"I won't soar, I won't climb, if you're not here I'm paralyzed."

Song: Without You

Artist: Boyce Avenue acoustic cover (originally David Guetta) 

Time seemed to have no meaning as the night dragged on.  We both lay awake in each other’s arms for what felt like hours before Harry’s breathing finally evened out and sleep overtook him.  We were tangled together in every way possible, just as we had been the entire night.  Once we had given up on trying to convince the other of our own way, we had laid together in silence to let our bodies attempt to convey the determined pleas of our mindsets.

The mood had been oddly comfortable and thick with tension all at the same time; it was as if the frustration was seeping from our pores and flooding the air around us, the heavy weight of it lingering in the bed.  I didn’t know what to say to him to get him to agree with me and take no actions against Ben and Miles, but the stress of it was getting to me. 

I could feel it in every breath I took- the gut-twisting feeling of something inevitable that I was grasping at straws to prevent.  It was what kept me from falling asleep despite being comfortably wrapped in Harry’s arms.  He lay on his back, his strong limbs holding me practically completely on top of him.  My leg fell between his, my thigh pressed between his as even his legs held on to me by wrapping around my own.  I could feel the heat of his skin on his chest against my cheek as I laid my head there, my arms wound around his neck as his clung around my torso. 

I was afraid to move because it had taken him so long to actually fall asleep and I didn’t want to wake him.  I could feel it in the tightness of his grip on me how much this was affecting him as well; he wanted me to cave and listen to him while I wanted the exact opposite.  Both of us refused to bend to the other’s will because we were both so intent on protecting the other. 

I shifted slowly and held my breath without realizing as I moved slightly up his body.  My elbows propped me up as they rested on either side of his head.  A quiet sigh left my lips when I saw he was still asleep.  My eyes shifted across his face in his vulnerable, unguarded state.  Still, after everything I’d been through with him, I found it hard to believe how different he could look when he was asleep.

His face was wiped clean of any facial expressions I had come to know; there was no sign of any smirk, grin, brow furrow, or any of the other intense expressions he frequently wore.  All that remained on his face now was a beautiful innocence- a clean slate that left a vast possibility for conveying whatever he felt.  His muscles in his sharp jaw were slack, and the usual knee-weakening clench of the joint was gone.  The lack of tone in his muscles allowed his full, rosy lips to part slightly.  Soft tufts of air whispered through them as he slept, the quiet whoosh that sounded with each breath something I frequently fell asleep to. 

His brows, which were often either pulled down low as he studied me or wiggling around his forehead as he laughed, were settled in their natural place, the soft bristles of hair unruly and perfectly boyish.  There was no tension around his eyes as the lids fluttered slightly in his sleep, the smooth backs of them masking his breathtaking eyes that could convey thousands of words in a simple look.  The enviable full lashes rested lightly against the soft skin under his eyes, which tonight was tinted slightly darker because of his mental exhaustion. 

Every inch of his skin was beautiful to me, the soft, smooth texture of it hindered by a light smattering of stubble along his chin and jaw.  A tiny mole decorated his lower left cheek, and I found my hand unwinding gently from beneath his neck to allow my fingers to pass over it.  The warm wisp of air that passed his lips hit my hand as I did so and I couldn’t help but sigh, pleased he had finally reached a peaceful slumber.

What appeared to be a stereotypical college guy to the world was so much more than that to me.  To the world, he was just another attractive guy who could get whatever he wanted, whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted.  He was nothing of substance, just another player who would peak in college only to spend the rest of his life alone.  He wasn’t interesting, he had nothing else to offer besides looks and experience in bed, he wasn’t capable of love and probably didn’t deserve it.

To the world, he wasn’t a person; he was just another body, an attractive one, granted, but just another body.  To everyone else, there might have been sawdust inside his head.  What else could such an attractive person possibly have to offer?  He would be dehumanized, his personality and beautifully unique mind robbed of their individuality as he was labeled haphazardly with no further consideration.  The world saw him as the shell of who he was, no better and no worse, but in all reality so extremely incorrect in every way. 

