Before."

I don't remember much from when we still lived together with our parents. "Maybe," I mutter.

She takes in a mouthful of the soba and sways in delight, her eyes closed. "This ish bviss," she speaks between bites, then abruptly bends over and breaks into a fit of coughs. I keep my face blank as I hand her a glass of water, and she accepts it, laughing at herself.

"I love this," she says, sidling up to me. "I don't care what happens as long as I get to have breakfast with you like this every day. This is enough. I'm so happy."

I've lost my appetite. "Don't be ridiculous." I stand up, cover my bowl with some foil, and put it in the refrigerator for later. "That can't be true."

She swings her legs to the other side of the stool to face me, still smiling. "Sure it can! You know how Baa-san used to say—"

"Baa-san is dead," I say sharply, and she flinches. I know that I shouldn't be speaking to my older sister this way. She's working hard too. I just haven't been myself lately. "You know why. Don't say careless things like that."

"Akito—"

"Your lunch box is by the sink," I curtly inform her before taking my things and leaving the house.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

"I believe you," Rubi tells me at school. "About Ren. He's not a bad person. We just need to figure out what his deal is." She's currently occupying Ren's window seat beside mine, contemplating.

"Why?"

"To find out what's wrong and make it right. Fix things. You said it yourself; you're only bothered when he's upset," she explains. I don't quite get where I fit into all of this, so I ask her. "You're the one who's going to be doing the fixing," she answers, as if this should have been obvious.

I've been speaking with Rubi Amari since the start of my lunch break, successfully extorting all relevant information regarding my situation from her. And so far, I've deduced that Ren being my only soulmate is most likely the reason for everything.

All my senses are focused on this one connection. The string tying him to me is a one-way channel that breaks past my defences and transmits all his troublesome emotions straight into my core, his silent cries and overflowing despair engulfing me, sometimes entwining so closely with my heart that I mistake them for my own.

Ren is guarded from my mindset because he has others. This, more than anything, seems like enough of a reason for Rubi to consider breaking things off between us, if it's possibly within the realm of her abilities. He doesn't need me. And I don't need him either. It's as simple as that. What's the point of keeping something around that you don't even need? Especially if it's doing more harm than good.

The red string is only severed on the fateful day that your soulmate passes on, Rubi said. And till death do us apart is not exactly what I had in mind for the two of us.

"Akito, you need to make an effort to speak to Ren," Rubi says decisively. I open my mouth to argue, but she just shakes her head. "Gosh, you're soulmates. If it's you, he'll open up. He'll tell you anything. You're the only one who can help him. Okay?"

She leans forward and looks me in the eye, as if she's about to let me in on a secret. "But Akito, please understand that you're going to have to let him in too. That's the only way this will work." She reaches her hand out to touch me, and I stiffen as her palm presses flat against my chest. "In here. Don't shut him out. You have to do this together. Both of you." She sighs, her lips twisting in a sad smile. "I promise it will be beautiful."

I set her words aside in my mind to pick them apart later. "You really think it will work?"

"Yours is an exceptional case, you know? I've never seen anyone with just one soulmate. The extent to which you can see into his heart...it's kind of magical." She laughs at the lost look on my face. "Just think about it. You could do so much for him. For each other."

"You didn't answer my question."

She shrugs. "If Ren is happy, you're happy. Sounds pretty simple to me." I ponder this. It seems logical enough, but...

Rubi is about to open her mouth again when I feel Ren come into the room, his presence wrapping around my body like a heavy blanket, the sudden heaviness in my heart impossible to ignore. As I glance his way, I distantly register that it's time for classes to resume once more.

Ren marches up to us and slams his foot into his desk, making Rubi jump. "Move," he barks. "That's my seat."

"Impatient much?" she remarks as she moves out of his way, and I can't help but notice that there's an amused edge to her voice, and that's something new. She throws me a meaningful glance before she leaves, heading back to her desk across the classroom. Beside me, Ren noisily collapses into his chair and pointedly angles his face towards the window, his chin propped on his hand.

