A/N: Trigger warning: Transphobia

Song: How You Remind Me by Nickelback

September 1

Blake called me earlier this morning. He asked to meet me back at the park, and he said that he wanted to talk to me alone. I figured that if anyone other than Blake showed up, then I would leave. He used to be my best friend. I had to give him one more chance to at least explain himself even if it's unwise to give him that chance. He didn't really deserve it.

~~~

It turns out I was right. He didn't deserve it. Big shocker, I know. I had arrived at the park, and Blake was already sitting on the bench, waiting for me. I walked up to him as he stood up, but I stopped a couple of feet away from him. He rolled his eyes and walked forward. "I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

"Then what was that four days ago? I don't know about you, but that felt like I got stampeded by a herd of elephants. That hurt!" I had shouted.

"I'm sorry about what happened, okay? I just freaked out." He shuffled around uncomfortably. "How are you feeling? Are you getting better?"

I definitely knew something was up then. Blake never apologizes for his actions or words. They are always mostly thought out before he acts on them. I had crossed my arms and glared at him. "You've never apologized in your life. Why are we really here?"

He sighed and started walking toward the trail that led through the wooded area around the park and circled back. "Will you take a walk with me?"

"Will you keep your hands to yourself?" I snapped back.

"Yes."

We had walked in silence for a few minutes before Blake spoke again. "I do think we overreacted when you told us how you felt. That was wrong of us. We could have handled it differently."

"I'll say. So is this an apology from the whole group? If so, why isn't anyone else here?" I asked in scorn.

"We figured I had the best chance of being able to talk to you again. If we all came as a group, you wouldn't have shown up." He explained.

"Yeah, and I barely showed up now. What's your point?" I asked.

"Are you going to actually give me a chance, or are you going to keep antagonizing me?" He said sharply.

I had kept silent.

"When did you start feeling like this? Was it something one of us said or did?" He asked quietly.

"No, I've always felt like this. I was born this way." I said with an even tone.

"Are you sure?" He had asked.

I stopped walking and turned to face him. I looked him in the eyes and held his gaze as I answered. "Yes. I'm sure, Blake."

"Austin, you know it's impossible," he said tiredly as if this conversation was draining him. "Please."

I had looked away and kept walking. "Call me again if you want to actually stop trying to make me someone I'm not."

"But, Austin-"

"No, Blake." I turned back around to face him. "It is possible. There are other people who are like me out there, so I'm not going crazy. This is real, and if you can't accept that... no, not even that. You can refuse to accept it all you like, but if you can't accept and respect that I believe this is who I am without trying to change me or make me change my mind so I can fit in your view of the world, then we can't be friends. I'm sorry. So if that's really why you are here, then go home."

"This isn't who you were when I first met you," Blake had persisted.

"This is who I've always been." I said.

"I miss the old you," Blake whispered.

"I miss you too. I miss having a friend who cared about me for who I am, not the illusion of what he wants me to be." I had said. Then I ran down the trail and back into the park where I then walked home.

Unfortunately, when I got back home, my mom was in the living room watching a movie, and she heard me come in. "How was the conversation with Blake?" She had called from the living room. "Have you two made up?"

I had to tell her we were fighting because she got concerned as to why I wasn't hanging out with him every afternoon like we usually do to get in the last days of freedom before school started. Thankfully, she hadn't asked why.

I said, "No, and I don't think we're going to. It was a big fight, and he hasn't apologized."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you two will work it out eventually." She turned on the movie again, and I was able to escape into my bedroom to finish writing this.

Having the conversation with Blake actually helped me in a weird sort of way. He reminded me of a time when we were able to talk to each other when we had a disagreement in a civil manner and become closer when we settled our differences. The only difference was that this time, we couldn't settle our differences, and more damage had been done. He had also made me realize that while he was saying I had change, he was wrong. He was the one that changed. I'm still the same person that I've always been, and as soon as I told him something about myself that he didn't like, he turned on me which he would never have done before.

However, the meeting had also left me more hurt than before. He just reiterated that he wasn't going to accept me more than anything else he had said. It hurt to realize that this was never going to change no matter how hard I wished it would be true. It was my fault for going to see him though and letting him have a chance to try and break me again.

I'm never giving him that chance again. I'm stronger than this. I'll find someone who will be my real friend one day, but until then, I will be just as strong on my own.

Because that is who I am.

~Austin