How incredibly, incredibly wrong the world was.

I felt a pang in my heart as I was struck once again by my depth of love for this person sleeping beneath me.  It didn’t seem possible that someone so physically beautiful could hold all the things inside that I had been craving without even knowing.  He was infectious, charismatic, magnetic, electric; he was wild and mysterious, parts of him still unknown yet he was like an open book to me now.  There were times when I could see him battling with himself, as if he were afraid he'd revert to the old ways like he'd been a completely different person.

He was wrong, though.  There never was a distinction between who he was and who he is now; the Harry I knew and loved had always been there, buried down deep inside him waiting for someone to unveil it, waiting for someone to dig him out of the depth of things he’d done to entertain himself before- waiting for me. 

Thinking about it now, I had no doubt that he was the one I was meant to be with.  He and I were made be together, and it became more and more clear every day.  He brought out a side of me I hadn’t even known existed until I’d met him but couldn’t image not having today.  I was exactly who I was supposed to be with him, and I got the sense that he was the same with me. 

Together, we were free- free from the pressures of the world and what it says a relationship should be.  He made me happy, and I was certain I had never been nor ever would be loved the way he loved me.  It was so obvious he was the only one for me; every word, every touch, every look proved that to me.  We could easily slip from happy and playful into a desperate, burning need to be together in the most primal way possible.  We could laugh, we could play, we could do absolutely nothing and be completely content. 

We were unconventional- every aspect of our relationship was not what was considered normal.  We had no title and we had started with a feigned ignorance of emotions.  We felt too strongly, loved too hard, needed each other too much, but it didn’t matter.  He was the other half of me, and I was certain I would never feel whole if I were to ever be parted from him. 

I was surprised when I felt a tear slip down my cheek.  I had been unaware of when exactly I’d started the silent crying, but there was no denying the wetness on my skin.  Thinking about these things made me extremely emotional; what had absolutely terrified me in the beginning now made me feel like I was glowing enough to illuminate the entire world.  My intense love for him had tilted my entire world, the shift in my life only able to be set right by the balance of his love for me.  This was where I was meant to be. 

I sniffed quietly and took a deep breath, my eyes refocusing on his features after my vision had become foggy with my thoughts.  The deep pink of his lips found my attention and I couldn’t stop myself from leaning down to press mine into his.  The kiss was feather light and lacked any response from the sleeping man, but it still managed to set a jolt through my body.  I smiled softly to myself, completely overwhelmed by my emotions and the events of the past few days.

Whatever was going to happen, I knew it would be okay.  We would fight over this again, I knew, but we would get through it together because that’s what people who love each other do.  It probably wouldn’t be easy, but I knew we’d find a way to get through this.  Of the few things I was certain of, that was one.  That, and the fact that I would do absolutely anything in the world to keep him safe. 

I blew out another sigh as I let my eyes travel down his sleeping features once more.  My lips connected with the tiny mole on his jaw before I laid my head back down against his chest, resuming my previous position.  I could hear the steady beating of his heart beneath his ribs, the sound familiar and comforting. 

An odd sense of calm overtook me after my seemingly endless loop of thoughts.  My eyes closed and my mind slowed, the last thing I thought of was the way Harry’s hands felt across my lower back as I finally drifted off to sleep. 

My calm state from falling asleep didn’t carry over to my sleep, though.  My night was filled with flashes of flying fists, whispered threats, and a bloody, bruised Harry. The shadowy faces of Ben, Miles, and their numerous un-named friends lurked in the background of everything that was going on.  Everything I was afraid of seemed to come alive in my nightmares. 

“I told you this would happen,” Ben sneered, his face suddenly right in front of me.  His breath was acrid on my face as he used his foot to kick Harry in the side.  Whatever attempt I made at screaming was drowned out by an unidentified hand clamped over my mouth, forcing me to watch in strangled silence as a seemingly endless amount of blows landed all over Harry’s body. 