I forcibly shift my attention to the teacher as he enters the room.

We're ten minutes into class when Sensei abruptly puts the chalk down and clears his throat. "Ren Ichijou."

Ren jerks his head to the front, only just tearing his eyes from the window.

"Can you give us the answer?"

This isn't good.

Sensei noticed that he hadn't been paying attention.

I throw a sideways glance at Ren and watch as his throat bobs slowly, my heart thumping twice as fast. His frantic confusion sends bursts of panic crackling into my chest, throwing off my breathing, and I can feel his nerves chilling my spine. "Well?" He's quiet for a long time as his eyes slowly take in the room before they find and settle on me.

I decide to help him out just this once, even though I have no time to think any of this through. I don't want Ren to get into trouble. It's just that if he gets any more jittery, it'll only serve to distract me further. So keeping my gaze locked on his, I discretely begin to form the answer on my lips.

Ren's eyes unexpectedly drop to my mouth, burning with the intensity of concentration, and my lower lip involuntarily trembles at his gaze, breaking the chain of words escaping me as heat inexplicably pools in my stomach. A silent question has crossed Ren's face, but it's too late. We've been looking at each other for too long.

"Do you take me for a fool?" Sensei fumes. "Out of the classroom." My breath hitches. "Both of you."

Ren utters a curse and swiftly walks out as instructed, but I can't bring myself to follow. I just stand there, feet rooted to the ground, and stare at my teacher like he's making some sort of a mistake.

"I said both of you."

My feet feel like lead as I drag them to the door, my eyes fixed on the ground. This doesn't feel quite real. The door softly clicks shut behind me, and I look up to see Ren leaning against a wall with his arms crossed, watching me with embers in his eyes. Why did I risk this? For him? I'm going to miss out on taking vital notes now.

"You suck at communicating, you know that?"

Everything that's been going wrong this past month catches up to me in a single moment, and I'm so severely disappointed with myself. Ren may be at the centre of all of this, but the truth is that I simply don't have the willpower to resist him. I'm pathetic.

"Stop that," he suddenly growls, taking a step away from me. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?" I muster. I don't have any fight left in me to ignore him. I'm not even sure if ignoring him is the right thing to do anymore. I've been fooling myself this entire time, haven't I? I don't have anything under control.

"Like you're so much better than me. Like I'm a fucking waste of space," he spits.

What? "I'm not—"

"You fucking piece of shit. Guess fucking what, I can't stand being around you either." He takes another defensive step back, eyes burning like hot coals, watching me like I'm a predator. His voice is coarse and scratchy as he hurls the words out of his throat, each syllable like a poison-tipped dagger slicing into me. "I hate your stupid half-dead eyes and your stupid, shitty attitude, selfish bastard," he breathes. "Go fucking die somewhere for all I care."

Heat prickles in the back of my eyes, and I lean heavily against the wall, facing away from him as I try to even out my breathing. No. I wait for him to stomp away, but he doesn't. The crease between his eyebrows has softened. I won't let him do this to me. But it's useless. I helplessly wrap my arms around myself as I feel tears start to form at the corners of my eyes. Stupid.

"What the fuck?" he says, his voice low. "You don't get to—what the fuck?"

I don't open my mouth because I'm scared of what might come out.

And then he stops shuffling his feet and walks over, grumbling under his breath. He leans against the wall beside me without sparing me a glance and crosses his arms. A sniffle escapes me. His eyes fall to the floor. He doesn't say anything else. Just stands there with me.

His presence is thick in the air around me, and for once, I give myself in to the feeling of him. I bask in it, so whole and true in its familiarity that it brings me...comfort. My breathing slows, and the stabs of pain slowly go away. I unconsciously shift closer, and we stay there like that, our shoulders pressed together, and I'm wondering if I've been an idiot for pushing him away this entire time.

END OF CHAPTER