Strangled grunts left Harry’s lips as he made no attempt at defending himself.  I struggled against whoever was holding me to no avail as I watched in horror, completely useless and absolutely to blame.  Harry’s eyes met mine, the dark green full of blame and hurt.

“Why did you let this happen, Halle?” he asked, his voice strained and tight before a huff of air was forced from his lungs thanks to yet another blow to his ribcage.  I shook my head, my words cut off by the hand still pressed over my lips. 

I’ll never let this happen, Harry.

I wanted so desperately to tell him that, but I couldn’t.  My throat wouldn’t form the words and my mouth was blocked by a man who was quickly identified as Ben. 

“Watch it happen. This is your fault,” he sneered in my ear as he held my face forward.  My body froze in horror as I watched Miles and several men I recognized but couldn’t identify continue their assault on Harry.  Kicks and punches landed on his body while he grew stiller and stiller.  I struggled to breathe as I watched his limp body press into the ground, the subtle movement of his chest stalling as he quit breathing.

Harry.

My body struggled against Ben, my hands clawing at his forearms and fingers before I finally managed to fling him off me.

“Harry!”

He didn’t respond.  Not a muscle moved in response to his name, my body held now by Ben after finally releasing my mouth.  I was unable to go to him.  Tears poured down my face as I struggled.

“Harry!” I called again.

“This is all your fault,” a familiar voice said from my left.  My head jerked to the side to see a perfectly healthy and safe Harry stood.  His gaze was focused on his own body on the ground in front of me, a deep frown on his face.  After studying himself for a few seconds, he turned his gaze back to me.

“You let this happen; it’s all your fault.”

“No, Harry, never-“ I cut myself off as a gasp left my throat.  There was no way this could happen- I’d never let it.

No, no, no, no…

“Harry, no-“

“Your fault…”

“No!” I shouted, my eyes clamped shut as my hands fought off the tight grip on my arms.  My body thrashed around, desperately trying to free myself from whoever was holding on to me.  Visions of Ben’s face flashed through my mind and I fought even harder, determined to throw him off me. 

“Halle, stop!”

“No, get off me!” I yelled, my words muffled and strangled in my physical struggle. 

“Halle, baby, stop!”

Baby?

My eyes sprung open, the light of the room blinding me momentarily before they focused on Harry’s beautifully unmarred face floating above me.

“Harry?” I asked stupidly, blinking once before glancing quickly down his body to make sure he was unharmed.

“Yes, silly, who else?” he said, clearly relieved to have stopped my thrashing.  He was hovering over me, his hips resting against my own as he held himself up with one hand.  His other was running smoothly up and down my arm as he tried to calm me down. 

“You’re okay!” I said frantically, my eyes finding his again.  I must have looked insane because I could feel how wide-open my eyes were and the panicked expression I wore on my face.

“Yes, I’m okay,” he said calmly as the realization of what must have happened set in. 

I found myself unable to speak as I wrapped my arms around his neck quickly and pulled him down to me.  He did his best to hold himself up before giving in and letting his weight sink into me.  I clung to him desperately as if afraid of letting go.  My face buried into his neck and I let the familiar scent of him sink into my pores. 

“You’re okay,” I repeated, my voice significantly calmer now and much quieter. 

“Yes, Hal,” he whispered back.  He let me cling to him for a few more seconds before propping himself up on his elbows.  His face was inches from mine as he looked down at me and took in my expression.

“Did you have a nightmare?” he asked, guessing correctly.  I nodded slowly, my eyes finally losing their ridiculous wide expression as my brows settled low on my face.  I swallowed harshly. 

“It was about me?” he asked, guessing correctly again.  It wasn’t exactly hard to figure out, after all.  I nodded once more.  I was surprised to feel the tightness in my throat that always preceded tears. I took a deep breath to attempt to swallow them down before I spoke. 

“They were hurting you and they made me watch and…” I stopped, shuddering at the memory of the way he had looked at me.  His eyes that usually looked at me so lovingly had been filled with nothing but blame and hurt.  I knew I didn’t have to explain who ‘they’ were.

“And what, baby?” he prodded gently.  I felt the soft touch of his hands stroking my hair back on either side of my head as he coaxed me into tell him the rest of the nightmare. 

“You blamed me,” I whispered shakily.  My eyes were locked on his as he frowned deeply, his brows pulling even tighter together.  I could see he knew how significantly this would affect me and only help reaffirm my beliefs on stopping him from retaliating in any way. 

“Oh, Hal,” he sighed heavily, dropping his forehead against mine.  My jaw shook slightly as I struggled to keep the tears at bay.  It had seemed so real, and I couldn’t shake the images from my head. 

“That’ll never happen,” he said after a few seconds. 

“What… what won’t?” I asked quietly, desperate for him to give me any kind of reassurance. 

“Any of that.  I won’t get hurt and I would never, ever blame you for anything like that if it did,” he said sincerely.  His gaze never left mine despite being so close together. 

Here we were, back to exactly where we had started.  He firmly believed they would do nothing to hurt him while I believed the exact opposite.  He wanted to handle this himself and seek them out to stop them once and for all from talking to me, and I was terrified of what would happen if he did.  The nightmare had only reinforced my fears, backing up my terror with actual visual images that would haunt me forever.  There was no way in hell now I would let him do anything at all if it meant stopping the things I had been tortured with all night from happening. 

I tightened my arms around his neck again, pulling him down the remaining few inches to press my lips against his own.  He held the kiss, the weight of his body comforting as his lips molded slowly against mine.  If I could, I would live in this moment with him forever; I’d keep him locked in the safety of his room where no one would ever find us. 

Harry’s stomach rumbling interrupted our moment and I felt his lips pull into a guilty smile against my own. 

“Halle,” he whispered, his lips mumbling against my own. 

“Hmm?”

“Can we go eat and try to forget about this?”

“Harry-“

“Look, I know we have to talk about that more but you can’t control your dreams.  They aren’t reality and that’s not what’s going to happen so you’re worrying over nothing, okay?”

He watched me closely, an oddly happy expression on his face as he waited for my response.  When I gave none, he dropped his lips to mine once more in a quick kiss. 

“Come on, Hal, smile for me,” he said playfully as his lips moved along my jaw.  “You’re too stressed out.”

“No, I’m not,” I said despite knowing he was right.  I was, in fact, extremely stressed out. 

“You are,” he whispered.  His teeth tugged on my ear before his lips moved down my throat, the light kisses he peppered across my skin making me feel warm.  He blew lightly between his lips, the warm, soft air raising goose bumps on my skin and cracking a smile across my face.  He pressed one more kiss at the base of my throat before raising himself to look at me again.  A smug grin tugged at his lips when he saw my cautious smile.

“There she is,” he said quietly before his stomach rumbled loudly again.  “Now let’s go eat before I decided I’d rather do something else with you.”

His eyelid dropped in a wink as he pressed his hips lightly against mine.  I giggled quietly.  Even now, haunted by these terrifying images and the stress of the looming threat we were faced with, he could turn my mood around almost instantly. 

“Alright, alright, you win this time,” I said, conceding to him.  His grin widened even more as he ducked his head to nip playfully at my collarbone before drawing himself out of bed.  My body felt instantly cold without his weight.  He reached out his hands for me, tugging me out of bed after him the second I placed my palms against his own.  He yanked me forward and I giggled once more as my chest collided with his.

I looked up at him, his cheesy grin warming me from head to toe once more as he tangled his fingers in mine and let our hands fall by our sides. 

“I always win,” he said quietly, winking once more.  I rolled my eyes playfully as I raised myself to my toes and pressed a kiss to his lips.

“Not always.  I won your heart, remember?”

He nodded slowly, his contented eyes connected with mine.

“You did, Hal.  You did.”

"I won't run, I won't fly, I will never make it by without you."

Thank you all for reading and once again, thank you for being patient with my updates! I really appreciate it and I'm hoping to be able to update a bit more frequently now.  Hope you liked the chapter and remember to vote/comment if you did :)